Friday, May 30, 2008

Tablecloth Tie Brings A Horrific End To Terrifying Month

Perhaps, Brian, you should have worn this tie last weekend, the traditional kickoff of summer with its backyard barbecues and picnics. That is where this cravat would have been most appropriate, covering the wooden tables and grassy slopes of happy al fresco diners who munched on hamburgers, hotdogs, pasta salad, and baked beans. After all, where else would one expect to find red and white checks? May cannot end soon enough, Mr. Williams, for it has been a month of ties so casual, so informal, so...loose that it has bordered more than once on questionable taste. I can only look to June.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Tie Report Finds Itself Irked By This Disregard To Detail: Why Repeat Lavender So Closely, As Alert Viewer/Reader Shirley Has Pointed Out

So, my issue is not so much that this tie is (disputedly) effeminate. I happen to find its lavender hue and closely patterned mini-checks pleasant. My problem is that Brian wore it so close on the heels to the similarly-colored hyacinth solid just a couple of days ago. Isn't anyone but moi--and loyal reader Shirley--paying attention to his Cravat Wardrobe? Honestly. If I go back into The Archives (which I most certainly am NOT, by the way; I'm not getting paid for this gig, that's for sure), Monsieur Williams has at least sixty decent ties that he can rotate on an inoffensive basis. There's simply no reason for this sort of cavalier attitude towards his cravate du jour. It's just laziness, I think. Spring fever, maybe. Again, I reiterate my offer to be installed as Tie Wench for The NBC Nightly News. The need is apparent.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Brian's Homage To Tim Russert: His Green Tie Still Excites

This tie may well be Brian's Salute to Tim Russert, for I have seen that venerated newsman wear one exactly like it, though certainly not tied as neatly as Mr. Williams'. I still get excited when I see its moss and navy stripes; it was not so very long ago that I was lamenting bitterly the lack of greenery in the Brian Williams Tie Collection. Heaven help us all if he tosses a paisley into the mix--Rick will be scraping me up off the floor of the Dept.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Deeply Dimpled, But Allowed

After a brief hiatus, Brian dons a necktie of nubby raw silk this evening in a pleasant shade reminiscent of stately purple irises. This solid tie is a cross between lavender and periwinkle. Tonight, the dimple is almost alarmingly deep, but since it is small, it is allowable.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Brian Renders Me Sans Clue

Qu'est-ce que c'est? Brian est sans cravate ce soir! I must admit, I do not quite understand the fashion statement BW is making this evening. He is wearing a very formal looking white shirt, black suitcoat, but a clearly visible white teeshirt and no necktie while reporting live from the Indianapolis 5oo speedway. I'm afraid I'm going to need a little hint here. It's sort of like a sandwich of generic peanut butter a la croissant served on Limoges and a paper napkin.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The Report Critiques The Entire Ensemble, And Favorably

Allow me to depart from the traditional format of The Tie Report so that I may comment not only on Brian Williams’ cravat, but also on his entire ensemble this evening, which was, in a word, smart. It had the panache and polish of a real retro-forties look going for it. The tie was his carnelian red intarsia one with the ivory polka dots rimmed in black, and he wore it with a very crisp white shirt; the suit was a navy pinstripe. Very, very put-together, very stylized. I would not have been the least bit surprised if, under the news desk, he was sporting these.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Tie Leaves Me Bereft And Bored

Brian Williams tosses on his black and blue striped tie once again, and once again I am bereft of metaphor. I am, quite simply, aweary of this tie. I used to think it mysterious and semi-formal and a bit of a fashion statement. And perhaps to the less...shall we say...cravat-aware, it is. But to me, it is just one more striped tie that has begun to bore me the way that watching Christmas specials now bores children with DVD players in their MomVans: what was once rare and anticipated is now commonplace and vapid. How very sad.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Ham Sandwich Analogy Tie

May continues to be Casual Cravat Month. Brian knots up his polka-dotted tie of chambray blue with navy spots. I'm ambivalent about this tie. It's kind of like a ham sandwich for me. If I'm offered a choice of sandwiches, I never choose ham because it's strongly flavored and I only like it with mustard, but if it has mustard on it, then it absolutely cannot have any lettuce or tomato, and always I prefer ham on rye bread. Chances are, the ham sandwich offered will not meet all of my stringent specifications, so I end up choosing turkey which is normally pretty innocuous, served with mayo, and if it has lettuce and tomato, then so much the better. And the bread is a non-factor with turkey. But, if all there is is ham, then I take it. And it's okay. That's how I feel about this polka-dotted blue tie.

Monday, May 19, 2008

On Second Thought...

Firmly placed in the middle of the Tie Hierarchy, this striped cravat is a pleasant and innocuous offering of fawn and French blue. It is a familiar pattern of diagonals that are not too wide and not too narrow, and it is reminiscent of several of Brian's favorites. I like this tie, but I try not to get too excited about it. It has a peculiar coloration that tends to bleach out in long shots and shift shades depending upon the angle of the camera. Therefore, I don't trust it. It's sort of like a certain political party: sure, it says it's the Party of the People and that it is fiscally conservative and wants to put more of your money in your pocket and keep out of your business, but then it turns around and courts Big Pharma, Big Oil, Big Guns and helps them steal your pension fund and run up a huge multi-trillion dollar debt while deciding who is allowed to get married and what they're allowed to do in their bedrooms or even hospital rooms.

Wait. Maybe I don't like this tie.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Crappy Tie Has Had Its Run

This cravat just looks...crappy. I feel an immediate antipathy toward its commercial-looking Microsoft Windows blue and its staggered trio of narrow white stripes placed at wide intervals. The fabric looks like poor quality taffeta--you know, like the kind of stuff that a Halloween princess costume is made out of and itches like crazy. It was even wrinkled. This is the kind of tie someone buys for a certain look--one time--like for a costume for a play or a musical called something like "Sailors Come Ashore!" and then throws away after the run. Well, it's had its run.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Sigh. Another B-and-W

Brian dons yet another of his eleventy billion black and white striped ties. This particular representative of his vast collection is black with narrow white stripes placed at rather wide intervals. Of all his b-and-w’s, I find this the most attractive; it is formal and snazzy.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

A Return By A VST: Arabian Fantasy

It’s a long-awaited appearance by a tie from the Vintage Series. Preceded on 7 May by its knockoff, this lush stripe of royal purple and deep, burnished gold reminds me of an Arabian tent billowing on a distant dune in the desert, its portals beckoning me inside to find lush cushions and covered dishes brimming with sweet dates and juicy pomegranates held aloft by mysterious dark-eyed men.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Debut Tie Does Not Impress Reporter's Spouse

Debut Tie. Brian's salute to the light and breezy days of Spring continues. Tonight's tie is a gorgeous saturated lilac with a pattern of tiny squares that look almost as if they were embroidered upon it with white floss. My first thought was of Easter finery, and apparently, so was Rick's. "What do you think of Brian's tie this evening?" I asked my husband. He peered over the top of his laptop briefly, gave said cravat a good look, and said, "I don't like it. It looks effeminate. It looks like a little girl's Easter dress."

Monday, May 12, 2008

I Am Not Altogether Approving Of This Casual Tie Trend

Debut Tie. I'm not sure I'm on board with this latest penchant of Brian's, the wearing of flippant, casual cravats. Tonight's was certainly a breezy little giggle of a tie. Its background color was pleasant enough, a springy cornflower blue, but then it all went zany and cuckoo and rather devil-may-care. Staggered closely upon the blue were white squares the size of pencil-tip erasers, but they were all cattywampus--some were diagonal, some were straight, all were jumbled around as if playfully dancing or perhaps they were the result of some spirited toddler scattering sugary cereal puffs on his high-chair tray.

How adorably cunning. For carseat fabric, maybe. Not for the tie of the most trusted voice in news.

We can do better.

Thursday, May 8, 2008


B I G W I D E Y E L L O W A N D B L U E S T R I P E S.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Knockoff Cravat Is Simply No Substitute

This tie is the cousin of a Vintage Series Cravat, and as such is sort of like one of those knockoff "designer bags" you can buy out of someone's car at a flea market. It looks pretty good and is nice and all, but it pales in comparison to The Real Thing. Yes, the purple background is lovely, and the burnished gold stripes are pleasing, but it does not have the depth and saturation of the VSC. Sorry.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Controversial Yet Compelling Cravat

Absent for quite some time has been this tie of oak-aged cabernet franc with what look to be stripes of white icing piped across it. What startling contrast! Also compelling is the fabric, which appears to be satin. This tie is one which causes much controversy at the Dept., where I am a fan and Rick is not and Jared only approves of it if it is worn at Christmastime.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Happy Birthday, Brian Williams, And I See You Got A New Tie

Happy Birthday Debut Tie. Brian Williams may have gotten an early present, for this is une cravate nouveau! Although I am not bowled over, I find this to be a pleasant, Springlike tie, with its pastel palette. Light chambray blue is sprinkled with petite white medallions between which tiny peachblossom pink polka-dots wink when Brian moves ever so slightly. It is a rather lighthearted, carefree tie; it is a tie evocative of Edwardian gentlemen in white pants and vests who wear flat straw hats and hold bicycles for their ladyfriends, who struggle to climb aboard while wearing those shirtwaists and French twist hairdos. I can almost see the green meadows with winding paths and small clumps of violets soon to be picked by these gentlemen for their ladyfriends. I know...that's a lot from a tie.

Friday, May 2, 2008

This Debut Tie Is More Than Satisfying

Debut Tie. Although its intarsia background gave the Nightly's cameraperson fits, this tie gave me a thrill of satisfaction. Gorgeous royal blue patterned with small lead-pencil grey rhombuses sparsely sprinkled across it in a tasteful arrangement...what a classy, sophisticated cravat! It looked masculine in an elite sort of way, like an exclusive club whose members meet on the first Thursdays of each month in a downtown location whose door is still guarded by a man named Edgwood, always Edgwood--though the Club has been in existence for more than 150 years. Edgwood nods, greets you by name with a low, "Sir" and as you wander inside to a waiting oxblood leather wing chair, you stop off at the bar and grab a waiting Glenlivet, up, and your copy of the Times.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Unspeakable Adolescent Fantasy Tie

Horrors. What happens when a 13-year old girl who lives in a trailer park next to the railroad plans her dream wedding and chooses the fabric of the groomsmen's ascots to match her bridesmaids' dresses? Naturally, the entire wedding is done in her adolescent favorite colors, dark purple and screaming fuschia. The result is Brian Williams' horrific cravat of deep violet crisscrossed with skinny magenta stripes.