Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Coolly Charming

Mr. Williams charms us this evening with a cravat of whispersoft lilac upon which trios of pencil-tracing stripes subtly wind.  He walked into her gelateria-pasticceria looking for respite.  It was cool there, and the frosty air had an immediate tonic effect.  Slouching off his suitcoat, he stood in front of the glass case, his mouth a little agape at the array before him:  peach, pink, lavender, tangerine, and minty green--the colours alone were enough to make him forget a long day of numbers and bar graphs and SBE's. And when Giacinta appeared to wait on him, her smile commanding yet comforting, his workday disappeared.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Summer Harbinger

Brian dazzles all viewers of The Nightly with this cravat.  Its wide stripes of bright cornflower blue and yellow-gold make a Fashion Statement.  But...what exactly is that statement?  Is it "Summer is here, and this tie heralds its arrival with boldness reminiscent of the sun's brilliant rays as it warms our nation's many lakes, rivers, and magnificent oceans"?  Or is it "Summer is here, and this tie makes me look like a member of a Barbershop Quartet at one of our nation's many amusement parks and smalltown carnivals or musical productions put on by summer theatre programs"?  It's a judgment call made by the Fashionistas amongst us.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

And As May Limps Along To Its Inevitable Fashion Finale...

SPT. Richly plummy and superbly dimpled, but we simply cannot make an exception.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Balance

Brian continues his dotty theme tonight with the textured silk of rich mahogany besprinkled by minute peachblossom polkadots. She was impossibly flighty, this new assistant.  She cluttered her desk with silliness like a pink Magic 8 Ball, a small garden gnome, and an Etch-A-Sketch on a stand.  She hollered in to his office instead of using the intercom button, and she insisted on drinking obnoxiously scented herbal teas with names like Peach Passion and Raspberry Zinger.  But the clients loved her, and somehow, she kept him happy and balanced.  And he knew that, should he let her go, he would miss her shining auburn hair and the way she always brought a chocolate iced cupcake to work for her lunch, placing it carefully in the center of her happily floral napkin smoothed ceremoniously upon her desk.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Monday Night

Wow. Brian is certainly getting his money's worth from this tie. He has knotted up this purple tie with its array of small white polka dots about, oh, eleventy thousand times in the past month and a half. It reminds me of Monday Dinners at my house growing up. All during the school year, my mom made liver and onions, mashed potatoes and pan gravy, and big Fordhook lima beans every single Monday night.  We three kids would troop home from Catechism class, plunk down our books, grab two aspirin (the nuns were brutal), and wash our hands to set the table, all the while smelling liver and onions. There's something to be said for consistency, unless you just don't care for liver and onions.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Thank Heavens The Interwebs Were Still Here Waiting For Me!

No doubt while we at The Report were out...rusticating and off the grid, BriWi wore devastatingly stylish and modern ties of any number of patterns and colours that would have made us proud and laudatory.  Now that we are back to Civilisation, he has knotted up his--yawn!--navy blue necktie with narrow gold stripesZZZZzzzzzzzzz er, sorry.  But, honestly, you and I both know that this tie is the Snoozer Of Sartorial Staples.  It's a Neckwear Nap.  It's a Tryptophan Tie.  Ah, well. It's good to be back.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

It's Not Getting Better

SPT. And double-dimpled. And not in a good way.  If only this Dimple Defect were an aberration.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

In Which All The Inside Jokes Are Clicky--Yikes, And Two Puns (One Spelling-Dependent) In The Title Alone!

Brian is loving this tie--the striper of suitcoat navy and tangerine--as of late.  Well, you know what the Fashion Mavens are saying about orange. No, not that. Well, they might be saying that, but not meaning that.  You know?  Oh, hell.  Click the links or none of this makes any sense at all.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Faded Prestige

This evening it is the broadly striped cravat of pale lemon and ink blue.  This tie has an aged, frail look to its colours, as if it were owned long ago and laid away.  Perhaps the yellow was once bold, a dandelion erupting in the centre of a wide estate's lawn.  Perhaps the blue, now almost violet-tinged, was dark and sharp like the firm handwriting of a stern patriarch whose orders given even by letter were cause for consternation and immediate response.  No matter now.  The father is dead, and the once-grand estate is empty and ruinous.

Monday, May 7, 2012

It Is Well That Purple Is So Terrible; Otherwise, We Should Grow Too Fond Of It

BriWi sneaks in a purple tie tonight that is a clone to Friday 4 May's, except for the regiment of little white polka dots, precisely arranged like white lights on a Broadway sign. This cravat is stylishly peppy, elegantly sprightly, and gravely jaunty, like Shelby Foote talking about Ulysses S. Grant.

Friday, May 4, 2012

In Which We Remain Relentless

SPT.  Nicely textured, but, as we all know, The Report simply cannot relent.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Sumatriptan Tie

Wow.  This tie.  Brian starts off the month of May sporting an electric blue cravat sprinkled with hot pink polka dots.  Were there actual stories on the Nightly this evening?  Who remembers? I was transfixed and mesmerized by this tie.  It reminded me of the first time I took my migraine medication.  Colors brightened and objects, newly intensified by the drug, seemed to slightly pulsate, expanding and contracting as they fell under my gaze. It wasn't entirely unpleasant--certainly better than the migraine--but definitely not great.