Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Time For A Little Report Card

Quickly placed into the rotation is this bold new offering, the burnished bittersweet cravat with pale storm blue stripes, widely staggered and alternating with a pinstripe of the same hue. In the spirit of the season, we offer a

Report Card:
Dimples: A
Fashion Credibility: B+
Style Statement: A-
Williams Wearability: C

Assessment: This tie, although it takes a bold fashion risk and is impeccably tied, is not doing anything for its wearer. Above all else, fashion's Number One Job is to enhance the attractiveness of the person wearing it. This cravat, though of good quality and interesting color/pattern, isn't entirely suitable for Mr. Williams.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

This Tie Looks A Bit Too "Budget" To Be Successfully "Vintage", But Boy, Is It BLUE

Certainly one could not miss this evening's cravat. Baby blue crossed by narrow pearl stripes bordered in navy, this tie consumed every shot it was in with its massive blueness. That pastel was like a bad seventies prom tux, or (horrors!) a leisure suit worn with a pair of white patent loafers and a big, wide white belt. I wonder if Bri went on a little jaunt to Boca and walked around some flea markets or went to a few "tag sales." Because this tie...oy.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

La Cravate Du Ce Soir Est Une Chanson De Printemps

Brian's tie tonight is a soft zephyr of spring. Stripes of pale yellow and soft grey gently harmonize, like the trill of songbirds ushering in the twilight. This cravat is reminiscent of the American Goldfinch female, whose melody is as rich and true as that of her more ostentatious partner, but whose plumage is more demure.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Brian Is A LeBron James Fan, But We Are Keeping It On The Downlow

This somewhat anachronistic tie is seeing heavy rotation this spring, having just had outings on 12 May and 1 May. Might be time for Brian to stow it lovingly away until perhaps October, when its burgundy background scattered with medallions of nondescript neutral rimmed in black will seem more seasonal. Yet...maybe BW is surreptitiously rooting on The Report's home team in the NBA playoffs! Yes! That must be it! GO CAVS!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

A Night--And A Cravat--To Remember

The Report begs your indulgence as things become busy near the end of the school year. Please enjoy this Classic Cravat Critique from 25 February:

Narrow icy pink stripes with a nuance of lilac cross a midnight blue field in tonight's dramatic and lovely cravat. I think of an elegant soiree, with tuxedoed men twirling gowned women wearing satin and silk. A few couples, heady with champagne and romance, sashay out onto the terrace to gaze at the stars in the night sky while enjoying the scent of gorgeous pink climbing roses on the balcony rail.

Monday, May 18, 2009

A "Warning": The Report And Brian Are Feeling A Bit Of Their Oats Perhaps

Debut Tie.
When I am an older man I shall wear orange
With an icy hyacinth blue stripe that doesn't suit me.
And I shall wear this cravat of roasted carrots proudly
On television, even while forecasting the gloom and doom
Of the American Economy, and revel in its double dimples.
I shall bask in its bold and daring
And slyly wonder at The Report's reaction:
Will she skewer me for its garish audacity or
Reward me for its daring fashion risk and see that
I've tossed my Ivy League Conservativism to the
Winds Of Turning Fifty?

*a nod to Ms. Jenny Joseph

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Report Hopes You've Got A Current Passport To Follow Its Favourite Tie

The distinguished traveller stepped into the quiet, dim pub, blinking a bit after walking a while in the bright Dublin sunshine. Well-dressed, but with a twinkle in his blue eyes that had to be a wee bit o' The Irish, he exchanged pleasantries with the barman, loosened his striped tie, and had a few pulls on a pint that had quite a bit in common with said cravat.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Once Upon A Purple Time...

It's the Starter Tie this evening for Brian Williams: a solid matte silk cravat of violet. It's easy to think of its namesake, that lovely messenger of the season, appearing so vivid and bold among the early green of Spring's coverlets. I remember so well being charmed by violets; I dug a few clumps and lovingly transplanted them to my own side yard, knowing I'd anxiously peer out after the first few warm days of April, hoping for their promises of Winter's end. Like Brian's Penchant For Purple, however, it didn't take long for these hardy harbingers to multiply and spread, and I soon had more of them than I cared for, too. Thus ends my Fable Of The Violets.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Methinks Brian Williams Was Driving At Something With Tonight's Cravat Selection

Tonight, Brian Williams has tried to placate The Report by returning to a safe haven, a Cravat Of Confidence after last night's Devastating Debacle. He chose the warm claret intarsia sparsely sprinkled with heathery grey dots rimmed in black. After a couple of commercial breaks, I made an immediate connection: to this, and this, and this. Product Placement has hit The Nightly!

Monday, May 11, 2009

I Am Driven To Distraction And To The Depths Of...Well, Just Read!

I'm sorry, but I'm not even going to attempt to describe the pattern or color of this tie because I was far too distracted by the Chasm Of Despair that was its seven inch "dimple," turning it into a bifurcated fabric Highway To Fashion Armageddon. What on earth was that? This cravat canyon was like a snuggly place for a baby kangaroo or a perhaps a stash for a post-Nightly snack burrito or...something. Oh, the agony.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Here's Hoping That The Old Adage Is True: Bad Things Occur In Threes..And Then It's Over

Debut Tie. At least, sort of. This tie is the third of what was obviously a Bulk Buy at Ties-R-Us, as it is the same pattern as the ties of 4-23 and 4-28. This time, the background is maroon and the pinhole circles are ash grey. Doesn't matter. It's a hideous reminder of not only the dreaded Picnic Tie from the Axis of Evil, but also oddly reminiscent of an illustration from my old anatomy text. It showed rafts of white blood cells (lymphocytes? leukocytes?) zooming through a vein (artery?), on their way to combat infection. I'll leave all of you to make the obvious analogy.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

A Spring Debut (And Aren't We Glad That Someone Went Shopping?)

Debut Tie. Slender frosty stripes herald Spring in tonight's cravat. The blue of a welcome robin's eggs, the pale yellow of nodding jonquils greeting the season's warm breezes harmonize in this silken symphony.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Brian Is A Fashion Plate

Brian's tie tonight is a real tour de force. It combines a retro color palette with a fashion-forward, couture edge that gets a thumbs-up from The Report. The bold stripes of lilac blush and black are just wide enough to be eyebrow-raising, and its ribbon-like sheen gave it a bit of cinematic presence. Indeed, it made me think immediately of this. (But in a really good, somehow totally masculine way.)

The Report apologizes for its lack of a Report on Monday. Illness made it impossible for a proper viewing both "live" and on the webcast. Thank you for your understanding.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Brian--Never Bound By The Arbitrary Seasonal Dictates Of Fashion--Reprises A Rather Wintry Cravat Ce Soir, And I Feel Wistful

* Brian's tie tonight is a bit warm and wintry for the first day of May. Its garnet field with white pinstriping has an almost holiday look. But I like this tie, even though it reminds me of all kinds of things I was never allowed to have as a child: red and white striped toothpaste (we were a Crest family), bright red frosting on my snowy birthday cakes (too artificial looking, and they would taste bitter), and cinnamon ribbon candy (too spicy; it would burn my tongue and I would waste it). They were right about these things, of course, but it didn't stop me from gazing at them wistfully all the same.