Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Aw, Gee, Dad

Brian closes out the month with a staid offering of bipartisan blue and red as he reports the news on Florida Primary Night.  This striped tie is from the Ward Cleaver Collection, representing the Jazzy But Calmly Authoritative line, sort of what The Beav's dad would knot up to take Wally and Theodore out for a meet-and-greet with the lead singer of a local combo.  You know, just in case the guy tries to discover Wally and lure him away from the Boy Scouts or something.

Friday, January 27, 2012

How About No, Brian, Okay?

For a moment, I thought perhaps I was watching Brian Williams in a SNL skit where he was reporting the news from Austin Powers' groovy new pad, baby, yeah.  Because this tie was some sort of Mod, Sixties Era cravat one might see in a go-go cage.  Electric raspberry circles, metallic silvery framing--all it needed was faux fur, a bar, and a little switch to make it revolve to throbby beat music. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

What Is The Statement We Are Making With This Tie? (I Have An Idea)

"...And we're back, gang!  A big Thanks to our sponsor, Sal's Vegas Village--the state's finest Pawn Emporium and American Cuisine Buffet!  Don't forget to hit up his website for that coupon! Okay!  Here's our next item up, and it's almost sold out!  A real eye-grabber of a silk tie in neon purple, looks like a sort of...lavender on P90X, guys, and it's got nice slim stripes of in-your-face bright blue!  This tie is lit up like The Strip!  And it can be yours for just a phone call--you know our number!"

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Thank Goodness

Mr. Williams comes back to us this evening with a less painful offering of narrow stripes alternating sky and blueberry.  Because I fear my review might be tinged with relief and gratitude rather than objectivity--like extolling the complexity of flavours in a Hostess Twinkie after choking down Aunt Greta's "hospital meatloaf"--I will merely nod in polite approval.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

In Which I Imagine Disasters Profound, Having Seen Two In A Row Now Broadcast Before Me

As if trapped in some sort of Dante-esque maelstrom of stygian style oblivion, where we all must be punished for past fashion sins, we had to watch Brian knot up a cousin of last night's cravatical catastrophe.  This evening's disaster, only marginally better than 16 January, was again a breakfasty theme of waffly little Cheeto-colored patches against a Crayola blue field.  At least they were aligned, not askew like last night, but the whole thing had a sort of intarsia, textury thing happening like bad Seventies textiles.  What is happening?  Did a JoAnn Fabric warehouse blow up somewhere and a school is making and selling ties for a fundraiser to benefit a Firefighter/Veterans Rescue Dog Shelter?  Because you and I both know BW could never resist that.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Lil' Abner Might Like It

This tie is automatically and immediately enshrined forever in the Axis Of Evil. What was he thinking?  That faux denim polyester background, those bloody Chex cereal patches going this way and that...the whole thing was like a Dogpatch Designer Challenge on Hillbilly Project Runway.  Grab me my shootin' iron, Granny Gunn.  I'm goin' huntin' fer Real Fashion.

Friday, January 13, 2012


SPT. So disappointing.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

What Would You Do?

Another luscious-looking cravat with brown as its dominant colour tonight.  This time, it's the richly textured chocolate with a pattern of tiny peachy-pink dots, all in a neat, orderly grid.  Imagine if you were Newly Resolved, striving to Be Good, and, pushing your shopping trolley past the bakery department, caught sight of that one glistening chocolate frosted doughnut in the case, tempting you with its careless shower of pink sprinkles--so pretty! so...alluring!  And the Only One!  Why, it is practically a sign that you should have it.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Image Is Everything

This tie has been a real Go-To Tie for BriWi lately, and while I like it, I have seen so much of it, I'd like to tell it to Go To.  Anyway, it is a tasteful conservative cravat striped with very narrow bands of worsted grey and a smoky, deep turquoise. It looks capable, yet stylish, like the reason upscale Soccer Moms drive SUV's instead of minivans.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Manifest Destiny

Brian is sophisticated and rich in his cravat of mahogany and metallic gold stripes this evening, the latter diagonals resembling strands of tightly wound tinsel.  This is a tie of weskits and pocket watches, of barred teller windows and smiling bank Presidents with mutton-chop whiskers who offer railroad tycoons a fine cigar from the humidor on the desk.  Leather chairs complain loudly as these titans of new industry settle in, and the dollar signs drift and multiply above their heads.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Western Wisdom

Tonight's tie is a stripe of rich cinnamon and textured chambray blue. She peered around the corner of the stable and found him coiling rope in the corner of a stall.  The docile horse stood silent, patiently awaiting the curry. With deft movements, he brought the animal's coat to a luxuriant sheen.  Upon discovering her he grew angry, but tried not to show it.  Anger would only unbalance him, and a steady rider meant a steady ride--he learned that the day he got his first saddle.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Yeah, It Used To Be Snazzy

This evening Brian knots up another Striped Tie, this one jet navy with pumpkin diagonals banded by cream pinstripes.  Oh, it's not a Bad Tie, and it's not a Boring Tie. It's just that we've seen this tie so very often that it's lost its Power To Impress.  It's the tie that your Uncle Carl would wear to Thanksgiving dinner and, leaning over to your Goth cousin (who changed her name to Azzryeall), flips it at her and says, "Hey! Ya like this tie?  Snazzy, huh?"

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

2012 Looks No More Fashionable Than 2011. (Or '10, or '09, or '08, or...le sigh)

SPT. Apparently, someone failed to make the New Year's Resolution for which I had hoped.

Monday, January 2, 2012

He's Back And So Are The Stripes; My Ennui Is Imminent As A Result

Brian Williams reclaims his desk at the Nightly with a staid, stodgy cravat of navy blue striped with slim cream diagonals bordered with burgundy.  It's not an edgy tie, by any means. It's not bold, and it makes no Statement. It's like your dad at family dinners, who sits at the head of the table because he always does, but if your friend sat there cluelessly one night for your birthday, no one would make a Big Deal out of it, especially Dad. He'd just shift over one seat, grab the platter of whatever, and start passing.