Friday, December 21, 2007

Irksome Striped Cravat

* A poor tie all around, from its pinched, meager knot to its sinisterly dark navy field upon which skinny yet ostentatiously fuschia stripes straggled. This cravat made me feel uneasy and irked, as if I had eaten something I didn't really want and knew I shouldn't have had, and didn't enjoy it all that much to begin with. But it was there, and I was hungry, and know how that goes.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Has He No Shame?

TWSNLBRAINDTM. Again already!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Warm Holiday Tie

In a subtle, tasteful nod to the Holiday Season upon us, Brian dons a charming tie of warm, crimson red with small, widely-spaced ivory polka dots. It's a sort of subdued and mellow tie, but friendly and genial, much like a rumbly chuckle from a favorite uncle as he unwraps that pair of purple Argyle socks you gave him just because you know he'd actually wear them to church and cross his legs so everyone can see them.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Aquatic Ballet Cravat

Brian returns to stripes with this striking cravat of deep dolphin grey and surf white. The contrast brings to mind porpoises arcing smoothly out of the water in a mysterious yet playful aquatic ballet, their bodies glistening wetly as they break the surface of the sea. The tops of their smooth bodies gleam, and for a moment you can glimpse grey, then white before they dive again.

Monday, December 17, 2007

A Contradiction In Terms Kind Of Tie

*Dammit, Brian! Why must you debut a good cravat on a night when dinner at the Dept. runs late? I am then forced to describe a less than crisp and therefore less than satisfying version on my monitor. And from the look of it, this is a tie I would have enoyed seeing on the big screen in all its electrifying, hyacinth glory, what with its engaging pattern of sort of yin-and-yangesque shaded spherical thingies arranged symmetrically in a rather Zen garden kind of way. It was all rather breathtaking and energetic, yet calming and serene. Rather oxymoronic in a paradoxical sense, that tie. And I had to experience the compact vastness of it all a day late and on my computer screen. Some things are just perfectly imperfect.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Forecaster's Tie

* Tonight, Brian knots up a tie of dusky iris blue with petite white window frames arrayed in martial columns. It's frostily analogous to the wintry forecast for the Great Lakes and Northeast regions of the U.S., who will soon be socked in with blizzard conditions for the weekend. We'll all be staring out of icy windowpanes, rubbing our bluish fingertips in an effort to instill some warmth to them while we listen to the snowy winds pound against our homes, knowing that Christmas shopping undone will have to stay that way for yet another few days, and perhaps we will at least get a Snow Day out of this raw deal from Mother Nature.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Jelly Top Tie

This tie reminds me of my Aunt Louise. She used to give us homemade jelly that she sealed with paraffin wax. Sometimes, the paraffin didn't hold its seal, and when we took off the thick, waxy lid, we'd find an icky bunch of bluish-green blobs sitting on top of the lovely deep red currant jelly. This cravat, although a pleasant enough one, takes me back to those rather disheartening surprises. It looks amazingly like those moldy jelly tops, albeit more symmetrical.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Yet Again


Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Cette Cravate Est Une Petite Tragedie

This is a tie that harmonizes in a smooth, mellow basso. It is the voice of James Earl Jones saying " CNN." Its generous, yet not wide stripes are of ebony and indigo--dark, mysterious, and suggesting midnight. A cravat such as this should have deserved an extra backward glance before it went before the camera but, alas! it appeared before us crooked. Sigh. Une petite tragedie!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Purple, Yet Completely Acceptable

This gorgeous, jewel-tone solid tie is, yes, another purple and another solid, but its color is so deep and so saturated and of such a luscious red-violet that it is more than acceptable. Also in its favor is the fabric, a nubby, woven finish that, despite the oh-so-obliging Nightly cameraperson's extreme close-up, continues to defy my absolute identification as raw silk, worsted wool, or even a sort of linen. Add the small, tight four-in-hand (omnipresent) and the perfect, centered dimple, and it almost made me forget that it was a solid purple tie in the end. Admittedly, that is a good thing and, therefore, a good tie.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Brian Fancies Himself Une Artiste De Cravate

* Zebras, Goth girl thigh-highs, raccoons and referees--that's all I can think of when Bri knots up one of his many tiresome black-and-white striped ties. Oh, sure, they're bold and graphic-y, and when he first wore one I gave him a fashion thumbs-up for making an Andy Warholian sort of statement with his neckwear. But then he trotted out another and another in rather rapid succession and I realized he was having his own sort of Brian Williams Does Graphics Around His Neck series art show. I can't get behind that, even as I pride myself on being a supporter of les Artes.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Understated, Yet Saying Plenty

This cravat has been on hiatus for eons. Long had we been deprived of its lovely scarlet background with its intarsia effect, its small ivory wells rimmed with black, giving it the overall ambience of a very mature, very sedate polka dot pattern. It is the wit of Stoppard, the piquance of a Sangiovese, the simple, uncluttered appeal of a still life painting. This is the way to do understatement with statement.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Regal Debut Tie Reminiscent of Queen Anne Wingback

A Debut Tie. A deep, rich plum provides the background for tiny, almond-shaped figures that first appear Chinese white, but when the camera closes in, the careful observer can detect that they are outlined in the palest sky blue. These figures dance back and forth in a traditional cravat pattern that looks both elegant and sophisticated. The fabric looks as if it just might be found covering the deep, accomodating wings of a Queen Anne chair in Her Majesty's sitting room in Windsor Castle. It's regal, sedate, yet fashionably tasteful and would garner the smiling approval of the most discerning critic.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Brian Drives Me To Red Bull

* From the Conservative Collection, Brian knots up the navy blue with narrow gold stripes. Sigh. Yawn. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz--Oh, I'm sorry. Wasn't I done? Actually, I believe I am.

Monday, December 3, 2007

A Cravat Of A Certain Caliber

Perhaps this cravat is BW's salute to the Second Amendment, for all I could think about when The Nightly's obliging cameraperson zoomed in for a tight shot was the view from a sniper's sight when he aims his rifle at his prey. You know, that little circle with the cross-hatching? Well, there they were, tightly-packed, deep violet ones sprayed like bullet holes on a field of icy hyacinth blue. Which is not to say that this is an unpleasant or unsuccessful tie, fashionably speaking. It is to say that it will take another viewing to rid this tie of its unfortunate...shall we say ballistic associations so that I can render a more objective verdict.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Tie Fatigue Leads To Unprecedented Guest Reviewer

Because I have grown increasingly embattled and weakened by Brian Williams's steadfast resolve to: A) stop wearing certain hideous ties; B) work in a few ties from other color palettes; and C) refuse to read my Tie Reports and/or take them as Serious Fashion Advice, I will give over the Tie Report to a guest reviewer who will offer his take on tonight's tie, which was the pewtery blue field with Prussian blue dots.

Rick: I like this tie.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Banal Blue Stripes In Shocking Repeat Cycle Causes Ctrl Key Episode

All right! Now just what is going on over there at The Nightly!? In a shocking and--well, I'm just going to say it--shameless repeat cycle, Brian Williams dons the pedestrian and bourgeois navy and light blue stripe of yes, November 23rd! This repeat cycle is only bested by the repeat cycle of ...the lavender solid tie, (which was just worn day before yesterday) when it was worn twice within 5 days earlier this spring. Good heavens, tonight's tie, rerun or not, makes BW look like he is dressed for his school pictures. With his white shirt, navy blazer, and carefully coiffed hair, all that is missing is the little St. Something's crest on the breast pocket. Holy Ctrl key, Brian! Would you get a grip on your cravat matrix before I have to come down there to 30 Rock and add me to your Favorites?

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Tacky Tie--Could It Be An Omen?

If I didn't know better, I'd say that Bri is reading The Tie Report and is toying with me. He knows I hate this tie, the tacky popsicle-y purple with dental floss white stripes. It brings to mind those odd jelly candies one finds in foreign food shops, or horrid children's clothes at dollar stores with vaguely psychotic-looking unlicensed cartoon characters on them and oblique little sayings like "I'm beary fun!" or "Bike Boss." Tonight, if he wears the Psychedelic Goth Tie or the TWSNBRAINDTM, it's definitely a sign. Definitely.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Back In The Saddle Again

I knew it wouldn't be long before Brian knotted up this old standby from the campaign trail. True, he hasn't trotted it out into the show ring since 1 November, but after it was branded with such shame back in the spring, I thought it deserved to be put out to pasture for good. That was not to be, however, for it is, after all, a Purple, and we know how BW loves his Purples. This solid lilac cravat is in his stable for good, and we had better get used to it.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Banal And Brown--The Lunchbag Tie

No longer am I excited by this cravat, Brian's one real off-ramp from his turnpike of purple and blue. The brown paper bag banality of it has finally worn thin, like the lunch bag your mom made you keep using Monday through Friday, her contribution not only to keeping a tight rein on the family budget, but also to the idea of conservation and teaching you to be frugal and responsible. True, there are no grease spots from leaking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or yellowy smears of mustard on Brian's brown tie, but the color and overall ambience are the same.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Safe, Taciturn, Timid--A Tie Of Conservativism

Hey, Brian? Could we have played it any safer than this tie? Because, I don't know, navy blue with baby blue half-inch stripes arranged modestly about every two inches or so is about as stodgy and reticent as one can get when wearing a navy blue suit. Were you, perhaps, having Second Thanksgiving Dinner with the Other Side of the Family directly after the Nightly and they are Conservative Republican Right-to-Lifers whose heroes are Rush Limbaugh, Jesus, and Billy Graham in that order? Do they frown upon Ann Coulter because, although they agree in principle with her politics, she just looks a little slutty to them? Because, this tie says all of that in one swath of neo-con navy and light blue stripe, Brian, it really does.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Bad Tie Mojo, Man

This is the tie that pushes me dangerously close to deciding to create an entire cadre of cravats that fall under the category of TWSNLBRAINDTM. I am sick of this godawful thing, a sort of neo-Gothic, mod Peter Max-esque pattern of red, purple, white and maybe blue, maybe not that really has a whole lotta ugly going on. It's Bad Tie Mojo, man, really bad, and oh my god, I just typed that in an awfully authentic Austin Powers accent. Do you see what you and your horrid tie are doing to me, Brian Williams? It's like you don't even care, baby, yeah.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I Must Recuse Myself

*It's vexed I am, having watched Brian Williams on the webcast due to a Sisters Night Out, and at first glance, completely ready to pronounce the tie his black and white stripe, but then noticing he was wearing a light blue shirt with navy suit! It is doubtful Brian would make this sort of Borderline Fashion Statement cum Faux Pas! Could this tie actually be a deep navy stripe instead? I find that I cannot be entirely certain, hampered as I am by the limits of an enlarged picture on my computer monitor. I must, therefore, recuse myself from completely reviewing and critiquing this cravat. Forgive me; I have failed you.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Sigh. Why Again, Brian, Why? Will It Never Go Away?


Friday, November 16, 2007

Cravat Confection

The overall color of this tie is the rich, deep, full-bodied hue of Smucker's strawberry jam. It even has that gorgeous glossiness to it. And the narrow white stripes are so defined, so dimensional, that they look like the white piped icing from the top of a Hostess cupcake--only precise and straight, not squiggly. This is a cravat confection, a treat of a tie for us tonight, a little knotted-up nosh of sweet goodness to make the news more palatable.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Debut Tie Goes Awry

A Debut Tie. Soft sandwashed silk gave this chambray blue cravat an easy, sueded look; its narrow white stripes were almost as shiny as ribbons, proving too stark a contrast. This tie was a fashion paradox, chaotic to the eye, like seeing Legos on a pizza or your Grandpa in a Speedo. Okay, maybe not that bad, but still...while the color was nice, and the stripes were nice, together it was just a poorly executed cravat.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Loathsome Tie

I hate this tie. It looks tacky and cheap, with its ultramarine blue background and staggered wide mulberry swaths with more mulberry pinstripes between. It's the kind of tie that just looks icky and ready to wrinkle, or worse, just waiting for a greasy stain to show up smack dab on the center of it. Its colors aren't bold in a designer sort of way, but in a Wal*Mart sort of way. This is simply a horrendous, atrocious, repellent, and abominable tie. I loathe it.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Early Retirement For This Debut Tie

Standing at the end of a Ford truck assembly line in a cavernous factory, Brian scarcely needed any of the huge studio lights brought along by the crew to this Detroit area location. His startling cravat was bright enough. Stripes of arresting blue that rivaled the most vivid sialia currucoides alternated with those of blaring fire engine red. The fabric, unless my eyes deceived me, was glossy, shiny chintz! This Debut Tie should be put into Early Retirement. Immediatement. What, Brian Williams, what were you thinking?

Monday, November 12, 2007

Live From Cleveland, Ohio!

Reporting live from rainy Cleveland, Ohio, Brian stood under a streaming tarpaulin roof at an undisclosed location in the Flats riverbank district. Lucky for the Nightly viewers, he eschewed his oversized shirts normally reserved for more exigent on-location reports and instead sported a solid of tightly jacquard-knit plum. How do I know it was not just a run-of-the-mill matte silk, dark purple tie? Because I saw Bri on good old local-affiliate WKYC videotape, that's how. And now that I've determined it's not a solid plum...thumbs down.

Friday, November 9, 2007

A Kingly Cravat

Ah, this gorgeous tie! Mellow, burnished gold alternates with royal purple in this striped cravat. Its generous cut and rich colors remind us that it is from Brian's much-lauded Vintage Series. The fabric hearkens back to lush draperies of heraldic colors around castle portals, or the sumptuous ball gowns and waistcoats of ladies and their lords. This is a tie of taste, and would that we saw more of it.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Onyx And Indigo Cast Their Spell

Tonight, Mr. Williams looks debonair in a generous, but not wide, stripe of onyx and muted indigo with a matte satin finish. Dark and alluringly mysterious, this cravat calls up the spectre of a wizard's cape or a necromancer's billowing robes as the spell-caster stands before a flashing pyre.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Big Purple Tie

All right, there's no other way to say it. This is just a big purple tie. It's solid purple. And all I could think of when I saw it was this.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Brainteaser Tie

Brian's tie tonight, a black and white stripe, reminds me of those brainteaser puzzles that teachers and psychology professors show you of the two lines that look like this:


The instructor then asks you, "Which line looks longer to you?" And, of course, you answer that the line with the outward arrowheads looks the longer of the two, and you are wrong! because the lines are actually the same; it's a perception thing. Well, Brian's tie tonight has that whole business going on: the black stripes and the white stripes just might be the same width, but who can really be sure? The white ones look like they might be narrower, but it's awfully hard to tell. Besides, it's just a tie, and really, no one's paying me to do this.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Where, Oh Where Is The Elusive Green Tie?

Favoring relentless stripiness, almost as if he was eager to step back into his comfort zone after a turn as guest host on Saturday Night Live, Brian Williams dons the navy blue crossed with narrow sky blue diagonals. Sigh. I suppose it was too much to ask that he would find a new confidence, a new spirit, a new savoir faire, and perhaps, just this once, wear that piece de resistance, a green tie. So far, this cravat--The Lost Chord of Cravats, as it were--remains unrevealed to us. I know it's out there somewhere...somewhere.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Oh...THAT Tie


Thursday, November 1, 2007

Distance Lends Perspective To The Lavender Solid

* Brian returns to an old favorite and one of my Fashion Nemeses, the lavender solid cravat. This particular tie starred in a shocking repeat cycle in the spring and raised my ire to towering heights. "One day, you'll look back on this and laugh, " I assured myself. That day is today. But don't push it, Bri. Do not push it.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Cloudburst On Classic Levis

Tonight, Brian wore a cravat of light indigo peppered with deep blue polka dots. It reminded me of the days when I used to hang my vintage Levis on the clothesline in my mom's backyard so they could fade naturally to the classic vintage blue. Some summer days, the heat would build enough that a passing shower would erupt, and I would run out and grab the jeans off the line as the raindrops darkened the denim here and there with spots of the freshwater that fell from the glowering clouds.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Plummy Mystery

* Sadly, parent conferences did not allow me to see this tie properly, and I am bereft. It was impossible to view it in detail on the webcast. All I could make out was a rich, plummy background sprinkled with a white pattern and perhaps, perhaps something in a chestnut or cinnamon, but perhaps not, for it might have been a pixellated trick of shadowing. Sigh. Forget it. I'll have to wait for him to wear it again.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Heavenly Tie--Literally

Looking almost celestially sophisticated, Brian rebounds from a Terrible Tie Week with a simply beautiful cravat with stripes of midnight and watercolored violet blue. The fabric's finish is slightly glazed, the knot precise. This is a tie that confers refinement and discernment. Its palette is evocative of the cosmos at night. It's an intergalactic triumph.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Scary Clown Costume Tie

* It's a fabric that would be perfect for the big ballooning costume of a birthday-party clown: shiny white patterned with a hallucinogenic purple houndstooth that seems to flicker and dance like chaser lights on a house overly decorated for the Christmas holidays. Instead, in a tragic turn of events, this material has been fashioned--and I use the term oh so very loosely--into a tie of sorts for Our Own Brian Williams. Worse, he has chosen yet again to wear it for a broadcast of The Nightly. And I watched. Oh, the horror.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Fake Stained Glass Cravat Catastrophe

No longer on location, Bri is back in studio and sporting a Cravat Catastrophe. This tie reminds me of that cheapo film you can buy by the roll in catalogs like Lillian Vernon and stick on your window to make it look like fake stained glass. It's that hideous bluey-reddy-purply patterned trainwreck-of-a-tie that I thought I had run out of analogies for. Apparently not.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Another On-Location Disaster...Shirt

On location in fire-ravaged SoCal, Brian subjects already horrified and displaced Californians to one of his tragic shirts: ill-fitting, flapping, oddly-colored...I just cannot go on. Haven't these poor people been through enough? Is FEMA prepared to deal with the PTSD caused by BW's FFP*? I cannot go on.

*fashion faux pas

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Brown Tie

Once he introduced this tie to us on 31 August, Brian hasn't been shy about tossing it on. This corky cravat has made three appearances now, and its cryptic center crease, though fading, is still visible ever so slightly when the tie is subject to my laserlike scrutiny. The color is definitely a designer's shade like "African Savannah" or "Primeval Timber", but you just know BW calls it The Brown Tie.

Friday, October 19, 2007

The Warmth Of Heart's Ease

* This evening, Brian knots up a solid of deep plum. This tie is like gazing into the throat of one of the first pansies of spring--velvety, dark, and holding the promise of warmth in its soft purple grasp. It is quiet and calm; the old-fashioned name for this blossom was once Heart's Ease, and it describes the effect of this cravat, one of the few of Brian's Purples that I don't mind seeing.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

A Subtle Nod To The Tribe

Brian subtly shows his allegiance to the young, battling Cleveland baseball team yet again with this Indians blue and baseline chalk white striped cravat. Hoping that the Tribe wraps things up in due course tonight, are you, BW? Me, too!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Like A Recurring Nightmare, It...Recurs. Again. Whatever.

Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me. (But if you're curious, you can read a description of it here and here and here at The Brian Williams Tie Report Archive.)

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Life Imitates Art

Brian's cravat tonight evokes a lush 17th century Dutch still life. One can almost see the voluptuous red pears temptingly piled next to a creamy white chunk of farmer's cheese when looking at this garnet tie with its narrow white diagonal pinstriping. A work of sartorial art? Ja.

Monday, October 15, 2007

A Study In Prussian Blue

Imagine dipping your wet watercolour brush into Prussian Blue and dragging it across a damp, glossy paper in a broad, bold stroke that got fainter and fainter as your brush drew nearer the end. That furthest colour is the hue of Brian's tie this evening. Now, go back and dip that brush into the Blue again, but twirl the ends upon your palette, forming a stylus point, and plop dark dots of paints in symmetrical, patterned spots equidistant from each other upon that light Prussian Blue tint. There is the cravat Brian knotted up this evening. What a welcome change from the aberration of last night.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Misbegotten Cravat Selection

*Brian, Brian, Brian. What a giant leap backward into the trenches of Fashion Misbegottenia for you. This garish noose of navy blue bludgeoned by skinny magenta stripes is such a comedown after the bold debut of yesterday's stylistic cravat. A fabric such as this is far better suited to a confectioner's box or perhaps a milliner's advert. Certainly it does not belong about the neck and upon the torso of a trusted newsman such as yourself. Do let's try again, shall we?

Thursday, October 11, 2007

The World-Touring, Time-Traveling Tie

A Debut Tie! This tie, viewed from a distance, looks like the pelt of a Masai giraffe. But when the Nightly cameraman performs his magic, the closeup reveals a dramatically different cravat, one strangely evocative of so many other things. First, autumnal gold and black Indian corn. Then, its pattern evokes the eggy batter of cornmeal waffles pooling around the grids of a non-stick waffle iron. What a thought-provoking tie, Brian Williams! It sends the viewer's eyes from the African savannah to the ragged edge of the New World settlements to the breakfast buffet.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Scary Center Crease: Quelle Horreur!

One would think Mr. Williams could get more of the Mysterious Center Crease removed from his Friday Casual Khaki Tie, seeing as how he was off all day on Tuesday, but alas! 'Twas not to be. The longitudinal fold was omnipresent and puzzling, just as it was on 21 September. Certainly the intervening 19 days or so allowed enough time for its removal, whether by a professional or even by Brian or Mrs. Williams and a teakettle. Je suis très confusee! Quel est le problème ici ? I cannot be the only one to see it! Is this a Haley Joel Osment moment? "I see slovenly cravats. Only, they don't know they're creased!"

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Le Nightly Est Sans Brian Ce Soir

Brian and his pro-Cleveland tie of last night were apparently still celebrating, for anchor desk duties at The Nightly were ably helmed by the lovely and talented Ann Curry this evening. Brian and a new cravat are promised for tomorrow. Way to dress down those divas, Tribe! Bring on the Red Sox!

Monday, October 8, 2007

Brian Sends Me A Surreptitious Sports Message

Tonight, Brian subtly sends a message to me and all other fans of the Cleveland Indians with his navy blue tie banded by bold red stripes. GO TRIBE! BEAT THOSE YANKEES!

Friday, October 5, 2007

A Delectable Tie

*Tonight, Brian knots up a lovely deep plum solid cravat that is evocative of so many pleasant things. One thinks of the comforting grape jelly of the PB&J packed in brown paper lunch bags, or the summery smear of blackberry pie filling on a white dessert plate as the fork scrapes up that last little bit of fruit and crust. Or, that exotic cocktail you had, made with creme de cassis at the expensive, chic restaurant. Mmmmmm. Une cravate delicieux!

Thursday, October 4, 2007

The Cravat That Ate Good Taste

It's like The Murphy's Law of the tie world. When this particular cravat is viewed from a distance, it first looks like a cheap, thistle-colored solid from the 50% off After-Easter Sale table at Wal*Mart. But then, when The Nightly's cameraman tightens the shot, the true hideousness of this fashion faux pas is revealed: an itsy-bitsy luminescent violet and white houndstooth pattern so irritating that it seems to pulse and animate in a throbbing, heaving miasma of satin.

Dear God, make it stop.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

An Homage? Yet I Show Fashion Fatigue

Go Michigan! Go Navy! Go West Virginia University! Go Admiral King High School! Go College Park Elementary School! Sigh. I'm real sick of this tie: cobalt blue knifed with brilliant narrow yellow stripes. Is it a tribute to a school he once attended? Perhaps an homage to The Boy Scouts of America? My fatigue over speculating about its symbolism is exceeded only by my weariness of the tie itself. What would refresh me right about now is a nice paisley or a good shot of green, Mr. Williams. A green tie would be an oasis in a desert of stripes and solids. It would be a freshet in an arid wasteland of blue and purple and solids. Rejuvenate me, Brian Williams, before I perish in a desolate tundra of fashion oblivion!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Brian Takes The Road Less Traveled

A debut tie! This evening, Brian knots up a soft, burnished gold cravat with widely-spaced black stripes shot with a narrow white band. All I could think of was how one day, when Grandpa Brian hefts his little grandson onto his lap, said grandson could drive his little Hot Wheel cars all along those stripes, for they look exactly like miniature highways fashionably crossing his cravat. Perhaps one is called Armani Motorway, still another Tyrwhitt Turnpike. Vroom vroom vroom! In this age of excess, Brian shows how fashion forward he is with multifunction neckwear.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Brian Phones In The Slate And Chalk Stripe

After a long weekend, this is what we get, Brian Williams? The slate and chalk stripe? Oh, yes, you looked snappy enough, and the cravat had a lovely, tight four-in-hand, tied expertly enough so that the stripes gathered at the corner, giving the appearance of rays radiating from the base of the knot, but, oh, I don't know.... I just expected something more. True, having to follow the cool polish of Ann Curry is never easy, but it's like you felt you didn't even have to try. No one likes to be taken for granted, Brian, especially the person who takes such pains to detail your fashion decisions.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Formal Event In A Bag--The All-In-One-Cravat

Tonight's cravat is like a Formal Event in a Bag. Its tuxedo black and champagne stripes of cool, just slightly shining silk make it appropriate for a wedding or a diplomatic reception. Worn with an ebony suit of enviable cut and a pristine white shirt, Brian was indeed looking cosmopolitan and genteel.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Anachronistic Offering: A Debut?

Brian must be holding on to the last vestiges of summer, for the cool pastels of tonight's tie seem very anachronistic for late September. The frosty blushing lilac background crossed with very narrow shell pink diagonal stripes is more reminiscent of Easter bunnies and crocuses than imminent harvest or Halloween jack-o-lanterns. Is this cravat making its debut this evening? I'll have to study the archives to be certain.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me. (Last seen on 23 August, for those of you keeping track. Or am I the only one...?)

Monday, September 24, 2007

An American Classic

Imagine leafing through a picture book of early American decorating. Beautiful ceilings of punched tin panels abound. You are intrigued. Luckily, there is an inset that shows the detail, much magnified. Well, paint that panel white and dip the convex punching in turquoise, and you have Mr. Williams's tie this evening. What a curious cravat this is. We have not seen it since 26 February. Clearly, its time had come 'round, and BW, feeling a bit the antiques fancier, felt a return to the past was in order. Some things are just classic and, therefore, never go out of fashion.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Mysterious Center Crease...Unsolved

Brian tries to redeem himself by sneaking in the tie he debuted on 31 August, that nod to the green, eco-friendly granola set, the nubbly raw silk cork-colored solid cravat by which I was so very astounded. Initially. Now I have become jaded and blase and disentranced by most of Brian's neckwear. Especially when, as did this tie, said tie develops and odd center crease for no apparent reason. I found myself fixated upon this strange new development, trying to imagine the circumstances in which it could possibly have happened. Certainly one would not press a tie purposefully for this to occur! It was not occasioned from travel; Brian was reporting from his usual studio. An elevator incident? Highly unlikely. Try as I might, I could not imagine any happenstance in which a center crease of one's tie would result. The mystery...unsolved.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Another Debut Tie, But It Serves Only To Irk Me

Yes, this is another Debut Tie, but I'm not getting excited and let me tell you why. I'm irked, that's why. This narrow stripe of pale lilac and matte black, oddly evocative of 1950s bathroom color schemes, comes on the heels of yesterday's narrow stripe of white and blue. Isn't anyone over there at The Nightly paying any attention whatsoever to the ties that Brian slings over his Adam's apple from one evening to the next? Because obviously Brian isn't. Someone--besides me--should be watching to make sure he doesn't wear two of the exact same kind of tie two nights in a row! I mean, come on, already. Two narrow stripes, both alternating a very light and a deep color, both tied with tight four-in-hands, both of the same width, and both of the same fabric. Anyone could see that! Whatever happened to PRIDE, people? Geeze.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Cruise Ship Reverie Cravat

* The crisp true blue and clean white stripes of this tie are refreshing and cool. They spark an immediate reverie in which you are leaning on the rail of the cruise ship as it cuts through the impossibly clear water below. The air is brisk and feels slightly moist with just a kiss of brine and you breathe deeply and relax. You sense, rather than actually hear, the hum of the engines down below as the huge ship takes you further away from your real life and ringing phones and endless piles of papers and emails and bills and people always talking and taking. You smile, small and knowing at first, then gradually break into a full grin. It doesn't really matter what your ticket says. All you know is that you're headed away.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Sacre Bleu! Anotre Cravate Nouveau!

Brian! Q'uest ce que c'est? Anotre cravate nouveau? In a surprising display of sartorial initiative, Mr. Williams dons yet another heretofore unseen tie, this one rather a departure from the usual purples and stripes, but not a descent into madness of the Mango Episodes. The background is cardinal red, almost scarlet, and upon it are petite asymmetrical spots, irregular ovals if you will, of navy blue scattered about in a pebbled pattern reminiscent of old-fashioned calico, or even close-grained granite. It's quite arresting and has an air of casual sophistication, kind of like the approachability factor so inherent in BW himself.

Monday, September 17, 2007

A Debut Tie: Polka Dots

A Debut Tie! Brian stuns the Nightly viewers with a polka-dot cravate ce soir. This interesting tie reminds me of the brief period my sons went through in their early childhoods when they used to take Bic pens and randomly color on their bluejeans. Luckily, because they were growing exponentially overnight, I bought the boys cheapo no-name jeans at stores like JC Penney and KMart. Brian's tie has the color and even the look of those indeterminately "prewashed" looking jeans, but is more symmetrically dotted with inky blue spots the size of pencil eraser tops. Worn with his navy, subtly pinstriped suit and a crisp white shirt, this was a successful look for Brian. (More urbane than Sam and Jared in their graffiti-esque pants and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle teeshirts, anyway.)

Friday, September 14, 2007

A Positive Comeback for Brian

* This tie reminds me of so many positive things: a breezy fall sky of blazing azure and cottony clouds, the proud cut of the French uniforms in "The Last of the Mohicans" during the parlay scene, my first set of Corning cookware as a hopeful and happy newlywed. The brilliant blue and vanilla stripe of this gorgeous tie practically leaps from the screen, and Brian wisely wears it after the debacle of yesterday's disappointing cravat.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

This Tie Is Forcing Me To Consider A List

* In an ill-advised and bordering-upon-shocking repeat cycle, Brian dons the cranberry tie with turquoise satellite cum Tinkertoy pattern. This tie was just worn on 4 September and is quickly becoming the ugly stepchild of the Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me. Soon, a new poll will go up, both here and at The Dept. of Nance. I will be asking if there should be an entire list of ties which should be Dead To Me. This one is fast earning its spot. Sigh.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Black And White Striped Tie Becomes A Philosophy

Brian, you have a lot of striped ties. You have a lot of black and white striped ties. Tonight, you wore another one of them. Quite honestly, it's one thing to mix it up with blue and yellow, or purple and something, but when you try to vary black and white...well, black and white are just pretty much going to be black and white. Oh sure, you can have wide stripes or narrow stripes or the black can be the wider of the two on one tie, or the white can be the wide one on the other, but when it comes right down to it, all black and white striped ties are just that: black and white striped ties. So, if I were you, Brian, I'd pick maybe two of the black and white striped ties and let Mrs. Williams sell the others in a garage sale. Because, really, they're just cluttering up the tie landscape. Thanks.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Perfect Storm

Like the glowering northern sky skirted with low clouds over Lake Erie before a summer thunderstorm, this slate and ivory cravat made a dramatic return this evening. The colors are perfect foils for each other, the rich French vanilla contrasting with the deep gunmetal grey, a hint of blue just under its surface. The stripes are wider than his usual preference, lending an air of opulence, almost a billowing quality. A perfect storm of a tie.

Monday, September 10, 2007

So Far, This Tie Is Spared

* Brian brings on another stripe, this one the Noxzema bottle blue with narrow goldfinch diagonals. I want to dismiss this tie; it saunters dangerously close to the Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me, but it has more depth of color and a crisper look to it, so it is spared. Besides, BW has not tossed this into such a tedious repeat cycle. Yet.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Brian Gets Graded On This Tie

So, this tie keeps getting a pass from me because, well, the red stripes. It's the dark blue background and bright red diagonals. It reminds me of a student composition, in a way. Basic Bic blue ink with some of my bright red Pilot Precise V5 extra fine point rolling writer ink on it, making helpful, critical, and encouraging comments on it in my distinctive way. But this time, there was a wonky knot interrupting the symmetry of the stripe. Watch that, Brian, or I will circle it and write next time, pay some attention to the parallel structure of the composition as a whole.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Licorice Allsorts

I've missed this tie . Its black and white narrow stripes remind me of a licorice allsorts candy, very British and very sharp, almost tannic. It has a polished elegance, yet a nice yacht-y sportsmanlike look to it, the sort of thing that only the English can carry off. You know, like when Her Royal Highness wears a sweater.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

A Second Viewing Yields A Verdict

Brian repeats the tie he debuted on 22 August, one of lapis lazuli briskly crossed with offset pairs of popsicle-purple stripes of some width. Back then, I couldn't decide if it was a bold fashion stroke or a serious style stutter. Well, Readers, upon a second viewing, let me just say this: y-y-y-y-yikes.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

An Appearance By David Gregory

* This cravat is the more palatable version of the hallucinogenic Byzantine mosaic tie. Feeling a bit whimsical, I might describe it as turquoise jacks tossed upon a piece of toast (no crusts and in the shape of a tie) spread with currant jam.

But, in a first for The Tie Report, I must make an aside here to compliment one David Gregory, Washington correspondent, who was nothing less than resplendent in his carnation pink solid cravat. It is a thing of beauty to see a man confidently wear pink, especially a man who is tall, tanned, and impeccably groomed, as is DG. Well played, sir, well played.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Labor Day Tie...And, Oh! How I Labor

* How fitting that Brian Williams hauls out this tired old tie on Labor Day, for I labor once again to try to bring it to life for you. In my ever-diminishing store of creativity, I search for something to bring to this tie...aha! Those colors...that blue...that greyish, puttyish, drab! Now I know what it reminds me of!

Tidy Cat Multiple Cat Formula! Oh, how apt.

Friday, August 31, 2007

I Am Rendered Nearly Speechless By This New Color

In a stunning departure Brian renders me almost without speech tonight by donning a solid, linen-looking cravat of toasted khaki! What's more, the knot appears to be a Windsor with double dimples, carefully placed so as to create a small box-pleat at its base. Was it my fervid imagination, or was there a bit of a smug twinkle in his eyes tonight as he brought us the news? Did he vote in my poll? Is he reading The Tie Report? Is he toying with me? Where are my pills?

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Frosted Iris...Iced Indigo

This tie has not been seen since May 14th. And I have missed it. The overall color dwells somewhere between frosted iris and iced indigo, and it is patterned with petite white window frames the size of a snowflake. Perfectly knotted, it was dimpled on either side, creating a square pleat centered directly below the four-in-hand. The fabric looked to be raw silk, and one could almost imagine its whisper.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

On Location, Still...And Another Big Shirt

On location again, this time in New Orleans, BW hauls out yet another oversized shirt. Although the chemise is neatly pressed, the cement hue does nothing for him but make his skin look sallow and accentuate the advancing signs of age at his greying temples. I am also becoming increasingly annoyed at the fashion quirk of the contrasting teeshirt, this one black, announcing its presence at the open neck of the overshirt. It was almost enough to distract me from the gaudy nickel-plating of Brian's buckle and detailing on his inexplicable black belt worn with white jeans. In truth, the whole outfit was...ill-conceived. Erg.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

On Location = Une Grande Chemise

* Brian is on location reporting post-Katrina, so that requires an appearance sans cravate. This has also come to mean that he must wear une grande chemise, aussi. On a positive note, BW does make a break from the endless parade of enormous and ill-fitting blue shirts and sports one of cool, pale celery. On the downside, it is still a bit large and is of an odd, techno-Euro style with many strangely-placed vents, pleats, and slits. He looks as if he might be a guest on the Dieter show in an old SNL skit. And, yes, I did notice the forest green crewneck of his teeshirt poking unceremoniously from his collar. Yet, it is green after all, and the color set off his tan in a most lovely way. Merveilleux.

Monday, August 27, 2007

A Vintage Series Favorite Makes A Re-Appearance

What a gorgeous tie, and one we have not seen since the debut of The Vintage Series of February. This voluptuous cravat, with its 3/4-inch stripes of burnished gold and royal purple, is a welcome start to the Neckwear Week. Its knot, a four-in-hand (BW's favorite), is controlled but not severe. The cut of this tie is full and generous without looking bulky or dated. The fabric--obviously silk--is reminiscent of kingly banners or royal bunting. Why this tie was so long absent from the fashion rotation in favor of, say, The Vegas Gold Tie or The Sand and Sky Tie, I have no earthly idea, but rather than be snarky about it, I am grateful and approving. Well done, Mr. Williams, well done.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Debut Tie: Serious, But Not Too Grave

Brian rebounds from yesterday's misstep with a Debut Tie. This cravat looks to be of raw silk; the background color is a muted violet, reminiscent of old purple ditto handouts we used to get long ago in school. Upon the field were thin tri-colored bands of navy (or black?), antique ivory, and burgundy. These bundled stripes were placed about two inches apart. This tie is a very vintage-looking, serious tie such as one's grandfather might have worn in a family picture in the 1940s, but perhaps with a sweater so as not to appear too grave.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Not The Dreaded...! But Yes...

Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me. (And on my last day of summer vacation, too. How could he?!)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Debut Tie: But Is It Anything?

Brian surprises with yet another Debut Tie, but my excitement is, shall we say, muted. Again, we have ultramarine blue as the field, and again we have stripes, this time of mulberry. To be completely fair, the stripes are wider, and staggered in pairs with wide swaths of the field blue between them. But it's an awkward looking cravat. Is it stylish or is it awful? Is it avant-garde or is it ugly? If I have to think this hard about it, then forget it. Besides, it's in blue and purple. I mean, where's the true Fashion Risk?

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Big Girls DO Cry, And Over This Oft-Repeated Tie

When I saw it was this tie, the purply, red, burgundy, lavender, Byzantine mosaic psychedelic patterny one again, I almost sobbed. For I am absolutely bereft of any creativity with which to bring this tedious and relentlessly reappearing tie to you. My only solace lies in the hope that there is, somewhere, a Secret Society of Neckwear Ninjas who, already alerted by my small animal-like cries of pain, are stealthily on their way to take out this tie, once and for all.

Monday, August 20, 2007


Remember when you were in elementary school and you and your classmates made something seasonal, like a Valentine heart or a shamrock, out of colored construction paper and the teacher put them in the window? Later, when that holiday time was over, she'd hand them back, and the side that faced the window was all faded and washed out from the sun. That's what Brian's tie reminded me of tonight. The washed-out ultramarine blue was crossed on the diagonal by narrow, anemic-looking thistle stripes every inch and a half or so. Even the fabric looked stiff and cheap. This tie is awful in every way. Feh.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Rhapsody In Blue: A Debut Tie

* It's a Rhapsody in Blue tonight at The Nightly as Brian debuts a new and stunning striped cravat! A lovely slate blue provides the palette for an artistic display of narrow pearl, royal, and cornflower satin bands bordered in pristine white, all set off beautifully by the broader bands of the stormy background. This tie is sedately bold, an understated flourish, a bit of conservative flash. And I am not displeased.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers: Stripes

Yawn. I am weary of trying to come up with ways of describing this cravat, The Buff and Baby Blue Stripe of Boredom. Truly it has become a BW Fave, for it has sneaked into the Fashion Rotation with alarming regularity since its debut on 23 May--a stunning six times, most of those occurring in the span of a few weeks. Also noted during tonight's viewing of The Nightly, there was a definite stripiness in Brian's hair at the temples, not as if it were highlighted, but as if it were overly gelled. The whole stripes thing is becoming an Insidious Force. When a Fashion Motif begins to take over your actual physiognomy, it's gone too far. Look in the mirror, Brian, before it's too late!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

An Unsuccessful Color Pairing, But An Elvis Impersonation

Ah, well. At least we haven't had to gaze upon this particular tie in almost four months. What a fashion disaster it is, with its violet blue field crossed by both narrow and wide stripes of a not-even-kissing-cousins-color sky blue. This cravat makes me think of prefolded giftwrap at a dollar store marked "Birthday, Boy" on its outer wrapper. It would, of course, be next to the square of fuschia and tangerine marked "Birthday, Girl." Tonight's Nightly did have its high point, however, when Mr. Williams signed off with a very cheeky and wholly surprising Elvis impression. I suppose I should be ever so grateful his tie was not black velvet and handpainted.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Did He Get This Tie As A Vacation Souvenir?

* Tonight, Brian treats us to a Debut Tie. Sadly, it is still a narrow stripe, but interestingly, the stripes are at such a downward diagonal that they are almost entirely vertical. The bands alternate deep true blue and pearl, the latter being shot through with a bead of golden yellow. Again, BW opted for a tightly tiny knot pulled frighteningly close, but at least this time the dimple was centered and deft. Vacation is over; it's all business, the business of fashion.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Brian Has Returned, But Which Solid Has?

*Finally back from vacation, Brian takes me by surprise and I am still at table for his return. When I view tonight's cravat via the video netcast, I am dismayed to note that I cannot make a definitive call: is this the lavender matte silk "Debate Tie" or is it the solid hyacinth/periwinkle of 25 July? In either case, I cannot endorse the puny knot, which looked as if it were punishing the fabric as well as the neck of its wearer. The single dimple was far left and distractedly off-kilter, marring the otherwise tanned and well-rested appearance of the recently on-holiday Brian Williams. Please be assured, readers, that I am redoubled in my efforts to view The Nightly properly henceforth, and will be more precise in future.

Monday, August 6, 2007

No Brian, No Tie

Brian is off tonight, replaced by the ever-impeccable Ann Curry, who wore no tie.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Did Someone Notify Mr. DeMille?

*Although I am still breathless and fluttery from the plenitude of closeups at the start of the Nightly, I will endeavor to bring tonight's cravat to life for you. This tie is another variation on the blue and gold color scheme, yet it is not the dreaded Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me. Instead, this offers a deep cobalt field crossed at thick intervals with narrow butter stripes, which are shot through with a deeper goldenrod thread at their center. This tie is, I'm loathe to say, pedestrian and banal. It is so incredibly close to the TWSNLBRAINDTM, that I almost felt my gorge rise, YET! the alarmingly disarming closeup work of The Nightly's obliging cameraperson got me downright twitterpated. There. Now I've been forced into a Disney reference. I hope someone is happy.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Live From Minnesota--The Giant Blue Shirt

Reporting live from Minnesota, Brian was sans cravate ce soir, but was making a valiant effort with his new "on-site uniform" of the Giant Blue Shirt. At least this time it was not a badly-creased one, nor was it a dressy one forced to act casual; thankfully, it also did not have an unseemly black-or-perhaps-navy teeshirt poking from its oversized neckline. No, this time it was suitably pale blue chambray in the classic "work shirt" design, albeit noticeably too large. I suppose we cannot expect all defects corrected en masse. The important thing is, he seems to be trying.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Crisp and Nautical: A Return To Discipline

Rebounding from last night's Tie Travesty, Brian sported the navy blue with white stripes tonight. It is a sedate and crisp cravat, reminiscent of little boys in middy blouses and cadet uniforms saluting Mummies and Daddies at sleep-away boarding schools on Parents' Day. It has style and discipline, two features sorely lacking in last night's display.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

The Return of The Emergency Tie: Ill-Advised

Ill-advised. That is the first word I must use to describe tonight's neckwear choice by Brian Williams. The color, a garish thistle, is evocative of bad bridesmaids' dresses and cheap polyester short sets festooned with gaudy unlicensed cartoon characters for girls at Wal*Mart. No one willingly wears this color, which leads me to believe that this is, in fact, Brian's "Emergency Tie." I advanced this theory once before in an earlier Tie Report, now lost, and hypothesized that this solid cravat is one kept hanging over his office door in case he splotches some basil aioli or pomodoro sauce on his first-string tie. Oh, I hope so. I do hope so.

Monday, July 30, 2007

A Changeable Tie For The Man Of Mystery

A deep, sterling grey-violet is the oddish descriptor I must employ to bring Brian's tie to you today. This solid cravat is one of a changeable hue; indeed, when I asked Sam to offer an opinion, he deemed it "purple" to my "grey." This tie is not unlike BW himself, who certainly has an air of mystery about him. Why so much purple, yet no green? Why so many similar stripes, yet not one plaid? And why almost always the four-in-hand, yet rarely the Windsor? Sadly, we may never know.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Martini Metaphor

Not seen since 27 April, this tie makes a stunning re-emergence. And I still feel a sense of numbing ambivalence, not unlike the feeling imparted by that second vodka martini up, dirty, with bleu cheese olives on an empty stomach. But I digress. This tie, an icy pale violet blue with crocodilian welts of deeper violet blue pebbling it in a precise pattern, simply does not interest me. The color is familiar, as is the foulard pattern. Bring this tie to me in pine forest, Brian, or in a bold stroke of David Gregory-esque pink, and then we can have a discussion, perhaps. Until then, bring me another martini.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

A Gentle Reminder From Brian

* Again with the Deep Space blue shafted by solar yellow bands? Yet, I prefer to believe that Brian Williams repeated this cravat in exactly one week not because he is careless and ill-served by his fashion sense, but because he wished to give me one more look at this tie to more firmly fix it in my mind that it is not, as I had erroneously labeled (or libeled) it previously, the dreaded Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me. Merci, mon cheri. Je comprends maintenant.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

A Palate-Cleansing Solid Is Offered By Brian

It has been quite some time since we've had a palate-cleansing solid cravat, and BW offers one tonight with a hyacinth blue matte silk. This tie made its debut on 6 June and hadn't been seen since. The color is reminiscent of little periwinkle vinca flowers peeping from behind glossy green leaves. Green, Brian. Also a fine tie color. Time to work that into the rotation. Sigh.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Weathered Fence Topped By A Summer Sky

Tonight's tie, not a fan favorite, is a stripe which reminds me of the view outside my western bedroom window: the neigbor's grey weathered fence, topped by a span of sky which, on most summer mornings, is a satisfyingly pleasant blue. It's not distasteful, but it's not remarkable or inspiring, either.

On another note, this correction to the 19 July Tie: most definitely NOT Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me. Upon further review and perusal of The Archives, the tie in question was found to be the Debut Tie of 21 June. Please read germane Tie Reports from Archive site as necessary.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Bested By The Cleveland NBC Affiliate, The Tie Is In Question

* Fie on you, Cleveland NBC affiliate! Again you thwart me by pre-empting The Nightly News with an Indians Baseball Pregame Show! I am forced to assess BW's tie as a pixellated imperfection and wrestle with the subtleties of color, texture, and knot. As a result, I am perplexed, flummoxed, and befuddled. Is this a Debut Tie of deep navy with rose stripes, or is it the hideous Tribute to Dora the Explorer Tie of dark violet and fuschia? To compound my misery, the Indians lost 6-2 to the Boston Red Sox in an alarming display of impotent starting pitching.

Friday, July 20, 2007

This Tie Is Making Me Fussy

*Now, this tie is really starting to frost my fashion cupcakes. Again, Brian ties on the now-horrific stained-glass, mosaic, psychotropic drug-induced, Timothy Leary tribute tie most recently worn on July 1st. I am beginning to feel downright testy about this tie, cranky in the extreme about this cravat. I'm ready to admit Thursday's tie back into the fold and confer pariah status onto Friday's. I have much to consider this weekend. Do weigh in.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Is It...THE Tie?

*Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me. At least, I think so. I now have to confess: it has been so long since BW wore this tie, and add to that the fact that I viewed this on the webcast, that I'm not entirely certain that this tie, a bottle blue with canary stripe, is The Tie. I didn't find it too horrid, actually, this time. Maybe I'm over it, if it really was The Tie. After all, he hasn't worn It since June 7th. It's all in the pacing, really.

Update 7/24: This tie report has been modified. See report of 7/24 for details.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Bold, Stripey, Complex: A Debut Cravat

Tonight is not only a Debut Tie, but it also marks a first for the Tie Report in that I actually had to grab a pen and paper to diagram this tie, so complex is it in its bold stripiness! Wide grape stripes are bordered by alternating bands of whisper-light chambray blue shot with a dark cable of navy; another contrasting element is a narrow rose stripe. The effect is bold and arresting. This is another tie of generous cut tied with a four-in-hand, but not as deeply dimpled. So taken was I by the audacity of this cravat, the sheer bravura of it, that I have not yet decided if I quite approve. One thing is for certain--like the woman who wears red to a funeral, you have to award points for chutzpah.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

BW Is Tres Charmant In His Mulled Wine Cravat

The background of this cravat is the color of warm, mulled cabernet franc spiced with tawny cinnamon. The white pinstripes are so sharp that, should you need to straighten the knot or its deep, single dimple, you could actually feel the edge of each stripe slightly raised under your fingertip. The cut of this tie is a bit wide, but not ostentatious. It looks rich and grand. Even sans les stripes, it would be tres charmant.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Blueberries & Milk: Stripes Again

Brian returns to a tried and true stripe, this one reminiscent of a summery breakfast of blueberries mounded invitingly in a moat of ice cold milk. The color combination is crisp and clean, and this cravat gives its wearer a look of cool polish and finesse. As stripes go, this one is not bad.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Vacation Homework Is Done: Classic Cravat

* Tonight marks the return of the lovely debut tie of June 12th, the beautiful classic cravat of a wine background with the traditional print done in sky and pewter. This cravat is reminiscent of a vintage tophat hatband or lining, or even perhaps the daring lining of a morning coat glimpsed as a gentlemen alights from a hansom cab. Quite nice. Well done.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Yikes. The Purple Houndstooth.

*I gotta tell ya: viewing these ties on the webcast makes for a tough situation when Brian goes for the small patterns. I'm going out on a limb here and making the call that this evening's tie is the horrific tiny purple houndstooth number last seen on May 2nd. It would seem that BW himself realizes that this tie is a loser; he only wears it, at most, once a month. Perhaps the techs in the booth have complained about the fact that it's just visually unpleasant and difficult to light since the minute pattern gives the impression of OpArt motion. Perhaps he just understands that the tie is ugly. One thing is certain, he's not reading The Report, or he'd have ditched far more of his cravats and lengthened the repeat cycles of a few more. Ahem.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Heavy Rotation Begins To Wear Upon Us...

* Sigh. Brian, Brian, Brian. I used to like this tie. But, as I predicted on 25 June, its weary stripe is the epitome of the axiom 'familiarity breeds contempt.' This innocuous little number of Delft blue and clay is now tiresome and vapid. You have allowed it, through relentless repetition after its May 23rd debut, to grind upon our aesthetic. We are all close to the edge on this tie. Let's give it a wee rest, shall we?

Monday, July 9, 2007

Vacation Homework Assignment #1

*A Debut Tie! Please forgive this week's Reports; they are going to be somewhat lacking, in that they will all be viewed on the webcast. I had to catch up on the entire week of 7/9 through 7/12 due to being away on vacation.

Brian's cravate nouveaux looks to be an icy hyacinth jacquard resembling the strange knit ties that became popular in the 1980s. Either that, or it is the companion tie of the charcoal grey dotted tie of 26 June which reminded me of currency engraving. Either way, its color is reminiscent of a girl's prom dress, or of the era of pastel business suits for women, wherein said women could still look competent and powerful without sacrificing their femininity. I always thought they looked like rather leggy Easter eggs. Be that as it may, Brian clearly thinks he's getting away with a sorta purple tie here with no stripes. I'm reserving judgment until I see it "live."

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Back To The 40s With Scarlet And Grey Stripes

First, let me apologize for the erroneous dating of my 2 previous catch-up tie reports. That's what I get for lagging behind and watching the webcasts in a row. Now, on to la cravate du jour! Tonight's tie marks a triumphant return to The Vintage Series of mid-February; its rich grey and scarlet stripe is knotted with a single-dimpled Windsor close to the throat. Its cut is generous and almost voluptuous. Oh, how I do love this tie! It hearkens back to the 1940s, those days of the three-button double-breasted suits with wide lapels and smart tailoring. Can't you just picture BW, one leg up on the running board of say, a 1942 Chrysler New Yorker, giving the brim of his snazzy Fedora a snap? Oh, in this tie? I most certainly can.

Monday, July 2, 2007

No One Looks Good In Metallic Gold: See My Hyperlink

* Sigh. Brian, this tie is so misbegotten, so ill-conceived, so garish that it is a fashion faux-pas for everyone who attempts its basic premise. Allow me, if I might, to present as proof, Exhibit A. I think I've more than made my point here.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Running Out Of Words, But No Running Of The Purple

* Brian, obviously called in for a rare Friday newscast to report the shocking terror attacks in the UK, sported the very mosaic/Byzantine-looking red and blue--or maybe purple in there--patterned tie. Heretofore (I simply adore that word!), I have described that tie using Greg Brady's hippie-esque teen retreat, stained glass, and words like "busy" and "confusing." I am, however, going to consider myself blessed: there has not been a significant Running of the Purple in almost a month.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Cast Iron And Porcelain...C'est Bien

This tie is a sort of jayvee version of last night's Tie Tour de Force. It is a stripe of cast iron and porcelain in the familiar template of many of its cravat companions. It's a perfectly acceptable tie; truly, if it had not followed such a cravate magnifique, I might have been able to wax more poetically regarding it. But, alas! I am spoilt by its superior predecessor and am, therefore, feeling something of an anticlimax. Perhaps tomorrow, then? Ah, tomorrow! Brian, the star, does not usually work on Fridays. Till Monday, then...

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

So Very GQ, Brian Williams!

*Tonight, Mr. Williams turns again to the sophistication of the black tie with narrow white stripes. This tie is a favorite of mine; it gives him an air of elegance and gentility imparted by none of his other cravats. When he wears it, his shoulders look a little more squared, his chin a little higher, and his hair a little more neatly coiffed. And you just know that under the NBC News desk, his pants have a perfect crease in its honor. It is a GQ-cover worthy tie, to be sure.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Debut Tie: Charcoal Dots On A Field Of White

June is hereby declared Le Mois de Cravates Nouveaux, or in English, The Month of New Ties! This is the fifth entree this month! Tonight's tie of tiny charcoal dots arrayed in martial precision upon a chaste white field reminded me of looking at the engraver's work on US currency using a magnifying glass that I got in a box of Cracker Jack as a prize one time. When I first looked at George Washington's forehead, I thought it was a series of threadlike stripes, but when I held the magnifying glass farther away, I could tell the stripes were actually a series of broken dashes. Sigh...BW and his ties: they make me dig deeply into myself sometimes to plumb their fashion depths.

Monday, June 25, 2007

I Struggle To Understand The Rotation Cycles: Cornflower And Ecru

* Brian is starting to put this tie, the cornflower blue and ecru stripe, into a pretty heavy rotation. We last saw this cravat on 13 June, but before that, it appeared on 29 May and debuted on 23 May. Perhaps it would not seem so tedious and tiresome were it not for the fact that it A)shares a similar stripe template with at least 4 other ties; B)is a stripe, period; C)is not green. I know, I know: I should be grateful that it is not A)purple, or B)screaming mango.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Debut Tie: Navy With Canary Stripes

* Unless I miss my guess, tonight was another Debut Tie, although it was more of a relief than a thrill. Reporting live from Ft. Worth, TX, Brian Williams was conveying a degree of uber-gravitas with his navy tie knifed with narrow stripes of canary. Looking consummately and impeccably groomed and incredibly tanned and fit against the backdrop of a serene park and the distant city skyline, BW made up for his many fashion faux pas yesterday. (Well, at least for the enorme camisa. Maybe not for the dark tee underneath. Even if it were navy--for the camera sometimes will read matte navy as black, but still, come on; if you're in television, you know that!) But the last thing you need is another navy and yellow stripey tie, Brian. Final word on it, really.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Live From Mexico With His Enormous Shirt

Live from the Mexico-U.S. border tonight, Brian Williams was sans cravate. He was, however, again wearing a puzzling blue shirt that defies all fashion logic. Por que, Brian, por que? Why must you wear such a camisa gigantesca, or as the Americans say, fricking bigass shirt? For BW's shirt was at least two sizes too large for him. The shoulder seams were resting comfortably at the crest of his biceps, and the surplus fabric at the sides flapped and fluttered in the breeze like the sails on a fully tacked schooner. And do not get me started on fold marks again. Or the gaping neck. I hereby volunteer to be Wardrobe Wench or Tie Trollop or Shirt Slut...whatever it takes. Clearly, someone is needed, y rapidamente!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Return To Sanity In Navy And Ivory Stripe

A return to sanity tonight, for Brian Williams opted for the staid presence of the navy and ivory striped cravat of, most recently, May 9. This tie is like a mug of warm milk and the solid embrace of a daddy to a toddler who has awakened from a bad dream in which a big, scary orange monster with indigo stripes was twirling her around and around in a black net, and he just wouldn't stop, and--There, there, now. It's all over.Sigh. Let's hope so.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Debut Tie: Ostentatious Stripe Offering

Yet another Debut Tie! Tonight's startling neckwear offered wide alternating swaths of buttercup cut with a narrow stripe of white, and indigo slashed with, bewilderingly, a narrow stripe of thistle. The effect was dizzying. This tie was one better suited to, perhaps, Willy Wonka or Little Richard or Liberace. Someone with a little more ostentatiousness in his personal style. I feel like this tie, coupled with the Screaming Mango Hooker Fantasy Tie of Thursday, is the start of BW's Midlife Crisis Cravat Series. Sigh. Can the handpainted Marilyn Monroe tie be far behind?

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Debut Tie: Screaming Mango Fishnet Rated "R"

* Another Debut Tie, but this one...yikes. Brian, I feel like we're moving in a decidedly wrong direction here. This cravat, a screaming mango with seedy black criscrossing, is, well, let's just say a "departure in taste" for you. It is reminiscent of an ad for a Gentlemen's Club which shows only an upraised leg clad in a thigh-high fishnet stocking and five-inch spike heel. Underneath it, it reads: When it comes to nothin' but net, you can count on Bonnie's Play House West. Just who did you get this tie from, Brian, hmmmmmmmmmmm?

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Sand And Sky

Brian returns to a stripe tonight, this one the sand-and-sky number that is not a favorite among Tie Report Readers. I am ambivalent; the blue is pleasant enough, and the dove/buff/taupey color is innocuous and neutral. After the statement made by last night's cravat, almost anything--save a green tie--would have been anticlimactic. I admit to more than a bit of trepidation with regard to Thursday's tie. We are overdue for (dare I even mention it?) the lavender solid tie of despair.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Debut Cravat: Nineteenth Century British Foulard

Oh joy! Oh happy day! This was a tie worth waiting for. I believe it is a Debut Cravat! The field color of this classic foulard print was a plummy carnelian red, and the pattern was tastefully rendered in turquoise cast with pewter. The knot, a four-in-hand, was small and tight, allowing only two small dimples at its base. This tie is reminiscent of a nineteenth century British author's waistcoat: not flamboyant enough to be Oscar Wilde's, mind you, but lovely and fine enough, certainly, to be worn by Lord Byron .

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Brady Bunch Interlude

There's an episode of the 70s television show The Brady Bunch in which Greg, the eldest teen, decides he needs his own space. His parents indulge him by turning their den over to him, and he decorates it in the style of a "pad", replete with all the requisite hippie-type furnishings like beanbag chairs, blacklight posters, and a beaded curtain. Also inside is one of those cheesy tabletop cylinder lights that, as it spins, casts multicolored spots of light all over the walls. Brian's tie tonight, his oft-repeated stained-glass-looking one of purple, red, and blue pattern, reminds me of that retro psychedelic mood lamp. Far out, man. But not in a good way.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Tried And True French Vanilla And Bleu

* Dear Brian rebounds rather nicely with the tried and true French blue and vanilla stripe that, even though he repeats it often, I like enough to review in glowing terms. This cravat is just plain cosmopolitan, polished, urbane, and sophisticated. It is pretty much an entire page in my Roget's, as a matter of fact, for complimentary adjectives meaning "damned high-class looking." And if you can't get on board with that, well, I'm sorry.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Duck and Cover! It's Baaaaaaaa-aaaaack!

Aaaarrrrggghhhh! We dared to dream too soon. Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me rears again its ugly head , only a week after its last assault on my aesthetic. Tonight, I rued the new cameraman's tight closeups of Brian instead of reveling in them, for each one was an attack on my sens de mode. Now, who knows what tomorrow may bring? Je fremis a la pensee.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Luscious and Tempting: A Debut Tie of Red Grape

Tonight's tie is reminiscent of luscious red globe grapes piled high in the produce section. The stripe is so narrow it is almost like white piping; one can almost see the textured contrast as the camera tightens the shot. This cravat is a welcome reprieve from the ceaseless onslaught of the purple batallions and the seemingly endless barrage of quarter-inch diagonal stripes. Its color is striking and a bit of a stretch for Brian. All in all, a success. (Apologies for the misdating on yesterday's tie report. End of the school year, you know.)

Monday, June 4, 2007

Terrible Tie, Terrific Cameraman

Brian repeats the hideous Vegas gold tie tonight. I am loathe to find new words to describe this garish metallic-looking cravat. It pains me to note also that there must be a new cameraman at The Nightly, for the number of tight shots in the second half of the shows would have been most gratifying had BW worn a more satisfactory tie. Alas, to quote one Mick Jagger, "you can't always get what you want." To further riff on that, to quote one Stephen Wright, "Where would you put it?".

Thursday, May 31, 2007

It Rears Its Ugly...Knot

Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Tacky, Striped, Purple: A Triple Threat Tonight

*In typical Cleveland, Ohio mentality, The NBC Nightly News was pre-empted by an Indians baseball game. It mattered not that Typhoid Murray had flown to four separate locations or that a Chinook helicopter crashed and lives were lost or that most of our hotel art comes from China. NO! Nor did it matter, apparently, that Brian decided to take again the fashion risk of 22 February and wear the violet tie with gauche narrow white diagonal stripes. This tie is so incredibly tacky and misbegotten that I refuse to believe it is not either A) a gift from Mrs. Williams; B) a gift from a Hurricane Katrina survivor; C) a "dare" tie; or, D) a memento from a colleague who has gone to that Big Newsroom In The Sky. There simply is no other reason for it.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

On Location Means On Notice!

Oh no. In a shocking display of nonchalance, Brian has repeated his putty-and-Wedgwood blue striped tie in only 6 days' time. This repeat cycle is bested (worsted?) only by the dreaded Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me, which had a five-day repeat cycle. I am speechless. I am without speech. Every time Bri goes on location, this time to Boston, (Hey, Anali, did you see him?) his neckwear and, ultimately, his viewers, are what suffer. Apparently, my speech has returned. Not unlike the aforementioned tie. Sigh.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Black And White Striped = Bond-esque

*This bold, almost graphics-inspired narrow stripe of black and white might be reminiscent of football referees, zebras, or convicts to some of you, but for me, it's a winner. I like the edgy contrast and commanding simplicity of this cravat. This is not a namby pamby tie for a guy who wants to stand in the corner and nurse along a glass of chablis. This is a tie for a man who leans on the bar, orders a Scotch, neat, and surveys the room for a foreign dignitary. He then walks up to the national in question and addresses her by name, impeccably pronouncing it, and speaks to her in her native tongue, every nuance of the language assiduously observed. She laughs softly, and then she dares to touch his arm. An attache across the room moves in ever so deftly, but there is no need; our man--and his tie--have moved on.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Not That Horrid Gold Tie Again...

Oh, this tie. As soon as Brian appeared on screen, I felt trepidation. The long shot was misleading, for I knew he owned no solid yellow tie, and that his repetoire of this shade was not, shall we say, promising. When the tight shot came, my heart sank: it was April 30th all over again. Brian had donned his garish satin Salute to The Miss Universe Evening Gown Competition tie. Its high-gloss flecked gold-on-gold shone from his chest like the paillettes on a teenager's purse. I had no stomach for it. It was as if he had mugged a thirteen-year-old coming out of a Claire's and, in a MacGyver-esque maneuver, used the raw materials of her shopping bag to fashion his cravat. Eeeew, Brian Williams. Eeeeew.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Debut Tie: Cornflower And Putty Stripe

After missing Brian's tie last night and seeing only an unsatisfying rendition of it on the webcast, I was feeling very dedicated to tonight's viewing. I cannot recall this particular tie, a lovely variation of the French blue and vanilla. This one is the same sized stripes, but of cornflower and putty. I believe the knot was a four-in-hand and not a Windsor as well, for it was long and doubly-dimpled. This tie is a metaphor for Brian himself: the putty is staid and serious, while the cornflower is a bit of a wink and a smile. That might work on me tonight, Bri, but you've got a long way to go to make up for the Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me. A long way.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Debut Tie: Cadet With Navy Stripes

A quick consult with the Tie Report Archives confirmed it: tonight's tie is new. This evening's offering was a light cadet blue with narrow navy stripes. It looked to be of quality fabric, probably silk, and the knot was controlled and fine. The fabric was full but not thick, and the cut was generous. This was not a department store tie, but one to almost mark a return to the now legendary Glory Days Of Ties, circa early February, when Brian trotted out the series of vintage-look ties. Those were the halcyon days, my friends...but, in the words of the immortal Robert Frost, "nothing gold can stay."

Friday, May 18, 2007

No Tie, But Plenty Of Wrinkles

On location in New Orleans, Brian was sans cravate ce soir. Sadly, he was also sans la mode. (No, not "without ice cream." The phrase, for all non-French speakers means "without fashion.") For BW was sporting what was so very obviously a shirt newly liberated from its packaging. The crease marks were clearly fold lines, and not from a suitcase, either. Even my husband said, "That shirt looks like it just came out of the wrapper!" And it wasn't even a casual shirt made to wear without a tie; no, this shirt was a dressy shirt with the roundpoint collar to prove it. It was light blue, but not a rugged chambray or denim in keeping with the outdoorsy get-down-to-work, get-NOLA-back-on-its-feet theme of the broadcast lead. No way did BW forget to pack a decent shirt and, even if he did, do you mean to tell me that there's no service in the hotel or on the NBC staff to press a shirt? Or that BW can't wield a steam iron? I find that hard to believe. Methinks there is trouble.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

My Favourite Tie Returns!

THE TIE! It was back on April 9, 2007 that I conferred Favourite Tie status upon this very cravat, with its aloof, subtle pink and Wedgwood blue diagonal stripes. At first glance, the colors are murky and undefined; once the camera comes in, the tints assert themselves like a handpainted photograph from the 1940s. This tie is subtle and beautiful and artistic. It is a welcome reminder of the fashion potential of one Brian Williams.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Jazzy Red Stripe Reappears

This is the little sister of last night's tie: midnight blue but with a jazzy red stripe. Whereas the Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me has overstayed its welcome (a la the Mark Twain fish and visitors rule), this little number hasn't been seen since March 29th. That zippy red evokes verboten things like trying on tester lipsticks in the drugstore or sneaking a gummy bear from the bag of bulk candy before you weigh it, or grabbing and eating strawberries from the plants as you pick your own at the roadside farm. I'm not in love with this tie, and I could easily hold it in mild disdain should it appear in heavy rotation, but that red; it saves it.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Not Only a Repeat Cycle, But One Featuring The Tie That Shall No Longer Be Reviewed By Me

In an unheralded and, I must say shamefully brief recycling period, Brian Williams resorted to wearing yet again the stodgy and somnambulistic midnight blue with narrow goldenrod stripe tie for his London broadcast tonight. This repeat cycle is unprecedented. This tie was worn on May 3rd, May 10th, and now on May 15th. Its repetition so continually and so rapidly is, quite simply, inexcusable, both in the fashion world and in the milieu of polite societal norms. This tie has seen its day; it has seen the day of its brethren as well, has its appearance been so frequent and so ubiquitous. It has had its turn and the turn of countless cravats. Where is the sassy burgundy geometric tie of 12 February? Or the now-ordained Favourite Tie of April 9, with its cool pink and blue diagonals? I am sensing trouble at Chez Williams, and ce n'est pas jolie.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Debut: Hyacinth Windowpaned

Tonight, I am taken completely by surprise. A new cravat! This one is a frosty hyacinth with a crisp pattern of small white windowpanes, each barely the size of a curious child's fingertip, placed at precise intervals. The knot was somewhat looser than usual, as if the fabric were whispery and a bit textured, making the Windsor generous. It is a cool, urbane tie with an underlying tinge of sensuality. One might wonder just how it would feel to loosen that knot.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Stripe Mode: May 10 & 11

Brian is in Stripe Mode: Thursday's tie, his midnight blue and goldenrod number, and last night, the French blue and vanilla. I'm bored and uninspired by the former, and have already waxed poetic on the latter. I need a break from these oft repeated ties, and he's simply not cooperating. That Bri--somewhat of a Cravat Curmudgeon.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Nantucket Necktie--A Reader Favorite

This is Brian Williams' little nautical number, a blue and white striped tie with a breezy, Nantucket feel about it. It's a tie we've seen at least twice before, and it's a sort of palate cleanser after his heavy purple rotation of late. It evokes grey, weathered porches facing the beach, sandy blankets being dragged back up the grassy cliff, and grabbing an oversized white Oxford shirt to wear over your slightly damp bathing suit. You grab that red and white beachball before the slight gust of wind blows it out the screen door, and head back inside to make Cape Codders. Not a terrible tie, and not purple, at least.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Another Disappointment Fosters Disenchantment

Okay, so...this is yet another repeat tie, this time of the April 3 tie, which was the confusing stained-glass-looking patterny thingie tie that really looks like yet another purple tie--yawn--but isn't when you get up close. But who cares? I am sick of this neverending Parade O' Purple. Until BW busts out of this Violet Funk, until he breaks the Cycle of Repetitive Routine, I am on strike. It's hard to wax poetic or engender enthusiasm when one is disappointed nightly by torpid ties.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Lavender Freakout II (With Cinematic Reference)

I am speechless. I am...without speech. It is The Perpetual Tie. The Eternity Tie. The Tie That Will Not Die. We saw it on April 19. We saw it on April 26--twice, due to the MSNBC Democratic Candidates' Debate. We saw it on May 1. And now, we must see it AGAIN. This plain, lilac raw silk cravat is the fashion equivalent of the movie "Groundhog Day." Oh, except for the part WHERE I'M NOT LAUGHING!!

Friday, May 4, 2007

Brian's Own Beaujolais Birthday Tie

What's this? In a bit of a stunner, Brian Williams takes a sidestep off the Path o' Purple, a detour from the Rue de la Routine, and tonight knotted up a cravat of solid claret. This necktie reminds me of early December, when I can enjoy the first wave of Georges du Boeuf's Beaujolais Nouveau, a pretty wine with good color and pleasant, fruity drinkability. It's a lovely wine in its own way, but you don't take it too seriously. In other words, Brian, this Beaujolais-colored tie doesn't get you off the hook with me. I sure hope you get some new ties today for your birthday.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

How Dare He Wear The Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed By Me On MY BIRTHDAY!?!?!?!?!

Brian Williams donned a new tie in observance of My Birthday; it was a vintage foulard pattern of lush, verdant forest green and...oh, forget it. Who am I kidding? He wore the same blah--er--blue tie with gall--er--gold annoying--er--narrow stripes that he wore on 2/19 and 4/18. I am bored by this somnambulent cravat. It is soporific, vapid, and tiresome. It should be employed by mothers of colicky babies. It should be marketed as a holistic alternative to Ambien and Lunesta. It should zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Official Tie of Wal*Mart Shoppers Everywhere

At least we haven't seen this tie for almost a month. But, we have seen it. Who could forget it? The glimmering miniature purple houndstooth pattern on a white background is not something I can soon forget, no matter how hard I've tried. Upon first glance, I thought Brian had committed a second fashion faux pas and repeated the solid grape tie in speedy procession, but no: as soon as the camera closed in, I groaned in true dismay. This tie is, to put it nicely, regrettable; to put it more strongly, ugly; to put it Nancely, hideous to the point of making me want to declare it the Official Tie of Wal*Mart Shoppers Everywhere. Sigh. I am spent.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Lavender Freakout

What do April 19, April 26, and May 1 all have in common? THE SAME FREAKING SOLID LAVENDER TIE THAT I AM SO BORED WITH THAT I WANT TO RIP MY OWN SPLEEN OUT AND FLING IT AGAINST THE WALL! Do you think Mrs. Williams and he had a fight and she gave him only, like, 5 minutes to grab some clothes and get the hell out? Because this is a major, major repeat cycle, according to the archives. If that is the case, then, Mrs. Williams, I'm begging you: send some ties C.O.D. and P.D.Q. I can't take much more of this!

Monday, April 30, 2007

The Supremes Tribute Tie

What, is The NBC Evening News coming to us live from Vegas? For Brian Williams' tie looks like something a showgirl ripped from her headdress and tossed to the crowd during the dinner show. This cravat's yellow satin sheen with contrasting Swiss dotted pattern certainly didn't improve with a close-up, when it took on the appearance of cheap gold lame. It was analogous to perhaps...a drag queen Diana Ross and the Supremes tribute ensemble's fabric swatch. Yeah, just like that. Brian, stop! in the name of love.

Friday, April 27, 2007

More Lavender: Must I Endure It?

At first, I thought Dear Brian had gone around the bend himself and actually worn the same tie two nights in a row: the solid lavender. But no--upon closer inspection (and a tight shot from the NBC camera), I was able to see that the lavender tie had suffered a bout of chicken pox. Indeed, this tie looked as if it were covered with small dots placed inside circles, and these welts were placed equidistant, one from the other. I waited patiently for a tighter shot and was...rewarded? It was a more classic foulard print, but was so subtle that the camera could not do it justice. No matter; it was lavender, it was repetitive, it was uninteresting. It is driving me to desperate measures.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Lavender Breakdown

"Well, Doctor, I guess it all started when Brian Williams began displaying a total disregard for not only fashion, but my feelings as well. Take his tie tonight, for example. It was his second solid in a row, and his second purple in a row. Sure, it was lavender, but lavender is a shade of purple. And he's just fanatical about purple. And stripes! He just won't get off the stripes! Do you know he's never worn a green tie? No! He hasn't! I watch! Trust me on this! And I just can't take another purple, striped, or solid or purple striped tie. I just can't! What? What? The time? Oh, our time is up? Okay. Yes, I have the prescription. See you next week."

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Frosty Forgiveness

It is the color of a grape popsicle just starting to melt in the summer sun: deep, rich, red-violet purple. It's not the blue-hinted variety, but the warmer hued shade that makes one think of grape juice concentrate, still frosty and holding the shape of the can. Yes, the tie was still from the Purple Collection; yes, it was a boring solid. But it was a satisfying color of a bold, jewel tone, and I am in a forgiving mood. And it's also late and I had to watch it on the webcast.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The Tie That Ate Cleveland

This could be the tie that finally, unequivocally sends me over the Fashion Edge and into therapy. Ultramarine blue with anorexic orchid stripes garishly exploded from the chest of Brian Williams tonight, not unlike the alien from Sigourney Weaver's thorax. Horrified, I tried to look away, but it was too late. This might be The Tie That Is Destroying All Other Ties and is leaving Only Ties That Bear Its Likeness in its wake. It must be stopped, but how?

Monday, April 23, 2007

Pourquoi, Brian?

Narrow sky blue stripes alternating with skinnier sky blue stripes all marching upon a field of indigo describes Brian Williams' blue-on-blue tie tonight. This tie should join its cousin, the blue and goldenrod stripe, in the "Going To Garage Sale" box at the Williams house. Frankly, I'm not a fan. So many things about it annoy me: why are there two different widths of stripes of the same color? why sky and indigo when sky blue is a bit greenish and indigo is decidedly violet-hued? why put two such off colors together in the same tie? why is the knot such an odd size? why is the tie even in the rotation to begin with? A tie like this is irksome, and I have other things to consider, like can the red pepper in my crisper make it one more day? Stuff like that. Really, Brian--cut me a break already.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Periwinkle and Pearl With A Side of >urp!<

Friday dinner at TGIFriday's and a warm, spring evening pre-empted a proper viewing of Brian Williams' tie, so I was forced to evaluate it this morning via the World Wide Webcast and a cup of coffee on top of an ill-advised Friday's Ultimate Cosmopolitan, up, which they "don't really know how to do because we always make them frozen or on-the-rocks." The result was like drinking cranberry syrup, but I digress. The cravat seemed to be an acceptable, however repetitious, stripe of periwinkle and pearl. burp Sorry.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Lavender Fantasy

I imagine myself in Brian Williams' walk-in closet, running my hand along his tie rack. "Enough of the stripes, already!" I say sternly, but under my breath so as not to hurt his feelings. I stop at the Purple Section. I know if I forbid a stripe, I have to at least let him have a Purple. I sigh, deeply and resignedly. I look over my shoulder at him, standing there expectantly and boyishly, pouting just a little, crisp white shirt open at the neck, sophisticated black suitcoat over his arm, waiting for the cravat. I select the lavender matte raw silk. He brightens, and those endearing laugh lines crinkle at the corners of his eyes. It takes so little to make him happy.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Another Appearance By The Soon To Be Tie That Shall No Longer Be Reviewed By Me

Noxzema bottle-blue with a narrow goldenrod band was The Stripe O' the Day for Mr. Williams. Sigh. And it was...okay. It was a replay of the February 19th tie; it didn't thrill me then, and it doesn't thrill me now. It is a staid, Father's Day Present sort of tie that a new bride might pick out for her father-in-law: nothing too fashion-forward, yet nothing too old-mannish. It's just a nice tie. And that is precisely the problem. We all know you can do better, Brian. Let's try now, shall we?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007


In addition to Brian being Stuck on Stripes, his Penchant for Purple continues. Tonight's tie was a warm plum with a narrow lilac stripe. It's almost as if Mr. Williams is shilling for the Prilosec or Advair people with this cravat, so very blatantly purply it is. We get it, Brian: purplepurplepurplepurple. Now, please...can we just let it go?

Monday, April 16, 2007

Reporting Live From Virginia Tech

Reporting live and outdoors, only a bit of Brian's tie could be seen, but enough to tell that it was a lovely merlot banded about every inch and a half with a very narrow pearl stripe. The rest was hidden by a somber black greatcoat against the chilly winds blowing across the Virginia Tech campus. I watched with emotions horrifyingly similar to those I felt almost 8 years ago to the day. School is not supposed to be like this. Why don't they know that?

Friday, April 13, 2007

Brian Williams And Daniel Day-Lewis

Playing it safe on a Friday the 13th, Brian opted for an old standby: yet another stripe, this one the French vanilla and true blue that we saw on February 9. I like this tie; it reminds me of the uniforms of the French soldiers in the movie The Last of the Mohicans. And anytime I can think about Daniel Day-Lewis with long, flowing locks and a loincloth is a good thing.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

The Line Forms To The Rear...

Tonight's stripe--for we've not had much else, now have we, aside from the odd solid here and there--was a North Carolina Tar Heels blue narrow band bordered by a classic navy blue broad band. My issue is not the repetitive nature of this striped tie, but its pairing with the pinstriped suit. I find that to be zoot suit-ish looking. Too much goin' on there. Not a fan of the stripe-on-stripe look, Bri. Let's get a grip on the linears.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

We Can All Get Along

The Tie Report is tardy due to a few factors: one, after a hectic day involving a trip to the Service Department of a car dealership ending with a bill of $888.12 and a run-in with a doltish porter named Fernando, Jared and I decided that dinner would be alcoholic drinks and nibblies (emphasis on drinks), and two; after said drinks, I could not decide whether the stripes in Brian's tie were, in fact, symbolically Post-Imus black and white, or if they were, as Jared and Rick claimed, banally navy and white. SO...after carefully reviewing the evidence online, I am sticking to my original analysis and declaring that Brian subtly and sartorially stood up for his beliefs that we can all get along. Indeed, Brian Williams, indeed.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Raspberry/Fuschia/Magenta Solid

Wisely, Brian made no attempt to try and sustain the magnificence of last night's cravat. Instead, he opted for a solid in matte, understated raw silk. In my youth, the color was called magenta. My grandmother called it fuchsia. These days, when every color is named after a food, it is raspberry. If it were a wall paint sample that you had to go and ask the grumpy guy behind the counter to mix for you, it would probably have an embarrassing name like "Tahiti Sweetie" or "Va Va Varoom Violet". Regardless of all of that, I've decided that, color notwithstanding, I'm not a fan of the solid tie.

Monday, April 9, 2007

The Debut of The Favourite Tie

Well, Brian. This is more like it. A sexy, mysterious tie with a "come hither" demeanor. At first glance, it was platinum and white stripes, very cool and aloof. But, once you came in for a closeup, icy pale pink and Wedgwood blue teased me and taunted me. I immediately coveted and desired this cravat. I began imagining things I could own made of this fabric; how I could incorporate it into my own wardrobe. It is a Tie Tour de Force, and somehow, I must have it. I...I...I think it is my Favourite Tie!

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

I Search For The Power Of The Purple

Hey...Brian? What is it with you and purple? Did you go to Catholic school as a child and have to wear boring navy blue ties? Did you swear a vow to yourself then and there that one day, when you were a grownup and free to make your own neckwear decisions, you would own a slew of...oh,...daring purple ties and show everyone? Because tonight was yet another from your Plethora O' Purple, this one a selection from the Busy Division, just like last night's. A shiny white with an impossibly tiny purple houndstooth pattern. It was painful. I can respect your rebelliousness, Brian Williams. Fight the power and all that. But couldn't you do it with, say, a nice forest green?

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Doctor, My Eyes

Certainly the guys up in the control room shared my sense of confusion and wonder at Brian Williams' choice of cravat tonight. What on earth were we to do about it? When the camera took a long shot, it looked like opalescent orchid satin which pulsed and flittered like it was covered in tiny chaser lights. Then, when the camera tightened for a closer shot, it was clear to see that it had a sort of stained-glass pattern of perhaps red and blue, or even perhaps that sort of purplish color, but the pattern was either red, no--royal blue and red--no, wait--oh forget it! It was, in a word, busy. The longer one looked at it, the more intricate it became. Was that some white in there, or are there now spots before my eyes? This is getting way too intense. I'm not sure this level of Neckwear Scrutiny is covered under my health plan.

Monday, April 2, 2007

A Return to Sartorial Splendour

Brian Williams starts the new month with a deep Sahara gold tie dotted with mahogany or burgundy. The dots are not tiny, nor are they large enough to be termed "polka dots." It's a tie I've not seen before, and it restores in me the faith that Mr. Williams is starting to once again embrace the cravat as a chance to make a definite fashion statement. I would like to think that tonight's tie is his transition back to sartorial splendour (notice the pretentious spelling; I am that ready for Brian Williams' return to la haute couture.)

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Sexy Red Stripe, Bri!

This evening's neckwear offering was deep true blue with a red stripe, the kind of nail polish shade you grab when your fingernails are exactly the perfect length, finally, and you feel peppy and flirty and a little bit fun. Not sexy or vampish, but "first warm day of summer" perky, and you start pulling out the Panama Jack spray-on oil and grab the chaise lounge out of the garage and stick it in the back of the car along with an old towel, a trashy novel, and the little cooler. Because you just never know when you might have an extra hour these days now, and this stuff could come in handy. That kind of red. So, the tie itself, not all that inspiring. But that red stripe...I'm lovin' that red.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Stop The Insanity!

Oh, for the simple ennui of the tie of Thursday! For tonight, Brian returned to the tacky and tasteless tie of February 20th. And I shall pull from my archives my Report of that night, for I simply cannot bring myself to try and describe this catastrophic cravat yet again. "To describe the stripes as violet blue and rose would be too kind: it was as if someone had put the alarming fuschia-toned tee of Dora the Explorer and a sopping wet Barney into a Cuisinart and hit "puree." This cravat made me believe that, perhaps, Brian Williams is not the sole driver of his neckwear decisions. For, if he is, his taste has seriously veered off-course and into the Stuff-n-Barf Drive-Thru Ramp O'Cheap, where this little gem was surely marked BY ONE GIT ONE FREE along with the dreaded thistle-colored emergency tie from January. Here's hoping he, or someone, soon regains the wheel."

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Serviceable Means Boring, Brian Williams!

I confess some ambivalence about tonight's tie selection. To be sure, diagonal narrow stripes of black and heathery grey are...fine. Yes, indeed. They are. But, they are not magisterial. They are not arresting. They are not admirable. They are not the kind of fashion statement I, for one, was hoping for. This cravat was a standard-issue Macy's tie that one picks out to go with both the black suit and the grey sportcoat. It is a multi-purpose tie. It can even be worn with the charcoal cashmere vee-neck sweater and black wide-wale corduroys on business casual Fridays at the office downtown. It's that kind of tie. Yawn. You lost me this week, Brian Williams.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Kentucky Fried...Cravat?

Brian Williams, finally back from Iraq and apparently a vacation afterward, followed last night's jaunty little nautical-looking tie with, well...I'm sorry, but I just have to say it. Tonight's cravat of pale yellow aggressively dotted Swiss just made me think of one thing: chicken skin. Ick. He looked as if he was wearing the nekkid pelt of plucked poultry. And that's just not flattering. On anybody. Last night's tie--which I just barely caught a glimpse of and was a repeat, too--was disappointing enough after a hard day at The Rock. But to sit down today, heart all aflutter in anticipation, and see the grizzled epidermis of a goosebumpy duck...well, I have to say it was...disheartening. Tomorrow had better begin a reprise of the Vintage Series, Brian Williams, or I cannot be responsible. God help us if this is the start of a Salute to Poultry.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

War Zone = No Tie

Brian, reporting live from Baghdad, has eschewed cravats for the time being in favor of a very Land's End-esque tan coat made of a cotton twill-looking material. Ordinarily, I would be aghast at such a garment, but Brian is in a War Zone, people! He does not have time to concern himself with frippery and furbelows! There are other things far more worthy of his notice, such as IEDs and insurgents and proper pronunciation of phrases in Farsi so he doesn't unnecessarily annoy the populace. So, for now, he gets a pass. Even though his khaki pants were ridiculously long, almost to the point of inexcusability. After all, Richard Engel, aka "The Baghdad Dish," is always impeccably dressed, and he's been living in Iraq for years now. Perhaps that's the key, then.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

In Like A Lamb

Brian ushers March in like a lamb by answering the question "Does Brian ever repeat a tie?" with a gentle "yes." For tonight saw a return not only to sanity, but to the solid deep grey Feb. 7th cravat. A welcome, staid offering after the debacle of last night. Wise move, Brian Williams. You did not want me to have to come up there and tell you a few things. That's right!

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I Make Brian Williams An Offer He Can't Refuse

Okay, Brian Williams, you know what? I'm done playing around with you. Clearly, you're toying with me. Tonight's tie, some misbegotten salute to smallpox, with its alarming random white welts, was beneath both your taste and my notice. Don't make me come over there, Brian Williams. We'll both be sorry.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

An Attempt to Banish My Seasonal Affective Disorder?

Alas! We lingered too long at table at The Dept. tonight, so I will have to observe Brian's cravat choice after 10 p.m. EST on The Internets. I caught only a glimpse of buttery yellow, reminiscent of whipped Betty Crocker Deluxe Yellow cake batter, criss-crossed with a pale blue grid. Again, I question this rush headlong into the vernal equinox while we yet linger in the dregs of February. Yet, I understand it. It may well be that Brian Williams, like me, suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder and is hoping to banish, in his own sartorial way, the clinging gray chill of Winter's icy grip. Rather than tsk in dismay, I should be appreciative. Now I feel chastised by guilt. Sigh.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Brian Salutes Postimpressionism

I struggle to think of a motive for tonight's tie selection. What could have been Brian Williams' thought process--or that of his stylist--as he stood in front of the mirror, readying himself for the cameras? Was it to completely diverge from the welcome solid lilac of Friday's tie (which I was able to glimpse after the fact, thanks to the wonders of MSNBC's videoblogcast)? Was it to hurry along a sluggish spring by dressing in advance of the season? Was it an avant-garde salute to basketball? Or, was it an homage to Georges Seurat and Pointillism? Perhaps this cravat, with its barely visible white background and dizzying pebbly dots of deep turquoise was, indeed, a statement of a Postimpressionistic bent. For the Postimpressionists looked beyond the simplistic beauty of Nature's appearance and, instead, stressed emotional expression. If that isn't Brian Williams all over the place, then what is?