Thursday, March 31, 2011

It's About The Environment

What is this? Brian dons the St. Patrick's Day tie? The Report is on guard immediatement. This stripe of verdant green and true blue never makes an appearance unless it's The Holiday. Yet, here it is, looking dapper against a pastel blue shirt. It's sort of an EcoCravat, isn't it? Imagine if a young man went to a posh boarding school and, along with his navy serge blazer with the gold crest, he wore (once a week, on Meeting Day) this tie. On that day, he and his little band of Concerned Environmentalists would discuss banning styrofoam carryout containers at the chip shops in their parish, and decide to circulate petitions to pressure the school commissary to sell drinks only in recyclable containers.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

French Springtime

Cette cravate est très française! This tie of black and blush narrow stripes is like looking up into the blossoming trees at les jardins à Luxembourg. The branches stretch dark and brittle, searching for the warmth of the new spring sun while the blooms burst forth like a celebration.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Is There A Full Moon?

SPT. Zut alors et Quelle horreur! Just when I think this Fashion Godzilla couldn't get any worse, it manifests an Apparition of Aberration about two-thirds of the way down. Was it a smudge?...a horizontal fold?...a desk-crease? What was it? We here at The Report are keeping a cross, some garlic, and a copy of GQ close by as talismen, just in case.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Dark Magic

Please enjoy this Classic Cravat Critique from 8 November 2007:

Tonight, Mr. Williams looks debonair in a generous, but not wide, stripe of onyx and muted indigo with a matte satin finish. Dark and alluringly mysterious, this cravat calls up the spectre of a wizard's cape or a necromancer's billowing robes as the spell-caster stands before a flashing pyre.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Spring Beauty

Oh, how lovely! Tonight's tie is a Springtime Pleasure of silver and rosyglow peach stripes. In her dressing-room, Lady Lorena turns at the announcement of a visitor. Her eyes widen as the bulky figure of the knight fills the archway, his polished breastplate gleaming in the sunlight that shafts in from the window. He kneels with some difficulty, and she immediately bids him rise. He is there to request her favour, and she selects from her dressing table a silk--her choicest one--and fastens it to his shoulder where it will flutter like an exotic bird of the dawn.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Some Things Are Better Left Unworn

SPT. And what was with that off-putting crease on the side, under the knot? Was this tie hanging on the back of the office door at The Nightly and it got wedged against the wall or some bookshelves? Was it jammed into a drawer? Or does it have a compartment in the back for a spare pen? Whatever the cause, it has rendered this tie Not Suitable For Viewing.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Wearin' O' The Green (And Blue, Always The Blue In A Stripe. Sigh.)

With a discreet bow to the holiday, Brian ties on a stripe of deep blue and mossy green. The Report first saw this tie on 17 March 2008, so it must be The Holiday Tie. But, is Brian confused? The Black Watch is Scottish, not Irish.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Chocolates From Childhood

What a delicious cravat Brian has served up this evening. The background is a rich cocoa, and it is besprinkled with an array of peachblossom mini-dots. ( This is really the same tie as 3 March, just in a different color.) In a few glances, I am back at Faroh's Candies with my dad, poring over the glass cases and inhaling the aroma of hand-dipped chocolates. It is a Special Saturday, just us, and for my choice, I pick out a couple of French Chocolates. One is dark chocolate with pink sprinkles--so pretty--and so, so good.

Friday, March 4, 2011

In Which I Channel A Bit Of My Muse, Edith Wharton

A lovely offering from Mr. Williams this evening, narrow grey stripes of slate and wintersky. This cravat is formal, Old New York, where men wore morning coats and bowlers before four o'clock, and at evening dances brought a stack of pristine white gloves so as to offer each partner a fresh, clean hand at her fingertips and waist. It is a letter of introduction, a tip of the hat, and a hand-delivered note to a lady when requesting an hour of her time.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Old Morocco

The warmth of this tie always brings to mind spices, and its overall color is a toasty cayenne. Small flamepoints of saffron wink out from carefully arranged rows, like small fires in front of Moroccan tents where the Berber warriors sit, drinking their green tea with mint, roasting game heavily seasoned from their spice jars.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Shameless Legerdemain by BW and The Nightly Provokes Me To Further Irritation

Was it just me, or did the rest of you see it too? Brian Williams and The Nightly pulled the Old Switcheroo and he wore one tie for the opening of the show, a navy with Carolina blue stripes, and suddenly--shazzam!--there he was, sporting the "Take This, Tie Report, And Deal With It" Repeat Cycle purple tie with black stripes bordered by white. Look, Brian Williams et al over there at 30 Rock, you are pushing it, and pushing it hard. First you try to get a twofer, and then one of them is a Repeater. Have you no shame?

Updated: Thanks to alert reader C., The Report was directed to Brian's blog, where he discusses "Tiegate" and explains the Tie Two-Step. Read it here.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Like A Sharp Stick In The Eye. Okay, Maybe Not That Bad, But It's Getting There

Brian Williams flips The Report the Fashion Bird and rebelliously knots up the oft-worn cravat of January and February, thus undoing any de-stressing accomplished by our week off. The return of the textured wan gold and cornflower blue striped tie is like being seated in front of the kid who keeps kicking your seat. You get a brief reprieve when his oblivious mom thoughtfully unbuckles him and lets him stand, but then he discovers the air vent, and his overreach sends a cascade of Cheerios onto your head below.