Friday, April 30, 2010

Cette Cravate Est Tres Francais

Brian makes an admirable Fashion Rebound with this black and blossom stripe. There is even a subtle thread of black shot through the pale band that lends it a debonair accent. This cravat is chocolate croissants and demitasse; it is buying a kilo of pears and some brie pour elle at the small market, then stopping for a bottle of sauvignon blanc et baguette as an accompaniment. Later, over wine, cheese, and fruit, plans will be made and discarded as the breeze showers them with petals from the nearby apple trees in bloom.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Having Bit Of A Snit. Check Back Later.

So, just FOUR TIES AGO, Brian wore this. Navy blue tie. Skinny pale gold stripes. Was way creative with it then. Less inclined to do so now. Egregious repeat cycle. Come on. Over it. Wait. Not yet. Maybe later. Let you know.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Spring Beauty

Soft, muted purple silk studded with small ash petit point is the cravat choice tonight. It's a lovely harbinger of springtime, like a field of wild sweet violets, their white centres winking at the April sun.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


It's a striped tie of dashing jet navy and brushed platinum tonight from behind the desk of The Nightly. A dark blue sedan appears from out of the misty fog, its headlights making a dull glow in the path ahead as it pulls slowly alongside the curb. The woman in the trench coat slows her walk, her high heels muffled in the purr of the engine, and as the car draws closer, a back window, glass heavily tinted, slides down. A quick glance from a casual passerby would reveal only the glimpse of a man's watch, white gold and expensive. She turns.

Monday, April 26, 2010


...though this one--a rich plum--is not as torpid as the rest.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Probably He'll Get Her Number

Brian works the Navy-and-Gold Palette like nobody's business. Tonight's striped version of it is a bit more elegant, however, because the blue leans violet and the gold is a pale and subtle shade. This tie is a drinks-after-work date, the jacket unbuttoned as he leans across the table to share a smile and a joke. Her glass of oaked Chardonnay sparkles in the light, and with a subtle and quick gesture, she silences her cellphone and smiles back.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Coolly Elegant Cravat Is On My "Favourites" Menu

There's such elegance to this tie. Its stripes are rich: the jet navy is so deep that it is nearly black, the white is creamy like melted vanilla ice cream, and the narrow stripe of coral is sophisticated. It has a cool, composed air about it, like a black lacquered plate of sushi, carefully handrolled and placed like Japanese art upon the dish.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

In Which I Am Weary, Yet Have A Bit Of A Snit

I have almost lost my will to describe this tie, so often has Mr. Brian Williams worn it. I don't even have the energy necessary to snarkily go through my Archives and count up the times he's slung it on (certainly for the sole purpose to irritate me) and provoked me with its midnight blue background and its slim, carnation pink stripes. There is not even the strength in my Muse to conjure up the metaphoric milieux in which to...oh hell I'm getting sick of this tie.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My Fashion Flights Of Fancy Are Grounded

Solid Purple Tie. (Which is becoming as ubiquitous as newsreports about the ash clouds from the Icelandic volcano. Yawn.)

Monday, April 19, 2010

A Summer Symphony

Debut Tie. A surprising debut tonight as Brian dons a silk checked cravat of icy blue topaz and glacial white. It is a picnic of champagne and cold lobsters at the outdoor symphony concert, letting the crescendos of Rachmaninoff ripple the edges of the blanket upon the ground almost as much as the summer's evening breezes.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Unfortunately For This Boy Of Summer, The Report Makes An Unpopular Call

*Debut Tie. If The Report were a baseball game and I were the Fashion Plate Umpire, I'd call three strikes against this tie: #1, it is yet another Blue And Gold Striped Tie; #2, its gold stripes are horrifically metallic; finally, #3--the metallic gold stripes are unnecessarily fussied up further with a navy thread shot through them. Sorry, Brian Williams, but yer out!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

A Tie Among Many, Yet This Cravat Is A Standout

This is another one of Brian's Clan Ties: ties of the same style but in different colors. This Ivy League stripe is a saturated berry with widely spaced stripes of jet navy bordered by white pinstripes. The dimple, demure but deep, was impeccable. It is fashionable, yet not couture; present, yet not bold; colorful, yet not ostentatious. It is the tasteful burgundy sheath in a room full of spaghetti-strapped Little Black Dresses, the small, silver pitcher of violets next to the vases of red roses, and the voice of Yo-Yo Ma's cello above the hush of the mezzanine.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Somewhere Along The Fashion Highway, There Was A Detour

It's a hyacinth blue silk cravat with pinstripes of blossom pink tonight. By itself, the fabric is stunning. I can see why it caught the eye of the Tie Buyer, whomever it may have been. Its sheen is alluring, the colors murmur like the sotto voce of spring evenings, alive yet soft. The problem arose when the fabric became a tie. It is a most un-tielike material; it matches nothing; it looks decidedly feminine; it should have fulfilled its Fashion Destiny as something entirely different, perhaps a high-style evening coat, or the bodice of a cocktail dress.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Ladies And Gentlemen And Children Of All Ages! Please Direct Your Attention To The Center Ring!

Oh. My. Strike up the calliopes, raise the Big Top, and comb out the Bearded Lady because it looks like the Circus is on set at The Nightly! Brian, obviously heralding a recent graduation from Ringling Bros., Barnum & Bailey University, jocundly tosses on a clown-nose red cravat with large popcorn-white polka dots. This tie does not even attempt to perform a haute couture highwire act--it falls short and lands with a resounding thud.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Some Things Are...Au-Delà Des Mots

I am intrigued yet irked by this odd, shifty tie. Its narrow stripes are mysterious and captivating, appearing at first black and white, then suddenly black and palest pink, like an opal that is changeable in the light. Then, the pink blushes a bit, cooling toward lilac, then back again to white and...wait, is that a tiny dark thread within it? Describing this tie is like capturing the essence of a spring breeze or a baby's first laugh or even the grief of loss, the sorrow of regret. It is real, but it ne sais quois.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Overheard At The Men's Accessories Counter

"Oh, Mr. Williams! Before I ring you out--if you like this tie, we have another one just like it. It's a sort of pomegranate instead of the blue, and the squares are black with white frames, not the red. Would you like me to get it? I think it's just different enough that if you don't wear them one right after the other, no one will even notice how similar they are. After all, who keeps track of your ties, of all things, right?"

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Le Sigh. Une Autre Mauvaise Cravate.

Solid Purple Tie.
Although I will say the dimple was noteworthy.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

In Spite Of Its Freshness, I Am Decidedly Irked By This Tie

Debut Tie. Tonight's cravat is blue with small red squares in an overall grid, like looking at a roadside stand display of raspberries in pint cartons arranged in the cargo area of a blue Ford pickup. This kind of fabric and pattern leaves me irked and irritated, like gaudy designer scarves that everyone knows are ugly and hideous, but because they say Hermes or Emilio Pucci, we give them a pass.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Rapper's Delight At The 7-Eleven...What?

B-dub tosses on some serious Bling with tonight's tie. Its narrow stripes of black and metallic gold are a bit ostentatious. They remind me of the kiosks in the mall that have case upon case of gold chains of dubious quality lying close together upon tacky black velvet pads. The bored girl behind the counter is almost always either thumbing out a text message or sucking on the straw of some fluorescent-coloured frozen drink the size of the Washington Monument. Certainly, yes, that's where I'll be buying my fine jewelry.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Swoon-Worthy Cravat

Oh, I love this tie, with its wide swaths of Chanel pink and debonair black. It's sophisticated and sexy and a little bit retro-looking, kind of like a George Clooney meets Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis thing.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Let's Be A Little Bit Naughty With This Tie, Shall We?

Brian dons his jet navy tie with slim bands of pale carnation pink. As much as I am weary of this tie and its bevy of familiars, I still appreciate its contrast and flirtation. It's the sneaky foot-under-the-pantleg maneuver at the restaurant; the nibble on the earlobe during the phone call to his mother; the suggestive whispers in his ear as he explains something technical to his boss at the office cocktail hour. Sometimes, you need a little blush.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Joke Is On Us, Dear Readers

In a stunning display of Fashion Forwardness, Brian Williams dons a gorgeous ascot of lovely pink silk with a silver and black paisley pattern. Its bold yet tasteful sw... oh, hell.

April Fool.

And just as much on The Tie Report too. Solid Purple Tie.