Friday, November 28, 2008

Another New Tie, And This One Makes The Report Watch Its Waistline

Debut Tie. C'est une autre nouvelle cravate! Brian Williams must have gotten some early Christmas presents. This tie is a deep chestnut brown with thin bands of claret bordered by white spaced broadly upon its dark field. (Its color would have been nigh unto impossible to determine had it not been for the obliging closeups of The Nightly's cameraperson tonight.) This cravat reminds me of those lovely dark chocolate cakes you see in bakeries--dusted with cocoa or with chocolate shavings pressed into their sides and, on top, poufs of white whipped cream crowned with maraschino cherries. I would rather have the cake than the tie in this case, but hey! A new brown tie is something.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Brian Debuts His Second Green Tie And The Report Is Suitably Thankful--And A Little Pushy

Debut Tie. Oh! my dear Brian Williams. You have given me much for which to be thankful on tomorrow's Thanksgiving Day! That lush, deep verdant cravat--with its tasteful trios of narrow pearlescent stripes widely spaced upon its grassy field--helps to close that Fashion Gap in your Tie Wardrobe. Can...paisley be next?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Book 'Em, Bri-O

* I do like this particular cravat, in spite of its puzzling nature. Its color is a rich, deep cranberry, overlaid with that subtle, whisperpink mesh covered in bright sky blue polkadots at each nexus.... It's almost as if Fashion City is overrun by Crimes Of Style at every corner of every avenue, and Brian's tie is the map.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Brian's Tie Provokes a "Project Runway" Reference. No, Really, I Make It Work.

This is the twin of the 19 November tie, except it is scarlet with black stripes bordered by narrow bands of white. It's very snappy and very arresting. This cravat is what a contestant would do on Project Runway if the challenge were to take inspiration from a street sign and make a tie, and the contestant got a stop sign. Tim Gunn would stop by the designer's table, frown and say, "I'm not sure about all that black." The designer would say, "I was, like, thinking of a vintage stop sign on a wrought iron post..., like, you know...." and Tim would say, "Well, just sell it on the runway!" (I'd buy it, and Brian already did.)

Friday, November 21, 2008

Brian Williams Placates Me With His Friday Tie Selection, I'm Sure

I feel like Brian Williams tosses this one on just when I am getting to the End Of My Fashion Rope with him because he knows I will always give this navy blue with jazzy red stripes the Tie Report Nod Of Approval. It is as if this is his Tie Of Atonement--a sort of Yom Kippur Cravat, if you will. "Oh, I've tortured her long enough," he says, sheepishly grinning into his dressing room mirror at The Nightly whilst his makeup person gels his hair at the temples. "Bring me the navy with red stripes, but make sure to lay out another purply thingy for tomorrow."

Thursday, November 20, 2008

For Some Things There Just Is No Excuse, And This Tie Is One Of Them

Brian stoops to select from The Lower Tier of Taste for tonight's tie, a nightmarish offering of ultramarine blue with narrow stripes of pale lilac. It's hard to imagine under what circumstances this cravat came into BW's collection: the first tie he ever bought with his own money? a gift from Sister Mary Michael's class at Her Lady of Perpetual Sorrow? a long-running contest/dare/joke between him and a college buddy? Whatever the reason for this tie's existence, it's simply not good enough.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

A Jewel Of A Tie

If we must have stripes and we must have purple, then this is the way in which to have them. Tonight's cravat is a manly, deep true purple with commanding stripes of black, widely staggered and bordered with a narrow band of white. The effect is almost like a gentleman's enamelled jewellery valet inlaid with onyx and pearl. Once opened, one can almost imagine its contents: cufflinks, a silver pocket watch and chain, carved carnelian tie bar, and a small signet ring with the letter W.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Perhaps For Commercial Upholstery, But Not For A Cravat

I'm baffled by this odd cravat. The field color is a deep magenta, but the pattern is a terribly tacky and incoherent array of checkerboarded blue-silver blobby marshmallowy things that seem to morph and blur into red-rimmed something-or-others when Brian angles himself left or right. This fabric is better suited to airport furniture or settees in nail salons and "aesthetician" waiting rooms where its palette is

Monday, November 17, 2008

At Last! A Pretty Purple Tie

It's almost a whispery confection of a cravat that Brian dons this evening, a tie which looks like sugared violets adorning the tops of fancy cupcakes served to Ladies Who Lunch or the tiered cake of a Southern bride whose wedding breakfast is held at a gracious hotel.

Friday, November 14, 2008

A Comforting Cravat

Back to the Mr. Rogers Collection it is for Mr. Williams. There is much to recommend this staid, sensible tie of navy with silver stripes banded by an arresting orange-red. It's certainly pleasant to look at without being too flashy or edgy, and it's not so formal as to be off-putting. It is the cardigan sweater of ties, the Grandpa of Fashion, the warm mug of cocoa in a world of fancy schmancy soya lattes with no foam. And in these uncertain economic times, we need a Rock of Gibralter-esque Cravat.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Report Slumps And Goes Vintage

The Report, in a moment of Nostalgia, hearkens back to 11 February 2008, for this Tie Review for two reasons:

1. We are fatigued and suffering from Intense Malaise
2. We long for the Days When We Liked Brian's Tie Choices And Were Not Generally Irked By Them.

In that spirit, therefore, we offer this Vintage Report.

Looking regally dapper, BW knots up one of his standby stripes. This tie immediately evokes the famous mask of Tutankhamen with its generous bands of pale gold and deep blue. A tight four-in-hand with subtle dimple keeps this cravat from being ostentatious. Instead, it has a lofty presence about it, a true royal dignity.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Wherein The Report Listens In On The Williamses At Home, Thus Explaining The Recent Spate Of Odd And Ugly Ties

The Report imagines the following dialogue at Le Maison Williams:

Mrs. W.: (from depth of closet) Brian! Honestly, have you any idea exactly how many ties you have in here? There's hardly any room for half my shoes.
B.W.: (from behind newspaper): Okay.
Mrs. W: (stepping into room with fistful of silk, mostly striped and purple) What? What does that mean, "Okay"? That's not even an answer. Are you listening to me?
B.W. (peering around paper) Oh. I meant to say, I guess I forgot about some of them.
Mrs. W. : Well, either start wearing them or I'm throwing them out. And I mean it.

And so Brian Williams knots up the odd, dated looking cravat of burnished gold with incredibly widely staggered onyx stripes bordered by skinny stripes of pearl for the next broadcast of The Nightly.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Get Me My Smelling Salts

Debut Tie. The Report begs your forgiveness and forbearance, but after last night's tie and now tonight's Catastrophe de Cravate, we are dizzy with Dramamine and seeking the comfort of our fainting couch. We felt as if we were back in Summer 2007 during Brian's Mango Madness Episode. This...tie...! That obscenely bright yellow fenced in with...was pattern. Once I stopped thinking about hookers in fishnets, I had the odd sense of the familiar. Yes! The grocery store! And all I could think of was this. How appropriate my tears were then.

Monday, November 10, 2008

A Dali-esque Debut

Debut Tie. The Report is reeling from the Fashion Fiasco that is tonight's tie. Nothing--absolutely nothing--could have prepared The Nightly's viewers for the almost phosphorescent glow of garish orchid. And worse! Those Crayola blue stripes that seemed to run and blur at the right edge of this unholy cravat gave the whole broadcast a weird, Dali-esque vibe, and I kept watching and waiting for the rest of his tie to start melting and running off his shirt and onto the news desk into a puddle of purple and blue.

Friday, November 7, 2008

The First November Appearance Of The Axis Of Evil

Sigh, oh sigh, it's The Gadgety Tie.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Royal Solid Tie

Tonight, Mr. Williams retires to the safe haven of a purple solid with the deep plum matte silk tie. This cravat is reminiscent of rich, plush velvet such as one would see lining the jewel casks of royalty, each soft fold cosseting a precious ruby or emerald in the depths of its embrace.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Another One From The Neighborhood

*Brian knots up a tie from the Mr. Rogers Collection. This one is deep matte navy crossed with widely staggered stripes of rich ruby that are narrowly bordered with striking white. How patriotic! It sounds far more stylish than it looks. This tie is so 1950s that it probably was modelled after something Harriet Nelson bought for Ricky to give to Ozzie on Father's Day. I think my Grandpa had one exactly like it, as a matter of fact. Golly gee.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Election Night Nightmare

TWSNLBRAINDTM. For all eleventy billion hours of election coverage. Oh, Brian, how could you?

Monday, November 3, 2008

Old New York Cravat

I am always appreciative of this striped cravat, for it is courtly and tasteful in a very semi-formal way. Its generous cut and subdued palette of dove grey and classic navy make it look almost like a period accessory. One can almost picture Brian Williams, Esq. alighting from a brougham, grasping the handle of his walking stick, and snapping the brim of his hat as he walks briskly up the steps to his offices in Old New York.