Monday, August 31, 2009

Brian's Tie Is The Cat's Pajamas

Announcing the end of summer with a fashion statement, Brian Williams knots up a strong stripe of cool pale pink and black. Its wide diagonals are bold and unabashedly stylish. This cravat is the slit of Gypsy Rose Lee's off-the-shoulder gown; it's the opera-length glove on a Jazz Age diva as she raises her cigarette holder for a light; and below this undercurrent of sexy mystery, the Art Deco sensibility and structure of the undulating peak of New York's Chrysler Building.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Ebb Tide--In Memoriam

Brian reports live from Hyannis Port tonight. He wears a tie of pale Prussia blue with staggered polka dots of a darker shade. As the shot pulls wide behind him, a lone sailboat rocks gently and rhythmically on the chop. The water is grey-blue and melancholy, and here and there, dark spots of the waves bow farewell towards the shore.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Travelogue Tie

A solid silk cravat is the choice of Brian Williams ce soir, and its frosted pale violet hue sets off his summery complexion most attractively. The effect is one of stepping from the hot, crowded streets of a tourist town into one of its more upscale shops. A cool airconditioned breeze greets the curious shopper--perhaps also a hint of lavender and sandalwood. A slender curator behind a lacquered cypress counter looks up, smiles gently, and continues marking prices on some carved boxes. As the venturer continues to explore the shop's wares, it is as if time has slowed, expanded, and eventually, stilled.

Monday, August 24, 2009

It's Like Calling A Hot Dog A Tube Steak; Just Who Are We Kidding?

Brian returns from his Summer Hiatus this evening and also returns to the bittersweet and chalk stripe tie of 13 July. Oh, how I find myself conflicted by this cravat! I am drawn to its rich colouration, like a warm harvest pumpkin soup with a swirl of thick sour cream spiked with cardamom. But when the Nightly's cameraperson pulls back for the wide shot, and I see not just the impeccable dimple and knot, but how the orange muddies up Brian's tanned complexion, all I can think of is Orange Creme Savers hard candy. Certainly, both comestibles have their place, but they are hardly...interchangeable.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I Have No Idea And Beg Your Indulgence. Don't Call My Mother,Please.

There were two double dirty vodka martinis on the deck tonight. Which constituted my entire intake of sustenance today. Briefly, I went inside to view The Nightly. I vaguely remember perhaps ruby striped with black bordered by white. Maybe...not. I'm sorry. I start back to school on Friday. I...huh? Can someone Guest Report? Whatever.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Way They Were

Deep navy tonight is narrowly striped with apple blossom pink. A young cadet in his dress blues stands proud and tall, his date for the academy formal at his side. She wears a frothy confection of blush satin and tulle, and on her wrist a demure corsage of rosebuds and baby's breath makes a fragrant bouquet. The photographer focuses the lens, the couple smile, and a memory is made to last a lifetime.

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Report Becomes Very Ernestly Literary About This Tie

This tie, a stripe of sandstone and Wedgwood blue, is an old standby of Brian Williams', though it has been long away. Tonight, impeccably knotted and dimpled, it exemplifies the adage Absence makes the heart grow fonder, for when it was in heavy rotation, I railed against this tie, yet now I find it far more amenable. I see a weathered face like Hemingway's Santiago, who was "gray and wrinkled, with deep furrows in the back of his neck. Everything about him was old, except his eyes....they were the same color as the sea." He stands on the sand near his skiff, readying the lines for another day's catch, shading his visage to look out to the wide, sunlit ocean lying open before him.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Oooh La La! Brian Is In The Pink, And We Are In Heaven (And There's An Eiffel Tower There, Apparently!)

The Report is all smiles and sighs de contentement ce soir. C'est la cravate rose! The Fashion Drought is over, slaked by the vibrant pink tie with ivory petit point pattern. This is just a chic cravat, a tie that makes one think of lovely, pleasant things such as Paris' patisseries, and les macarons, and (naturellement) une gateau rose. Bon appetit!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Happy (?) Days Are Here Again...The Purple Ties Are Back Again

*Brian finally shakes off The Blues and tonight knots up one of the original Twin Ties. This is the field of boysenberry striped by deep navy bordered narrowly by white. When does BW decide he's had Enough Blue? Are we now in for a Parade O' Purples? Like the regimented eaters who dine by consuming each food item on their plates until it is finished (first their vegetable, then their potato, then the meat or fish), perhaps Brian is performing some sort of deeply rooted Late Summer Fashion Ritual that only he understands.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A Sensory Panoply In Purple

Debut Tie. We have seen this striped cravat's incarnation in other colors, but not in tonight's offering of pewter and lavender. It is lovely. It is the antique amethyst brooch at the throat of an aged lady of the manor; the smudge of the skyline as the sun sets under the palette of light-tinged clouds; the murmuring hush of the audience as the velvet curtains whisper back under dimming house lights; and the scent of long laid-away lace gowns in tissue paper and lavender.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I'll Give You Three (Blue) Guesses...And The First (Blue) Two (Blue) Don't Count

Thank goodness we at The Report are sitting down when The Nightly is broadcast; what a shame it would be if we fainted dead away on the hard, cold floor when Brian Williams appears on our television screen wearing... a blue tie. Again. At least this particular cravate bleu has not been around since 20 February, when we last took stock of its frosty chambray blue background and Prussian blue polka dots. (That's already four uses of the b-word in this Report, for those of you scoring at home.) Sacre bleu! Cela est beaucoup de bleu!

Monday, August 3, 2009

In Which I Muse On The Picasso-Esque Ways Of BW And Their Impact On My Own Personal Healthcare Crisis

Blue, blue, blue. And on it goes into August, this Blue Period of Brian's, and I begin to feel it as well, especially about this particular cravat. What is it about this tie that sets me on edge so? Is it the slightly bridesmaidy shade of sky blue in the background, or the blare of the white stripes bordered by severe navy, giving it an almost graphic arts sort of appearance, like someone carefully drew it on his shirtfront with a Sharpie in each shot? How can such an innocuous--nay, almost amiable--tie evoke such dissatisfaction in me? I don't know, and I doubt my health plan covers the necessary therapeutic sessions required to get to the bottom of it.