Tuesday, January 29, 2013

This Is The Barefoot Wine Of Ties

This is a tie we have seen often, the rich violet crossed by dark navy stripes bordered in porcelain white.  I want so much more from this tie, but its fabric holds it back.  It's like a bottle of inexpensive wine.  The initial taste is pleasant enough, but there is no complexity, no finish, no body. 

Monday, January 28, 2013

So Refined

Mr. Williams wears a graphite grey tie with a classic foulard pattern of subtle lighter grey medallions.  This would make a lovely ascot worn with a morning coat, would it not?  One can imagine its soft folds, neatly pinned, on an immaculate shirtfront.  A tasteful weskit is carefully held out by the valet, then buttoned and brushed.  The watch and chain added, our gentleman collects hat and gloves and heads out the door.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Brian Has A Lot Of Ties That Look Kinda The Same, And I Feel Like He's Quizzing Us

Have you ever read a fashion magazine and seen a layout called something like "The Look for Less"?  It shows a model wearing all designer duds on one page, and on the facing page, she wears a similar outfit, but this one is much cheaper because its elements are all bought at places like H&M, Target, and JC Penney.  I feel as if that's what Brian Williams' tie tonight is, the Lesser Look of Tuesday night's cravat.  Tonight's tie has the same subtle dark pattern that looks tweedy, but instead of that lovely dark cherry juice colour, it's just purple.  Again.  Walmart, not Armani.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013


For tonight, Brian has selected a brilliant red-violet cravat with charcoal stripes, widely spaced.  Instead of the romantic and elegant evening she had envisioned, it had turned sloppy and morbid.  She grabbed her wineglass and stumbled out, deep into the rows of Cab Franc, its bunches full and ready.  The deepening dusk made the vineyard her refuge, and she sat down, listening for her name.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

And Don't Forget To Tip Your Cocktail Waitress

I do like this tie, even though it borders dangerously on being one of the SPTs.  Here is how I described it back on 18 October 2010 in this Classic Cravat Critique:

Tonight Brian knots up a classy silk of plum with a subtle black pattern of stripes that, at a distance, can double as a sort of nouveau tweed. It's very Rat Pack, very snazzy, kind of "microphone in one hand and highball in the other with a lot of piano riffs while I sip and nod knowingly during the bridge." Order me a sidecar, Bri, while I visit the little girls' room to powder my nose.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Smart And Snappy

Inauguration Day, and Brian Williams dons a brisk-looking striper of cream and navy blue.  It looks formal and precise, a little martial in its comportment, like a salute.  This is a tie that could pass muster at the parade grounds, yet meet the ambassador at a small tête-à-tête in the Map Room. 

Friday, January 18, 2013

Rich Rewards

So Brian gives the Echo Chamber Of Faux Répétition a break and knots up his cravat of lusciously textured coffee-coloured silk with the petit-point pattern of coral dots.  This tie is so evocative of richness and flavor.  It is good coffee, expertly roasted.  It is homemade chocolate frosting, thick and swirled on a Valentine's Day cake.  It is the small, indulgent truffle with pink sprinkles bought at the chocolatier at the end of a long day, placed on a crystal plate.  A glass of merlot is poured, a good book is savoured, a fire is rekindled in the hearth. 

Thursday, January 17, 2013

It's A Goofus And Gallant Sort Of Retrospective

Have you ever had to wait in the pediatrician's office with your child and picked up a Highlights magazine or other tot-friendly publication?  No doubt you've helped Junior and yourself pass the time comparing two similar pictures and picking out the differences between them:  a dog's tail missing, a pocket switching sides, a girl now wearing glasses.  Tonight, Brian wonders if we can spot the fact that this blue and green striped tie is not the same as the one he wore on 9 January or even 14 January.  No, this one has wider stripes and the blue is much, much brighter!  See, Brian!  And you thought we wouldn't notice.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Classics

This evening's cravat is a sort of grandmother to the one worn on 8 January.  Its narrow stripes are a modest lavender and ebony, sedately fashionable, more modulated and graceful.  This is a tie that knows class, not flash; character, not quirkiness; style, not trendiness.  It is The Great Gatsby to Twilight.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

No Biggie

Well, well, well.  Once Brian Williams unearthed the blue-with-dark-dots tie from l'armoire de cravates on Friday the 11th, it would seem he was loathe to put it away.  Here it is again, in all its nonchalance and aplomb, a mere few days later.  I suppose with an attitude such as this this tie possesses, it's to be expected.

Monday, January 14, 2013

But, Really, Isn't There Someone Who Can Do This For Him?

The new term for it is "Shopping Your Closet."  Here at The Report, we call it a Shameless Repeat Cycle.  Regardless, Brian has decided to again knot up the striper of deep blue and forest green most recently seen on 9 January.  Perhaps Bri has made a Resolution to be more newsy and less GQ.  "My tie?  I don't pay any attention to ties!  The world is in turmoil!  The United States is on the cusp of major legislation and default, and you are wondering about a scrap of fabric!  Away with you!"

Friday, January 11, 2013

It's Almost The Weekend

What's this?  Abandoning stripes for the moment, BriWi dons a necktie of true blue with a very subtle crosshatch pattern.  Sprinkled upon it are large Prussian blue polka dots.  This tie nudges and winks "Casual Friday."  It hangs around the breakroom and talks about who's headed to the Super Bowl.  It lounges on the corner of a desk and complains about who's hurt on its fantasy team.  It Skypes with its buddies while it messes with spreadsheets.  And at five o'clock, it gets stuffed in a briefcase, trench coat pocket, or glove compartment.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Life In Shadow

Smoked violet crossed by narrow charcoal diagonals is Brian's choice for his cravat.  This tie is aged velvet curtains packed away under the stage, dusty purple folds quietly holding the applause of audiences long ago.  It is the cape of the countess, dark silk lined with warm, soft plum, hooded for discretion on winding carriage rides with unnamed men who bring scandal and bouquets of flowers.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013


This evening's cravat is a moody stripe of dressy navy and moss green.  It is a shadowy forest at sunset, the leafy alcoves cool and dark.  In the distance is the muffled sound of the brook as it slides over rocks and around fallen tree trunks.  A tall pine sighs and sways, preparing to rest for the night. 

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

"May I Help You, Angelina? I'm Almost Done Finding What Gwyneth Needs For Little Apple."

Brian continues to usher in his New Year with bold, arresting colours.  Tonight he knots up a stripe of hot pink and midnight.  If there were a Toys R Us on Rodeo Drive, this is what the Personal Shoppers would wear in the Barbie Aisle as they escorted the rich and famous mommies up and down whilst the glitterati picked out dollies and dream houses for their little princesses. 

Monday, January 7, 2013

Red Letter Day

Welcome back, dears.  Happy New Year from all of us here at The Report!

BriWi's tie tonight is a brilliant red with widely spaced stripes of navy blue.  She was sitting at the kitchen table upon which an enormous amount of gummy bears was spread.  Painstakingly, she picked out the red ones and deposited them into a cellophane bag.  Satisfied that she had every single ruby-coloured bear separated out, she tied a blue grosgrain ribbon to close the bag and affixed a tag.  She would ask the florist to include the candy with the flowers.  He would love that!  Smiling, she scooped the remaining gummies into a container and hid them in the pantry.  Their turn would come later.