Friday, January 30, 2009

Looking Like An Officer And A Gentleman, Brian Williams Returns To A Wardrobe Standby

Brian brings back one of his standby ties, the wide stripe of military navy and wan gold. Very dressy and polished, this tie brings to mind such medals as The Navy Cross, the US Navy Medal of Honor , and the US Army Medal of Honor. With its tight, four-in-hand knot and classic deep dimple, The Report salutes this cravat!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Report Fantasizes About The Origins Of The Whole Purple Thing

Tonight, Brian has occasion to wear what I like to think is The Starter Tie, the one cravat that was his foray into satisfying his Purple Fetish, the violet matte silk solid. It's obviously of good quality, the color is deep, saturated, and evocative of royalty rather than femininity, and it is always strongly dimpled. One can almost imagine BW standing at the display of ties, squaring his shoulders, and saying under his breath, "I'm just going to get it. I like purple, no big deal. If anyone says anything, I'll just ignore them." And he's been doing it ever since.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Repetition Of A Once-Favourite Tie Provokes A Lunchbox Analogy

Brian Williams has put this cravat into an especially Heavy Rotation lately. This tie of cinnamon-spiked wine with a sprinkle of ecru polka dots barely outlined in black was just seen on 13 January after twice appearing in December as well. If Bri isn't careful, I'm going to get mighty tired of this tie. It's like when you told your mom you liked Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies in your lunch and then she started putting them in there all the time. Now you cannot stand the sight of that red-haired, freckle-faced snot in the broad-brimmed hat, let alone those damned snack cakes.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

A Winter Storm Calls For A Classic Cravat Critique

While Mr. Williams is having a Blue Period, The Report is singin' the blues. As much as a foot of snow is forecast, and added to what's already on the ground, we may wake to over twenty inches of the white stuff.
Longing for warmer days, The Tie Report hearkens back to 16 July 2007 for this Classic Cravat Critique: Brian returns to a tried and true stripe, this one reminiscent of a summery breakfast of blueberries mounded invitingly in a moat of ice-cold milk. The color combination is crisp and clean, and this cravat gives its wearer a look of cool polish and finesse.

Monday, January 26, 2009

In Which We Are Restrained In Our Dismay And Outrage, Following The Example Of Our New President, At This Unprecedented Repeat Cycle

In an Unforgiveable Repeat Cycle, BW--obviously aglow from the favorable review of Thursday's (1-22) Report--decided to bask in its radiance once again. Well, that's just not what we do here, Mr. Williams. Certainly donning the selfsame midnight blue textured solid cravat twice in three on-air days is not change we can believe in. Can you do better? Yes you can!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Assessment/Evaluation Of The Cravat Seems Called For By The Cravat Itself

*A familiar standby appears tonight, as Brian Williams tightens the knot of the cranberry cravat with the pattern of sky blue eerily reminiscent of those brainstorm cluster maps that I used to teach my students to organize their thoughts in the Pre-Writing Stage. All those circles and sticks make me feel a little like I have papers to grade lurking somewhere. But this tie--a B- .

Thursday, January 22, 2009

A Very Serious Tie Leads The Report Into A Rather Bronte-esque Reverie (Or Is It Dickensian?)

Back in NYC, Brian Williams is a Rhapsody in Blue this evening, culminating in a midnight blue cravat of textured fabric with the usual tight four-in-hand avec une deep dimple. It's a Very Serious Tie, this solid--conservative, tactful, and judicious, much like the elder relatives in Victorian novels whose duty it is to tell young persons the Terrible News that they are now Orphans. "You are to be the Man Of The House Now," they say to the young, tearful boy at their knee. "It is dreadful, but there's no help for it. And I shall do all I can for you." Of course, in the next chapter, that well-meaning relative dies of consumption, but at the time, the sentiment was most encouraging.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

There's A Lot Going On In Washington, And Not All Of It Is Fashionable

Debut Tie. Still in our nation's capital, Brian Williams dons another questionable cravat. This one looks to be a minute houndstooth pattern in mulberry and turquoise. It's another one of those flickery, changeable ties that make life rough here at The Report. A cousin of the hideous purple houndstooth, this tie is not only an ill-advised color combination on its own--and much too tightly-knotted, too--but with the pale blue striped shirt and jet black jacket, the color palette is jarring. It's like allowing the 4-year old child you're babysitting to play dress-up, and she waltzes out wearing a cowboy hat, tutu, Batman cape, and majorette boots. Parts of it might work at a funky New York rave, but "right time, right place" is still a good caveat.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

In Which The Report Celebrates Not Only Our New President, But A Wholly Appropriate Neckwear Choice As Well

Live from The Inauguration of Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States, Mr. Williams is dapper and smart in his navy cravat with narrow white stripes. This tie has the snap of a crisp white glove against dress blues as it executes a perfect salute past the Reviewing Stand. Its look is polished, precise, and perfect in protocol. Hail to the Cravat!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Quelle Horreur! C'est "L'Axis D'Evil!"

Live from Washington, D.C., Brian Williams knots up The Picnic Tie (with, of all the horrors, a navy pinstripe jacket!) from The Axis of Evil.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Who Says I Can't Mention George Clooney And The Lincoln Memorial In The Same Report? And Act Like I Can't Stick A Few Pop Culture References In There!

Debut Tie. Mr. Williams hears Our Plea and wraps up the week with a very sedate and conservative cravat. Tonight's tie is obsidian with widely staggered white stripes cut with slim bands of graphite grey. I'm not even going to rail against the uninspired coloration or pattern of this cravat, so relieved I am with the fact that it's not purple or shimmying across my television screen like a belly dancer hepped up on Red Bull and a Netflix marathon of George Clooney movies. Instead, it is present much like The Lincoln Memorial: staid, conveying a sense of gravitas, and dignified.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

In Which We Implore It To Stop--The Madness, The Madness, Please Stop The Madness

Debut Tie. * Make it stop. Someone, please.

Clearly, someone purchased Brian Williams a gift for Christmas at a specialty store called something like "Baskets O' Ties." This person chose the Red-Blue-Purple Collection, for Brian's Debut Ties thus far all seem to be in some sort of odd kinship, sharing hues and characteristics--none of them all that desirable--that suggest they were purchased either by the same person, at the same shop, at the same time, or for the sole reason of annoying The Report. In any case, tonight's particular cravat was a puzzling number of deep raspberry overlaid by an oddly luminescent peacock checkerboard that seemed to be made of cellophane. The whole thing reminded me of a mermaid costume for a Barbie doll--sort of a sequin/paillette tube-esque affair that gave me a distinct Phyllis Diller hat flashback. So...not good. Not good at all.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A Debut Tie Proves Worrisome For The Report, And Sometimes We Just Need A Little Distance And Top Chef

Debut Tie. A Worrisome Cravat for The Report. Upon first viewing, it looked like a thistle-colored tie with a magenta mesh overlay, yet, when the Nightly cameraperson came in for Extreme Closeup, the true coloration was revealed: it was a red and robin's egg blue diagonal checkerboard pattern! Truly, I began to question my visual acuity, already somewhat compromised by both a headache and the heady prospect of a Snow Day, already called by my School District for Thursday. Faced with this dilemma, I did what any other Respectable Cravat Critic would do: I retired to my bed and the new episode of Top Chef and left things for the morning.

I will trust Report Readers to weigh in with their Tie Experiences and provide reinforcement.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Perhaps Overstaying Its Welcome, But Welcome Nonetheless

This cravat shows Dots Done Right, unlike the fashion faux pas of Friday. True, BW has leaned heavily upon this tie, putting it into a Strenuous Rotation, but its warm crimson field and neutral dove-colored circlets (oh so sparsely scattered, modestly rimmed with black) are always a tasteful and welcome sight. It is not unlike finding that favorite Aunt at a family gathering: true, she does not tell the world's most interesting stories, but she does not grab your cheeks, nor does she interrogate you unmercifully about your personal life, either. She is content to hug you, seems genuinely pleased to see you, and always brings her famous fudge brownies.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Gratitude For A Purple? How Far We Have Fallen, And In Such A Short Time

The Report can draw breath again, now that Brian Williams has had a return to Sanity in the form of this evening's solid cravat. Its welcome hue of deep violet and fabric of matte silk almost overcome its small faults of a too-tight knot and slightly askew dimple. This tie is the plush interior of a jeweller's ring box, the soft, velvety face of an African violet, and the understated drama of a lady's opera cape. Bravo.

Friday, January 9, 2009

In Which The Tie Provokes References Not Just To Soda, But To Drag Queens, A Director, And A Diva

Debut Tie. In a startling sartorial turnabout of taste, Brian Williams missteps and stumbles so badly that he totters on the edge of Fashion Armageddon. This ... tie, for lack of a better word--is it Jeremy Scott's homage to Cherry 7Up? Is it a repurposing project from Parson's School of Design made from a remnant from a drag queen's costume for a revue called La Femmasaurus Rex? For I can think of no other reasons pour cette existence de la cravate, the nightmare that it is of frosted rose satin with woven bubble/pebble design, making it look like cheap pink champagne--no, a tacky stuffed dinosaur from a carnival midway game--no, a 1970s lounge singer's polyester gown with matching capelet worn by Beyonce in some Scorcese film that's just way too long--no, oh never mind. It was horrid.

Stripe Week Continues, And The Report Must Perhaps Resort To The Urban Dictionary In Future

Brian continues Stripe Week with this standby, the pale indigo and black tie. It reminds me of rocker guys' fading Levis worn with concert tees, or emo boys' skinny jeans paired with their black thermal shirts: sort of edgy and dark and cool. (Yet, when a dimple is this perfectly placed, just how "rad" can one be?)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The First Appearance Of A Fashion Twin--And I Have A Joni Mitchell Moment

In another eerie reprise, Brian wears a tie that he wore almost exactly one month ago today. It is one of his Fashion Twins--this one the color of deepening twilight's purpled clouds, slightly softened in its hue. It is crossed at wide intervals by jet-black stripes bordered in white, like the contrails of skyward planes as they breach the darkening sky.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A Cravat-Inspired Medieval Reverie

It has been a month since we've seen this tie, a standby in the Williams Wardrobe. Its stripes of true navy blue and mellowed gold hearken back to the livery of castle footmen and pages wearing the colors of their lords as they hasten to fulfill the whims of nobility. Cushions are placed under slippered feet, wines are poured into pewter goblets, horses are tethered to iron rings. A clap of hands and lutes begin to play in the great hall as the feast begins.

Monday, January 5, 2009

And We Begin Anew With Classic Stripes

Back from his holiday hiatus, Brian Williams sets the Fashion Tone for 2009 with one from his Vintage Series. This tie, deep navy with widely-spaced stripes of rich crimson bordered by stripes so brilliantly white that they look like liquid silver, is a classic. It has the timelessness of a trench coat, the snap and polish of military dress blues, and the authority of a leather brief case. Well done.