Monday, September 24, 2012

In Which We Get A Bit Snarky

SPT.  Add to that our regret that we cannot add this tie to the Axis Of Evil twice for its shininess.  Or its cheap fabric.  Or that odd Thing Which Dwells Beneath The Knot.

Oh, here:

But any more would just be petulant.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Oh, Here's An Idea!

Oh, Mr. Brian Williams!  Just how many navy blue and yellowgold stripedy ties do you own? Answer:  ALL OF THEM.  ALL OF THEM IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD.  Brian Williams, I feel like you should just get in there, into your Armoire du Cravates, root around for awhile, and pull out each and every single one of them.  And then, in one glorious Fashion Rebellion, WEAR THEM ONE RIGHT AFTER ANOTHER UNTIL YOU HAVE EXHAUSTED THE SUPPLY. 

Then burn the whole lot.

And never, ever buy another one for the rest of your life.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Recipe

Mr. Williams rebounds nicely by wearing the stripe of rich mahogany and strands of burnished gold.  She was a joy to watch in their tiny kitchen, and even lying ill with 'flu, he smiled as he saw her bustling about to prepare their dinner.  Her black hair had been pulled up in a loose bun, but her earrings danced as she moved about the stove and counter.  Now and then, the spice grinder whirred, and he breathed in the healing aromas of cinnamon, cardamom, cumin, and turmeric as she toasted them in the pan.  Her myriad bracelets jingled and rang, something suddenly sizzled, and she sang and laughed.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Sad, Sad Tie

Oh, this sad, sad tie!  Why does Brian Williams continue to provoke us here at The Report by wearing it?  The fabric quality appears cheap, and the colors--flat, wan, dime-store purple and white in a stripe (always a stripe!)--seem as if they belong in a tube of Dollar Store toothpaste instead of around the neck of The Most Trusted Voice In America's News. 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Bon Appetit!

Bri ties on a stripe of charred navy and pumpkin from the Standby Stable tonight.  He leans on this cravat like I lean on my jar of Nutella when I run out of desserts in the house.  Do I hate this tie? Only sometimes.  It's like peanut butter to me. I have to be desperate or in the mood for it or it has to really work well with the rest of the ingredients.  Tonight, this Peanut Butter/Nutella Tie made it on all three counts. 

Monday, September 10, 2012

Why Is This Permitted On National Television?

SPT. So awful in its godawful shiny godawfulness. And awfully shiny.  Did I mention that? Urk.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

In Which I Waver, But I Am Overruled By Sam, Who Asserts His Professional Authority

SPT. I'll admit it:  I like this one the most.  It's textured almost to the point of having a pattern*, and the colour is a lovely plumwine.  So close.

*A quick consult with my son, the fine men's clothier and personal shopper, placed this cravat firmly into the SPT category. "Not enough to call it even a pin-dot," was his verdict.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

This One Will Send New(er) Readers To The Sidebar

TWSNLBRAINDTM.  I know. I almost cannot believe it either.  And no, I haven't missed it.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012


Live from atop the noisy Democratic National Convention, Brian is wearing a cravat striped with solid smoky blue and pale gold, the latter an embossed rope pattern.  It is an instantly formal and aristocratic tie, one which evokes admirals with epaulets and drapes of bullion fringe, or French uniforms from 1757, or the plush interiors of royal palaces.