Wednesday, December 30, 2009

This Might Be A Record-Breaking Month: Another SPT

Solid Purple Tie. Oh, it treads the edge a bit by being bluish violet, but it is a SPT nonetheless. The fabric looked nice though, sort of a raw silk. (No, I am not relenting.)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Brian Nearly Sneaks Une Cravate Nouveau By, But The Report Gets A Little Help From Our Friends

Debut Tie. Brian has so many ties with the black/jet navy stripe bordered by white (which may or may not have that thread of white shot through the dark band) that I've developed a real sense of nonchalance when I see one pop up on my telly. As a matter of fact, I had already written this one off as one of the Purple Twins when Kaeleigh (Visitor Girlfriend) cooed, "Oooh, pomegranate!" and I realized that A) it was a cravat that deserved a Second Appraisal, and B) Sam's paramour had a discerning eye for colour.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Sometimes, We Have To Hide Our Holiday Kitsch Under A Little Bit Of...Well, We At Least Have To Try

Debut Tie. This is as close as one can get to wearing a Holiday Novelty Tie without actually wearing a Holiday Novelty Tie. Admit it: the moment this cravat appeared in all of its red-and-red-and-white-striped glory, the first thing you thought was CANDY CANE. Because, honestly, we all know that's exactly what it is supposed to be. And Merry Christmas right back atcha, Brian.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

They Say You Have To Hit Bottom Before You Truly Can Be Helped. Le Temps Pour L'aide Est Arrivé!

Bringing L'Ennui du Cravate to new heights, Brian Williams knots up what may very well be The Single Most Boring Tie we here at The Report have ever seen. Quite honestly, the only thing that kept us from nodding off was trying to figure out if A) the tie was made from the selfsame fabric as BW's jacket; B) it was charcoal grey or jet navy; C) it had any sort of redeeming pattern or texture whatsoever, or D) it was a Debut Tie. What a banal, mundane, and soporific piece of menswear it is. Good grief. Bring me my blankie and my snugglebunny; I'm off to bed.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Brian's Tie Leaves Me Feeling Slightly Irked, Yet Somehow Bored, Like A Family Restaurant Chain, You Know?

Oh, I don't know, Brian Williams. Is it the tie or is it moi? Because I'm just not feelin' it. Striped, two shades of blue, neither of which is very attractive--navy and Carolina/sky--and it's just so ordinary and pedestrian. It's like eating at Bob Evans or Perkins. It's certainly something that satisfies the requirement, but it's nothing you'll find memorable or exciting or talk about with any sense of urgency or recommendation.

Monday, December 21, 2009

This Poorly Executed Cravat Sets Off A Discount Store Musing at The Report, And We Are All Left Feeling A Little...Less

Brian Williams has another tie just like this, and I don't care for either of them. This version is plummy purple with skinny white stripes at wide intervals. The purple is pleasant enough, but the stripes are the problem. Too white, too skinny. They make the tie look cheap and poorly designed, reducing it to the level of not quite Dollar Store Tie, but certainly Wal*Mart Tie. It can only aspire to be a Target Tie. How sad is that?

Friday, December 18, 2009

A Devastating Blow To December: La Cravate Diabolique Apparaît Encore Si Bientôt!

Solid Purple Tie. Softly lavender, but a solid purple nonetheless. And decidedly Springy, too. (Not very Seasonal, Brian Williams.)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

This Tie Walks That Line, And No, That's Not A Johnny Cash Reference (Far From It)

Debut Tie. This tie could have gone so terribly, awfully wrong. Its bright navy and olive stripes, in the wrong hands, could have been a Fashion Disaster. A rumple here, a meatball sub stain there, and it could have been rendered That Tie--you know, the tie of a sloppy, mouth-breathing used car salesman who says things like "ya know, chief" and "I seent it." The tie worn by the man who shows you the color televisions and says "these here flat screens" while he hikes up his belt over his stomach. Instead, it looks sharp and fashion forward, like the tie of the snazzy assistant at the financial planner's office who wears a bluetooth in his ear and offers you an espresso, mineral water, or perhaps a green tea while you're waiting, and did you hear what gold did this morning on the Nikkei?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Ghost Of Cravates Diaboliques Rears Its...Knot

Solid Purple Tie. Already. And he was doing so well....

Monday, December 14, 2009

The Report Is Seeing Spots! A Debut Tie For A Change!

Debut Tie. Brian Williams, in an unheralded departure from his usual silk striped ties, knots up a tie with a polka dot motif this evening. Dark blue is scattered with bold, yet somehow elegant golden circles, like coins tossed upon a damask covered salver. This cravat is both happy and haughty, cool as well as cocky. A statement tie, to be certain.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Evening Cruise

Brian's penchant for blue ties and narrow stripes continues as he wraps up the week at The Nightly. At least the colours are lovely on this evening's cravat. The deep sapphire blue with its twin diagonals of gleaming pearl looks like the darkened sea cut by the path of a pleasure boat, its strings of white fairy lights reflected in the lazy ripples as they flatten out toward the shore.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Variations On A Theme Of Navy Ties With Skinny Stripes: A Lesson In Buying Fashion In Bulk

Just how many of these ties do you have, Brian Williams? Jet navy with narrow stripes has become a sort of Uniform for you lately. This evening's Variation On That Theme is jet navy with champagne stripes, which has a sort of understated elegance, true, but when it comes right down to it, it's still another Navy Tie With Skinny Stripes.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

It's A Nice Tie, But I Don't Like It In That Way

We've seen a variation of this tie before. Christmassy red field, white stripes bordered with black--but its predecessor had wider stripes, which made it look bolder and more stylish. This version is pleasant but a bit boring, like that nice teller at the bank who you wouldn't describe as handsome--or even good-looking--but if he asked you out, you'd probably say yes, all the while knowing that even though you'd have a decent time and even do something very nice, there wouldn't be a second date, just that awkward little speech about how he's really a great guy, but you'd rather just be friends.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

If The Tie Is A Window To The Soul, Then I Am Deeply Worried About Brian Tonight

Good heavens. Just what was happening avec cette cravate? I felt like I was viewing it through a cheap summertime window screen as its impossibly tiny purple and grey? blue? white? mesh pattern flickered and flitted upon my television screen. Certainly the impeccable knot was wasted upon this terrible tie, and we all know that the control room techs reached for the Tylenol well before the broadcast was over. (I know *I* kept looking for the teensy little rolly shade to pull down over the whole horrid thing.)

Monday, December 7, 2009

An Artful Tie

Debut Tie. A lovely and sophisticated striped cravat is tonight's offering from Mr. Williams. Midnight blue is crossed by emerald stripes which are narrowly banded by platinum. Additionally, each of those green stripes is shot through with a barely discernible thread of that silvery hue.The overall effect is elegant and somehow quietly ornate, like watching the gloved hands of a museum's curator carefully handling crown jewels or the necklace of an Egyptian queen or the scepter of an ancient medieval ruler as he places it carefully within its velvet and glass case.

Friday, December 4, 2009

When Is A Tie Not Just A Tie? When It Is An American Icon--Or A Bunch Of Them!

Brian knots up one from the Ward Cleaver Collection tonight. It's a simple silk striper of navy blue and berry red, and it's just about as traditional as a tie can be. It's "Honey, I'm home!" and wood panelling in the den; it's "Ask your father" and not spoiling your dinner. This tie is the house with the picket fence and the two kids, the dog, and the family car...hell, it's the Norman Rockwell Of Ties!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Quiet Landscape

This tie is a sort of icy, aloof cravat. Its narrow white and cadet blue stripes are cool and stately, and I find myself thinking of distant mountain ranges standing in silence as the wind sweeps across their faces, snow settling in amongst the ridges and crevasses.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

It's That Stripe That Keeps It From Being Completely Boring, You Know; Otherwise, I'd Just Slam It Mercilessly

It's the navy blue with slender blush stripes tonight (although the dodgy lighting on set at The Nightly washed it out so much that the stripes looked white at times). I kept thinking of a little fair-skinned ringbearer with rosy cheeks, walking down the aisle, his dark blue suit so formal and alien, wide brown eyes fixed carefully upon his mother who coaxed him forward from the front pew.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Awwwwww...Isn't It So Pretty!?

Brian begins the month with the blues--stripes, that is--of creamy sky and deep turquoise. This tie is decidedly pretty. Its fabric should be the awning of a tony Manhattan baby store called Baby Boy-tique which caters exclusively to the mumsies and popsies (or nannies, as the case may be) of male infants.