Monday, December 27, 2010

Orange Is The New Purple

Orange may be the New Purple for Brian Williams; he has been firmly introducing it to his Cravat Wardrobe now for some time. Tonight, bundled against the blustery aftermath of Significant Weather in New York City, a stylish stripe of burnished pumpkin and dark blue peeps out of his sturdy stormcoat. Later on set of The Nightly, properly unfurled, it is as classic and rich as a pecan pie, or a heaping helping of buttery mashed potatoes and turkey gravy, or a silver punch cup with custard eggnog and a dollop of whipped cream.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

And We Won't Go Until We Get Some

Well, Merry Christmas to you, too, Brian Williams! How nice of you to giftwrap your shirtfront for all the Nightly viewers with that Twizzler red tie striped with snow white piping! Really puts us in the Holiday Mood. Now bring us some figgy pudding and bring it right here.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

In The Fashion World, Understated Does Not Mean Boring

Tonight Brian goes for the understated and urbane look of a smoky navy blue tie with antique white stripes. Looking closely, one can see a discreet burgundy stripe on either side of the latter, barely discernible, but present. This tie is a modest benefactor, an anonymous philanthropist, that faceless bidder on the telephone at an auction who, when the price skyrockets and one by one, the rest drop their paddles, murmurs a single syllable from across the wires, and his proxy lifts her hand one last time to claim his objet de désir.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Brian Williams Heeds Not The Poetic Advice Of Robert Frost And Knots This One Up Yet Again

Brian has been putting this tie into heavy rotation. It's the one with the ebony field crossed by pumpkin diagonals bordered in slim white pinstripes. Seeing it over and over and over again is like travelling Route 80 East in the summer. You look out your window and it's a blur of pavement and orange construction barrels and you wonder if any road project anywhere is ever, ever done.

Monday, December 6, 2010

In Which I Make An Early Justin Timberlake Reference But Regroup Nicely And End With Less Pop Culture Allusion

Brian Williams is on a campaign to Bring Sexy Back to the Purple Tie with this sharp silk stunner. Its sleek intarsia pattern of minute purple checks is sort of a nouveau tweed. It's sophisticated and suave. It's perfect martinis at a neon-lit glass bar. It's a gleaming silver limo purring up to the curb as you step out of the hotel, late. It's reaching back for the sleeve of your coat and finding it held by the handsome gentleman whose eye you caught earlier, as you both waited for tickets at the opening.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Frankly, My Dear Readers, I Don't Give A Damn About This Tie

In a stunning appearance on the day after Thanksgiving, Brian Williams calms his viewers by wearing a rather nondescript cravat. This one, the violet blue with almost indiscernible pattern of checks? mini houndstooth? in ash, is like the railroad yard casualty scene in Gone with the Wind. "Oh, yes," you say, "I remember it being there." But can you recall any specifics about it?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Life Is Too Short For Bad Fashion, And Tonight's Ties Made Me Feel More Than A Bit Suicidal: Conspiracy?

Just when you think the news can't get any worse, what with North Korea antagonizing South Korea and the TSA copping feels with reckless abandon, Brian Williams slings on tonight's Tie Travesty, and thus begins a downward Shame Spiral of Tragic Ties worn by every male appearing on The Nightly this evening. From BW's horrific ultramarine blue raw silk with anorexic pink stripes to the guest with the sad brown houndstooth to Pete Williams' jarring Salute To Spring In Stripes cravat, I felt brutally assaulted by men's neckwear this evening. If tomorrow's opening bell at the NYSE heralds a huge drop, we will all know who is to blame.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

It's Deja Vu All Over Again

The Report is noticing an odd and dangerous trend. Brian Williams is stuck in a Cravat Fashion Loop. Yesterday he wore the same tie of 10 November, and tonight, 9 November's offering. If he knots up a solid lavender tomorrow with a telltale spot, someone at The Nightly had better do an Intervention.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I Don't Know Whether To Review This Tie Or Salute It

A familiar palette for Brian Williams tonight: gold and royal blue. The cravat is a shiny silk of rather wide stripes and gleams radiantly. It is almost victorious and jubilant, like a rippling flag of military colours waving on the field of battle, or a banner snapping briskly at the head of a brass band in a town parade.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Brian Brings Out An Old Standby, And I Am Smitten Once Again

Oh, I do love this tie. Yes, even though it is a Purple and a Stripe, I love it. The purple of its background is a rich, true purple; the stripes are boldly graphic--black bordered by white. It's smart and sexy, like walking into your Econ 501 class and seeing the prof is a dead ringer for George Clooney.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Brian does so love a striped tie, and this one has a familiar template. The background is a smoky navy blue, but the narrow stripes are a vivid tangerine bordered by slimmer bands of ivory. The effect is like a darkening fall sky, heavy with the chill of a winter cold front. The lowering clouds are deep, but as the sun begins to sink, it gilds the edges of the ominous brow a gleaming orange, and its rays cast a final glow across the landscape.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

A Story In Textures

Tonight's cravat is dark blue with small claret intarsia-patterned tiles. In a quiet corner of the gallery, he sees her, lost among the woodcuts and textiles. She's wearing a rakish red beret, and he feels stodgy and out of place in his business suit. Her fingertips instinctively brush every piece, and his heart aches.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

If You've Always Wanted To Own One Of Bri's Ties Or Get His Autograph And Do Something Charitable, This Post Is For You!

The Brian Williams Tie Report Archives is pleased and proud to host this guest post today. We are honored to do our small part to promote a very worthy cause and use Our Power Of The Interwebs for Good. Please read the following post with interest and find out how you might own one of Brian Williams' very own Cravats, worn on The Nightly and autographed by Himself, as well as bask in the warm glow of satisfaction that comes from a kind and giving heart. Thank you.


In a gesture that illustrates his respect and care for his colleagues, NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams is donating six of his ties--to be auctioned as one lot--to this November’s silent auction to benefit Joan’s Legacy: Uniting Against Lung Cancer. The ties – all worn on air and signed on the back – will raise money for innovative lung cancer research in memory of Joan Scarangello, a Nightly writer who died of lung cancer in 2001 at 47 and a never-smoker.

Brian, along with Tom Brokaw, will co-chair the foundation’s benefit on November 17 at New York’s Gotham Hall. The party, called the “Strolling Supper with Blues & News” will also feature a performance by blues great Delbert McClinton, the awarding of 14 new lung cancer research grants, the announcement of the winner of the foundation’s journalism award (the “Joanie”) and a remarkable silent auction. Tickets for the benefit start at $300 and can be purchased at and by calling 212-627-5500. Bids on Brian’s ties and all other silent auction items can also be made online or by phone up until November 17 at noon.

Joan’s Legacy: Uniting Against Lung Cancer is the largest private funder of lung cancer research grants. The non-profit has given more than $7.5 million in individual $100,000 grants to more than 60 institutions in 22 states. In addition, the foundation has committed an addition $5 million to North America’s premier early detection research “dream team” project, Canary Lung.

Lung cancer kills more Americans than any other cancer – and more women every year than breast, uterine and ovarian cancers combined. Yet it receives less funding than any other major cancer because of the stigma of smoking. Today, 60 percent of all lung cancer patients never smoked or had already quit smoking before their diagnosis – and only 1 in 9 of them is likely to live five years or more from the day they find out.

Brian’s donation to Uniting Against Lung Cancer includes the cravat he wore on the October 8 broadcast of Nightly News from Los Angeles, reviewed by The Brian Williams Tie Report Archives as “A Misbegotten Choice from the Underbelly of Fashion.” He is choosing the others more carefully!

Brian’s ties are just one of the amazing silent auction lots. Others include:
· Having your name as a character in the next David Baldacchi best-seller
· Guitars autographed by Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Bon Jovi, Counting Crows and the Black Crowes
· Front row seats at any Times Square concert from “Good Morning America”
· In-Studio viewing of any NBC “Meet the Press” broadcast in the network’s Washington, DC closed set
· Set visits and cast meetings at “House” and “Two and A Half Men” and “Parenthood” in LA
· Tickets to the “Daily Show” “Colbert Report” “Saturday Night Live” and “The View”
· Fantastic seats for Jets, Giants, Yankees, Mets and Nets games
· Vacations (Napa, Italy, Palm Beach, Nantucket, New York)

...and much more

To see the full list of silent auction items, please visit
TO BID ON BRI'S TIES: call Uniting Against Lung Cancer at 212-627-5500

Thursday, October 28, 2010

A Little Early For A Ghoulish Appearance By The Spectre Of An SPT, Don't You Think, Brian Williams?

Solid Purple Tie. The raw silk's nubbly texture is nice, know.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I'd Much Rather Have The Martini, Actually

Oh, this tie! The colours are off-putting enough--vivid thistle with ultramarine blue stripes--but it has such an odd habit of furring and blurring at the left edge. It's like when I put my bifocal contacts in wrong--the left in my right eye, the right in my left--and the world is suddenly wonky. I can see pretty well, but things have a surreal quality, like I've had one too many martinis but no accompanying jollity, just the feeling of being a bit squinty and not-nice.

Monday, October 25, 2010

In Which I Become Lost In A Fictional Reverie

Reporting from Los Angeles, Brian Williams is sophisticated in his silk cravat of stormcloud crossed with burgundy diagonals snugged by a slim platinum pinstripe. The dashing young valet offers his arm to the guest. She is dressed, shockingly, in a ruby red gown for this sombre occasion. The short veil on her hat lends her some discretion, but it is clear that she is not mourning the loss of her fiance. Demurely, she smiles up at him, her even white teeth looking almost vulpine in the dim light of the funeral parlor. He is caught unaware, smiles self-consciously, and all is observed under the watchful eye of Lord Felton-Hayes nearby.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


It's a stripe of ebony and orchid this evening from Brian Williams. As Night draws her coverlet ever closer over the city skyline, the last wisps of Twilight's purple glow disappear beneath its folds. The landscape blinks awake slowly, comes alive, and glimmers in the dark.

Monday, October 18, 2010

It's Retro Night At The Nightly Lounge

Tonight Brian knots up a classy silk of plum with a subtle black pattern of stripes that, at a distance, can double as a sort of nouveau tweed. It's very Rat Pack, very snazzy, kind of "microphone in one hand and highball in the other with a lot of piano riffs while I sip and nod knowingly during the bridge." Order me a sidecar, Bri, while I visit the little girls' room to powder my nose.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Winter On Erie

Stripes of slate and frigid white array themselves in marked contrast on this cravat. An icy wind whips the lake into a jagged chop. The waves batter the rocks, each time leaving behind a frosty welt. Sleet pelts the shore birds and the lone ore boat hunkers down for a long night.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Usually, I Applaud A Pink Cravat, But This One Is A Misbegotten Choice From The Underbelly Of Fashion

Brian bends to select from the Lower Tier Of Taste this evening. A background of raspberry sherbet showcases stripes of black? jet navy? intersected with white, and the result is...well, let's just say that I was imagining a scenario in which a small-town diva from Steersbelly, Arkansas, or maybe Bullnose, Tennessee, was wandering around WalMart, doting mother in tow, her homecoming gown frothing in her hand saying, "Well, his tie has to match my dress. IT. HAS. TO. So just keep looking for a tie this color. Period. I don't care what it has on it."

Monday, September 27, 2010

Child's Play

Brian dons a tie striped with fawn and sky blue this evening. Its pleasant tones are reminiscent of a child's sidewalk chalk picture, perhaps a blurry blue bunny or dusty azure cloud against the sandstone walkway, waiting until Caleb or Kaitlin returns from a lunch of Kraft Mac-n-Cheese and a juice box before the capering yellow ducky or smiling sunshine joins the fun.

Friday, September 17, 2010

One Should Either Be A Work Of Art Or Wear A Work Of Art (Or At The Very Least, Pay Tribute To An Artist, Apparently)

If Mondrian had been married and helped his wife design the nursery for Little Piet, Brian's tie tonight would have been its wallpaper. Whispery hyacinth blue formed the background for small white minimalist squares, each with darkened centers. The geometry of the cravat is subtle, yet there, and even a baby Neo-Plasticist can still feel comforted by truly groundbreaking Art.

Monday, September 13, 2010

...Yet I Cannot Relent

SPT. True, it was rich and plummy and less egregious than some, but There It Was.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

In Which I Suddenly Find Myself Reviewing An Axis Tie, Against My Own Better Judgement And Protocol, But It's One Of Those Things, You Know?

The Gadgety Tie makes a surprising comeback. Truth be told, I was almost taken in by its light-hearted silliness, like a mime trying too hard to entertain you as you wait in a neverending line at some Amusement with the children who, though you are there For Them, are acting perfectly beastly. Beastly enough that a mime, heretofore irksome, is a welcome respite from the puling brats now sweating and jerking on your arms.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

In Which I Am Both Fraught With Drama And Wracked By Indecision

Wow. I know. Do I call it or do I review it? This cravat, in all its red-violet, marginally magenta Solid Almost-Purple glory, is a tough one. A few times, it caught the lights and became shifty and iridescent, like those early millennial bridesmaid and prom dresses that were so popular, and begged to be dubbed the dreaded SPT. But as B-Dubs droned on about The Hostage Drama, I became one to This Tie, transfixed as it became again more pomegranate than purple. Perhaps another viewing....

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Tasty Tie

This evening Brian knots up a cravat of rich deep brown crossed with slim icy blue stripes shot with a thread of a darker hue. It is like a box of decadent chocolate truffles, each dusted in a cloud of cocoa and nestled in a ruffle cup of Tiffany silk.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

We Are Back At Our Desk, Much To Brian's Eternal Chagrin. We Know The Feeling, N'Est Ce Pas?

The Report returns to close out the month with Brian's own return--to the desk of The Nightly. After a few days of open collar shirts flapping in the breeze, he battens down the hatch with a striped silk tie of deep blue with slim diagonals evocative of raspberry sherbet. I feel like it's a Wrapping Paper Cravat, or more suited to perhaps a bold toss pillow in a Decorator's Bedroom, the kind you see in House Beautiful magazine while you're waiting at the doctor's office.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

On The Water

A blue and white striped cravat this evening, yes, but one with a summery, nautical air. You grasp the rails at the bow of the boat as she cuts smoothly through the sparkling water just below, and you shift your body instinctively to meet each wave while the spray cools your sunburned face. The fresh air pushes each care and concern from your shoulders and, for the first time in weeks, you feel like the gulls above--floating and free and ready to ride the wind, even if only for a little while.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

And Disappointment Rears Its Ugly Head In August

SPT. Oh, Brian Williams.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

C'est Une Cravate D'Elégance, Certainement

One of the most chic cravates that Brian owns, this striped tie is a favourite of The Report. Its narrow stripes of barely blush pink and deep black/jet navy shot with blush are so fashionable and so French. It is delicately stylish, like a cameo on a velvet ribbon artfully circling the neck of Marie Antoinette. Conveying elegance without ostentation, it touches the right note of evening noblesse.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Welcome Back, Brian Williams

The Report is happy to welcome Brian Williams back to the desk of The Nightly, where he anchors it tonight sporting a cravat from the Ward Cleaver Collection. It is a subdued, patriarchal offering of jet navy with slender white stripes embraced by wider bands of reassuring burgundy. It is a classic, staid presence of a tie, one which, if it could speak, would say in comforting tones, "Now, if you did your best, then that's all anyone can ask. Get a good night's sleep, and I'll bet things look a whole lot better tomorrow."

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Ah, A Breath Of Fresh Air

Brian Williams relents and knots up a lovely cravat of powdery sky and creamy azure. This tie is a whisper under the clouds at a romantic summer picnic, the soft strains of a violin building to crescendo at an outdoor symphony, and the glimpse of a bluebird on the lamppost at dawn.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

And Don't Pretend You Like It Just Because It's Not Purple Or In The AOE

"Hello, designers, and welcome to the New York Department of Transportation's storage warehouse. Today's challenge on Project Runway is to create a men's fashion statement using anything here as your inspiration. It might be a sign, or it might be a vehicle, or anything that creatively moves you. Try not to be too literal in your translation, however. Above all, make it yours, and make it work!"

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Not Quite

Brian gives it Another Try tonight, knotting up a cravat of wide stripes in orchid and jet navy. Oh well. He tried. But it's not a good combination. It's like when kids put ketchup on baloney or dip their chicken nuggets in mayonnaise. Sure, they like it, but we all know it's not A Good Thing, and that once their tastes mature and develop, they'll see the error of their ways.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Thursday, July 22, 2010

July: Why We Drink

Clearly, Brian is throwing Caution To The Fashion Winds this month. Not only is he choosing cravats almost exclusively from the Axis Of Evil, he is resorting to the most Reprehensible Repeat Cycles ever. Having just worn the jet navy tie with slender carnation pink stripes on Tuesday, BriWi slings it on again tonight--Thursday, for those of you scoring At Home--innocently raising the ire (and Fashion Hackles) of The Report almost continually during July. The only thing not rising is the level of Three Olives and Noilly Prat in The Report's liquor cabinet.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Being As I Am Taxed Overmuch By Catastrophic Cravats, I Shall Be Sporadic In My July Reporting

Solid Purple Tie. Yes, I know it's periwinkle. But I'm calling it anyway. July is killing me.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Report Feels An Urgent Need To Recruit A Volunteer Brigade

TWSNLBRAINDTM. July is an absolute Dumpster Fire Of Fashion.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

...And Then They Dare To Eat A Peach

Brian Williams knots up his solid magenta silk tie this evening. I feel like this is a sort of J. Alfred Prufrock Tie: This tie is probably in the necktie collection of all Men Of A Certain Age. It's a Midlife Fashion Moment Tie. It's the tie that men suddenly snatch in that brief Devil-May-Care whim after they buy another pair of khaki Dockers and another pair of comfy Rockports and go to yet another dinner at Olive Garden. "Hell no, I'm not in a Middle Age Rut!" they snort derisively. "Looky here at this stylish, bold tie and tell me that I'm not snazzy!"

Thursday, July 8, 2010

It Is Nothing Short Of An Act Of Domestic Terrorism

Quelle Horreur! For the second day in a row...Solid Purple Tie.



Je suis sans les mots suffisants.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

...And The Axis Turns On

What a dreadful turn of events. Solid Purple Tie. (And despite the luscious plummy colour, said SPT was looking none too crisp. Rather...rumply.)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

There Are Some Things From Which We Can Never Escape

It was The Report's turn to go On Hiatus, and look what we came home to. TWSNLBRAINDTM. Urgh.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Bri Is Back Avec La Cravate, And The Report Approves

Brian cannot help himself; after a time, he simply must get back to Sartorial Splendour and Tie One On. And what a tie it is. Navy stripes--was there a subtler pinstripe in there? so hard to discern--alternated with shocking pink, almost a blushing magenta, shot through with a darker thread. The combination was sexy and startling, like finding out your stodgy financial planner is having a torrid affair with a younger woman, or seeing your matronly aunt at a lingerie party buying a black lace garter belt.

Monday, June 28, 2010

M. Williams, Pourquoi Portez-Vous Une Telle Grande Chemise?

If Brian is on location, then we at The Report can be certain of one thing: He will be wearing A Bigass Shirt. This one was the requisite light blue Oxford type and was flapping in the Louisiana breeze like an unfurled sail. Stunningly tanned and outdoorsy-looking, though, he almost managed to carry it off. Almost.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Absence Doesn't Always Make The Heart Grow Fonder, But It Does Make It A Tad Forgetful

TWSNLBRAINDTM. Holy Crap. It's been a long time. I hardly recognized it.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

A Step Up Before He Steps Out

Brian Williams recovers his Style Points a bit with tonight's cravat. Deep jet navy alternates with a statement lilac shot with a subtle thread of darker hue. This striped necktie is a bit Art Deco in ambience. Very New York and very polished. One can almost see the valet in the wings with a clothes brush, sighing with relief that he was able to briskly sweep away the last few flecks of studio dust and powder before BW took the set.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Sometimes, You Have To Go Big Or (Don't) Go Home

Tonight's tie is unremarkable. A barely-there miniature pattern of a nondescript color and shape is laid over an arresting blue-violet silk. It's a perfectly acceptable tie, ably knotted and in no way offensive or tasteless. Just like giving your wife a nice mixed bouquet from the florist's cooler on your anniversary. Absolutely fine. But where's the style?

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

When I Am Vexed, It Brings Out The Grammar In Me

Je suis trés desolée. Brian, who debuted this cravat only four ties ago, slings it on again. Already! Was he concerned we would forget its cornflower blue background crossed by bands of brushed gold bordered by white pinstriping? Because I hadn't, and now I am resentful because he has made me lean overmuch on the adjectival participle and participial phrase.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Brian May Be Back, But His Tie Is Still On Vacation

Brian is back from his vacances, and he favours us with a lovely cravat. It is the coral pink silk tie with the ivory petit point overall print. So summery and flirty! I just want to pop it into a frothy drink, poolside, like a little umbrella, and ask Carlo, le garçon de cabana, to bring me a nice selection of tropical fruit skewers.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

This Tie Is Rated "T" For Terrifying

Oh, this tie. Each time I see its fluorescent orchid with slender ultramarine blue stripes practically pulsating upon my television, I cringe. It is the Herman Munster of cravats. It belongs on the panels of a Creepshow comic. It is, in a word, horrific.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

So, I'm Getting So Bored With Some Ties That I've Started To Amuse Myself By Composing Anapestic Doggerel Now

Navy blue once again was the tie for tonight.
There were stripes--burgundy--they were bordered by white.
It was tasteful and fine;
Very much in His line.
He still won't wear paisley, though, try as I might.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

What A Burden I Bear

Heavy Sigh. Solid Purple Tie. For those of you scoring at home--besides moi, that is--let the record show that he just wore a SPT on Friday, 4 June. Why must I suffer this way?

Monday, June 7, 2010

An Honorable Cravat

Debut Tie. Perhaps this tie is Brian Williams' homage to The Medal of Honor recipients that he reveres so much and showcases on The Nightly when the occasion arises. It has the same ocean blue field, and its brushed gold stripes are banded by pristine white piping, echoing the stars on the ribbon and of the Medal itself.

Friday, June 4, 2010

June Is Shaping Up To Be A Bust

Solid Purple Tie. June is not beginning well at all.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

In Which I Invoke The IHoP, Oil Spill, And Brian's Proclivity For Gigantic Shirts. What Can I Say? I've Been Away A Long Time.

Brian returns from Oil Spill Ravaged Louisiana and his slide into Gigantic Shirt Territory, but there is no Fashion Redemption for The Report. (Only a Caps Lock workout, apparently.) Stubbornly, BW insists upon continuing the strenuous workout of the jet navy silk tie with the narrow carnation pink stripes. I cannot begin to tell you how I have soured on this particular cravat, one which I used to laud with praise and kudos. Now when I see it--again and again and again--my reaction is something akin to eating pancakes. Oh sure, they look wonderful at first, but once you get about a quarter of the way into that stack, the maple syrup starts to cloy your tastebuds, the doughiness of the flapjacks starts to weigh in your gut like a culinary barbell, and the mere idea of plying your fork one more time makes you want to stab the waitress.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Enfin Le Style!

Brian knots up his black and blush-of-pink striped silk cravat. This tie is oh so très Française. Pick any Toulouse-Lautrec painting, almost. This one. Or, how about this one? And...this one. One more...this one. See what I mean? Cette cravate est très Française, n'est-ce pas ?

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

May--Although Solid--Has Not Been A Stellar Fashion Month

Solid Purple Tie.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Okay. We Need To Talk. Again.

Brian...le sigh. This cravat of garnet intarsia with sparsely sprinkled circlets of smoked ivory ringed with obsidian is more of a Fall/Winter tie. (We talked about this.) It's like the more I try, the more you resist and just stubbornly go your own Fashion Way. Persistence is an admirable trait when one is Pursuing A News Lead, but when one is simply ignoring The Rules Of Style, it's just "Being Difficult."

Monday, May 24, 2010


This tie is a breezy striper of navy blue and white, the latter sporting a racing stripe of crimson zipping right through the center. It's a cravat announcing white shoe season. It makes us wonder if we need pool chemicals or if there's enough left from last year to get us started. It folds down the comforter on the bed and clicks on the ceiling fan to urge inside the breeze that whispers by the nighttime windows.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Hey, Bri-O. Bozo Called. He Wants His Tie Back.

I've already dubbed this garish cravat of red with white polka dotty print The Circus Tie. I'm afraid that I can't improve on that moniker. But it's not circusy in a nice, happy Big Top kind of way, though. It's more like...well, this.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Does Anyone Know What Takes Slimetrails Out Of Polyester Blend?

What to say about this cravat? It was a solid, graphite tie of what looked to be fine worsted wool. Basically, it lay there like a big garden slug. I think that's pretty much it.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Sometimes A Blue Tie Is Just A Blue Tie

In a spurt of shyness, Brian Williams wore a tie that he obviously hoped would help him blend in with the blue background of The NBC Nightly News video set. Its cornflower, Microsoft blue was unbroken by any pattern, stripe, or spot. Indeed, at any moment, I expected to see it become a small video screen itself, perhaps showing some sort of graph or chart tracking the spread of the oil plume or the path of the Loop Current. Alas, no; it remained what it was, a big ol' solid blue tie.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Brian Wears Another Striped Tie, So In Order To Remain Calm And Not Too Bored Or Irritated, I Compose A Stately Haiku

* Summer sky and wheat.
A lone farmer strolls the rows;
They nod in return.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

This Tie Is The Cat's Meow

Oh, I am fond of this tie. It is so stylish, with its stripes of jet navy and cream, the latter being divided by that slim band of orchid. I always think of the Twenties, when pastels were de rigeur, and the men of The Great Gatsby, who wore suits of periwinkle and cream, lounging languidly next to their lemon yellow cars. The women were slender and bored, and always fashionable.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Is There A Guinness Book Of Cravat Infamy?

Solid Purple Tie. Brian is racking up quite the record lately.

Monday, May 10, 2010

And Don't Give Me Any Crap About It Being April 30th When He Wore It Last Because Mere Technicalities Don't Mean S***t To Me When I'm Irritated

C'est le mois de répète. The tie that I showered with accolades a mere five reports ago now irks me. True, its slim black and blushing pink stripes, the latter shot with a dark thread, are still tres chic, but has Mr. Williams never heard the axiom "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? Well, he should because it does and I'm peeved; so there.

Friday, May 7, 2010

It's Like A Little Me Time

A sigh of relief. Brian knots up The Tie, the flamingo pink with ivory petit point scattered upon it. This tie is just so...uplifting! It's like blowing off work after lunch on a sunny Friday; buying a cute pair of heels before you know what you have to wear with them; telling Hubby and the kids to go ahead and order a pizza for dinner as you spirit away a half-bottle of rosé and that little box of Godivas you bought for yourself. "Mommy has a headache," you say, and you shut the bedroom door, stretch out in bed, and enjoy some time alone.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

For Some Transgressions, There Can Be No Forgiveness

Wow. Brian. Really? In an Egregious Repeat Cycle Of Epic Proportions (see day before yesterday), Solid Purple Tie.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Thank You, But No

I just don't like this tie, the purple silk with widely staggered narrow white stripes. It's kind of icky, really, like the uncle you don't see very often--only at big family gatherings once a year--but who always kisses you right smack on the mouth. Or the orange jello salad that has mandarin oranges and celery in it. It's not horrible or disgusting; it just doesn't sit quite right with you.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Monday, May 3, 2010

Even Though There Is No Tie To Report

Il est sans cravate ce soir. Instead, as is his custom when on location at le desastre du jour, Brian dons an unnecessarily bigass shirt. Le sigh.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Cette Cravate Est Tres Francais

Brian makes an admirable Fashion Rebound with this black and blossom stripe. There is even a subtle thread of black shot through the pale band that lends it a debonair accent. This cravat is chocolate croissants and demitasse; it is buying a kilo of pears and some brie pour elle at the small market, then stopping for a bottle of sauvignon blanc et baguette as an accompaniment. Later, over wine, cheese, and fruit, plans will be made and discarded as the breeze showers them with petals from the nearby apple trees in bloom.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Having Bit Of A Snit. Check Back Later.

So, just FOUR TIES AGO, Brian wore this. Navy blue tie. Skinny pale gold stripes. Was way creative with it then. Less inclined to do so now. Egregious repeat cycle. Come on. Over it. Wait. Not yet. Maybe later. Let you know.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Spring Beauty

Soft, muted purple silk studded with small ash petit point is the cravat choice tonight. It's a lovely harbinger of springtime, like a field of wild sweet violets, their white centres winking at the April sun.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


It's a striped tie of dashing jet navy and brushed platinum tonight from behind the desk of The Nightly. A dark blue sedan appears from out of the misty fog, its headlights making a dull glow in the path ahead as it pulls slowly alongside the curb. The woman in the trench coat slows her walk, her high heels muffled in the purr of the engine, and as the car draws closer, a back window, glass heavily tinted, slides down. A quick glance from a casual passerby would reveal only the glimpse of a man's watch, white gold and expensive. She turns.

Monday, April 26, 2010


...though this one--a rich plum--is not as torpid as the rest.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Probably He'll Get Her Number

Brian works the Navy-and-Gold Palette like nobody's business. Tonight's striped version of it is a bit more elegant, however, because the blue leans violet and the gold is a pale and subtle shade. This tie is a drinks-after-work date, the jacket unbuttoned as he leans across the table to share a smile and a joke. Her glass of oaked Chardonnay sparkles in the light, and with a subtle and quick gesture, she silences her cellphone and smiles back.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Coolly Elegant Cravat Is On My "Favourites" Menu

There's such elegance to this tie. Its stripes are rich: the jet navy is so deep that it is nearly black, the white is creamy like melted vanilla ice cream, and the narrow stripe of coral is sophisticated. It has a cool, composed air about it, like a black lacquered plate of sushi, carefully handrolled and placed like Japanese art upon the dish.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

In Which I Am Weary, Yet Have A Bit Of A Snit

I have almost lost my will to describe this tie, so often has Mr. Brian Williams worn it. I don't even have the energy necessary to snarkily go through my Archives and count up the times he's slung it on (certainly for the sole purpose to irritate me) and provoked me with its midnight blue background and its slim, carnation pink stripes. There is not even the strength in my Muse to conjure up the metaphoric milieux in which to...oh hell I'm getting sick of this tie.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My Fashion Flights Of Fancy Are Grounded

Solid Purple Tie. (Which is becoming as ubiquitous as newsreports about the ash clouds from the Icelandic volcano. Yawn.)

Monday, April 19, 2010

A Summer Symphony

Debut Tie. A surprising debut tonight as Brian dons a silk checked cravat of icy blue topaz and glacial white. It is a picnic of champagne and cold lobsters at the outdoor symphony concert, letting the crescendos of Rachmaninoff ripple the edges of the blanket upon the ground almost as much as the summer's evening breezes.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Unfortunately For This Boy Of Summer, The Report Makes An Unpopular Call

*Debut Tie. If The Report were a baseball game and I were the Fashion Plate Umpire, I'd call three strikes against this tie: #1, it is yet another Blue And Gold Striped Tie; #2, its gold stripes are horrifically metallic; finally, #3--the metallic gold stripes are unnecessarily fussied up further with a navy thread shot through them. Sorry, Brian Williams, but yer out!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

A Tie Among Many, Yet This Cravat Is A Standout

This is another one of Brian's Clan Ties: ties of the same style but in different colors. This Ivy League stripe is a saturated berry with widely spaced stripes of jet navy bordered by white pinstripes. The dimple, demure but deep, was impeccable. It is fashionable, yet not couture; present, yet not bold; colorful, yet not ostentatious. It is the tasteful burgundy sheath in a room full of spaghetti-strapped Little Black Dresses, the small, silver pitcher of violets next to the vases of red roses, and the voice of Yo-Yo Ma's cello above the hush of the mezzanine.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Somewhere Along The Fashion Highway, There Was A Detour

It's a hyacinth blue silk cravat with pinstripes of blossom pink tonight. By itself, the fabric is stunning. I can see why it caught the eye of the Tie Buyer, whomever it may have been. Its sheen is alluring, the colors murmur like the sotto voce of spring evenings, alive yet soft. The problem arose when the fabric became a tie. It is a most un-tielike material; it matches nothing; it looks decidedly feminine; it should have fulfilled its Fashion Destiny as something entirely different, perhaps a high-style evening coat, or the bodice of a cocktail dress.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Ladies And Gentlemen And Children Of All Ages! Please Direct Your Attention To The Center Ring!

Oh. My. Strike up the calliopes, raise the Big Top, and comb out the Bearded Lady because it looks like the Circus is on set at The Nightly! Brian, obviously heralding a recent graduation from Ringling Bros., Barnum & Bailey University, jocundly tosses on a clown-nose red cravat with large popcorn-white polka dots. This tie does not even attempt to perform a haute couture highwire act--it falls short and lands with a resounding thud.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Some Things Are...Au-Delà Des Mots

I am intrigued yet irked by this odd, shifty tie. Its narrow stripes are mysterious and captivating, appearing at first black and white, then suddenly black and palest pink, like an opal that is changeable in the light. Then, the pink blushes a bit, cooling toward lilac, then back again to white and...wait, is that a tiny dark thread within it? Describing this tie is like capturing the essence of a spring breeze or a baby's first laugh or even the grief of loss, the sorrow of regret. It is real, but it ne sais quois.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Overheard At The Men's Accessories Counter

"Oh, Mr. Williams! Before I ring you out--if you like this tie, we have another one just like it. It's a sort of pomegranate instead of the blue, and the squares are black with white frames, not the red. Would you like me to get it? I think it's just different enough that if you don't wear them one right after the other, no one will even notice how similar they are. After all, who keeps track of your ties, of all things, right?"

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Le Sigh. Une Autre Mauvaise Cravate.

Solid Purple Tie.
Although I will say the dimple was noteworthy.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

In Spite Of Its Freshness, I Am Decidedly Irked By This Tie

Debut Tie. Tonight's cravat is blue with small red squares in an overall grid, like looking at a roadside stand display of raspberries in pint cartons arranged in the cargo area of a blue Ford pickup. This kind of fabric and pattern leaves me irked and irritated, like gaudy designer scarves that everyone knows are ugly and hideous, but because they say Hermes or Emilio Pucci, we give them a pass.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Rapper's Delight At The 7-Eleven...What?

B-dub tosses on some serious Bling with tonight's tie. Its narrow stripes of black and metallic gold are a bit ostentatious. They remind me of the kiosks in the mall that have case upon case of gold chains of dubious quality lying close together upon tacky black velvet pads. The bored girl behind the counter is almost always either thumbing out a text message or sucking on the straw of some fluorescent-coloured frozen drink the size of the Washington Monument. Certainly, yes, that's where I'll be buying my fine jewelry.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Swoon-Worthy Cravat

Oh, I love this tie, with its wide swaths of Chanel pink and debonair black. It's sophisticated and sexy and a little bit retro-looking, kind of like a George Clooney meets Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis thing.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Let's Be A Little Bit Naughty With This Tie, Shall We?

Brian dons his jet navy tie with slim bands of pale carnation pink. As much as I am weary of this tie and its bevy of familiars, I still appreciate its contrast and flirtation. It's the sneaky foot-under-the-pantleg maneuver at the restaurant; the nibble on the earlobe during the phone call to his mother; the suggestive whispers in his ear as he explains something technical to his boss at the office cocktail hour. Sometimes, you need a little blush.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Joke Is On Us, Dear Readers

In a stunning display of Fashion Forwardness, Brian Williams dons a gorgeous ascot of lovely pink silk with a silver and black paisley pattern. Its bold yet tasteful sw... oh, hell.

April Fool.

And just as much on The Tie Report too. Solid Purple Tie.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

In Which We Lament Bad Fashion And Bad Casting

Wow. We have not seen this tie in a long time, yet it has not been missed. Its cranberry field color is netted by a mystifying pattern of interlocking turquoise Sputniks. I am always disappointed by this cravat; I see it as a Missed Opportunity of sorts. Like when I heard that Tom Hanks got the lead in the movie adaptation of The DaVinci Code.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

At The Fashion Cafe...

This tie is simply chic. It is a striped tie, but it takes fashion seriously, with its mix of color and pattern. The slim bands are of cream, lilac, and there is a navy band containing an ever-so-subtle hint of pinstriping. It is a fashion tour de force. This cravat is a lovely late repast of brie en croute avec les framboises noires with a cassis and champagne cocktail. Your waiter offers Earl Grey as you linger over laughter and conversation, and you are mildly surprised at the lateness of the hour.

Monday, March 29, 2010


Tonight, Brian Williams knots up a very distinguished cravat of suitcoat navy with burgundy stripes snugged by very slim bands of platinum. It's quite Ivy League, and First Class. There is something rather...velvet rope about this tie, as if it has been ushered into private rooms by discreet staff with mere nods. Heavy-paneled double doors close softly with an understated click, the high-backed leather chair behind the desk swivels around to reveal its occupant, and the interview, completely off-the-record, of course, begins.

Friday, March 26, 2010

It's Really Sort Of A Snack Of A Tie

Boy oh boy, is BriWi giving this tie a Workout. Its red and white stripes are really jazzing up the set of the Ol' Nightly, and it's not even Christmas. Or Valentine's Day. Or Independence Day. But doesn't it put you in the mood for a ball game or a movie, what with those stripes? They remind me of a popcorn box.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Brisk And Basic

This tie is a basic striper of Brian's that has been worn over and over again. Its field color might be black, or it might be deep navy. The white stripes are narrow and spaced generously. It’s a crisp, brisk tie of martial efficiency and no-nonsense alacrity. It is the Times New Roman of ties.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

There Is A Right Way To Do Solid And Sedate, And This Tie Is One Of Them

I'd like to paraphrase a Report from 7 February 2007, when I first critiqued this particular tie, a solid of pewter grey with a sheen to it. This cravat is reminiscent of elegant heirloom silver that was slightly tarnished: understated yet with an unmistakable note of richness. I clap my hands as the royals do in their box at Wimbledon, Mr. Williams, at my waist and just above my lap, and ever-so-lightly as if they were gloved. "Bravo!" I whisper, "Well played!"

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Isn't It Romantic?

This evening's cravat is a cabernet franc silk with white pinstripes. It's a lovely tie, romantic almost, evoking heart-shaped candy boxes with white lace ruffles, Victorian valentines handmade of red silk and creamy taffeta, and dramatic long-stemmed roses held by long opera-gloved hands.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Perhaps Brian Williams Is Getting In Touch With Mrs. Williams A Bit With This One...Or Not.

Brian Williams is wearing a purple tie with stripes. Wow. But these stripes are pairs of whitish stripes, skinny pairs of whitish stripes, and the fabric looks sub-par and the purple is...nothing special. This tie is the equivalent of the outfit we women toss on when we're Feeling Fat And Ucky. And having a Bad Hair Day. And we're not going out AT ALL. And we might just sit in our big chair with a blankie, the remote, a half-pint of Ben & Jerry's (insert self-satisfying flavour here), perhaps a good book, and maybe, if we're feeling more than a bit self-indulgent, a glass of wine. Because we don't care, and no one's going to see us anyway.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Do Try To Get Along Without Us Until Friday, 18 March, Won't You? (I Have A "Real" Job, You Know.)

The Report will be on a brief hiatus during parent-teacher conferences. (It's not like he's wearing anything new or exciting anyway.)

Monday, March 15, 2010

This Tie Speaks Volumes...Again

* Where were you ten days ago, on 5 March? If you were like me, you were watching this same tie. Yes, Report readers, this same ultramarine blue with its snowy white stripes boldly outlined in sooty black is making a quick comeback. Yikes. It's so in-your-face, so sharply lined, so arresting, that it's almost audible. If this tie made noise, it would be like the snap of lake ice cracking, like the clank of a metal sawblade dropped on a concrete garage floor, or like the sudden clatter of a great deal of silverware being dropped in a restaurant kitchen.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Purple Is Purple, And The Report Calls 'Em As We Sees 'Em

While it was more of a mulberry/red-violet, 'twas No Matter. Solid Purple Tie.

Thursday, March 11, 2010


Brian knots up an old standby of sandstone and sky blue stripes for tonight's broadcast. There's something antique-looking about this cravat, like finding a trove of old Wedgwood laid away in tissue paper at the bottom of a trunk full of your Aunt Bridget's damask tablecloths, their soft rose color now gone a dusky mauve, but gorgeous nonetheless.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A Refined Repast

This tie of black with very narrow stripes of wan gold is elegant. The waiter, white gloves pristine and quiet, bends low. His silver tray is proffered in one smooth yet swooping motion. On it is a selection of black, glistening pearls of the sea. He produces a small golden spoon and places a precious mound of each ebony treasure on your plate. Champagne bubbles into tall crystal flutes, you nod your approval, and he is gone again in a whisper.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Perhaps Brian Got This Tie At The A & P

There's just something so jolly about this tie. I know that its strawberry and candy apple red stripe pairs look downright merry, and the snowy white of the background color is...festive, but it doesn't just put me in a joyous mood. It also reminds me of days long ago when my dad used to take me to the A & P to get groceries on Saturdays. Right before we'd check out, we would stop at the Brach's Pick-A-Mix stand, and my dad would grab a striped bag and let me plunge my hands into whatever bins I wanted. My favorites were the gumdrop bears, sourballs, and just because they were pretty, the candies that remind me of tonight's cravat--The Jelly Nougats. I was the only one who liked them, and I'm not even sure I did, but I thought they looked so colorful and wonderful, like all candy should.

Monday, March 8, 2010

In Which I Personify Tonight's Tie As A Vehicle For My Fashion Frustration

You know, readers, tonight's tie of navy blue crossed with kelly green diagonals snugged by pearl grey pinstripes was trying to say many things to me. "Look! Here is the green you used to lament and wail for!" was among them. So was "Don't I look dapper and Ivy League?" along with "I'll bet I am the envy of so many British Lower School headmasters." But all I could hear was, "Blah blah striped tie blah blah again blah blah."

Friday, March 5, 2010

Play Ball!

This evening, Brian dons a vivid Crayola blue cravat with widely spaced narrow white stripes bordered by narrow bands of jet navy/black. This tie is strangely generic and vaguely sporty, like it could be found in a catalog of Coaching Wear for any number of professional sports teams, like the Carolina Panthers, the Orlando Magic, or the Toronto Blue Jays.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

It's A Grand Old Flag...

Brian is such a slave to his stripes. This one is navy (surprise) and white, the white being shot through with a thread of red. This tie is almost a Patriotic Costume Tie, and I could see it being worn in any number of cutesy Independence Day Revues, like the romantic Red, White, and You!, or the spectacular Fireworks on Ice starring Brian Boitano and Kristi Yamaguchi.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A Cravat With A Flair For The Dramatic

This tie is a dramatic cravat of orchid and midnight stripes. It is dashing and daring, like Errol Flynn and Josephine Baker. It's making an entrance, even if you're just coming in to the budget meeting. It's making sure your coffee cup at work is one of those with a little pedestal on it. And it's knowing that you never, ever wear just plain white underwear.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The Report's Richter Scale Reels From SPT Aftershocks; What An Evil Winter It's Been

Wow. Didn't take long until Brian, no doubt travel-weary, knotted up a SPT, from the Axis of Evil.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Oh, Canada! It's Nice To Know That Americans Haven't Cornered The Market On Tchotchke, And Brian Is Back In The US Of A, Fully Striped.

So, Brian is back in Les Etats-Unis, and he is celebrating with just a tad more subtlety than the Canadians did with their closing ceremonies, where there was so much inflatable crap, I thought that Canada's front yard had thrown up. But Brian wore a stripe of smoked navy blue with burgundy bands bordered with luminous pearl pinstripes, sort of an homage to Old Glory rather than a literal sendup.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

While The Flame Burns, I'm Out!

I'm just not going to struggle with a Report when Brian Williams tucks his ties in like my mother did her jewelry in her vacation luggage. It's just too stressful and prone to error. The Report is officially On Hiatus until après les jeux Olympiques.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Is There Such A Thing As "Outdoorsy Formal?" Must I Ready A New AOE?

Solid Purple Tie. Thankfully, it was tucked away behind a sweater/outdoor jackety thingy, so we didn't see but a glimpse of its knot and a tad of the rest of it. I would like to mention, however, that Overwearing At The Olympics is how the Gadgety Tie got relegated to the Axis Of Evil. At least this time Brian Williams erred on the side of Efficiency and wore one already designated.

Friday, February 12, 2010

O Brian! I Celebrate And Sing Your Self (Without A Tie).

Il est sans cravate. Brian, on location in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada for the Winter Olympics, has chosen a decidedly Outdoorsy Look. I am loving it. He looks quite sporty and capable, and brings to mind all sorts of rugged words like terrain, brogans, tarp, Gore-tex, and kayak. It's a very Walt Whitman Song of Myself #33, O Pioneers! sort of look, and I'm a little breathless just thinking about it.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

In Which I Rejoice, For Brian Williams Has Answered My Fashion Call, And In Which I Reminisce, For He Also Takes Me Back To My Dream Deferred

Debut Tie. For years I have lamented the Fashion Gap in Brian Williams' wardrobe that is the lack of a paisley tie. Tonight, consider that Gap closed! This evening, BriWi boldly knots up a modern take on the classic paisley--a violet cravat with a white faux paisley print. The small teardrops are closely-set with no embellishments, but they are paisley-inspired, without a doubt. This reminded me immediately of my days in pre-veterinary medicine, looking at slides of liver flukes stained in crystal violet. Who knew that something so intricately lovely could be so deadly? Let's hope the similarity is non-transferable....

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Snow More, Please...Give This Cravat A Tieme Out

Brian stood outside in the driving snow for part of this newscast, and his tie looked as if it were dry clean only and getting the worst of it. Its vivid blue stripes looked blurry, as if they were beginning to run into the orchid color behind them. Once he stepped back into the toasty warm confines of the Nightly studio, however, we realized that it was just the nature of this cravat, which looks a little like what happens when your kids leave their sidewalk chalk out in the rain.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

A Sunny Bit Of Comfort

While it's true that Brian has a few of these striped ties, this--the soft yellow and heather grey one--is a welcome sight. It's like seeing a tin of warm cornbread muffins coming out of the oven on a cool, rainy morning or a chunk of lemon poppyseed poundcake waiting next to a chubby little pot of Earl Grey tea on a cloudy afternoon.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Kind Of A Ship-Shape, Spic-and-Span Sort Of Tie

Tonight Brian Williams wears a stripe of bright white and dressy navy blue. There is just something about this tie that makes me uneasy. Perhaps it is the stressful contrast between the two colors. Perhaps it is the stark whiteness. Perhaps it just makes me think of snappish officers conducting White Glove Inspections, running their index fingers along door moldings and into impossible crevices, looking for dust particles even Aunt Mabel, whose clean fetish would shame Howard Hughes, could miss.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Brian Is Lucky That An English Teacher Writes This Blog

I want to be nice and supportive of this tie. I really do. But what do you do about a tie that simply announces, "I AM A CHRISTMAS CANDY CANE" the moment you see its bright red and deep red diagonal stripes on a shiny white field? Perhaps you try, and you become thoughtful and literary and hearken back to that American classic by Harper Lee and the passage in which Scout describes her first grade teacher, Miss Caroline, who "wore high-heeled pumps and a red-and-white striped dress. She looked and smelled like a peppermint drop." There, Brian Williams. There.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

There's A Little Something Sweet Left Over For You In The Fridge

Return with The Report to this tie's Debut on 16 March 2009 with this Classic Cravat Critique:

After a long weekend Brian knots up yet another new cravat! This one is an oxblood Ivy Leaguer with widely spaced, narrow stripes of pearlescent white shot through with a thread of the darker color. All I could think about as I carefully analyzed that tie was a slice of dark chocolate red velvet cake with glossy whipped white frosting, and pretty soon I was settling for graham crackers and this. Not the same; not even close.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Perhaps This Cravat Is Ready To Retire And Collect Its Social Security Benefits

Tonight Brian ties on a tired-looking pale blue cravat with slim navy stripes set at wide intervals. This tie just looks...elderly to me, like big Chryslers with frosty paint jobs and Florida license plates parked at Golden Corrals and Old Country Buffets at three-thirty. Or big vinyl purses with lots of inside pockets, most of which are full of Sweet-n-Low packets and Werther's. Or couches and chairs with lots and lots of little blankets and footstools close by like Comfort Brigades.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Bit Of A Getaway Tonight

The cool melon and soft grey stripes of this tie may be out of season, but they are a welcome respite from the frigid winter. Viewing this cravat is like peeking through the weathered cedar boards of a seaside fence at the pastel summer homes along the shore. Painted in the candy colors of vacation, they look warm and beachy, each one with a shady veranda and awnings like visors against the beaming sun.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Maybe Brian Could Sit With The Cool People And Try To Trade Up

If I could, I'd take a pass on this tie, really. Not that it's A Bad Tie. It's not. It's just...Not Doing It For Me. Purple with some teensy white dottyish pattern in a perfect grid It's like sitting down at the lunch table in fourth grade and opening your brown bag and finding the same old PB&J, banana, and coupla cookies. Yeah, it's all stuff that's just fine and you'll eat it and all, but it's not anything to get all excited about.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

No Grey Area Here: It's Just Black And White For Brian

It was inevitable that another one of these Black And Whites showed up. This one is black with very narrow white stripes at wide intervals. Brian has lots and lots and lots of Black And White Striped Ties. I've already compared them to Goth Chick Stockings and licorice allsorts and zebras and referee shirts and even Beetlejuice. Right now, I'm in a Creative Slough and can't compare them to anything. Especially since this particular Black And White is another-coloured incarnation of so many other Ties He Has. Sigh.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Bless You, Brian Williams. Bless Your Neckties, And God Bless The United States Of America.

In a strange way, I feel like yesterday's tie was a sort of preview for tonight's tie, kind of the way the White House released a few key ideas of the President's State of the Union speech a day early. It wasn't the entire speech, just a few of the salient points to get us ready for The Real Thing. So, last night's navy and red striped tie set us up for tonight's more sophisticated offering of smoked navy blue with wine stripes bordered with very thin pinstripes of platinum pearl. See what I mean?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

In Mr. Williams' Neighborhood, Things Are Starting To Become A Bit Surreal. (Time To Rethink The Cravat Wardbrobe; You're Only 50!)

Another trip in the Wayback Machine as Mr. Williams tightens up a cravat from the Ward Cleaver Collection. This sedate tie of red and navy stripes is such an Old Man tie that I almost expected to look above its knot and see Wilford Brimley or John McCain squinting at me over a pair of bifocals doing an infomercial for reverse mortgages or prune juice or The Scooter Store.

Monday, January 25, 2010

In Which I End Up Reviewing A Different Tie Entirely, But...Oh Well.

Brian has another tie just like this. Whereas this one is a rich plummy purple crossed with narrow white stripes at wide intervals, the other one is more of an orchidy purple and looks like its lower-class cousin. You know what I mean, right? The part of the family that shows up to reunions in a big, beat-up car with one of the doors that doesn't open. All the kids come spilling out and the baby, who is fat-cheeked and robust and isn't wearing anything but a soggy diaper, is being carried by the skinniest and most frail six-year-old whose shoes are untied. But their mom is everyone's favorite aunt and makes the best brownies with the frosting piled high.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Another New Tie? Brian Williams! You Are Starting To Branch Out, Albeit A Teeny Tiny Bit.

Debut Tie. Again, we are treated to another New Tie, and this one, although it is another (yawn!) Striped Tie, it is Everso Complex and Experimental in its Colour Palette for Brian Williams. The background is a deep seaweed green with a silken sheen, and widely spaced are narrow stripes of firstly antique gold split with warm crimson. These double stripes are alternated with a contrasting slender stripe of sky blue. It's a very Ivy League tie, and its diverse colours make it pleasant and challenging to view.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

A Taste Of The Tropics Tonight

Debut Tie. Certainly this cravat would be better suited to springtime, but having become weary of Brian's familiar neckwear, I was thrilled to see it. The field color was a cool Key lime custard; narrow white stripes were spaced widely apart and sported twin pinstripes of black. It was a stylish and decidedly tropical tie, yet elegant, like the gentlemen having cigars and caipirinhas on the terrace of the country club.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Report Tires Of These Striped Ties, Yet The Wheels Have Not Yet Come Off

Why don't I like this tie? True, I am getting weary of the constant litany of stripes, stripes, stripes. But this one, at least, is not purple. It is not blue. It has the air of formality about it, with its silver and black diagonals and its fine knot. But the only thing I can think of when I see it is tires--those steel-belted radials-- so highly-touted by Goodyear and Cooper and Michelin Mr's. Goodwrench (Mr. Goodwrenches?) everywhere.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A Mystery Returns To The Report, And We Are In Quite A (Paranormal) State

Aaaarrrgh. This...tie! At least tonight I didn't have to completely obsess over its phantom greyish mini-print or its befuddling violet-blue/blue-violet background colour. Instead, I got to focus on its latest mysterious feature: the odd vertical crease that has developed along its length. Not seen on a BW Cravat since the Corky Brown Tie of 21 September 2007, this strange phenomenon bears watching.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Not Exactly Boring, But Quite The Dependable Tie Now, Isn't It?

Back from the devastation of earthquake-ravaged Haiti, Brian Williams knots up a sedate and staid stripe of dress-suit and peacock blues. It's a very stable and resolute tie, like a firm hand on your back as you struggle up a steep set of bleachers on your way up to your seat at your sister's college graduation, or a strong arm around your shoulders as you're buffeted about by cold winter winds at your child's first football game.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Brian Williams Tries To Sneak In A SPT, But We Are Unmoved And Retain Our Rigid Fashion Codes: Nice Try, But Peddle That Someplace Else, Bucko!

* Brian, do not even try to entice me into a Report with this cravat's whispery frostiness. Despite its hue of iced irises, it is still an ominous Solid Purple Tie.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Brian Tries To Lighten Things Up With This Playful Cravat, And The Report Is Ready For Some Fun

Tonight Brian Williams knots up a very intense graphic arts-inspired tie of bright red with narrow stripes of white bordered with black/navy. It's clean and crisp and very elementary, like those First Baby Toys to stimulate infants. Or, even something for the older set, like perhaps this. Kind of his Happy Happy Fun Tie.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Elegant And Refined, Brian Williams Redeems Himself With This Classy Cravat

Monsieur Williams strives for a Fashion Redemption this evening with this striking Debut Tie. Its stripes of jet navy and creamy white with a slim inlaid pinstripe of lilac are simply lovely. It's like a wedding reception at the Ritz, all tuxedoes and pristine linen tablecloths and orchid centerpieces stately in their art deco vases. There is elegance here, a soupçon of color, and a demeanour of pure grace.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Oh, Brian. May We Not Bid Adieu To This Worrisome Cravat? (The Report Would Greatly Appreciate It)

I grow increasingly irked by this bothersome tie. What on earth recommended it to Brian Williams to begin with? What about its pedestrian and negligible pattern called out to him at the haberdasher's? Certainly not the is it violet or is it blue hue of its background. Absolutely not that odd, vaporous pattern that might be grey, might be taupe, might be oh forget it I can't see it anyway. Does the fabric look textured and fine in quality? Holy crap no. It's not even holding a centred dimple or exquisite knot. Time to inter this tie in L'Armoire d'Au Revoire.

Monday, January 4, 2010

In 2010 Brian Williams Resolves To Wear Striped Ties: The Report N'est Pas Etonné

Mr. Williams knots up one of his most debonair striped cravats this evening. Burgundy stripes bordered with pinstripes of shiny pearl grace a field of deep, smoked navy blue. There is something of the diplomat in this tie--worldly, urbane, sophisticated--yet it is conservatively tasteful and always correct.