Friday, June 29, 2007

Running Out Of Words, But No Running Of The Purple

* Brian, obviously called in for a rare Friday newscast to report the shocking terror attacks in the UK, sported the very mosaic/Byzantine-looking red and blue--or maybe purple in there--patterned tie. Heretofore (I simply adore that word!), I have described that tie using Greg Brady's hippie-esque teen retreat, stained glass, and words like "busy" and "confusing." I am, however, going to consider myself blessed: there has not been a significant Running of the Purple in almost a month.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Cast Iron And Porcelain...C'est Bien

This tie is a sort of jayvee version of last night's Tie Tour de Force. It is a stripe of cast iron and porcelain in the familiar template of many of its cravat companions. It's a perfectly acceptable tie; truly, if it had not followed such a cravate magnifique, I might have been able to wax more poetically regarding it. But, alas! I am spoilt by its superior predecessor and am, therefore, feeling something of an anticlimax. Perhaps tomorrow, then? Ah, tomorrow! Brian, the star, does not usually work on Fridays. Till Monday, then...

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

So Very GQ, Brian Williams!

*Tonight, Mr. Williams turns again to the sophistication of the black tie with narrow white stripes. This tie is a favorite of mine; it gives him an air of elegance and gentility imparted by none of his other cravats. When he wears it, his shoulders look a little more squared, his chin a little higher, and his hair a little more neatly coiffed. And you just know that under the NBC News desk, his pants have a perfect crease in its honor. It is a GQ-cover worthy tie, to be sure.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Debut Tie: Charcoal Dots On A Field Of White

June is hereby declared Le Mois de Cravates Nouveaux, or in English, The Month of New Ties! This is the fifth entree this month! Tonight's tie of tiny charcoal dots arrayed in martial precision upon a chaste white field reminded me of looking at the engraver's work on US currency using a magnifying glass that I got in a box of Cracker Jack as a prize one time. When I first looked at George Washington's forehead, I thought it was a series of threadlike stripes, but when I held the magnifying glass farther away, I could tell the stripes were actually a series of broken dashes. Sigh...BW and his ties: they make me dig deeply into myself sometimes to plumb their fashion depths.

Monday, June 25, 2007

I Struggle To Understand The Rotation Cycles: Cornflower And Ecru

* Brian is starting to put this tie, the cornflower blue and ecru stripe, into a pretty heavy rotation. We last saw this cravat on 13 June, but before that, it appeared on 29 May and debuted on 23 May. Perhaps it would not seem so tedious and tiresome were it not for the fact that it A)shares a similar stripe template with at least 4 other ties; B)is a stripe, period; C)is not green. I know, I know: I should be grateful that it is not A)purple, or B)screaming mango.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Debut Tie: Navy With Canary Stripes

* Unless I miss my guess, tonight was another Debut Tie, although it was more of a relief than a thrill. Reporting live from Ft. Worth, TX, Brian Williams was conveying a degree of uber-gravitas with his navy tie knifed with narrow stripes of canary. Looking consummately and impeccably groomed and incredibly tanned and fit against the backdrop of a serene park and the distant city skyline, BW made up for his many fashion faux pas yesterday. (Well, at least for the enorme camisa. Maybe not for the dark tee underneath. Even if it were navy--for the camera sometimes will read matte navy as black, but still, come on; if you're in television, you know that!) But the last thing you need is another navy and yellow stripey tie, Brian. Final word on it, really.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Live From Mexico With His Enormous Shirt

Live from the Mexico-U.S. border tonight, Brian Williams was sans cravate. He was, however, again wearing a puzzling blue shirt that defies all fashion logic. Por que, Brian, por que? Why must you wear such a camisa gigantesca, or as the Americans say, fricking bigass shirt? For BW's shirt was at least two sizes too large for him. The shoulder seams were resting comfortably at the crest of his biceps, and the surplus fabric at the sides flapped and fluttered in the breeze like the sails on a fully tacked schooner. And do not get me started on fold marks again. Or the gaping neck. I hereby volunteer to be Wardrobe Wench or Tie Trollop or Shirt Slut...whatever it takes. Clearly, someone is needed, y rapidamente!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Return To Sanity In Navy And Ivory Stripe

A return to sanity tonight, for Brian Williams opted for the staid presence of the navy and ivory striped cravat of, most recently, May 9. This tie is like a mug of warm milk and the solid embrace of a daddy to a toddler who has awakened from a bad dream in which a big, scary orange monster with indigo stripes was twirling her around and around in a black net, and he just wouldn't stop, and--There, there, now. It's all over.Sigh. Let's hope so.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Debut Tie: Ostentatious Stripe Offering

Yet another Debut Tie! Tonight's startling neckwear offered wide alternating swaths of buttercup cut with a narrow stripe of white, and indigo slashed with, bewilderingly, a narrow stripe of thistle. The effect was dizzying. This tie was one better suited to, perhaps, Willy Wonka or Little Richard or Liberace. Someone with a little more ostentatiousness in his personal style. I feel like this tie, coupled with the Screaming Mango Hooker Fantasy Tie of Thursday, is the start of BW's Midlife Crisis Cravat Series. Sigh. Can the handpainted Marilyn Monroe tie be far behind?

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Debut Tie: Screaming Mango Fishnet Rated "R"

* Another Debut Tie, but this one...yikes. Brian, I feel like we're moving in a decidedly wrong direction here. This cravat, a screaming mango with seedy black criscrossing, is, well, let's just say a "departure in taste" for you. It is reminiscent of an ad for a Gentlemen's Club which shows only an upraised leg clad in a thigh-high fishnet stocking and five-inch spike heel. Underneath it, it reads: When it comes to nothin' but net, you can count on Bonnie's Play House West. Just who did you get this tie from, Brian, hmmmmmmmmmmm?

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Sand And Sky

Brian returns to a stripe tonight, this one the sand-and-sky number that is not a favorite among Tie Report Readers. I am ambivalent; the blue is pleasant enough, and the dove/buff/taupey color is innocuous and neutral. After the statement made by last night's cravat, almost anything--save a green tie--would have been anticlimactic. I admit to more than a bit of trepidation with regard to Thursday's tie. We are overdue for (dare I even mention it?) the lavender solid tie of despair.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Debut Cravat: Nineteenth Century British Foulard

Oh joy! Oh happy day! This was a tie worth waiting for. I believe it is a Debut Cravat! The field color of this classic foulard print was a plummy carnelian red, and the pattern was tastefully rendered in turquoise cast with pewter. The knot, a four-in-hand, was small and tight, allowing only two small dimples at its base. This tie is reminiscent of a nineteenth century British author's waistcoat: not flamboyant enough to be Oscar Wilde's, mind you, but lovely and fine enough, certainly, to be worn by Lord Byron .

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Brady Bunch Interlude

There's an episode of the 70s television show The Brady Bunch in which Greg, the eldest teen, decides he needs his own space. His parents indulge him by turning their den over to him, and he decorates it in the style of a "pad", replete with all the requisite hippie-type furnishings like beanbag chairs, blacklight posters, and a beaded curtain. Also inside is one of those cheesy tabletop cylinder lights that, as it spins, casts multicolored spots of light all over the walls. Brian's tie tonight, his oft-repeated stained-glass-looking one of purple, red, and blue pattern, reminds me of that retro psychedelic mood lamp. Far out, man. But not in a good way.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Tried And True French Vanilla And Bleu

* Dear Brian rebounds rather nicely with the tried and true French blue and vanilla stripe that, even though he repeats it often, I like enough to review in glowing terms. This cravat is just plain cosmopolitan, polished, urbane, and sophisticated. It is pretty much an entire page in my Roget's, as a matter of fact, for complimentary adjectives meaning "damned high-class looking." And if you can't get on board with that, well, I'm sorry.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Duck and Cover! It's Baaaaaaaa-aaaaack!

Aaaarrrrggghhhh! We dared to dream too soon. Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me rears again its ugly head , only a week after its last assault on my aesthetic. Tonight, I rued the new cameraman's tight closeups of Brian instead of reveling in them, for each one was an attack on my sens de mode. Now, who knows what tomorrow may bring? Je fremis a la pensee.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Luscious and Tempting: A Debut Tie of Red Grape

Tonight's tie is reminiscent of luscious red globe grapes piled high in the produce section. The stripe is so narrow it is almost like white piping; one can almost see the textured contrast as the camera tightens the shot. This cravat is a welcome reprieve from the ceaseless onslaught of the purple batallions and the seemingly endless barrage of quarter-inch diagonal stripes. Its color is striking and a bit of a stretch for Brian. All in all, a success. (Apologies for the misdating on yesterday's tie report. End of the school year, you know.)

Monday, June 4, 2007

Terrible Tie, Terrific Cameraman

Brian repeats the hideous Vegas gold tie tonight. I am loathe to find new words to describe this garish metallic-looking cravat. It pains me to note also that there must be a new cameraman at The Nightly, for the number of tight shots in the second half of the shows would have been most gratifying had BW worn a more satisfactory tie. Alas, to quote one Mick Jagger, "you can't always get what you want." To further riff on that, to quote one Stephen Wright, "Where would you put it?".