Tuesday, June 30, 2009

June Ends On A Breezy, Albeit Purply, Note; It's Been A Pretty Good Month, Cravatically Speaking

Brian closes out the month with a Purple and a Stripe, and one we've not seen in quite some time. It's a frivolous little cravat of teletubbie violet with a narrow white stripe at wide intervals. It's sort of carefree and whimsical, like ordering only a chocolate dessert and a glass of San Giovese when out for dinner, or buying impossibly impractical pomegranate colored-suede stilettos before you have anything to wear with them, or even just deleting everything in your Inbox that doesn't look fun.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Be Careful as The Report Leads You Into Perhaps A Morning Transgression

It's stripes this evening for BW, and this one is like breakfast on a cruise ship. The heathery grey is boring old oatmeal or bran flakes--the stuff you know you have to eat to "be good" and "stay regular." But that sunset-colored stripe: it's the papaya, the guava, and that blood orange mimosa. What the hell; have two. You're on vacation!

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Report Is Tickled Pink With Brian's Gorgeous Tie

Brian Williams boldly goes where he had not yet gone before and strides manfully and confidently into Pink Territory! Not just an anaemic stripe or dot, but an all-over, assertive, no-doubt-about it PINK. Oh, yes, there was a sprinkly petit point in ivory, but let's face it: that was a pink tie. It was the plumage of a particularly arresting flamingo; it was a scoop of frosty sherbet a la framboise; it was a Hawaiian sunset on white sandy beaches; it was a Cosmopolitan with bit of sugar on its rim. Oh, it was a lovely tie!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

In Which We Are Most Grateful For Small Fashion Favors

We are favored with one of Mr. Williams' Cheerio Ties, and it is the one which The Report finds the most pleasant of the lot. This particular CT, of custard background besprinkled with the circlets the color of tarnished bronze, looks light and summery without descending to the Sins of Seersucker and Straw Hats. Thank heavens it spares us that indignity. (That, and white loafers with the matching wide white belt. Ouch.)

Brian Continues His Look Back And The Report Tsks, But Just A Little Bit

* Brian Williams continues his Cravat Homecoming with this, a Favourite Purple of The Report. The rich, plummy field color is crossed with widely-staggered diagonals of black (could it, in fact be deepest navy?) bordered by pearl. The knot is controlled and precise, making the errant side dimple forgivable. The saturated colors render this tie almost a piece of jewelry, like an onyx signet ring or amethyst cufflink.

The Report, in an uncharacteristic and regretful sidenote, feels it simply must mention the unfortunate necktie of one Robert Bazell. He looked, quite frankly, as if a gutted fish were laid upon his shirtfront. Urk.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

BW Brings Back The B&W

BW is really delving into the Ties of Newscasts Past lately; it's been ages since The Run of the Neck Zebras. This particular offering from that collection--the narrow stripes of black and white (it's visually impossible to tell if the black stripes are any wider than the white, or vice versa)--registers as neutral on The Report's Fashion Meter. Yes, if one stares at it for too long it goes all squiggly and op-arty, but it's sort of dashing and zippy and a little Goth, like Tim Burton or Beetlejuice. But maybe I'm just thinking too much about it, you know?

Monday, June 22, 2009

It's Not Out Of Date, It's Retro, And The Report Dates Itself With This One

Brian knots one up from the VS this evening, of generous silver and crimson stripes. The knot is tight and precise, and everything about this tie says Timeless Classic. It's Airstreams and steakhouses, highballs and Coca-Cola. It's two, two, two ties in one!

VS=Vintage Series

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Is It Art? Or Is It Just Something Your Kid Could Do? BW's Tie Begs The Question

Just when we thought BW had retired this tie, it re-emerges from the Armoire of Infamy for a June appearance in all its shimmery, purply glory. Just what is that miniscule mulberry pattern, anyway? Houndstooth? Polkadots? No matter. Crowded upon that silvery, glinting background so closely, it just doesn't matter. This cravat reminds me of the time that my sons, wee ones at the time, figured out that they could disconnect their juice box straws and, with the grape juice still inside, blow the contents all over their paper plates, making Jackson Pollock-esque artwork.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Brian's Deceptively Simple Tie Is Anything But (Just Ask A TV SuperDad)

It is somber and serious tonight as Brian dons his solid, textured serge blue cravat. A Starter Tie from the Ward Cleaver Collection, we can almost hear it saying, "Well, son, I know you didn't mean to break Mr. Phillips' window, but you did, and now the right thing to do is to go over there and apologize. Then tomorrow, you and I will go down to the bank and see about taking some of your bicycle fund money to pay for the repair. It might take a while longer to get that new bike, but becoming a man--well, that's happening right now."

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Brian Raises The Fashion Barre With This Soupçon Of Pink

This evening, Brian Williams dons a cravat of midnight blue with narrow stripes of a whispery pink, widely staggered. It is a sort of bashful Foray Into Pink for Brian, like a tiny ballerina at her first recital, shyly peeking out from the heavy, dark blue stage curtains to see if she can get one comforting glimpse of her mother anywhere in the sea of faces that meet her nervous gaze. But--a hiss from Madame, a flash of a pink tulle skirt, and the little dancer disappears behind the wings.

Monday, June 15, 2009

The Report Goes A Little Looney Toons And Cannot Fathom The Repetition Of This Tie

Hello, Boys and Girls! Today, Uncle Brian is going to teach you all about his job here at The Nightly, which can be a very, very serious place to work! But that doesn't mean he can't have a little fun, does it? No! In fact, take a look at the funny, silly tie that Uncle Brian is wearing behind the Big Scary News Desk tonight: see how bright and crazy it is? Doesn't that wild orangey-yellow with the dark crisscrossing remind you of something you see all the time on one of your shows? Let me see if I can give you a hint. It involves someone square...who's yellow...under the sea...? That's right, Boys and Girls! You guessed it!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

It's Carrot Sticks And Slimfast For The Report If This One Goes Back Into The Rotation

This tie is so delectable, so delicious, so downright edible that I almost cannot bear to watch it. It is a confection of a cravat! Its background is raspberry chocolate truffle; its stripes are glossy marshmallow barely drizzled with that truffly chocolate ganache. We here at The Report will have to eat light tomorrow after gorging ourselves on Le Dessert de Cravate tonight.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

A Disappointing Debut, Yet, A Bit Of Deja Vu

Debut Tie. Wow. Brian. How many of these Cheerio-patterned ties did you buy, anyway? This one--the frosty lilac with its white circlets arrayed in regimental precision--will not go down in L'Histoire de Vos Cravates as one of your best. Rather, that fabric is better suited to something my grandma, Ethel Marie, would have chosen to make for her Easter dress, one with a bit of a jacket since they tended to keep Trinity Lutheran pretty cold.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Brian Suits Up

It's a return to An Old Standby for BW this evening as the wan gold and deep navy blue striper makes a comeback. This tie is like watching the huddle of a Notre Dame football game. But, is that navy blue suit getting to be a bit of a uniform? I think so.

Monday, June 8, 2009

The Water Is Fine--Wish You Were Here

Brian knots up the weathered-cedar grey and sun-bleached coral striped cravat not worn since late April after it had seen heavy rotation in the spring. (Worth noting tonight is its impeccable double dimple.) This tie is a little seashore souvenir all in itself--a bit of coral, a bit of driftwood, and a sunset over the sand.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

A Return To Mango Madness, And Just What Is With This Tie, Anyway? The Report Feels Like We've Been At A Burlesque Show (And Not A Good One)

Le gasp and quelle horreur. Have we seen this tie since its unfortunate debut on 14 June 2007? Dubbed the Screaming Mango Hooker Fantasy Tie for its fearsome resemblance to fishnet stockings and its positively obstreperous orange-yellow hue, I struggle mightily to think of anything I might see this fabric used for: a fun little bikini, perhaps, for a twenty-something beauty with a model's physique and a salon tan? a beach-themed patio tablecloth for a cookout? a shade for this? Le sigh. Je ne sais pas. Certainly, not for la cravate of the Most Trusted Voice In News.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

A Most Egregious Repeat Cycle Of Shameless Proportion, And It's Just Not Funny (But It Is Most Certainly Blue)

Oh my. Just two ties ago, Brian wore this new cravat, the arrestingly blue striped number that he has now put into A Most Egregious Repeat Cycle Of Shameless Proportion. That simpering baby blue background, those white stripes bordered in startling navy--the effect is that of a cartoon tie Pixar-ed into each shot of Brian's live-action Nightly report, kind of Roger Rabbit-esque.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Summer In The City

Brian looks delicious in his striped cravat of French vanilla and dark chocolate this evening. I remember standing on tiptoe at Home Dairy, peering through the frosty glass at the tubs of ice cream, and selecting Fudge Marble for my cone. With a thrill of anticipation, I watched as the counterman expertly scooped up the treat and pressed it into my sugar cone, the ribbons of chocolate swirling throughout the velvety rich vanilla. Outside on the Dairy's front lawn, kids of all ages sat with dripping ice cream cones, making a summertime tableau.