Monday, March 31, 2014

In Which We Make A Direct Appeal

Le Sigh.  Brian has stopped caring with regard to his neckwear, obviously.  Tonight he has slung on, for the eleventy thousandth time this March, the graphite grey/medallion print silk number.  I like this tie, but I am dangerously close to relegating it to the Axis Of Evil due to Overuse.

Brian, face it.  You are not, and can never be, Greg Feith.  And that is just feith--er, fine. You are a Man Of Style nonetheless.  Now quit pouting and reclaim your place in The Fashion World as a Sartorial Icon.  Where is the Pink Tie?  Where is the Salmon and Heather Grey Stripe?  Why not breeze through my Archives or root through your Tie Armoire and find some truly lovely (and neglected) cravats?  We are waiting.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Did All The Greg Feith Adoration Hurt Someone's Feelings?

SPT. Purlap Tie.  Why?

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Promise Keeper

Tonight, Brian is only a segment reporter on Lester Holt's Nightly.  He does have on a tie, however, so we shall report on it.  It is the dusky plum silk cravat with charcoal diagonals.  Exhausted, they lay among the rows and coughed, their eyes tearing and their chests heaving and burning.  Impossibly, the fire had not come into the vineyard at all, and only the winery tasting room and retail space was a loss.  They had managed to carry out only half the cases stored there, but it was a small dent in the inventory.  The worst thing was that the fire had happened at all.  She knew there had been ill feeling since she set up business here and let it be known that it was, for all intents and purposes, a women's winery.  That the blaze had been deliberately set she had no doubt.  She sat up and looked at the charred remains of her beautiful chateau-styled building and absentmindedly reached over to cup a luscious bunch of merlot grapes in her palm.  They were dusted with soot, but beautiful with the promise of a deep and fragrant wine.  A promise she intended to fulfill.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Le Sigh

SPT. Purlap Tie, again.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014


This particular cravat has been long absent.  It is a heavily textured check of white and purple.  It's perfectly fine as a tie, but imagine seeing this fabric on the bolt.  So retro!  I could see Sixties designers making maxi skirts for party hostesses, to be worn with a wide belt and one of those white, stretchy, banlon shirts with collar and cuffs.  Or maybe a Twiggy-inspired coat with double-breasted A-line styling--very short--and high white go go boots.  Quite Mod.

Monday, March 24, 2014

On The Way

This evening Brian wears his cravat of cornflower blue striped by golden cables.  "You can drop me right here," she said to the driver.  "I can walk the rest of the way just fine."  The pickup truck ground to a stop on the dirt road and she grabbed her bag and hopped down.  Waving, she watched it disappear into the horizon.  In a few moments, there was silence.  She was surrounded by sun and sky and heavy, bobbing waves of wheat. She looked at it with a practiced eye; in about two weeks it would be in storage.  The dust from her ride had settled, and she wandered into the rows.  Setting her bag down, she drew out a flowered dress and some wet wipes.  Hurriedly, she took off her jeans and tee and shook off the travel.  She gave herself a quick bath among the wheat with the towelettes and put on the dress.  Pulling on her boots, then packing up her stuff, she looked around to make sure all was as before.  Emerging, she regained the path and walked on.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Where Greg Feith Gets His Ties

The Report has learned the designer behind the stunning and colourful ties of Our Cravatical Connoisseur.  For all of you who have been longing to buy yourselves and The Men In Your Life a Greg Feith Tie, demand that your local haberdasher start ordering some Vitaliano Pancaldi neckwear.  According to the man himself, "Pancaldi ties never go out of style!"  You're welcome.

Friday, March 21, 2014

In Which We Look On The Bright Side

SPT.  Even though Brian wears his Purlap Tie, viewers of The Nightly and we here of The Report are rescued by a Greg Feith sighting.

Greg Feith, thank heavens, showed up wearing another necktie of flowing and billowing prismatic stripes, sort of a Cravatical Homage to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon.

Thursday, March 20, 2014


Welcome Spring!  And welcome back to this cravat, a boldly graphic stripe.  The field colour is brilliant summersky blue, and the widely spaced stripes are black snugged by slim bands of white.  The horn honked impatiently outside, and she grabbed her backpack off the kitchen chair.  No way was she going to risk having to say goodbye to her mother for the fiftieth time; why did he honk the horn?  She hurriedly assembled a breakfast, raiding the fruit bowl and the cupboard, selecting a banana and a few granola bars.  Once outside, she grinned and took a deep breath.  In one leap, she was in the Jeep and he backed out of the driveway and onto the road.  She pulled her hair into a quick ponytail and they merged onto the highway and into the world of sun, sky, road, and freedom.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

In Short, There's Simply Knot A More Congenial Spot...

Still mourning the loss of Greg Feith, we hardly glanced at tonight's cravat, a stripe of lilac and something dark, oh, we forget.  Let's face it.  We had a hard time concentrating on Brian's tie because we kept hoping Greg Feith would make an appearance.  Now that we know the Feith Era is over at The Nightly, we will resign ourselves to the cold fact and get back to The Report as usual.  Our brief stay in Camelot was lovely, was it not?

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

We Have Been Tempted

Brian Williams breaks the hearts of his legions of fans by not even taking up the challenge presented to him by the dashing Tie Innovator Greg Feith.  Instead, he doubles down and wears yet again the graphite grey silk with the amoeba-like medallions.  (See 28 Feb.; 7 March).  Yes, we are grateful it is not a Stripe.  Yes, we are grateful it is not a Purple. Oh, bother.  I see now that we are just inconsolable that it is not a Feith.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

This Is A Special Report

We here at The Report hope that NBC News finds a permanent spot for one Greg Feith, whose bold and daringly stylish cravats have held us in their sway all week.

Greg Feith, you are a Tie Idol, a God of The Cravat.  Bless your Bold and Mufti Neckwear.  Forever.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

In Which We Make An Exception Entirely And Report On...

Ann Curry commandeered The Nightly's desk tonight.  She wore no tie.  Guest authority Greg Feith, speaking about possible wreckage of the Malaysian jetliner, however, did wear a tie, and what a tie it was.  Please, please, please use my sidebar link and view it on the webcast.  You will not be sorry.  We are still deep in debate as to whether or not we love it, are still in shock, or want to go to the circus.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Brian Does...It

So!  Tonight's tie!  Wow.  What...was that about?  A dusty lilac field with stripes that looked like fuchsia cables.  It was kind of like Cirque du Soleil meets porn fetish film studio meets Easter Parade meets Dora the Explorer aisle at Toys R Us.  The lilac was pretty, and I like the idea of the cable textured stripe, but fuchsia?  There is a taste issue here that needs to be addressed.  But not now.  I have a headache.

Friday, March 7, 2014

All In A Day's Work

Brian has knotted up what may become known as his Friday Tie, now that he has worn it two consecutive week's ends.  It is the graphite silk with small medallions--navy? black?--highlighted in ash.  She came to the bank several times a week to babysit her money, and she could be both terrifying and charming about it.  And even though she was at least fifteen years older than him, he found her irresistibly alluring. Her voice was confident, yet feminine, and although she smelled wonderfully of flowers and citrus, she knew as much as he did about finance.  Her dark hair was slightly streaked with grey; she wore fitted dresses and suits and expensive high-heeled shoes.  Her jewelry was always marcasite and silver with a bit of onyx.  The staff called her The Grey Lady, but he felt that was a terrible misnomer.  When he thought of her, when he closed his eyes and thought of her scent, her voice, her mien, it filled him with red.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Spring Is In The Air

Brian's tie of summersky blue and cloud white stripes tonight is like a harbinger of Spring.  A warm wind from the south had kept up all night, and when he awoke and looked outside, he smiled.  The snow was gone.  He, too, felt a burden gone, lighter, warmer, renewed.  Lifting a mug from the rack, he made a quick cup of tea and walked out on the porch to get the newspaper.  The sun, the breeze, the brilliantly blue sky, even the smell of the air made him stop and savour the morning.  Closing his eyes and dragging in a couple of huge, deep breaths, he sat down on the step and set his mug next to him.  The white cat across the street, a stray, walked down the Shays' driveway, paused, and came closer.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Making And Selling Happiness

Rich brown textured fabric peppered with tiny peach-pink dots greets the viewer of The Nightly tonight. Her first job had been at a candy kitchen in one of the tourist meccas downtown.  She had to wear an old-fashioned dress and mob cap, both in pink-sprigged calico, and a pristine white ruffled apron.  Her favourite days were the fudge-making days, which she cooked in a huge copper kettle right in the large front window of the shop, overlooking the street.  A crowd always gathered, especially when she swung the pot over to the marble slab and poured the stuff out, immediately working it with the two wooden paddles.  Little by little, the rich chocolate liquid became stiffer, and by the time she had worked it into long loaf-shaped logs, it was solid.  During its time on the slab, she could make it any flavour she wanted, adding nuts, fruits, marshmallows, or a stream of peanut butter fudge from a smaller kettle.  If there were lots of children in the crowd, she merely cascaded a handful of multicolored sprinkles along the top, and labelled it "Circus Fudge" or "Rainbow Fudge." It would sell like crazy.

Monday, March 3, 2014

He's On A Mission

We did not even have time to miss this cravat since Brian Williams just wore it Tuesday last.  It is so obviously his Go To Tie, this stripe of cream and nightsky.  "Oh, le sigh," we can imagine Monsieur Williams uttering petulantly whilst surveying the wealth of neckwear inside l'armoire des cravates.  "I'm so very bored by it all.  My first priority is The News.  This--" and here he indicates the contents with an impatient, sweeping gesture, "--all of this is mere falderal.  The people who care about such things are mere dilettantes. Here; here is the tie for today.  It is perfectly fine.  Now," he says as he carelessly knots it up expertly, "now I must go.  News is happening. News is occurring in every corner of the globe, and I must bring it to the American people."