Friday, March 7, 2014
Brian has knotted up what may become known as his Friday Tie, now that he has worn it two consecutive week's ends. It is the graphite silk with small medallions--navy? black?--highlighted in ash. She came to the bank several times a week to babysit her money, and she could be both terrifying and charming about it. And even though she was at least fifteen years older than him, he found her irresistibly alluring. Her voice was confident, yet feminine, and although she smelled wonderfully of flowers and citrus, she knew as much as he did about finance. Her dark hair was slightly streaked with grey; she wore fitted dresses and suits and expensive high-heeled shoes. Her jewelry was always marcasite and silver with a bit of onyx. The staff called her The Grey Lady, but he felt that was a terrible misnomer. When he thought of her, when he closed his eyes and thought of her scent, her voice, her mien, it filled him with red.
Brought to Life by Nance at 11:46 PM
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Brian's tie of summersky blue and cloud white stripes tonight is like a harbinger of Spring. A warm wind from the south had kept up all night, and when he awoke and looked outside, he smiled. The snow was gone. He, too, felt a burden gone, lighter, warmer, renewed. Lifting a mug from the rack, he made a quick cup of tea and walked out on the porch to get the newspaper. The sun, the breeze, the brilliantly blue sky, even the smell of the air made him stop and savour the morning. Closing his eyes and dragging in a couple of huge, deep breaths, he sat down on the step and set his mug next to him. The white cat across the street, a stray, walked down the Shays' driveway, paused, and came closer.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Rich brown textured fabric peppered with tiny peach-pink dots greets the viewer of The Nightly tonight. Her first job had been at a candy kitchen in one of the tourist meccas downtown. She had to wear an old-fashioned dress and mob cap, both in pink-sprigged calico, and a pristine white ruffled apron. Her favourite days were the fudge-making days, which she cooked in a huge copper kettle right in the large front window of the shop, overlooking the street. A crowd always gathered, especially when she swung the pot over to the marble slab and poured the stuff out, immediately working it with the two wooden paddles. Little by little, the rich chocolate liquid became stiffer, and by the time she had worked it into long loaf-shaped logs, it was solid. During its time on the slab, she could make it any flavour she wanted, adding nuts, fruits, marshmallows, or a stream of peanut butter fudge from a smaller kettle. If there were lots of children in the crowd, she merely cascaded a handful of multicolored sprinkles along the top, and labelled it "Circus Fudge" or "Rainbow Fudge." It would sell like crazy.
Brought to Life by Nance at 11:00 PM
Monday, March 3, 2014
We did not even have time to miss this cravat since Brian Williams just wore it Tuesday last. It is so obviously his Go To Tie, this stripe of cream and nightsky. "Oh, le sigh," we can imagine Monsieur Williams uttering petulantly whilst surveying the wealth of neckwear inside l'armoire des cravates. "I'm so very bored by it all. My first priority is The News. This--" and here he indicates the contents with an impatient, sweeping gesture, "--all of this is mere falderal. The people who care about such things are mere dilettantes. Here; here is the tie for today. It is perfectly fine. Now," he says as he carelessly knots it up expertly, "now I must go. News is happening. News is occurring in every corner of the globe, and I must bring it to the American people."
Brought to Life by Nance at 10:36 PM
Friday, February 28, 2014
Brian's tie tonight is a cool graphite silk patterned with little ash-coloured amoebae with black centres. It's interesting and stylish, suave and cosmopolitan. She checked the address again and frowned. Why would he send her here to meet the client? Where in this building would they meet? It was gallery space, lofts under construction, and a couple of random businesses. The elevator opened at the top floor and as the doors opened, she gasped. Behind two massive smoked glass and chrome doors was one of the most sophisticated bars (clubs?) she had ever seen. As far as she could see, glass, chrome, black walnut, and Chinese silk met her eye in some combination. Frank Sinatra sang softly, and the only other sound was the occasional clink of ice and glasses and the murmur of voices, mostly male. She saw him almost immediately, lounging at a booth and talking to a few people. At the same moment, he lifted his eyes to her, instinctively sensing her presence. His body never moved; his voice continued without a pause. She gestured toward an open booth, and he nodded almost imperceptibly. Annoyed, she sat down and took out her materials, preparing for the meeting. He probably owned the building and wanted to impress her and the firm. Big deal. She was tired of his hipster posturing and hoped he'd approve the latest changes, sign off, and let her go get something to eat. Sushi, maybe, or a kalamata flatbread at Nicco's. Her stomach rumbled, and she sighed.
Brought to Life by Nance at 11:39 PM
Thursday, February 27, 2014
This evening Brian Williams wears a cravat of dusky violet with widely spaced charcoal stripes. She caught the last ferry out even though that wasn't the plan, originally. Nothing, actually, had been according to plan, and she fought to discern exactly what she was feeling. Anger, yes, plenty of anger, but the choking desire to cry betrayed her sadness. And shame? Or was it self-loathing--no, not that strong--but simple embarrassment. She had been stupid and blind and naive and vulnerable. Staring mutely at the skyline, she watched as the sun abdicated its dominion to night's purple shadow, the darkening clouds shrouding the light.
Brought to Life by Nance at 11:57 PM
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Brian decided upon a rather daring stripe of violet blue with narrow raspberry diagonals, the latter being so dramatically pitched that they were almost fully vertical. So odd they were that I could not stop looking at that tie, almost believing that each time the camera came back to Brian after a segment helmed by, say, the handsome Miguel, that the stripes had skewed a little more downward. It would not have surprised me at all if, by the end of The Nightly, they had completely righted themselves straight or fallen off the tie entirely.
Brought to Life by Nance at 11:50 PM
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Hello again, striped tie of creamy white and nightsky. And ho hum. You are a lovely tie, to be sure, but part of Beauty's cache is Rarity. Would we appreciate and covet a sight of the Northern Lights so greatly if we could see them every night? Would the rainbow be such a gasp should it come after each and every rain? If lobster were as common as chicken on my dinner table, would I lean back in my chair, close my eyes, and have A Private Joy with each mouthful? I think not, and I hope I have made my point.
Brought to Life by Nance at 11:44 PM
Monday, February 24, 2014
Brian cannot lay off this particular tie lately, the shiny one bedecked with teensy purple and light something-or-other polka dots? houndstooth? checks? patterning. Each time I am confronted with this cravat I think of something else; this time it is some cheap doll luggage, made of heavy pasteboard with a thin leather-look veneer glued to it in some ungodly shade of purple. The lining would be rough sateen that looked like this tie, with globs of glue here and there, puckered, here and there a thread poking out. It would be on one of those cards with plastic bubbles holding the luggage on, and it would be on a rack on an end-of-aisle clearance display, marked 50% OFF!. Still no bargain.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Several Readers of The Report have thoughtfully written emails and asked, "Why have there been no Tie Reports during the Sochi Games?" Our answer is that as long as Brian's ties are A) playing peek-a-boo under an admittedly quite attractive outdoor jacket; and B) nothing new or interesting to justify a Report, we will simply take a hiatus. If another newsperson were to wear an interesting/wretched/breathtakingly stylish cravat, we may be moved to report it here. Otherwise, we are committed to being riveted by the curling uniforms and wondering if elementary school teachers' Christmas sweaters were the inspiration for the Team USA cardigans.
Brought to Life by Nance at 11:26 AM
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
The striped tie for tonight is deep blue with slim white diagonals. "You're being very brave!" she told the little boy sitting on the gurney in front of her. She was wrapping his arm in plaster bandages now, forming a cast. Now that the pain and fear were mostly gone, he regarded her with interest, and was watching everything she did. "Once we get all the white gooey part on, you can pick any color for your cast. See those rolls over there? Those are all the colors you have to choose from." She stepped aside, working deftly and expertly, while the child surveyed the rainbow hues before him. As she was tucking some soft cotton pads around the bicep, there came a small tap on her shoulder. "Blue," said his tiny voice in her ear. "Please. I want a blue one this time." Her heart clenched, and her eyes filled with tears.
Brought to Life by Nance at 10:54 PM
Monday, February 3, 2014
Mr. Williams' choice of cravat this evening is a stripe of Carolina blue against a navy field. He stood at the altar and sweated. He could feel the perspiration rolling down his back and his underwear sticking to every surface it touched, damp and strangling. Last night's send-off had been a huge mistake, and now, standing here in a tuxedo-clad row with the rest of the wedding party, sun beating down on them all from a relentlessly blue and cloudless sky with no hope of shade or breeze or any respite at all, he was paying dearly for it. The sweat broke out on his hairline in small beads that began to trickle down his face. His wife, looking like a Disney princess among other Disney princesses in blue taffeta, glanced at him worriedly. His stomach was roiling and he knew his face was grey or green or, at best, white. He tried a wan smile and hoped the wedding wasn't going to last much longer.
Brought to Life by Nance at 10:30 PM
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
As we here at The Report try to thaw from yet another Polar Vortex Visitation, it hardly seems worth our while to apply our benumbed and frosty fingers to the keyboard to report on another manifestation of That Tie. You know the one. It keeps violating our Fashion Space with its lurid Purply Gleam, its confusing pattern of impossibly small somethings that pulsate and flitter about and defy us at every angle. Today its dimple is, we begrudgingly admit, quite nice, but not enough to save it. If it appears once more this month--nay, once more before the first week of February is spent--we are relegating it to The Axis Of Evil. That is how badly this tie has been used.
Brought to Life by Nance at 9:01 PM
Friday, January 24, 2014
Looking very dapper, Brian puts together an enviable ensemble featuring a striped tie of charcoal with diagonals of ultramarine blue snugged by slim bands of white. This cravat is sleek and stylish, a perfect balance of color and brilliance. He scanned the room full of impeccably dressed elites, trying to find her. It was almost impossible in this bevy of black. If only he hadn't had to work so late! If only she weren't so very petite! If only women weren't so damned slavish to their Little Black Dresses for every single evening function. Struck by a brief moment of inspiration, he looked down. In a clutch of cocktail smalltalkers he found a pair of bright blue heels. He strode toward them, and there she was, martini (three olives) in hand.
Brought to Life by Nance at 11:09 PM
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Imagine our relief when we tuned in this evening and, instead of PurplePurplePurplePurple, we saw pearl grey and nightsky stripes. Is this tie a wondrous Fashion Accessory? No. But in comparison to its predecessors, however, it is a Sartorial Life Vest.
Brought to Life by Nance at 8:28 PM
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Quelle horreur! This has to be the worst Cycle de Répétition ever in The History Of The Report. Not only did Monsieur Brian wear this very tie the day before yesterday, but we are certainly having a Running Of The Purples. This, the shiny purply dotted tie of 15 January and 20 January, makes the third Purple in a row. Et, malheureusement, it had duelling dimples. Is something terribly amiss dans chez Williams?
Brought to Life by Nance at 9:30 PM