A Sunny Bit Of Comfort

While it's true that Brian has a few of these striped ties, this--the soft yellow and heather grey one--is a welcome sight. It's like seeing a tin of warm cornbread muffins coming out of the oven on a cool, rainy morning or a chunk of lemon poppyseed poundcake waiting next to a chubby little pot of Earl Grey tea on a cloudy afternoon.

Kind Of A Ship-Shape, Spic-and-Span Sort Of Tie

Tonight Brian Williams wears a stripe of bright white and dressy navy blue. There is just something about this tie that makes me uneasy. Perhaps it is the stressful contrast between the two colors. Perhaps it is the stark whiteness. Perhaps it just makes me think of snappish officers conducting White Glove Inspections, running their index fingers along door moldings and into impossible crevices, looking for dust particles even Aunt Mabel, whose clean fetish would shame Howard Hughes, could miss.

Evil Knows No Bounds--Even An Impending "Snowpocalypse" Cannot Stop It From Rearing Its Terrible...er...Knot

Solid Purple Tie. Sigh.

Brian Is Lucky That An English Teacher Writes This Blog

I want to be nice and supportive of this tie. I really do. But what do you do about a tie that simply announces, "I AM A CHRISTMAS CANDY CANE" the moment you see its bright red and deep red diagonal stripes on a shiny white field? Perhaps you try, and you become thoughtful and literary and hearken back to that American classic by Harper Lee and the passage in which Scout describes her first grade teacher, Miss Caroline, who "wore high-heeled pumps and a red-and-white striped dress. She looked and smelled like a peppermint drop." There, Brian Williams. There.

There's A Little Something Sweet Left Over For You In The Fridge

Return with The Report to this tie's Debut on 16 March 2009 with this Classic Cravat Critique:

After a long weekend Brian knots up yet another new cravat! This one is an oxblood Ivy Leaguer with widely spaced, narrow stripes of pearlescent white shot through with a thread of the darker color. All I could think about as I carefully analyzed that tie was a slice of dark chocolate red velvet cake with glossy whipped white frosting, and pretty soon I was settling for graham crackers and this. Not the same; not even close.

Perhaps This Cravat Is Ready To Retire And Collect Its Social Security Benefits

Tonight Brian ties on a tired-looking pale blue cravat with slim navy stripes set at wide intervals. This tie just looks...elderly to me, like big Chryslers with frosty paint jobs and Florida license plates parked at Golden Corrals and Old Country Buffets at three-thirty. Or big vinyl purses with lots of inside pockets, most of which are full of Sweet-n-Low packets and Werther's. Or couches and chairs with lots and lots of little blankets and footstools close by like Comfort Brigades.

Bit Of A Getaway Tonight

The cool melon and soft grey stripes of this tie may be out of season, but they are a welcome respite from the frigid winter. Viewing this cravat is like peeking through the weathered cedar boards of a seaside fence at the pastel summer homes along the shore. Painted in the candy colors of vacation, they look warm and beachy, each one with a shady veranda and awnings like visors against the beaming sun.

Maybe Brian Could Sit With The Cool People And Try To Trade Up

If I could, I'd take a pass on this tie, really. Not that it's A Bad Tie. It's not. It's just...Not Doing It For Me. Purple with some teensy white dottyish pattern in a perfect grid is...eh. It's like sitting down at the lunch table in fourth grade and opening your brown bag and finding the same old PB&J, banana, and coupla cookies. Yeah, it's all stuff that's just fine and you'll eat it and all, but it's not anything to get all excited about.

No Grey Area Here: It's Just Black And White For Brian

It was inevitable that another one of these Black And Whites showed up. This one is black with very narrow white stripes at wide intervals. Brian has lots and lots and lots of Black And White Striped Ties. I've already compared them to Goth Chick Stockings and licorice allsorts and zebras and referee shirts and even Beetlejuice. Right now, I'm in a Creative Slough and can't compare them to anything. Especially since this particular Black And White is another-coloured incarnation of so many other Ties He Has. Sigh.

Bless You, Brian Williams. Bless Your Neckties, And God Bless The United States Of America.

In a strange way, I feel like yesterday's tie was a sort of preview for tonight's tie, kind of the way the White House released a few key ideas of the President's State of the Union speech a day early. It wasn't the entire speech, just a few of the salient points to get us ready for The Real Thing. So, last night's navy and red striped tie set us up for tonight's more sophisticated offering of smoked navy blue with wine stripes bordered with very thin pinstripes of platinum pearl. See what I mean?

In Mr. Williams' Neighborhood, Things Are Starting To Become A Bit Surreal. (Time To Rethink The Cravat Wardbrobe; You're Only 50!)

Another trip in the Wayback Machine as Mr. Williams tightens up a cravat from the Ward Cleaver Collection. This sedate tie of red and navy stripes is such an Old Man tie that I almost expected to look above its knot and see Wilford Brimley or John McCain squinting at me over a pair of bifocals doing an infomercial for reverse mortgages or prune juice or The Scooter Store.

In Which I End Up Reviewing A Different Tie Entirely, But...Oh Well.

Brian has another tie just like this. Whereas this one is a rich plummy purple crossed with narrow white stripes at wide intervals, the other one is more of an orchidy purple and looks like its lower-class cousin. You know what I mean, right? The part of the family that shows up to reunions in a big, beat-up car with one of the doors that doesn't open. All the kids come spilling out and the baby, who is fat-cheeked and robust and isn't wearing anything but a soggy diaper, is being carried by the skinniest and most frail six-year-old whose shoes are untied. But their mom is everyone's favorite aunt and makes the best brownies with the frosting piled high.

Another New Tie? Brian Williams! You Are Starting To Branch Out, Albeit A Teeny Tiny Bit.

Debut Tie. Again, we are treated to another New Tie, and this one, although it is another (yawn!) Striped Tie, it is Everso Complex and Experimental in its Colour Palette for Brian Williams. The background is a deep seaweed green with a silken sheen, and widely spaced are narrow stripes of firstly antique gold split with warm crimson. These double stripes are alternated with a contrasting slender stripe of sky blue. It's a very Ivy League tie, and its diverse colours make it pleasant and challenging to view.

A Taste Of The Tropics Tonight

Debut Tie. Certainly this cravat would be better suited to springtime, but having become weary of Brian's familiar neckwear, I was thrilled to see it. The field color was a cool Key lime custard; narrow white stripes were spaced widely apart and sported twin pinstripes of black. It was a stylish and decidedly tropical tie, yet elegant, like the gentlemen having cigars and caipirinhas on the terrace of the country club.

The Report Tires Of These Striped Ties, Yet The Wheels Have Not Yet Come Off

Why don't I like this tie? True, I am getting weary of the constant litany of stripes, stripes, stripes. But this one, at least, is not purple. It is not blue. It has the air of formality about it, with its silver and black diagonals and its fine knot. But the only thing I can think of when I see it is tires--those steel-belted radials-- so highly-touted by Goodyear and Cooper and Michelin Mr's. Goodwrench (Mr. Goodwrenches?) everywhere.

A Mystery Returns To The Report, And We Are In Quite A (Paranormal) State

Aaaarrrgh. This...tie! At least tonight I didn't have to completely obsess over its phantom greyish mini-print or its befuddling violet-blue/blue-violet background colour. Instead, I got to focus on its latest mysterious feature: the odd vertical crease that has developed along its length. Not seen on a BW Cravat since the Corky Brown Tie of 21 September 2007, this strange phenomenon bears watching.