Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Anchors Aweigh! (I'd Like To Heave Ho This Cravat...!)

Brian ends the month with a nod to the Clearance Table O' Ties by knotting up the cornflower blue with the trio of narrow white stripes at wide intervals. While the knot was impeccable, the fabric looked chintzy and stiff, like some cheap stuff draped and stapled into huge swags and swathes in a department store window highlighting its nautical-themed patio furniture and outdoor livingware, such as plastic dishes and cups with little boats and smiling seahorses and anchors festooning them.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

No, Dear, You May Not Have One Of Those. It's Bad For You. Come Along Now And Mummy Will Get You Something Much, Much Better.

There is purple, and then there is purple, and tonight's tie was an unfortunate rendering of that color. A shade such as this--what to call it? Artificial Orchid? Ersatz Iris? Sigh. Oh, and then do add some narrow neon-esque white stripes so that the entire effect is akin to one of those garish hyper-iced sugar cookies one can buy that is actually affixed to a stick. Good heavens. I feel a bit...offended.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Plain Purple Tie? I Think Not.

Back from a bit of a Long Weekend, Brian begins his Work Week with a solid silk cravat in a deep, rich jewel-toned violet with a warm red undertone. Its knot is a narrow funneled four-in-hand, and the dimple is satisfyingly cleft long and low. At first glance, one could be coolly dismissive of this tie, waving it off as merely "a purple tie." But with its luxuriously saturated color, I think it deserves to be reconsidered. Think instead of the opalescent plumage on the throat of some Amazonian rainforest bird, or the veil cast off by an exotic Arabian dancer in the tent of a hospitable desert sultan, or even the shimmering depths of a vintage poured by a mysterious Chilean hotelero on a warm, breezy terrace.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I'm Sorry, But I Cannot Seem To Understand This Tie, What With All The Shouting

Live from Pittsburgh, site of the G20 Summit, Brian Williams tried to report over the chaotic rantings of a lone protestor with a megaphone who momentarily tapped into the frequency of the NBC mikes. How fitting that BriWi was wearing his muddly tie of milky purple with the crayon blue stripes which seem to blur and run at the side. It was just as confusing and irritating as trying to listen to the newscast.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Where's The Reset Button? Looks Like Everyone Needs A Bit Of An Adjustment

Is it just me, or is Brian giving this tie, the midnight blue with narrow blush stripes, a heavy workout lately? I mean, he just wore it less than two weeks ago. And what was the deal with the poor lighting on the set of The Nightly this evening? It was well into the broadcast before I could even ascertain that this was the tie of the evening, yet he was in a tight closeup for most of the early part of the broadcast. I guess there's just no pleasing me this evening. Let's meet back here tomorrow and try it all again.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

A Cravat Haiku

Perhaps it is just
Seasonal ennui, but this
Purple tie bores me.

Monday, September 21, 2009

It's Raining, It's Pouring, The Stripes Are Getting Boring

So many striped ties, Brian Williams! This evening's offering is of peacock blue and putty, and it is one that has been a staple of the BW Wardrobe. Like the warming September sky with the last few scuds of an early afternoon shower stubbornly lingering, the muted contrasting hues blend in a pleasant palette.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Dinner Is Served, So Unfold Your Napkin

*Tonight, Brian Williams knots up a longtime favourite of The Report, the ruby jacquard cravat sprinkled with ash coloured circlets limned with ebony. It evokes a good old Chicago steakhouse specializing in thick-cut marbled Porterhouses served rare under a heavy char. Sauteed onions drape the beef, steaming fragrantly, and a baked potato sits snugly next to it, dripping with butter and lazily melting sour cream.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

A Touch Of Class

Basic black with a narrow satin band of antique ivory is Brian Williams' choice pour la cravate ce soir. With its understated elegance, it is a traditional engraved wedding invitation, the guest's menu at an Old New York dinner party, and a gentleman's card presented on a silver tray to a lady during afternoon calling hours.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Sometimes It's Better To Leave The Past In The Past

Due to parent-teacher conferences, please enjoy this Classic Cravat Critique from 26 May 2009 when Brian Williams debuted this tie.

Certainly one could not miss this evening's cravat. Baby blue crossed by narrow pearl stripes bordered in navy, this tie consumed every shot it was in with its massive blueness. That pastel was like a bad seventies prom tux, or (horrors!) a leisure suit worn with a pair of white patent loafers and a big, wide white belt. I wonder if Bri went on a little jaunt to Boca and walked around some flea markets or went to a few "tag sales." Because this tie...oy.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A Look Back In Time For You And The Report

Due to parent-teacher conferences, please enjoy this Classic Cravat Critique from 17 September 2007 when Brian Williams debuted this tie.

Brian stuns the Nightly viewers with a polka-dot cravate ce soir. This interesting tie reminds me of the brief period my sons went through in their early childhoods when they used to take Bic pens and randomly color on their bluejeans. Luckily, because they were growing exponentially overnight, I bought the boys cheapo no-name jeans at stores like JC Penney and KMart. Brian's tie has the color and even the look of those indeterminately "prewashed" looking jeans, but is more symmetrically dotted with inky blue spots the size of pencil eraser tops. Worn with his navy, subtly pinstriped suit and a crisp white shirt, this was a successful look for Brian. (More urbane than Sam and Jared in their graffiti-esque pants and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle teeshirts, anyway.)

Monday, September 14, 2009

In The Good Old Summertime

This evening, Brian slips on a retro-looking stripe of silver and cherry syrup red. Nostalgia beckons me back to my grandparents' cabin on a reservoir where we used to spend summer weekends when I was young. We'd change into our swimsuits, grab towels, and skip down the hill to the water, diving from the pier into the still coolness. When we finally emerged hours later, we climbed back up the slope to a waiting aluminum pitcher, frosty from the fridge and rattling full of ice cubes. From its welcome depths my mother would pour black cherry Kool Aid into colorful metal tumblers that would get so cold our hands would numb and burn.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

So There!

* The Report doesn't have a lot to say. It was a dusky lavender solid tie. Moreover, it seemed rather wrinkly. If that is the best he can do, then this is the best we can do.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Color Me Inspired By This Cravat

This evening Mr. Williams dons his dark navy tie with the slender, whisper-of-lilac stripes. What a dramatic and pretty contrast! This tie reminds me of reading the descriptions of all of those fancy bodices and laces in Gone with the Wind or the Little House on the Prairie books when Laura Ingalls Wilder would go into detail about sprigged calico or bombazine or grosgrain ribbons woven into headbands. I'd imagine them in my head and then, in my coloring books, try to replicate the color combinations in their pages. Thank heavens for Crayola Crayons in the 64 box.

*As a side note, The Report must make regretful mention of Robert Bazell's very...unfortunate tie. Awful.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

On My Honor, I Have Done My Best To Bring You Tonight's Tie

Perhaps Brian is feeling a bit nostalgic tonight as he knots up his deep blue tie with the narrow banana-peel yellow stripes. Oh, not because it has been a long while since he last donned this cravat. No, more because this little necktie simply hollers Boy Scout Uniform due to its color palette. As soon as I see it, I picture a shorter, more rosy-cheeked Brian Williams, standing at attention, yellow neckerchief jauntily knotted, blue shirt tucked with precision into his blue knee britches. The part in his shiny brown hair is impeccable, and he recites The Promise with absolute conviction. Maybe he can answer my burning question once and for all: Just what IS a "webelo" anyway?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Brian Returns And Stokes The Flames Of Fashion

Why, Brian! How kind of you to favour us with an appearance from behind the Nightly's news desk, what with Lester and/or Ann certainly available and possibly doing nothing of any importance. But, I digress. I neglect to mention your cravat of muted tangerine and heathered grey stripes. Possibly it was worn as a subtle homage to the brave firefighters still in the field in California, battling the flames and smoke of the wildfires. In any case, welcome back.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Oscar Wilde Said It Best. (What? You May Ask. Scroll Down To My Footer Quote!)

Resplendent in brilliant shocking pink with a pattern of ivory dots, Brian favours his viewers with two glorious cravats in a row. Tonight's tie has the pretty sophistication of a Faberge egg bejewelled in pearls. It is at once a work of art and a luxury, and those of us who can only look may do nothing more than just admire it from afar.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Back From Big Shirt Country, Brian Indulges In A Rather Sumptuous Cravat

* Back in the newsroom, Brian Williams knots up a lovely tie of vivid raspberry with a difficult-to-discern pattern. Is it peacock blue? Pewter? Are they petite fleur-de-lis? Crosses? Le sigh. It is but a small matter in considering such an attractive cravat as this. The fabric has a tasteful sheen, the tie a lovely knot, and there is no need for a dimple. I imagine myself sinking into a heap of cushions made of this tie's fabric, snuggling down into them with a sinfully good novel, a small box of very good chocolates clandestinely obtained on a surreptitious shopping trip, and a large glass of gorgeous red wine.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Oh, Brian. Pourquoi Si Grande?

On location in California, Bri is sans cravate ce soir. He is, however, very much still avec la tres grande chemise, an unfortunate fashion proclivity from which he cannot seem to break free.