Monday, November 30, 2009

Fashion Redemption

Brian wraps up November with a bit of Fashion Redemption by wearing his deep blue jacquard cravat sprinkled sparsely with small black diamond shapes. It's a somber, serious tie allowing no frivolity, despite its pattern. Kind of what a very emo, Goth kid would draw in his art journal on a sunny day at the park whilst observing a group of children happily flying their kites.

Friday, November 27, 2009

It's No Secret That November Has Been Plain Evil, Yet This Cannot Stop Me From Doing My Duty. I Am Ever At Your Service.

Tonight's broadcast of The Nightly was crashed by an appearance of The Solid Purple Tie. This security breach by a member of the Axis Of Evil is still being investigated. More information as it becomes available.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Grab Your Dessert Fork (It's The Smaller One After The Salad Fork) And Enjoy This Sweet Memory

Back from a Tuesday night off, Brian knots up one of The Report's favorite cravats. It's a veritable dessert of a tie, and I'd like to take you back to 16 March 2009 for its debut with this Classic Cravat Critique:

This one is an oxblood Ivy Leaguer with widely spaced, narrow stripes of pearlescent white shot through with a thread of the darker color. All I could think about as I carefully analyzed that tie was a slice of dark chocolate red velvet cake with glossy whipped white frosting, and pretty soon I was settling for graham crackers and this. Not the same; not even close.

Monday, November 23, 2009

This Cravat Needs To Hit The Trail

Brian knots up a plummy tie with tiny white dots in regimented rows this evening. Frankly, I'm thrown by this cravat. It's got an odd prairie-calico feel to it, and I have this image of burdened Conestogas lumbering across wide, grassy territories while brave women peer out, eyes shaded from the sun by tanned hands held visor-like over their eyes. Their bonnets are dusty and faded, and with the other hand, they carefully tuck their long skirts and petticoats around their legs and into the wagonbox so that they don't become entangled in the spokes of the wheels.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Ties like these, and their purple-hued allies, constitute an axis of evil, aiming to threaten the Fashion of the world...." (This Is A Quote!)

True, it is lilac, but it is still a Solid Purple and thus, it is in the Axis Of Evil. Trust me, it hurts me far more than it hurts you.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Back At The Nightly, Bri's Tie Is Star Litely

Back from Arizona, Brian warms things up in New York with his tie tonight. It reminds me of Brach's Cinnamon Star Lites, a now discontinued hard candy. Each spicy red disk bore slim white stripes, and the sweet was temptingly shiny. I'd prefer Mr. Williams not discontinue this cravat, however, as I do like it, far more than the overly hot mint from Brach's.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Beware The Deceptively Modern Tie: More Than Meets The Eye

This tie, a silver and black stripe, looks very high-tech and modern. It reminds me of the interior of a snazzy car, or a sleek remote control, or even a new kitchen full of those black and stainless steel appliances that look so cheffy and professional. I half expected it to turn into a Transformer or something and take over the studio.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Certainly Not The Gold Standard Of Cravats, But Nothing That Will Tarnish His Reputation

Debut Tie. Kudos to Brian for mixing it up a bit with a new tie that is not a stripe nor a purple. But what to make of this matte gold silk solid? I'm ambivalent, really. It's not exciting enough to make a statement, good or bad. There's no pattern to comment upon one way or another. It's kind of like going out to eat at Applebee's: you'll probably get a decent meal, but certainly nothing that you'll make conversation about the next day. As a matter of fact, that same night, you might not even remember what you ate, just that you did and it was pretty okay.

Friday, November 13, 2009

To Everything There Is A Season. (Now If Someone Will Just Inform The Media...)

Brian ushers in those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer with this breezy cornflower blue cravat with its trio of whip-thin white stripes widely staggered across it. One look at this tie and we can already feel the breezes of July rippling the surface of the lake as we skim across it, or the nubbly terrycloth of our swim towels as we try to smooth them over the sandy beach where we've claimed our spot in the warm sun. Except that this is NOVEMBER, that tie is clearly out of season, and it's just plain wrinkled. Sigh. Will someone over at The Nightly at least invest in a steamer?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

A Tie Reporter's Guide To The Galaxy...Sort Of. (Forgive Me. I Needed A Catchy Title.)

Tonight's striped tie--a respite from The Purples--was of jet navy with slender diagonals of vivid white at wide intervals. They were luminous and vibrant and, against the dark background, reminiscent of an artsy photo of a roadway at night, the headlights of traffic making earthbound contrails of automotive neon as they light the ways of passengers and drivers to destinations unknown to the curious and cosmic observer.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

So Soon The Axis Of Evil Rears Its Ugly...Knot

Sigh. Solid Purple Tie. (Although, this one is really one of the nicer ones he owns.)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Wake Me Up When He Wears A Really Good Tie, Won't You?

Yawn. Brian chooses from his plethora of cravats in this palette of navy and gold the one of true navy blue and narrow wheatfield gold stripes. What's to say? It's so predictable and pedestrian that it's like trying to describe a brown mutt or a piece of white bread toast. Oh, sure, you could, but why bother, really?

Monday, November 9, 2009

Sometimes I Feel As If A Certain Person Over At The Nightly Is Yankin' My Chain

Upon first viewing this tie, I started fuming and readying the Axis of Evil icon. "Another Solid Purple!" I snarked to my husband. "Already!" But then the Nightly's cameraperson zoomed in for a tight shot, the lighting changed, and that sneaky blue-violet tie with the imperceptible burlap-esque grey pattern was revealed. It's sort of like grabbing the dark socks out of your drawer in the morning and not being sure if you've gotten the navy ones or the black ones. You go ahead and yank them on and it's only when you get to work--under the fluorescent lighting--that you see those navy blue ankles poking out from under the black pantlegs. Sigh.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Of Course, Now It Is Politically Incorrect, But Back Then, I Just Drank It And Was Perfectly Happy

* Returning to an oft-worn favourite of The Report this evening, Brian Williams ties on the claret jacquard with widely-spaced circlets of buff-colour rimmed in black. It makes me hearken back to a pleasure of my youth, "Pop Nights," those Wednesdays and Saturdays when we kids were allowed to drink the soda of our choice with our bedtime snack. One of my frequent choices was Cherikee Red, a bright red cherry fizzer whose sparse bubbles clung to the glass and sparkled alluringly. It didn't stay effervescent for long, though, but no matter. It tasted just as good flat as it did bubbly.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Fall Campfire

Tonight, it is the creamy orange and weathered-grey striped cravat. Outside the cabin, the autumn night is clear and cold. The fire pit's remnants are mostly ash, the sticks now merely memories of the crackling flames they once held. As I skewer a couple of fluffy marshmallows onto my long cast-iron fork, I lean forward and blow gently onto the dying coals, feeling the phantom heat warm my face. In an instant, the grey soot scatters and the embers softly glow anew.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A Lighter Shade of Purple Is Acceptable And, In This Case, Most Peaceful And Pleasant

Brian knots up the smoky-toned lavender solid this evening. Its restful grey notes evoke a foggy mountain range, the distant peaks shrouded in the sleepy clouds of early morning; a fragrant lavender field in Provence, the silvery fronds of foliage barely tinged with fragrant buds; and the softening wisps of twilight's dusky nightshade drawn across the stage of the sky at sundown.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

We Wish To Make An Announcement (Regretful Though It Is)

It is after much deliberation and careful consideration--and fretful consternation--that tonight, I add all Solid Purple Ties to the Axis of Evil. Quite simply, The Report has had enough.

Monday, November 2, 2009

He's Back, And November Bodes Well Et Tres Francais

After being sans cravate in Afghanistan, Brian is back in NYC sporting a bold necktie of broad, icy pink and what The Report shall now call "jet navy"* stripes. Ooh la la! This tie is tres charmant, and makes me think, inexplicably, of French things, like the striped awning of a chocolatier; the haute couture of a fashion show; and the statement of an elegant pet.

*jet navy=is it black or is it navy blue? too close to call