Monday, June 30, 2008

Brian Makes The Effort And Closes Out June With Une Cravate De Distinction

It's a return to Fashion Sanity at The Nightly as Brian Williams bids June adieu avec une cravate de Reasonably Good Taste. How welcome was its bright gold field crossed by narrow royal purple stripes! How reassuring was its rich color saturation! This tie, the cousin of a VS* favourite, makes me remember what BW is capable of with a bit of effort.

*VS = Vintage Series

Friday, June 27, 2008

Brian/Picasso Embraces The Concept Of Casual Friday

Brian must be going through his own personal Blue Period as of late. We've been seeing quite a few blue/purplish ties on The Nightly. Tonight, he knotted up the dusky chambray blue with deep Prussian polka dots. Sort of a serio-comic, dress-casual tie for Friday. June ends on Monday, and it has proven to be a troublesome month, much like May, for cravats. I stand on the threshold of July with trepidation and a modicum of hope for better, more fashionable days ahead.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Major Faux Pas At The Nightly, Not That Anyone There Even Notices Or Cares

Hello? Is anyone there? Because I'm just wondering if anyone, anyone at all is paying attention over there at The Nightly when it comes to Brian's ties. Last night he wore cornflower blue with an overall pattern of white squares. And tonight? Tonight he wears orchid with an overall pattern of white squares. It was, fundamentally and design-wise, the same tie. Honestly, I got up from the couch over here at the Dept. and went right up to the television to be certain that it wasn't.

All of this is so wrong on so many levels.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Odd Gadgety-Looking Tie Is Casual And Befuddling

Choosing from the Casual Tie Collection, BW knots up his Gadget Cravat. From a distance, this tie looks innocuous enough, with its pleasant cornflower blue field and overall white pattern, but upon closer inspection...! The pattern resolves itself into small white squares, each with a pinhole center, randomly skewed every which way. It reminds me of a student I had one year who gave her 20th century poet speech and brought in an impossibly busy and detailed tri-fold project board as a visual aid. The problem was that she wanted to use the board itself for another speech in her Women's Studies class later in the week, so she anchored every single thing to the board with straight pins and it all kept swinging and rocking and made us all rather nauseated instead of enlightened about the work of William Carlos Williams.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Old West Caricature Tie

Gee whillikers, this tie is just goofy. There's just so dang much goin' on. You got yer lilac stripes with the violet skinny stripes in the middle of 'em, and those alternate with some downright loud magenta stripes. It looks like some kinda necktie a daffy old doc might wear in some Old West town who still uses one of those reflector thingies around his head and gives the kiddies horehound drops for a sore throat and uses a big ole pocket watch from his weskit to take Miss Emmie's pulse after one of her spells.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Tragi-Comic Tie

Pack up the vittles in a basket, Granny, and Pa, get the fishpoles ready, ‘cause we’re headed down to the lake for the day! Brian has slung on his red and white checkered tie evoking Elly May or even Daisy Mae—hell, take your pick from any rusticating character who might swing a wicker hamper full of something downhome and eat it outdoors on a gingham cloth while wearing gingham. Shoot, even Joe Btfsplk might pack up his troubles in a red and white check dishrag and tie it onto a tree limb and slouch on outta town. Something Brian might consider for this misbegotten cravat.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Tim Russert Memorial Service Tie

Brian Williams has eleventy billion black and white striped ties which all jockey for position in The Report. Tonight, one has managed a distinction, albeit a tragic one. This one of narrow alternating iron and porcelain will forever be known as the Tim Russert Memorial Service Tie. Brian wore it to give his final remarks at Mr. Russert's service and then delivered The Nightly from the same venue. Sigh. I'm still not over it

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Totally Over It Now, Brian

I feel like Brian is really leaning on this tie, the black and blue stripe. Whereas I once thought it edgy and fashion forward, mysterious and evocative of spellcaster's cloaks and nightscape photography, now I'm all kinda "oh--yawn--not that one again. Didn't we just see that?" In other words, over it.

Monday, June 16, 2008

The Gravitas Of A Tribute Tie

Wide navy and pearl grey stripes give this cravat the feel of a nineteenth-century ascot. There is just the hint of the sedate, the grave, the mourning coat in this tie, and that is only as it should be: tonight Brian Williams pays his own tribute to colleague and friend Tim Russert.

Friday, June 13, 2008

In Memoriam

The Tie Report pauses tonight to honor the passing of Tim Russert.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Yet Another Irritatingly Large Shirt On Location

*Brian Williams, sans cravate encore, dons another overly large shirt with inappropriate dark teeshirt underneath while on location in Afghanistan. While I have no bone to pick with the shirt's color (dun), and its style (longsleeved camp/safari), its size is still at issue. Viewing it is like walking with a sling-back strap that slips just a little: it is irksome to put up with, but there really isn't anything you can do about it but wish it would stop.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

No More Excuses For The Bigass Flappy Shirts

On the heels of an appearance by the always sartorially splendid Ms. Ann Curry, the disappointment of Brian Williams sporting yet anotre chemise bleu énorme avec le undershirt noir was deeply felt. Forgiving the wrinkles--because it appeared to be linen and, let's face it, linen is an absolute bitch--the fact remains that Brian wears his shirts at least two sizes too big and that is simply unforgivable. Period. He was striding the streets of Afghanistan with his shirt flapping about like an unstaked tent. No excuse. None. Get a shirt that fits, Brian. Just get it done.

Monday, June 9, 2008

My Failure Is Your Opportunity: Be A Guest Reporter

*I did not see Brian's tie "live", and when I viewed it on the webcast, I could not ascertain its subtleties, nor could I make the call as to whether or not it was a Debut Tie. All I can tell you is that I was absolutely wild about the gorgeous saturated color of it. What a beautiful deep orchid! It had a small, white pattern overall, but it was not the woven, stitchery check. I have no idea what it was; I am deeply and profoundly sorry to have failed in my mission. Please email me if you saw it and can provide a Report, which will run here in my stead.

Friday, June 6, 2008

In Which I Propose One Likely Scenario To Explain This Hideous Tie

I can only conceive of the most unlikely scenarios that result in Brian Williams choosing to wear this tie. For example:

NBC Studios dressing room area has been infested with ants. Exterminators arrived at 4 PM; set off several toxic bug bombs without prior notice. Brian Williams arrives sans cravate, fully expecting to wear the one already in his dressing room. A brand new intern from Pocatello, Idaho is dispatched to "go and find a tie, any tie, in five minutes!" The intern runs out onto the street where he finds a vendor hawking cheap ties; he buys a hideous electric blue one with narrow carnation pink stripes for only ten dollars. He zooms back into 30 Rock, where Brian has no choice but to expertly knot it up and take his place behind the news desk. The floor director signals, then counts him down, "...and in three, two, one!"

This has to be the reason.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Icky Tie Calls For A Tie Report Reprise

I borrow from a previous Tie Report to describe for you this much-reviled cravat: The color alone is fodder enough for...dissection. And what an apt word, for this cravat brings nothing more distinctly to mind than anatomical innards. All I can think of are the plastinated muscles and mucous membranes of various donors put on display in the fascinatingly morbid travelling shows like BodyWorlds, in which the skin is flayed and cadavers are posed as if playing soccer or running or, in one memorable tableau, riding a plastinated peeled horse. This tie looks like biceps, triceps, lips, and tongues. It is the same queasy color as lungs and tracheas and, heaven help us, uvulae. And, that deep, teardrop-shaped dimple? Well...I'll let all of you explore that possible analogy.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The Lamentation Turns Ugly: That's What A Lack Of Appreciation Will Do To You

Not only is this tie banal and pedestrian with its Noxzema jar blue background and goldenrod narrow stripes, but it is yet another blue and yellow striped tie being worn the day after yet another blue and yellow striped tie. I just find myself at a loss when faced with such...what? Fashion nonchalance? Style ignorance? Cravat cavalier-ness? Fan disregard? (And by that last one, I mean for the fans, not by the fans, obviously.) June is turning out to be a Tie Travesty.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

A Lamentation

...And just as quickly as our hopes were raised, they are dashed by the appearance of The Gaudy Wide-Striped Tie. This tie...why, Brian Williams, why? Why another yellow and blue striped tie? Why are the stripes wide enough to be seen, like The Great Wall of China, from space? Why does it remind me so eerily of those flags that hang from sailboats? Why does the knot of it look as if it is, in fact, a clip-on tie!? And why did you choose to wear it on a Most Important Night when you knew I would have to see it for hours and hours and hours as I waited, breathlessly tracking the final two Democratic National Primaries? Why do you punish me so, Brian Williams?

Monday, June 2, 2008

June Begins With A Hopeful Sign: A Tie Report Favorite

June begins with a hopeful sign: Brian dons a Tie Report favorite. This rich, claret tie with the narrowest of bright white stripes is festive to the point of being almost Christmassy. One thing more was noted tonight, thanks to a most intimate--nay, nearly intrusive closeup shot provided by the ever-obliging Nightly cameraperson, and that was the fabric. It is a shiny satin or even polished chintz. No matter. This tie is a winner.