Wednesday, December 30, 2009

This Might Be A Record-Breaking Month: Another SPT

Solid Purple Tie. Oh, it treads the edge a bit by being bluish violet, but it is a SPT nonetheless. The fabric looked nice though, sort of a raw silk. (No, I am not relenting.)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Brian Nearly Sneaks Une Cravate Nouveau By, But The Report Gets A Little Help From Our Friends

Debut Tie. Brian has so many ties with the black/jet navy stripe bordered by white (which may or may not have that thread of white shot through the dark band) that I've developed a real sense of nonchalance when I see one pop up on my telly. As a matter of fact, I had already written this one off as one of the Purple Twins when Kaeleigh (Visitor Girlfriend) cooed, "Oooh, pomegranate!" and I realized that A) it was a cravat that deserved a Second Appraisal, and B) Sam's paramour had a discerning eye for colour.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Sometimes, We Have To Hide Our Holiday Kitsch Under A Little Bit Of...Well, We At Least Have To Try

Debut Tie. This is as close as one can get to wearing a Holiday Novelty Tie without actually wearing a Holiday Novelty Tie. Admit it: the moment this cravat appeared in all of its red-and-red-and-white-striped glory, the first thing you thought was CANDY CANE. Because, honestly, we all know that's exactly what it is supposed to be. And Merry Christmas right back atcha, Brian.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

They Say You Have To Hit Bottom Before You Truly Can Be Helped. Le Temps Pour L'aide Est Arrivé!

Bringing L'Ennui du Cravate to new heights, Brian Williams knots up what may very well be The Single Most Boring Tie we here at The Report have ever seen. Quite honestly, the only thing that kept us from nodding off was trying to figure out if A) the tie was made from the selfsame fabric as BW's jacket; B) it was charcoal grey or jet navy; C) it had any sort of redeeming pattern or texture whatsoever, or D) it was a Debut Tie. What a banal, mundane, and soporific piece of menswear it is. Good grief. Bring me my blankie and my snugglebunny; I'm off to bed.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Brian's Tie Leaves Me Feeling Slightly Irked, Yet Somehow Bored, Like A Family Restaurant Chain, You Know?

Oh, I don't know, Brian Williams. Is it the tie or is it moi? Because I'm just not feelin' it. Striped, two shades of blue, neither of which is very attractive--navy and Carolina/sky--and it's just so ordinary and pedestrian. It's like eating at Bob Evans or Perkins. It's certainly something that satisfies the requirement, but it's nothing you'll find memorable or exciting or talk about with any sense of urgency or recommendation.

Monday, December 21, 2009

This Poorly Executed Cravat Sets Off A Discount Store Musing at The Report, And We Are All Left Feeling A Little...Less

Brian Williams has another tie just like this, and I don't care for either of them. This version is plummy purple with skinny white stripes at wide intervals. The purple is pleasant enough, but the stripes are the problem. Too white, too skinny. They make the tie look cheap and poorly designed, reducing it to the level of not quite Dollar Store Tie, but certainly Wal*Mart Tie. It can only aspire to be a Target Tie. How sad is that?

Friday, December 18, 2009

A Devastating Blow To December: La Cravate Diabolique Apparaît Encore Si Bientôt!

Solid Purple Tie. Softly lavender, but a solid purple nonetheless. And decidedly Springy, too. (Not very Seasonal, Brian Williams.)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

This Tie Walks That Line, And No, That's Not A Johnny Cash Reference (Far From It)

Debut Tie. This tie could have gone so terribly, awfully wrong. Its bright navy and olive stripes, in the wrong hands, could have been a Fashion Disaster. A rumple here, a meatball sub stain there, and it could have been rendered That Tie--you know, the tie of a sloppy, mouth-breathing used car salesman who says things like "ya know, chief" and "I seent it." The tie worn by the man who shows you the color televisions and says "these here flat screens" while he hikes up his belt over his stomach. Instead, it looks sharp and fashion forward, like the tie of the snazzy assistant at the financial planner's office who wears a bluetooth in his ear and offers you an espresso, mineral water, or perhaps a green tea while you're waiting, and did you hear what gold did this morning on the Nikkei?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Ghost Of Cravates Diaboliques Rears Its...Knot

Solid Purple Tie. Already. And he was doing so well....

Monday, December 14, 2009

The Report Is Seeing Spots! A Debut Tie For A Change!

Debut Tie. Brian Williams, in an unheralded departure from his usual silk striped ties, knots up a tie with a polka dot motif this evening. Dark blue is scattered with bold, yet somehow elegant golden circles, like coins tossed upon a damask covered salver. This cravat is both happy and haughty, cool as well as cocky. A statement tie, to be certain.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Evening Cruise

Brian's penchant for blue ties and narrow stripes continues as he wraps up the week at The Nightly. At least the colours are lovely on this evening's cravat. The deep sapphire blue with its twin diagonals of gleaming pearl looks like the darkened sea cut by the path of a pleasure boat, its strings of white fairy lights reflected in the lazy ripples as they flatten out toward the shore.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Variations On A Theme Of Navy Ties With Skinny Stripes: A Lesson In Buying Fashion In Bulk

Just how many of these ties do you have, Brian Williams? Jet navy with narrow stripes has become a sort of Uniform for you lately. This evening's Variation On That Theme is jet navy with champagne stripes, which has a sort of understated elegance, true, but when it comes right down to it, it's still another Navy Tie With Skinny Stripes.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

It's A Nice Tie, But I Don't Like It In That Way

We've seen a variation of this tie before. Christmassy red field, white stripes bordered with black--but its predecessor had wider stripes, which made it look bolder and more stylish. This version is pleasant but a bit boring, like that nice teller at the bank who you wouldn't describe as handsome--or even good-looking--but if he asked you out, you'd probably say yes, all the while knowing that even though you'd have a decent time and even do something very nice, there wouldn't be a second date, just that awkward little speech about how he's really a great guy, but you'd rather just be friends.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

If The Tie Is A Window To The Soul, Then I Am Deeply Worried About Brian Tonight

Good heavens. Just what was happening avec cette cravate? I felt like I was viewing it through a cheap summertime window screen as its impossibly tiny purple and grey? blue? white? mesh pattern flickered and flitted upon my television screen. Certainly the impeccable knot was wasted upon this terrible tie, and we all know that the control room techs reached for the Tylenol well before the broadcast was over. (I know *I* kept looking for the teensy little rolly shade to pull down over the whole horrid thing.)

Monday, December 7, 2009

An Artful Tie

Debut Tie. A lovely and sophisticated striped cravat is tonight's offering from Mr. Williams. Midnight blue is crossed by emerald stripes which are narrowly banded by platinum. Additionally, each of those green stripes is shot through with a barely discernible thread of that silvery hue.The overall effect is elegant and somehow quietly ornate, like watching the gloved hands of a museum's curator carefully handling crown jewels or the necklace of an Egyptian queen or the scepter of an ancient medieval ruler as he places it carefully within its velvet and glass case.

Friday, December 4, 2009

When Is A Tie Not Just A Tie? When It Is An American Icon--Or A Bunch Of Them!

Brian knots up one from the Ward Cleaver Collection tonight. It's a simple silk striper of navy blue and berry red, and it's just about as traditional as a tie can be. It's "Honey, I'm home!" and wood panelling in the den; it's "Ask your father" and not spoiling your dinner. This tie is the house with the picket fence and the two kids, the dog, and the family car...hell, it's the Norman Rockwell Of Ties!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Quiet Landscape

This tie is a sort of icy, aloof cravat. Its narrow white and cadet blue stripes are cool and stately, and I find myself thinking of distant mountain ranges standing in silence as the wind sweeps across their faces, snow settling in amongst the ridges and crevasses.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

It's That Stripe That Keeps It From Being Completely Boring, You Know; Otherwise, I'd Just Slam It Mercilessly

It's the navy blue with slender blush stripes tonight (although the dodgy lighting on set at The Nightly washed it out so much that the stripes looked white at times). I kept thinking of a little fair-skinned ringbearer with rosy cheeks, walking down the aisle, his dark blue suit so formal and alien, wide brown eyes fixed carefully upon his mother who coaxed him forward from the front pew.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Awwwwww...Isn't It So Pretty!?

Brian begins the month with the blues--stripes, that is--of creamy sky and deep turquoise. This tie is decidedly pretty. Its fabric should be the awning of a tony Manhattan baby store called Baby Boy-tique which caters exclusively to the mumsies and popsies (or nannies, as the case may be) of male infants.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Fashion Redemption

Brian wraps up November with a bit of Fashion Redemption by wearing his deep blue jacquard cravat sprinkled sparsely with small black diamond shapes. It's a somber, serious tie allowing no frivolity, despite its pattern. Kind of what a very emo, Goth kid would draw in his art journal on a sunny day at the park whilst observing a group of children happily flying their kites.

Friday, November 27, 2009

It's No Secret That November Has Been Plain Evil, Yet This Cannot Stop Me From Doing My Duty. I Am Ever At Your Service.

Tonight's broadcast of The Nightly was crashed by an appearance of The Solid Purple Tie. This security breach by a member of the Axis Of Evil is still being investigated. More information as it becomes available.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Grab Your Dessert Fork (It's The Smaller One After The Salad Fork) And Enjoy This Sweet Memory

Back from a Tuesday night off, Brian knots up one of The Report's favorite cravats. It's a veritable dessert of a tie, and I'd like to take you back to 16 March 2009 for its debut with this Classic Cravat Critique:

This one is an oxblood Ivy Leaguer with widely spaced, narrow stripes of pearlescent white shot through with a thread of the darker color. All I could think about as I carefully analyzed that tie was a slice of dark chocolate red velvet cake with glossy whipped white frosting, and pretty soon I was settling for graham crackers and this. Not the same; not even close.

Monday, November 23, 2009

This Cravat Needs To Hit The Trail

Brian knots up a plummy tie with tiny white dots in regimented rows this evening. Frankly, I'm thrown by this cravat. It's got an odd prairie-calico feel to it, and I have this image of burdened Conestogas lumbering across wide, grassy territories while brave women peer out, eyes shaded from the sun by tanned hands held visor-like over their eyes. Their bonnets are dusty and faded, and with the other hand, they carefully tuck their long skirts and petticoats around their legs and into the wagonbox so that they don't become entangled in the spokes of the wheels.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Ties like these, and their purple-hued allies, constitute an axis of evil, aiming to threaten the Fashion of the world...." (This Is A Quote!)

True, it is lilac, but it is still a Solid Purple and thus, it is in the Axis Of Evil. Trust me, it hurts me far more than it hurts you.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Back At The Nightly, Bri's Tie Is Star Litely

Back from Arizona, Brian warms things up in New York with his tie tonight. It reminds me of Brach's Cinnamon Star Lites, a now discontinued hard candy. Each spicy red disk bore slim white stripes, and the sweet was temptingly shiny. I'd prefer Mr. Williams not discontinue this cravat, however, as I do like it, far more than the overly hot mint from Brach's.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Beware The Deceptively Modern Tie: More Than Meets The Eye

This tie, a silver and black stripe, looks very high-tech and modern. It reminds me of the interior of a snazzy car, or a sleek remote control, or even a new kitchen full of those black and stainless steel appliances that look so cheffy and professional. I half expected it to turn into a Transformer or something and take over the studio.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Certainly Not The Gold Standard Of Cravats, But Nothing That Will Tarnish His Reputation

Debut Tie. Kudos to Brian for mixing it up a bit with a new tie that is not a stripe nor a purple. But what to make of this matte gold silk solid? I'm ambivalent, really. It's not exciting enough to make a statement, good or bad. There's no pattern to comment upon one way or another. It's kind of like going out to eat at Applebee's: you'll probably get a decent meal, but certainly nothing that you'll make conversation about the next day. As a matter of fact, that same night, you might not even remember what you ate, just that you did and it was pretty okay.

Friday, November 13, 2009

To Everything There Is A Season. (Now If Someone Will Just Inform The Media...)

Brian ushers in those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer with this breezy cornflower blue cravat with its trio of whip-thin white stripes widely staggered across it. One look at this tie and we can already feel the breezes of July rippling the surface of the lake as we skim across it, or the nubbly terrycloth of our swim towels as we try to smooth them over the sandy beach where we've claimed our spot in the warm sun. Except that this is NOVEMBER, that tie is clearly out of season, and it's just plain wrinkled. Sigh. Will someone over at The Nightly at least invest in a steamer?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

A Tie Reporter's Guide To The Galaxy...Sort Of. (Forgive Me. I Needed A Catchy Title.)

Tonight's striped tie--a respite from The Purples--was of jet navy with slender diagonals of vivid white at wide intervals. They were luminous and vibrant and, against the dark background, reminiscent of an artsy photo of a roadway at night, the headlights of traffic making earthbound contrails of automotive neon as they light the ways of passengers and drivers to destinations unknown to the curious and cosmic observer.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

So Soon The Axis Of Evil Rears Its Ugly...Knot

Sigh. Solid Purple Tie. (Although, this one is really one of the nicer ones he owns.)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Wake Me Up When He Wears A Really Good Tie, Won't You?

Yawn. Brian chooses from his plethora of cravats in this palette of navy and gold the one of true navy blue and narrow wheatfield gold stripes. What's to say? It's so predictable and pedestrian that it's like trying to describe a brown mutt or a piece of white bread toast. Oh, sure, you could, but why bother, really?

Monday, November 9, 2009

Sometimes I Feel As If A Certain Person Over At The Nightly Is Yankin' My Chain

Upon first viewing this tie, I started fuming and readying the Axis of Evil icon. "Another Solid Purple!" I snarked to my husband. "Already!" But then the Nightly's cameraperson zoomed in for a tight shot, the lighting changed, and that sneaky blue-violet tie with the imperceptible burlap-esque grey pattern was revealed. It's sort of like grabbing the dark socks out of your drawer in the morning and not being sure if you've gotten the navy ones or the black ones. You go ahead and yank them on and it's only when you get to work--under the fluorescent lighting--that you see those navy blue ankles poking out from under the black pantlegs. Sigh.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Of Course, Now It Is Politically Incorrect, But Back Then, I Just Drank It And Was Perfectly Happy

* Returning to an oft-worn favourite of The Report this evening, Brian Williams ties on the claret jacquard with widely-spaced circlets of buff-colour rimmed in black. It makes me hearken back to a pleasure of my youth, "Pop Nights," those Wednesdays and Saturdays when we kids were allowed to drink the soda of our choice with our bedtime snack. One of my frequent choices was Cherikee Red, a bright red cherry fizzer whose sparse bubbles clung to the glass and sparkled alluringly. It didn't stay effervescent for long, though, but no matter. It tasted just as good flat as it did bubbly.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Fall Campfire

Tonight, it is the creamy orange and weathered-grey striped cravat. Outside the cabin, the autumn night is clear and cold. The fire pit's remnants are mostly ash, the sticks now merely memories of the crackling flames they once held. As I skewer a couple of fluffy marshmallows onto my long cast-iron fork, I lean forward and blow gently onto the dying coals, feeling the phantom heat warm my face. In an instant, the grey soot scatters and the embers softly glow anew.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A Lighter Shade of Purple Is Acceptable And, In This Case, Most Peaceful And Pleasant

Brian knots up the smoky-toned lavender solid this evening. Its restful grey notes evoke a foggy mountain range, the distant peaks shrouded in the sleepy clouds of early morning; a fragrant lavender field in Provence, the silvery fronds of foliage barely tinged with fragrant buds; and the softening wisps of twilight's dusky nightshade drawn across the stage of the sky at sundown.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

We Wish To Make An Announcement (Regretful Though It Is)

It is after much deliberation and careful consideration--and fretful consternation--that tonight, I add all Solid Purple Ties to the Axis of Evil. Quite simply, The Report has had enough.

Monday, November 2, 2009

He's Back, And November Bodes Well Et Tres Francais

After being sans cravate in Afghanistan, Brian is back in NYC sporting a bold necktie of broad, icy pink and what The Report shall now call "jet navy"* stripes. Ooh la la! This tie is tres charmant, and makes me think, inexplicably, of French things, like the striped awning of a chocolatier; the haute couture of a fashion show; and the statement of an elegant pet.

*jet navy=is it black or is it navy blue? too close to call

Friday, October 23, 2009

Before The Rush

In a tie such as this, with its slender sea blue and white stripes, one can hear the snap of pristine linen as it is readied for a table for two. The snowy cloth and its quiet silver sconce are snugged under a wide window overlooking the water, blue and inviting, glimmering in the waning moments of the late afternoon. The dining room is quietly empty, awaiting guests and the accompanying murmurs of conversation, the ballet of waiters, and the soft jazz of the bar.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


"Hello, Miss Paloma. Before we begin, I'd like to say that I'm here because I got this Fashion Consultation as a gift. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with the way I dress. For example, this tie here. I happen to like it quite a lot. Nice purplish with blackish-bluish sorta stripes with some more whitish skinnier stripes on either side of those. Don't you think purple is a pretty big stylish color? I mean, it's not like it's just a blue tie or something. Or brown. After all, I'm a serious news man. I have bigger things to think about than---what's that? Yes, I know I have a lot of purple ties. Yes, and a lot of striped ties. No, I don't have any paisley ties. Green? Ummm...I'd rather not talk about that color; I have a bad association there. Website? What website?”

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Just In The Nick Of Time! Thank You, Nightly Cameraperson.

What a sneaky tie this is, with its barely discernible pattern of subtle charcoal houndstooth (checks?) upon a field of violet blue. Perhaps, Dear Viewer, you did as I did, and began wailing and gnashing your teeth, thinking as you strode innocently into your Television Room, that Brian was wearing Yet Again The Solid Purple Tie. And as you irefully picked up your sofa cushion to fling wrathfully against the screen, you suddenly became becalmed--oh, just a modicum--because The Nightly's Cameraperson deftly zoomed in for a Seventh-Cavalry-Serendipitous Closeup, and saved the day. (And your telly.)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Even This Would Not Be A Good Enough Excuse

Brian Williams apparently went out to a friend's oceanside home yesterday evening after work and, after a lovely clambake and a bit too much to drink, fell asleep on the verandah. Awakened late by the cries of the seabirds, he hurriedly yanked loose a strip of the canvas awning and fashioned it into an ersatz cravat. Rumpled as it was, he knew that its wrinkles were the least of its faults: the cornflower blue and trios of narrow white stripes--clearly not in an autumnal palette--would doom it at The Report.

Monday, October 19, 2009

In Which I Struggle Mightily Through My Disgust And Dismay And Manage Two Pop Culture References et Francais Pour Vous

Après une petites vacances Brian returns to The Nightly and, in a regrettable moment, stoops to select from the Lower Tier Of Taste for his homecoming cravat. How painful it is to describe its almost reflective violet red and silver retro-mod checkerboard pattern that seemed to clot and merge at the edges. As the camera zoomed in for a closeup, I wasn't sure if I was looking at a fabric swatch for furniture on the Star Trek Nail Salon or the padded headboard in Austin Powers' new tricked-out van.

Friday, October 9, 2009


Regrettably, Brian Williams has entered not only another Repeat Cycle Of Gargantuan Proportion, but has ATTACK OF THE SOLID PURPLE TIE!!!!!!!!also begun yet another Run Of The Purples as he has slung on the dreaded solid purple tie. Yes, he did just wear a solid purple tie on 6 October, ATTACK OF THE SOLID PURPLE TIE!!!!!!!!!!! and yes, he did just wear it right before that on 2 October and again on 28 September. ATTACK OF THE SOLID PURPLE TIE!!!!!!!!!! It would seem that there is nothing we can do.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Recovery, Or We Pick Ourselves Up, Dust Ourselves Off, And Start All Over Again With A Much Nicer Cravat

Debut Tie. Quickly rebounding from an early Fashion Falter this month, Brian dons a very stylish cravat of whispery pale blue with petite dark circlets. The knot is perfect, as is its dimple. This tie is the frosty snap in the air after the first snow, the cool freshness of wintergreen, and the glint of the silvery sliver of the moon behind heavy night clouds.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Je Suis Fatiguee, And This Tie Is Not Helping

The Report apologizes for the tardiness of this latest report as we attempt to recover from not only an attack of exhaustion but also la cravate ce soir. Certainly we have become...mercurial regarding this wide-striped tie of butter yellow and deep navy. But last night's lighting rendered it tres ...bumblebee-esque, and the accompanying suitcoat and shirt were, shall we say, not the best accoutrements. Hopes dim for October.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

In Which The Report Does Its Best Cher Impression (From "Moonstruck")

October is really starting to be Rerun Month. Just five ties ago, Brian tossed on this same purple tie, and I waxed poetic over it and its dimple. Now, I'm so over it. C'mon, Bri, what's the deal over there, anyway? Are you just feeling a little Fashion Fatigue? Are you Sartorially Sluggish? Perhaps a bit Stylistically Stale? Well...SNAP OUT OF IT!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Brian Brings Out The Kid In Me, And Not In A Good Way

Hate to be petulant, pet, but I'm downright sick of this cravat. You've slung it on four times now since 11 August, and that's just a bit much. I used to like looking at its midnight blue background and those slim pale pink stripes, but now? I feel like I did when the neighbor lady kept showing up each time my dad slapped sirloins on the grill. She would pull a pouty little face and start whimpering about her kids and her lousy ex-husband and her food stamps. Next thing you know, my steak got smaller. Funny, her kids still wore great-looking shoes and clothes and stopped the popsicle guy every time he came down the street. Put the tie away, Brian, and let me have my steak.

Friday, October 2, 2009

A Tasteful Experience

A bit soon for another Solid Purple, dear heart, but we will forgive. Our discerning eye notes la différence between this cravat and Tuesday's. Tonight we see a handwoven basket heaped with rich plums, redolent with juice. We take one, buff its thin skin gently upon our jacket and take a bite. With one snap, the musky sweetness explodes upon our tastebuds and the nectar, like the stored sunshine now harvested, bursts forth. Donc délicieux.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

A Dignified Tie

* Tonight's cravat is a lovely stripe of smoky lilac and eggplant. It has an air of somber gravitas to it, a dignified and sedate mien, like a solitary elderly woman coming down the church steps on a rainy day. She wears a dark violet hat with a half-veil, and in her hand she carries one pale lavender rose. She opens the iron gate of the adjoining cemetery and walks inside, unhurried despite the steady, soft shower. Carefully, almost ceremoniously, she pulls the gate shut behind her. She makes her way determinedly to a neat plot with a plain headstone of smooth granite. She pats the stone meditatively, places the rose carefully upon the grassy blanket beneath, gives a small wave, and turns to go.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Anchors Aweigh! (I'd Like To Heave Ho This Cravat...!)

Brian ends the month with a nod to the Clearance Table O' Ties by knotting up the cornflower blue with the trio of narrow white stripes at wide intervals. While the knot was impeccable, the fabric looked chintzy and stiff, like some cheap stuff draped and stapled into huge swags and swathes in a department store window highlighting its nautical-themed patio furniture and outdoor livingware, such as plastic dishes and cups with little boats and smiling seahorses and anchors festooning them.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

No, Dear, You May Not Have One Of Those. It's Bad For You. Come Along Now And Mummy Will Get You Something Much, Much Better.

There is purple, and then there is purple, and tonight's tie was an unfortunate rendering of that color. A shade such as this--what to call it? Artificial Orchid? Ersatz Iris? Sigh. Oh, and then do add some narrow neon-esque white stripes so that the entire effect is akin to one of those garish hyper-iced sugar cookies one can buy that is actually affixed to a stick. Good heavens. I feel a bit...offended.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Plain Purple Tie? I Think Not.

Back from a bit of a Long Weekend, Brian begins his Work Week with a solid silk cravat in a deep, rich jewel-toned violet with a warm red undertone. Its knot is a narrow funneled four-in-hand, and the dimple is satisfyingly cleft long and low. At first glance, one could be coolly dismissive of this tie, waving it off as merely "a purple tie." But with its luxuriously saturated color, I think it deserves to be reconsidered. Think instead of the opalescent plumage on the throat of some Amazonian rainforest bird, or the veil cast off by an exotic Arabian dancer in the tent of a hospitable desert sultan, or even the shimmering depths of a vintage poured by a mysterious Chilean hotelero on a warm, breezy terrace.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I'm Sorry, But I Cannot Seem To Understand This Tie, What With All The Shouting

Live from Pittsburgh, site of the G20 Summit, Brian Williams tried to report over the chaotic rantings of a lone protestor with a megaphone who momentarily tapped into the frequency of the NBC mikes. How fitting that BriWi was wearing his muddly tie of milky purple with the crayon blue stripes which seem to blur and run at the side. It was just as confusing and irritating as trying to listen to the newscast.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Where's The Reset Button? Looks Like Everyone Needs A Bit Of An Adjustment

Is it just me, or is Brian giving this tie, the midnight blue with narrow blush stripes, a heavy workout lately? I mean, he just wore it less than two weeks ago. And what was the deal with the poor lighting on the set of The Nightly this evening? It was well into the broadcast before I could even ascertain that this was the tie of the evening, yet he was in a tight closeup for most of the early part of the broadcast. I guess there's just no pleasing me this evening. Let's meet back here tomorrow and try it all again.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

A Cravat Haiku

Perhaps it is just
Seasonal ennui, but this
Purple tie bores me.

Monday, September 21, 2009

It's Raining, It's Pouring, The Stripes Are Getting Boring

So many striped ties, Brian Williams! This evening's offering is of peacock blue and putty, and it is one that has been a staple of the BW Wardrobe. Like the warming September sky with the last few scuds of an early afternoon shower stubbornly lingering, the muted contrasting hues blend in a pleasant palette.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Dinner Is Served, So Unfold Your Napkin

*Tonight, Brian Williams knots up a longtime favourite of The Report, the ruby jacquard cravat sprinkled with ash coloured circlets limned with ebony. It evokes a good old Chicago steakhouse specializing in thick-cut marbled Porterhouses served rare under a heavy char. Sauteed onions drape the beef, steaming fragrantly, and a baked potato sits snugly next to it, dripping with butter and lazily melting sour cream.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

A Touch Of Class

Basic black with a narrow satin band of antique ivory is Brian Williams' choice pour la cravate ce soir. With its understated elegance, it is a traditional engraved wedding invitation, the guest's menu at an Old New York dinner party, and a gentleman's card presented on a silver tray to a lady during afternoon calling hours.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Sometimes It's Better To Leave The Past In The Past

Due to parent-teacher conferences, please enjoy this Classic Cravat Critique from 26 May 2009 when Brian Williams debuted this tie.

Certainly one could not miss this evening's cravat. Baby blue crossed by narrow pearl stripes bordered in navy, this tie consumed every shot it was in with its massive blueness. That pastel was like a bad seventies prom tux, or (horrors!) a leisure suit worn with a pair of white patent loafers and a big, wide white belt. I wonder if Bri went on a little jaunt to Boca and walked around some flea markets or went to a few "tag sales." Because this tie...oy.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A Look Back In Time For You And The Report

Due to parent-teacher conferences, please enjoy this Classic Cravat Critique from 17 September 2007 when Brian Williams debuted this tie.

Brian stuns the Nightly viewers with a polka-dot cravate ce soir. This interesting tie reminds me of the brief period my sons went through in their early childhoods when they used to take Bic pens and randomly color on their bluejeans. Luckily, because they were growing exponentially overnight, I bought the boys cheapo no-name jeans at stores like JC Penney and KMart. Brian's tie has the color and even the look of those indeterminately "prewashed" looking jeans, but is more symmetrically dotted with inky blue spots the size of pencil eraser tops. Worn with his navy, subtly pinstriped suit and a crisp white shirt, this was a successful look for Brian. (More urbane than Sam and Jared in their graffiti-esque pants and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle teeshirts, anyway.)

Monday, September 14, 2009

In The Good Old Summertime

This evening, Brian slips on a retro-looking stripe of silver and cherry syrup red. Nostalgia beckons me back to my grandparents' cabin on a reservoir where we used to spend summer weekends when I was young. We'd change into our swimsuits, grab towels, and skip down the hill to the water, diving from the pier into the still coolness. When we finally emerged hours later, we climbed back up the slope to a waiting aluminum pitcher, frosty from the fridge and rattling full of ice cubes. From its welcome depths my mother would pour black cherry Kool Aid into colorful metal tumblers that would get so cold our hands would numb and burn.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

So There!

* The Report doesn't have a lot to say. It was a dusky lavender solid tie. Moreover, it seemed rather wrinkly. If that is the best he can do, then this is the best we can do.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Color Me Inspired By This Cravat

This evening Mr. Williams dons his dark navy tie with the slender, whisper-of-lilac stripes. What a dramatic and pretty contrast! This tie reminds me of reading the descriptions of all of those fancy bodices and laces in Gone with the Wind or the Little House on the Prairie books when Laura Ingalls Wilder would go into detail about sprigged calico or bombazine or grosgrain ribbons woven into headbands. I'd imagine them in my head and then, in my coloring books, try to replicate the color combinations in their pages. Thank heavens for Crayola Crayons in the 64 box.

*As a side note, The Report must make regretful mention of Robert Bazell's very...unfortunate tie. Awful.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

On My Honor, I Have Done My Best To Bring You Tonight's Tie

Perhaps Brian is feeling a bit nostalgic tonight as he knots up his deep blue tie with the narrow banana-peel yellow stripes. Oh, not because it has been a long while since he last donned this cravat. No, more because this little necktie simply hollers Boy Scout Uniform due to its color palette. As soon as I see it, I picture a shorter, more rosy-cheeked Brian Williams, standing at attention, yellow neckerchief jauntily knotted, blue shirt tucked with precision into his blue knee britches. The part in his shiny brown hair is impeccable, and he recites The Promise with absolute conviction. Maybe he can answer my burning question once and for all: Just what IS a "webelo" anyway?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Brian Returns And Stokes The Flames Of Fashion

Why, Brian! How kind of you to favour us with an appearance from behind the Nightly's news desk, what with Lester and/or Ann certainly available and possibly doing nothing of any importance. But, I digress. I neglect to mention your cravat of muted tangerine and heathered grey stripes. Possibly it was worn as a subtle homage to the brave firefighters still in the field in California, battling the flames and smoke of the wildfires. In any case, welcome back.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Oscar Wilde Said It Best. (What? You May Ask. Scroll Down To My Footer Quote!)

Resplendent in brilliant shocking pink with a pattern of ivory dots, Brian favours his viewers with two glorious cravats in a row. Tonight's tie has the pretty sophistication of a Faberge egg bejewelled in pearls. It is at once a work of art and a luxury, and those of us who can only look may do nothing more than just admire it from afar.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Back From Big Shirt Country, Brian Indulges In A Rather Sumptuous Cravat

* Back in the newsroom, Brian Williams knots up a lovely tie of vivid raspberry with a difficult-to-discern pattern. Is it peacock blue? Pewter? Are they petite fleur-de-lis? Crosses? Le sigh. It is but a small matter in considering such an attractive cravat as this. The fabric has a tasteful sheen, the tie a lovely knot, and there is no need for a dimple. I imagine myself sinking into a heap of cushions made of this tie's fabric, snuggling down into them with a sinfully good novel, a small box of very good chocolates clandestinely obtained on a surreptitious shopping trip, and a large glass of gorgeous red wine.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Oh, Brian. Pourquoi Si Grande?

On location in California, Bri is sans cravate ce soir. He is, however, very much still avec la tres grande chemise, an unfortunate fashion proclivity from which he cannot seem to break free.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Brian's Tie Is The Cat's Pajamas

Announcing the end of summer with a fashion statement, Brian Williams knots up a strong stripe of cool pale pink and black. Its wide diagonals are bold and unabashedly stylish. This cravat is the slit of Gypsy Rose Lee's off-the-shoulder gown; it's the opera-length glove on a Jazz Age diva as she raises her cigarette holder for a light; and below this undercurrent of sexy mystery, the Art Deco sensibility and structure of the undulating peak of New York's Chrysler Building.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Ebb Tide--In Memoriam

Brian reports live from Hyannis Port tonight. He wears a tie of pale Prussia blue with staggered polka dots of a darker shade. As the shot pulls wide behind him, a lone sailboat rocks gently and rhythmically on the chop. The water is grey-blue and melancholy, and here and there, dark spots of the waves bow farewell towards the shore.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Travelogue Tie

A solid silk cravat is the choice of Brian Williams ce soir, and its frosted pale violet hue sets off his summery complexion most attractively. The effect is one of stepping from the hot, crowded streets of a tourist town into one of its more upscale shops. A cool airconditioned breeze greets the curious shopper--perhaps also a hint of lavender and sandalwood. A slender curator behind a lacquered cypress counter looks up, smiles gently, and continues marking prices on some carved boxes. As the venturer continues to explore the shop's wares, it is as if time has slowed, expanded, and eventually, stilled.

Monday, August 24, 2009

It's Like Calling A Hot Dog A Tube Steak; Just Who Are We Kidding?

Brian returns from his Summer Hiatus this evening and also returns to the bittersweet and chalk stripe tie of 13 July. Oh, how I find myself conflicted by this cravat! I am drawn to its rich colouration, like a warm harvest pumpkin soup with a swirl of thick sour cream spiked with cardamom. But when the Nightly's cameraperson pulls back for the wide shot, and I see not just the impeccable dimple and knot, but how the orange muddies up Brian's tanned complexion, all I can think of is Orange Creme Savers hard candy. Certainly, both comestibles have their place, but they are hardly...interchangeable.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I Have No Idea And Beg Your Indulgence. Don't Call My Mother,Please.

There were two double dirty vodka martinis on the deck tonight. Which constituted my entire intake of sustenance today. Briefly, I went inside to view The Nightly. I vaguely remember perhaps ruby striped with black bordered by white. Maybe...not. I'm sorry. I start back to school on Friday. I...huh? Can someone Guest Report? Whatever.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Way They Were

Deep navy tonight is narrowly striped with apple blossom pink. A young cadet in his dress blues stands proud and tall, his date for the academy formal at his side. She wears a frothy confection of blush satin and tulle, and on her wrist a demure corsage of rosebuds and baby's breath makes a fragrant bouquet. The photographer focuses the lens, the couple smile, and a memory is made to last a lifetime.

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Report Becomes Very Ernestly Literary About This Tie

This tie, a stripe of sandstone and Wedgwood blue, is an old standby of Brian Williams', though it has been long away. Tonight, impeccably knotted and dimpled, it exemplifies the adage Absence makes the heart grow fonder, for when it was in heavy rotation, I railed against this tie, yet now I find it far more amenable. I see a weathered face like Hemingway's Santiago, who was "gray and wrinkled, with deep furrows in the back of his neck. Everything about him was old, except his eyes....they were the same color as the sea." He stands on the sand near his skiff, readying the lines for another day's catch, shading his visage to look out to the wide, sunlit ocean lying open before him.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Oooh La La! Brian Is In The Pink, And We Are In Heaven (And There's An Eiffel Tower There, Apparently!)

The Report is all smiles and sighs de contentement ce soir. C'est la cravate rose! The Fashion Drought is over, slaked by the vibrant pink tie with ivory petit point pattern. This is just a chic cravat, a tie that makes one think of lovely, pleasant things such as Paris' patisseries, and les macarons, and (naturellement) une gateau rose. Bon appetit!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Happy (?) Days Are Here Again...The Purple Ties Are Back Again

*Brian finally shakes off The Blues and tonight knots up one of the original Twin Ties. This is the field of boysenberry striped by deep navy bordered narrowly by white. When does BW decide he's had Enough Blue? Are we now in for a Parade O' Purples? Like the regimented eaters who dine by consuming each food item on their plates until it is finished (first their vegetable, then their potato, then the meat or fish), perhaps Brian is performing some sort of deeply rooted Late Summer Fashion Ritual that only he understands.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A Sensory Panoply In Purple

Debut Tie. We have seen this striped cravat's incarnation in other colors, but not in tonight's offering of pewter and lavender. It is lovely. It is the antique amethyst brooch at the throat of an aged lady of the manor; the smudge of the skyline as the sun sets under the palette of light-tinged clouds; the murmuring hush of the audience as the velvet curtains whisper back under dimming house lights; and the scent of long laid-away lace gowns in tissue paper and lavender.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I'll Give You Three (Blue) Guesses...And The First (Blue) Two (Blue) Don't Count

Thank goodness we at The Report are sitting down when The Nightly is broadcast; what a shame it would be if we fainted dead away on the hard, cold floor when Brian Williams appears on our television screen wearing... a blue tie. Again. At least this particular cravate bleu has not been around since 20 February, when we last took stock of its frosty chambray blue background and Prussian blue polka dots. (That's already four uses of the b-word in this Report, for those of you scoring at home.) Sacre bleu! Cela est beaucoup de bleu!

Monday, August 3, 2009

In Which I Muse On The Picasso-Esque Ways Of BW And Their Impact On My Own Personal Healthcare Crisis

Blue, blue, blue. And on it goes into August, this Blue Period of Brian's, and I begin to feel it as well, especially about this particular cravat. What is it about this tie that sets me on edge so? Is it the slightly bridesmaidy shade of sky blue in the background, or the blare of the white stripes bordered by severe navy, giving it an almost graphic arts sort of appearance, like someone carefully drew it on his shirtfront with a Sharpie in each shot? How can such an innocuous--nay, almost amiable--tie evoke such dissatisfaction in me? I don't know, and I doubt my health plan covers the necessary therapeutic sessions required to get to the bottom of it.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

You Can Have #NT-33456 In Blu/Blu Or Gry/Gry Or Brn/Brn

It's another navy blue tie for BriWi tonight, but this one has a narrow stripe of sky blue. Yet, it's not a particularly adventurous or arresting tie, now is it? The whole effect was rather catalog layout-esque, all those complimentary shades of blue. I half expected to see another newsman, perhaps Robert Bazell or maybe even dear Chuck Todd in a brown or grey version of Brian's ensemble, standing in one of those impossibly phony poses, smiling toward the camera, very still and scary.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A Study In Style Somnambulism, This Silk Solid Is So Soporific

Tonight, Brian knots up a...ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz....What? Hello? Oh. I'm sorry. I nodded off there for a minute. As I was saying, Brian Williams is conserva.......ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz. WHAT?! Oh for heaven's sake. Solid navy blue raw silk cravaZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

It's A Very Administrative, Authoritative Sort of Tie

"Good morning parents and students, and welcome to our open house here at Saint Fagin's School for Difficult Boys. As you can see, all our staff here, including myself, are wearing the required uniform, right down to the Regulation Necktie which is navy blue crossed at rather wide intervals with twin narrow stripes of antique white. One of these ties will be in your Welcome Kits should you decide to enroll here and become one of the Saint Fagin Family. Remember our motto: There are no bad boys, only longer paths to harmonious living!"

Monday, July 27, 2009

Sometimes Making A Fashion Statement Requires Nothing More Than A Whisper

It has been a long time since Brian Williams knotted up this particular cravat. The field color is icy hyacinth blue, and petite white windowpanes the size of perhaps a lady's fingertip line up here and there upon it. The tint of the blue--and its frostiness--softens the geometry of the pattern and the overall effect is one of grace and gentility. It's like when you were "working on a project" in the library with a group of your friends and you all got a little too rowdy: the really pretty librarian with the great clothes and the perfect makeup looked over at you, put her French manicured finger to her lips, and just barely shook her head while smiling ever-so-slightly.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

If You're Alone In The Fashion Forest, And You Can Only Have One Tie...

Tonight Brian knots up a cravat of violet blue with a tiny white petit point in regimental rows, closely arrayed. This tie is the Swiss army knife of BW's wardrobe. It can cross all seasons, really, with its serviceable print, and its color is likewise suitable from summer through winter. Pair it with a nice heather grey wool jacket and creamy shirt and the look is perfect for chilly reports on wicked Nor'easters. For a segment on midsummer forest fires in the western US, how about a navy suitcoat with a subtle pinstripe and a crisp white shirt? This tie is, by itself, A Fashion Arsenal.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Alert The Villagers--It's The Frankentie

"Igor, bring me the specimen. No, not that one--the thistle-colored one with the narrowish ultramarine blue stripes there, pulsating and glowing with some sort of primal, eerie lifeforce of its own. See how its stripes seem, though, to blur and become indistinct on the left there? As if it is slowly leaving this Earthly plane, its extraterrestrial lifeforce unable to acclimate to our atmosphere? somehow retains its vibrance and vitality. It's alive, Igor! IT'S ALIVE!"

Monday, July 20, 2009

It Will Be The Report's Pleasure To Serve You This Evening's Special, Another Solid Cravat

The onslaught of solids continues as Brian slips on another plain silk cravat. This one, the lavender, was in heavy rotation during Spring 2007 (and dubbed "The Debate Tie" because we saw it during the MSNBC Presidential Debates and then thrice more in quick succession). This summer it appears refreshing and cool, (impeccably double-dimpled), and sophisticated. It is a palate cleanser of boysenberry and crème fraîche granita served on a small chilled plate at an elegant bistro. Two impossibly tiny silver-spooned bites later, and it is but a light memory before the waiter bows and presents your dinner.

Friday, July 17, 2009

The Report Gets Solidly Behind This Cravat

* Brian knots up yet another solid cravat, but this one is plainly different. Its quality places it in the Purple Pantheon of Tasteful Ties. The fabric is whispery silk, and the color is a frosty orchid, as if the florist mistakenly bumped into the thermostat control and somehow caused a light snow to flurry within the cooler, the flakes settling gently upon the fragile blooms.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

In Which The Report Must Testify As To The Very Basic Nature Of Tonight's Cravat

"Officer, believe me, I understand your frustration when you tell me that I'm not giving you much to go on. It's just that, well, there's not much I can tell you. It was a navy blue tie. Just a navy blue tie. That's it. No, there was no pattern. No, there was no other color. NO, THERE WAS NOTHING DISTINCTIVE ABOUT IT IN ANY WAY. IT. WAS. A. NAVY. BLUE. TIE. PERIOD! Now, please. Go out there and do your job and get it off the street!"

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

You Know How Some Hollywood Restaurants Have Sandwiches Named After Famous People?

There is nothing wrong with this cravat, the silver and crimson stripe with a Vintage Flair. It is debonair and dashing; its panache is balanced by the right amount of gravitas. It is...the George Clooney of ties.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Why Is Junior High So Difficult For Everyone?

It's such a Typical BriTie this evening: Crayola violet slashed with twin narrow stripes of vivid white, widely spaced, lovely centered dimple, and the classic funnel knot perfectly placed. But it's a rather pedestrian tie. It makes me think of junior high school extra-curricular uniforms, like for the band or for the cheerleaders. The kind of uniforms that different kids wear each year for years and years at a time and don't even have names on them anywhere so that anyone can wear them and all look the same. A little (unintentionally, but nonetheless) sad.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Once Upon A Time, An Anchor Named Brian Williams...

Debut Tie. Brian has made this L'Eté d'Orange, and this stripe of bittersweet and putty is his latest foray into that color. But like Hansel and Gretel, whose breadcrumbs were nibbled away by errant forest denizens, I felt lost and confused by this tie. I was happy and confident at first--seduced by the rich depth of the dark orange--but was soon befuddled and disoriented by the odd, muddied hue of the contrasting stripe. Was it greyish? Bluish? Chalky? Certainly the cut and knot were perfect in every way--I could just eat them did wicked things to Brian's lovely brown complexion. So I resolved to wait until tomorrow's tie and live happily ever after.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Oh, Brian! You Know Me Too Well

Every once in a while, Brian likes to toss on this cravat just to see if I'm still indulgent enough to give it a Fashion Pass. And darn it, I am. I can't help it; I'm a pushover for its warm cinnamon-red field color with its rich intarsia fabric and its demure ash polka dots ever-so delicately rimmed with ebony. I know he wears it too often and that it's not very exciting and that it's really more of a Fall/Winter Tie, but what am I going to do? It's like saying I'll stop buying black shoes.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

He May Be A Smart Shopper, But He's No Entomologist--Not In This Cravat

Brian's shopping savvy is evident tonight as we see the lilac version of 26 June's Bold Pink Tie. "If you love it, buy one in another color!" is an age-old Smart Shopper Admonition that many of us follow as we comb the racks looking for tasteful fashion. But this cravat holds not the same...cache as its blushing brother. True, it has the same fabric quality, the same petit point print primly scattered in ivory upon it, but it's just not as...oh, je ne sais quoi. Whereas the Pink Tie is bold and daring and Makes A Statement, this tie is just another Purplish Tie, you know? Like the difference between a butterfly and a moth.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

This Tie Is No Thriller, But It's Not Too Terribly Bad

Il est une cravate d'ennui ce soir. Le sigh. Le yawn. I feel like B-dub could have jazzed things up a little, sort of as a salute to The King Of Pop. That way, he could have looked at the man in the mirror and seen a little of the dancing machine within himself! Instead, we got the deep sea blue with the wide-spaced twin white pinstripes. Could he have been any more...Andy Williams?

Monday, July 6, 2009

Pardon Me, Monsieur, But If I May Say So, Your Tie Is Impeccably Tasteful

Oh, sure, it's The Same Old Same Old for Mr. Williams tonight: the pallid gold and sailor navy stripe. But this cravat is a Hallmark Tie of sorts. It always looks sartorially splendid, and its knot is worthy of a Keatsian ode, with its form, tightness, and perfectly placed stripe. This necktie is like a faultlessly worded toast to the bride and groom, a tasteful present to a difficult in-law, the most tactful suggestion to an embarrassing guest.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

June Ends On A Breezy, Albeit Purply, Note; It's Been A Pretty Good Month, Cravatically Speaking

Brian closes out the month with a Purple and a Stripe, and one we've not seen in quite some time. It's a frivolous little cravat of teletubbie violet with a narrow white stripe at wide intervals. It's sort of carefree and whimsical, like ordering only a chocolate dessert and a glass of San Giovese when out for dinner, or buying impossibly impractical pomegranate colored-suede stilettos before you have anything to wear with them, or even just deleting everything in your Inbox that doesn't look fun.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Be Careful as The Report Leads You Into Perhaps A Morning Transgression

It's stripes this evening for BW, and this one is like breakfast on a cruise ship. The heathery grey is boring old oatmeal or bran flakes--the stuff you know you have to eat to "be good" and "stay regular." But that sunset-colored stripe: it's the papaya, the guava, and that blood orange mimosa. What the hell; have two. You're on vacation!

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Report Is Tickled Pink With Brian's Gorgeous Tie

Brian Williams boldly goes where he had not yet gone before and strides manfully and confidently into Pink Territory! Not just an anaemic stripe or dot, but an all-over, assertive, no-doubt-about it PINK. Oh, yes, there was a sprinkly petit point in ivory, but let's face it: that was a pink tie. It was the plumage of a particularly arresting flamingo; it was a scoop of frosty sherbet a la framboise; it was a Hawaiian sunset on white sandy beaches; it was a Cosmopolitan with bit of sugar on its rim. Oh, it was a lovely tie!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

In Which We Are Most Grateful For Small Fashion Favors

We are favored with one of Mr. Williams' Cheerio Ties, and it is the one which The Report finds the most pleasant of the lot. This particular CT, of custard background besprinkled with the circlets the color of tarnished bronze, looks light and summery without descending to the Sins of Seersucker and Straw Hats. Thank heavens it spares us that indignity. (That, and white loafers with the matching wide white belt. Ouch.)

Brian Continues His Look Back And The Report Tsks, But Just A Little Bit

* Brian Williams continues his Cravat Homecoming with this, a Favourite Purple of The Report. The rich, plummy field color is crossed with widely-staggered diagonals of black (could it, in fact be deepest navy?) bordered by pearl. The knot is controlled and precise, making the errant side dimple forgivable. The saturated colors render this tie almost a piece of jewelry, like an onyx signet ring or amethyst cufflink.

The Report, in an uncharacteristic and regretful sidenote, feels it simply must mention the unfortunate necktie of one Robert Bazell. He looked, quite frankly, as if a gutted fish were laid upon his shirtfront. Urk.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

BW Brings Back The B&W

BW is really delving into the Ties of Newscasts Past lately; it's been ages since The Run of the Neck Zebras. This particular offering from that collection--the narrow stripes of black and white (it's visually impossible to tell if the black stripes are any wider than the white, or vice versa)--registers as neutral on The Report's Fashion Meter. Yes, if one stares at it for too long it goes all squiggly and op-arty, but it's sort of dashing and zippy and a little Goth, like Tim Burton or Beetlejuice. But maybe I'm just thinking too much about it, you know?

Monday, June 22, 2009

It's Not Out Of Date, It's Retro, And The Report Dates Itself With This One

Brian knots one up from the VS this evening, of generous silver and crimson stripes. The knot is tight and precise, and everything about this tie says Timeless Classic. It's Airstreams and steakhouses, highballs and Coca-Cola. It's two, two, two ties in one!

VS=Vintage Series

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Is It Art? Or Is It Just Something Your Kid Could Do? BW's Tie Begs The Question

Just when we thought BW had retired this tie, it re-emerges from the Armoire of Infamy for a June appearance in all its shimmery, purply glory. Just what is that miniscule mulberry pattern, anyway? Houndstooth? Polkadots? No matter. Crowded upon that silvery, glinting background so closely, it just doesn't matter. This cravat reminds me of the time that my sons, wee ones at the time, figured out that they could disconnect their juice box straws and, with the grape juice still inside, blow the contents all over their paper plates, making Jackson Pollock-esque artwork.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Brian's Deceptively Simple Tie Is Anything But (Just Ask A TV SuperDad)

It is somber and serious tonight as Brian dons his solid, textured serge blue cravat. A Starter Tie from the Ward Cleaver Collection, we can almost hear it saying, "Well, son, I know you didn't mean to break Mr. Phillips' window, but you did, and now the right thing to do is to go over there and apologize. Then tomorrow, you and I will go down to the bank and see about taking some of your bicycle fund money to pay for the repair. It might take a while longer to get that new bike, but becoming a man--well, that's happening right now."

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Brian Raises The Fashion Barre With This Soupçon Of Pink

This evening, Brian Williams dons a cravat of midnight blue with narrow stripes of a whispery pink, widely staggered. It is a sort of bashful Foray Into Pink for Brian, like a tiny ballerina at her first recital, shyly peeking out from the heavy, dark blue stage curtains to see if she can get one comforting glimpse of her mother anywhere in the sea of faces that meet her nervous gaze. But--a hiss from Madame, a flash of a pink tulle skirt, and the little dancer disappears behind the wings.

Monday, June 15, 2009

The Report Goes A Little Looney Toons And Cannot Fathom The Repetition Of This Tie

Hello, Boys and Girls! Today, Uncle Brian is going to teach you all about his job here at The Nightly, which can be a very, very serious place to work! But that doesn't mean he can't have a little fun, does it? No! In fact, take a look at the funny, silly tie that Uncle Brian is wearing behind the Big Scary News Desk tonight: see how bright and crazy it is? Doesn't that wild orangey-yellow with the dark crisscrossing remind you of something you see all the time on one of your shows? Let me see if I can give you a hint. It involves someone square...who's yellow...under the sea...? That's right, Boys and Girls! You guessed it!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

It's Carrot Sticks And Slimfast For The Report If This One Goes Back Into The Rotation

This tie is so delectable, so delicious, so downright edible that I almost cannot bear to watch it. It is a confection of a cravat! Its background is raspberry chocolate truffle; its stripes are glossy marshmallow barely drizzled with that truffly chocolate ganache. We here at The Report will have to eat light tomorrow after gorging ourselves on Le Dessert de Cravate tonight.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

A Disappointing Debut, Yet, A Bit Of Deja Vu

Debut Tie. Wow. Brian. How many of these Cheerio-patterned ties did you buy, anyway? This one--the frosty lilac with its white circlets arrayed in regimental precision--will not go down in L'Histoire de Vos Cravates as one of your best. Rather, that fabric is better suited to something my grandma, Ethel Marie, would have chosen to make for her Easter dress, one with a bit of a jacket since they tended to keep Trinity Lutheran pretty cold.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Brian Suits Up

It's a return to An Old Standby for BW this evening as the wan gold and deep navy blue striper makes a comeback. This tie is like watching the huddle of a Notre Dame football game. But, is that navy blue suit getting to be a bit of a uniform? I think so.

Monday, June 8, 2009

The Water Is Fine--Wish You Were Here

Brian knots up the weathered-cedar grey and sun-bleached coral striped cravat not worn since late April after it had seen heavy rotation in the spring. (Worth noting tonight is its impeccable double dimple.) This tie is a little seashore souvenir all in itself--a bit of coral, a bit of driftwood, and a sunset over the sand.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

A Return To Mango Madness, And Just What Is With This Tie, Anyway? The Report Feels Like We've Been At A Burlesque Show (And Not A Good One)

Le gasp and quelle horreur. Have we seen this tie since its unfortunate debut on 14 June 2007? Dubbed the Screaming Mango Hooker Fantasy Tie for its fearsome resemblance to fishnet stockings and its positively obstreperous orange-yellow hue, I struggle mightily to think of anything I might see this fabric used for: a fun little bikini, perhaps, for a twenty-something beauty with a model's physique and a salon tan? a beach-themed patio tablecloth for a cookout? a shade for this? Le sigh. Je ne sais pas. Certainly, not for la cravate of the Most Trusted Voice In News.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

A Most Egregious Repeat Cycle Of Shameless Proportion, And It's Just Not Funny (But It Is Most Certainly Blue)

Oh my. Just two ties ago, Brian wore this new cravat, the arrestingly blue striped number that he has now put into A Most Egregious Repeat Cycle Of Shameless Proportion. That simpering baby blue background, those white stripes bordered in startling navy--the effect is that of a cartoon tie Pixar-ed into each shot of Brian's live-action Nightly report, kind of Roger Rabbit-esque.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Summer In The City

Brian looks delicious in his striped cravat of French vanilla and dark chocolate this evening. I remember standing on tiptoe at Home Dairy, peering through the frosty glass at the tubs of ice cream, and selecting Fudge Marble for my cone. With a thrill of anticipation, I watched as the counterman expertly scooped up the treat and pressed it into my sugar cone, the ribbons of chocolate swirling throughout the velvety rich vanilla. Outside on the Dairy's front lawn, kids of all ages sat with dripping ice cream cones, making a summertime tableau.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Time For A Little Report Card

Quickly placed into the rotation is this bold new offering, the burnished bittersweet cravat with pale storm blue stripes, widely staggered and alternating with a pinstripe of the same hue. In the spirit of the season, we offer a

Report Card:
Dimples: A
Fashion Credibility: B+
Style Statement: A-
Williams Wearability: C

Assessment: This tie, although it takes a bold fashion risk and is impeccably tied, is not doing anything for its wearer. Above all else, fashion's Number One Job is to enhance the attractiveness of the person wearing it. This cravat, though of good quality and interesting color/pattern, isn't entirely suitable for Mr. Williams.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

This Tie Looks A Bit Too "Budget" To Be Successfully "Vintage", But Boy, Is It BLUE

Certainly one could not miss this evening's cravat. Baby blue crossed by narrow pearl stripes bordered in navy, this tie consumed every shot it was in with its massive blueness. That pastel was like a bad seventies prom tux, or (horrors!) a leisure suit worn with a pair of white patent loafers and a big, wide white belt. I wonder if Bri went on a little jaunt to Boca and walked around some flea markets or went to a few "tag sales." Because this tie...oy.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

La Cravate Du Ce Soir Est Une Chanson De Printemps

Brian's tie tonight is a soft zephyr of spring. Stripes of pale yellow and soft grey gently harmonize, like the trill of songbirds ushering in the twilight. This cravat is reminiscent of the American Goldfinch female, whose melody is as rich and true as that of her more ostentatious partner, but whose plumage is more demure.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Brian Is A LeBron James Fan, But We Are Keeping It On The Downlow

This somewhat anachronistic tie is seeing heavy rotation this spring, having just had outings on 12 May and 1 May. Might be time for Brian to stow it lovingly away until perhaps October, when its burgundy background scattered with medallions of nondescript neutral rimmed in black will seem more seasonal. Yet...maybe BW is surreptitiously rooting on The Report's home team in the NBA playoffs! Yes! That must be it! GO CAVS!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

A Night--And A Cravat--To Remember

The Report begs your indulgence as things become busy near the end of the school year. Please enjoy this Classic Cravat Critique from 25 February:

Narrow icy pink stripes with a nuance of lilac cross a midnight blue field in tonight's dramatic and lovely cravat. I think of an elegant soiree, with tuxedoed men twirling gowned women wearing satin and silk. A few couples, heady with champagne and romance, sashay out onto the terrace to gaze at the stars in the night sky while enjoying the scent of gorgeous pink climbing roses on the balcony rail.

Monday, May 18, 2009

A "Warning": The Report And Brian Are Feeling A Bit Of Their Oats Perhaps

Debut Tie.
When I am an older man I shall wear orange
With an icy hyacinth blue stripe that doesn't suit me.
And I shall wear this cravat of roasted carrots proudly
On television, even while forecasting the gloom and doom
Of the American Economy, and revel in its double dimples.
I shall bask in its bold and daring
And slyly wonder at The Report's reaction:
Will she skewer me for its garish audacity or
Reward me for its daring fashion risk and see that
I've tossed my Ivy League Conservativism to the
Winds Of Turning Fifty?

*a nod to Ms. Jenny Joseph

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Report Hopes You've Got A Current Passport To Follow Its Favourite Tie

The distinguished traveller stepped into the quiet, dim pub, blinking a bit after walking a while in the bright Dublin sunshine. Well-dressed, but with a twinkle in his blue eyes that had to be a wee bit o' The Irish, he exchanged pleasantries with the barman, loosened his striped tie, and had a few pulls on a pint that had quite a bit in common with said cravat.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Once Upon A Purple Time...

It's the Starter Tie this evening for Brian Williams: a solid matte silk cravat of violet. It's easy to think of its namesake, that lovely messenger of the season, appearing so vivid and bold among the early green of Spring's coverlets. I remember so well being charmed by violets; I dug a few clumps and lovingly transplanted them to my own side yard, knowing I'd anxiously peer out after the first few warm days of April, hoping for their promises of Winter's end. Like Brian's Penchant For Purple, however, it didn't take long for these hardy harbingers to multiply and spread, and I soon had more of them than I cared for, too. Thus ends my Fable Of The Violets.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Methinks Brian Williams Was Driving At Something With Tonight's Cravat Selection

Tonight, Brian Williams has tried to placate The Report by returning to a safe haven, a Cravat Of Confidence after last night's Devastating Debacle. He chose the warm claret intarsia sparsely sprinkled with heathery grey dots rimmed in black. After a couple of commercial breaks, I made an immediate connection: to this, and this, and this. Product Placement has hit The Nightly!

Monday, May 11, 2009

I Am Driven To Distraction And To The Depths Of...Well, Just Read!

I'm sorry, but I'm not even going to attempt to describe the pattern or color of this tie because I was far too distracted by the Chasm Of Despair that was its seven inch "dimple," turning it into a bifurcated fabric Highway To Fashion Armageddon. What on earth was that? This cravat canyon was like a snuggly place for a baby kangaroo or a perhaps a stash for a post-Nightly snack burrito or...something. Oh, the agony.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Here's Hoping That The Old Adage Is True: Bad Things Occur In Threes..And Then It's Over

Debut Tie. At least, sort of. This tie is the third of what was obviously a Bulk Buy at Ties-R-Us, as it is the same pattern as the ties of 4-23 and 4-28. This time, the background is maroon and the pinhole circles are ash grey. Doesn't matter. It's a hideous reminder of not only the dreaded Picnic Tie from the Axis of Evil, but also oddly reminiscent of an illustration from my old anatomy text. It showed rafts of white blood cells (lymphocytes? leukocytes?) zooming through a vein (artery?), on their way to combat infection. I'll leave all of you to make the obvious analogy.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

A Spring Debut (And Aren't We Glad That Someone Went Shopping?)

Debut Tie. Slender frosty stripes herald Spring in tonight's cravat. The blue of a welcome robin's eggs, the pale yellow of nodding jonquils greeting the season's warm breezes harmonize in this silken symphony.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Brian Is A Fashion Plate

Brian's tie tonight is a real tour de force. It combines a retro color palette with a fashion-forward, couture edge that gets a thumbs-up from The Report. The bold stripes of lilac blush and black are just wide enough to be eyebrow-raising, and its ribbon-like sheen gave it a bit of cinematic presence. Indeed, it made me think immediately of this. (But in a really good, somehow totally masculine way.)

The Report apologizes for its lack of a Report on Monday. Illness made it impossible for a proper viewing both "live" and on the webcast. Thank you for your understanding.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Brian--Never Bound By The Arbitrary Seasonal Dictates Of Fashion--Reprises A Rather Wintry Cravat Ce Soir, And I Feel Wistful

* Brian's tie tonight is a bit warm and wintry for the first day of May. Its garnet field with white pinstriping has an almost holiday look. But I like this tie, even though it reminds me of all kinds of things I was never allowed to have as a child: red and white striped toothpaste (we were a Crest family), bright red frosting on my snowy birthday cakes (too artificial looking, and they would taste bitter), and cinnamon ribbon candy (too spicy; it would burn my tongue and I would waste it). They were right about these things, of course, but it didn't stop me from gazing at them wistfully all the same.

Thursday, April 30, 2009


This pleasant stripe of Wedgwood blue and sandstone blush is a welcome respite this evening. I can almost feel the cool, yet slightly humid breeze as it skims the lake. The sky blazes, brassy and cloudless, as a little girl in a summery sundress dips her sand pail at the water's edge again. She draws up a sloshing bucketful and pours it onto the small mound of sand she's been forming up into a sort of castle, built more by her boundless imagination than the tiny hands hard at work under her mother's watchful gaze.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

In Which I Am Not Only Keeping Score, But I Am Also Disappointed And Melting...Melting...Melting...

Brian is locked in a Repeat Cycle of Irksome Proportions in so very many ways, dear readers. In less than two weeks, we have seen this salmon and grey striped tie three times now. Add this criminal faux pas to his penchant for Tie Twinning and the redundancy factor becomes Brobdingnagian. My disappointment can best be described in tonight's metaphor: the rivulets from a slowly melting scoop of orange sherbet on the hot cement sidewalk. Sigh.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I Know I Enjoy A Martini Every Now And Then, But Now I'm Seeing Double When I'm Sober

* Debut Tie. I'm reporting live from the CDC, Cravat Duplication Center, where tonight, authorities have made the decision to raise the Alert Level to "Severe" in the wake of Brian Williams' tie selection which is, yet again, a variation of one already in his cravat wardrobe. This evening's tie of whisper-pale lemon yellow surmounted by a pattern of elephant grey circles with pinhole centers is an echo of last Thursday's tie, albeit a far more pleasantly sedate version. Authorities here wish to state for the record that, while this is a rising concern, there is no need for Widespread Fashion Panic. Thus far, they have not seen this malady make the jump from this particular newsman to, say, Keith Olbermann or even Robert Bazell (whose snazzy grey ensemble left The Report feeling a bit wistful).

Monday, April 27, 2009

No Need To Don A Mask, But The Report Is A Bit Under The Weather, And Goes To The Archives For Tonight's Critique

We here at The Report find ourselves a bit under the weather; therefore, we beg your indulgence and ask you to enjoy this Classic Cravat Critique for tonight's tie, which Debuted back on 10 November 2008. Time has not lent it any charm.

The Report is reeling from the Fashion Fiasco that is tonight's tie. Nothing--absolutely nothing--could have prepared The Nightly's viewers for the almost phosphorescent glow of garish orchid. And worse! Those Crayola blue stripes that seemed to run and blur at the right edge of this unholy cravat gave the whole broadcast a weird, Dali-esque vibe, and I kept watching and waiting for the rest of his tie to start melting and running off his shirt and onto the news desk into a puddle of purple and blue.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Esta Corbata También Llega A Ser Pesada Y Es Muy Púrpura.

True, we were overdue for a Purple and a Stripe, but to be frank, this one is starting to bore me with its violet background and wide black bands narrowly bordered with white. Speaking of borders, though, this cravat is starting to remind me of those Mexican serapes that some people like to wear. You know the ones I mean--those heavily woven kind that look itchy and uncomfortable and a little knobbly? Bri's tie is satin, but the, see for yourself.

*Title is courtesy, so don't judge. Spanish is NOT my forte.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Your Tie Has Become Tiresome

It's just that this tie is So Very Shiny. The cornflower blue is okay, and I can even forgive the claustrophobically close pattern of miniature CDs. But, must they be silver? The whole thing makes me want to be rigid and techno, like a bad robo-version of SNL's "Sprockets" in which the host, Dieter, opens his own music store and whenever a customer comes in and asks, "Hey, what's that song you're playing?" Dieter rushes to the CD player, grabs the disc out of it, and in a fit of pique nails it to the wall. He then turns to the hapless questioner and says, "Your terror is gorgeous. Now we dance!"

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

A Cravatical Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea

It's Earth Day, and Brian Williams celebrates with a dark marine blue tie with narrow pearl white stripes, widely staggered. This cravat is like peering into the depths of the sea, down, down, still farther down until all that can inhabit its cold stillness are thready-tentacled creatures whose flagellae are a light-starved white, as if they subsist on the silent darkness itself.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

A Guest Reporter Of Sorts From The Annals Of American History Weighs In On This Most Egregious (And Odious) Of Repeat Cycles

Brian Williams would do well to remember the words of American statesman Benjamin Franklin who said, "Fish and visitors smell in three days." Tonight, Mr. Williams, television news anchor and sometime fashion disappointment, again wore his once-new and now sadly tedious and played-out salmon and grey striped cravat, just worn on Friday, April 17. How incredibly apt the fish/salmon metaphor seems now within the context of the Franklin aphorism! Would that wisdom were catching....

Monday, April 20, 2009

One Order Of Frog Sticks, And Hemorrhage 'Em In The Alley For Tonight's Report

This cravat has been called into heavy rotation in less than a month. Its stripes of silver grey and leather red lend it a Vintage Air. This necktie made me want to stop at a diner, maybe take a spin on one of those red and chrome stools, and get a big plate of handcut fries with a load of ketchup. (If you're having a cheeseburger, I'll take a bite of yours. Make sure it's medium rare, extra pickles.)

Friday, April 17, 2009

Having A Wonderful Time. Wish You Were Here

Brian knots up, for the second time only, this salmon pink and grey striped cravat. Aside from the fish itself, that color is also evocative of those technicolor postcards from Florida, luring Snowbirds like me with their vision of a cinematic sunset of impossible hues.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Brian Cannot Seem To Put Together A Decent Run Of Good Ties, And I Have Become A Bit Snippy (And Retro)

Oh my. Was it really, fundamentally, a midnight blue and white checked tie? Really? As I watched, all I could think of was fresh-faced forties pin-up girls wearing checkered halter tops or those checkered halter one-piece short outfits--showing off their gams--posed in front of carefully placed hay bales or leaning sort of provocatively against a piece of barn siding. They were supposed to look wholesomely sexy, you know, like the girl next-door, and the checkery pattern was all part of the ploy. So, Brian Williams, just what are you selling us behind that innocent-looking cravat?

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

This Cravat Is Tres Bien To The Last Drop

It was only a week ago that Brian debuted this cravat, but after last night's Tie Travesty, we here at The Report are willing to overlook this rapid repeat. After all, a second viewing of this lovely blend of rich almond cream and dark espresso stripes is most welcome. It's very like that fragrant cup of French Roast at the end of a satisfying meal, dark until you pour the luxurious cream, watching as its clouds mix and blend in a small tempest of contentment.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Not So Much A Cravat As A Faux Pas

Ouch. There's a reason that Crayola retired this color back in 2000. Would that BriWi had done the same with this tie, the thistle solid silk. Not many other hues screech "cheap and tacky" so immediately as this. There's just something so very Spray Cheese And Beer Wedding Reception about it; it's a color that hollers, "Looky here, these ones are two for one and they're only a little dented!" It's a color that we all try not to make eye contact with, but murmur our pleasantries to the host, and then at the first decent and gracious opportunity, flee as if our social lives depended on it.

Monday, April 13, 2009

This Blue Cravat Is As Pretty As A Picture

What a lovely tie! This stripe was a symphony of creamy pale sky and cadet blue with a perfectly executed four-in-hand and impeccably shaped and centred dimple. Silk coloured like this would usually be found on fanciful waistcoats worn by cunning little mice, or twirled as frilly parasols by aristocratic bunnies in those gorgeously inked illustrations of keepsake storybooks like The Wind in the Willows or anything done by Beatrix Potter.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Brian Debuts A Somewhat Contrasting Cravat, Complete With Baby Farm Animals And A Road Trip (Now You Just Have To Read!)

Debut Tie. Back in the 80s when the Economy had taken a downturn before, Rick and I used to take long drives and stop at odd places for entertainment. One such place was a Landmark Feed Store, where every once in a while there would be cage-pens full of tiny chicks and waddling, beeping baby ducks. Tonight, Brian's tie reminded me of that experience with its metal grey and soft yellow stripes.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The Report Decides It's Time For An Intervention Of Sorts; After All, We All Want To Be Sure

"Well, it's nothing specific, Dr. Kelly, it's just that I can't seem to trust my eyes anymore....I mean, take, for instance, Brian Williams's ties lately. Every single one he wears looks navy blue! Tonight's tie had to be--if it was what I think I saw, anyway--the single most boring tie in the History Of Ties. Dark navy blue. Narrow white stripes at wide intervals. I mean, my God! He was even wearing it with a navy blue suit! It's like he's not even trying ANY MORE! HE'S--WHAT! What? Oh. Um...A...F...erm...I think...Q..."

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Just The Facts, Ma'am

It's Back To Basics at The Nightly for Brian Williams tonight as he knots up the solid violet tie. Nothing fancy here: tight four-in-hand? dimple to knot ratio? matte silk? requisite purpleness? Check, check, check, and...check.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Une Cravate Du La Pâtisserie Ou La Confiserie

Debut Tie. A tough call to make at The Report this evening, even with the tight shots from the so-obliging Nightly cameraperson. I'm characterizing this cravat as a stripe of deepest chestnut and mellow cream. It was absolutely delicious looking, like a dark chocolate-covered French nougat bitten in half revealing its creamy centre, or lovely eclairs de chocolat, layered in sweet and gooey goodness. (The rest of l'ensemble left much to be desired, but la cravate était somptueuse!)

Monday, April 6, 2009

I Am Pushed To The Limit, And I Want My Freedom

Pushing the limits of The Report's good humour, Mr. Williams repeats the cravat of 27 March, the stripe of silver and sanguinary red. Irked as I am by not only this rapid repetition, but also by a blast of arctic weather and a late spring break, not to mention a few glimpses of Braveheart as I channel-surfed this weekend, and I'm feeling a bit violent. This evening's cravat is starting to look an awful lot like an upraised battle sword, fresh from the bowels of its adversary, hilts streaming blood as the wielder makes ready to run through yet another offender. (Probably someone who used the wrong form of "there" or made a noun plural with an apostrophe or, heaven help us, said "irregardless." Quelle horreur!)

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Somewhere Over The Thames, BW's Cravat Could Actually Be Seen

*Debut Tie. Fie, Brian Williams! Must you debut a tie when I am held hostage by Parent Conferences and can only view it on my computer screen? And must you obscure said Debut Tie with an overcoat and poorly-lit outdoor set? All I could manage to discern was: black, possible white checkerboardish pattern, or maybe flattish disks in checkerboardish array alternating white and grey. This is highly unsatisfactory. This cravat has potential as a Strong Performer, despite the fact that it made me think of old black and white footage of Judy Garland, dressed in a black sequined dress, singing boozy ballads.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

BWI To CLE Cravat

Brian ushers in a new month wearing his deep indigo tie with tiny white dots in martial array. This cravat is like being in the window seat on the late night flight. As your plane banks into the final turn to make its descent, you take a look outside and see row upon row of starlike lights illuminating the airport parking lot. In the dark, just for a moment, it is as if you may never reach the ground.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

My Sacrifice Goes Unrewarded Yet Again, But As A Professional Public Educator And BW Cravat Enthusiast, I Am Used To It

*March goes out like a...Typical Brian Williams Tie, really. There is no metaphor here, Report Readers, because it's another Striper, and it's complicated by the fact that I had to view it on the computer screen, being held Hostage By Parent Conferences as I was during the Nightly broadcast. I am unable, therefore, to completely discern whether the stripes betwixt the soft gold were jet or deepest navy (The Williams Standby Colour). In any case, the knot was lovely, the tie was très sophistiqué, but was that shirt really pale blue encore?

Je n'espère pas....

Monday, March 30, 2009

This Tie Just Isn't Doing It For Me, I'm Afraid

Tonight, Brian Williams dons a very pleasant, very unremarkable tie of sky blue silk with narrow stripes--widely spaced--of navy. Oh, it's pleasant and breezy and springlike, to be sure. It's the kind of tie that Grandma would say, "Oh, now there's a nice tie to wear with your blue suit for Easter service!", or a tired wife might grab on her way out of Macy's and think, "This tie will be fine with that blue sportcoat and pale blue shirt for Angela's wedding." It's not edgy or avant garde, but it won't be a punch line at Christopher's bar mitzvah, either.

Friday, March 27, 2009

A Vintage Series Cravat Returns, And So Do I, To Bygone Days Via Corner Store Confections

When I was a little kid, I used to walk three blocks to Czuba's corner market, plunk down my nickel and buy penny candy. I'd choose from Smarties, Nik-l-Nips, wax lips, those long strips of paper with candy dots on them, jawbreakers, Pixi Stix, and a bunch of other cheap delights. Brian's tie tonight--a Vintage Series favorite too long absent--reminded me of those long ago days, with its stripes of coin silver and licorice whip red.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Brian Says It With A Solid Matte Silk

Ah, Spring! You have arrived, and readers of The Report can be certain of it, for Brian's tie is your Harbinger. This cravat is like looking at a bouquet of the season's signature blossoms--fragrant starlike hyacinths, stately crowned irises, and the frosty stripe of the precocious crocuses all share this lovely shade of lavender blue.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

In Which The Report Takes A Rather Sudden Yet Meaningful Jaunt Down Memory Lane, But It's All Relevant, So Stay With Me

About 30 years ago, my mother inexplicably began gathering dried things like milkweed pods and cattails and sprigs of money tree and eucalyptus and then, after arranging them somewhat artfully, spraypainted the whole thing silver or gold and set it on the coffee table or gave it to friends as a gift. All of which is to say that tonight, Brian Williams' tie is sort of like an arrangement of Cheerios--spraypainted silver--all carefully lined up in rows upon a cornflower blue something or other. And what was with that knot?

(My mother's Spraypainted Dried Things Period was mercifully short, by the way.)

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Because The News Is Nothing To Joke About

Tonight Brian knots up a very statesmanlike cravat from the Conservative Collection at The Nightly. Its deep suitcoat navy field is crossed with ruby stripes bordered with still narrower stripes of pearly white. It is a staid tie, a serious tie, a sort of harrumphing bit of neckwear fashion, much like a senior butler who would lift one eyebrow--very subtly yet meaningfully--at the Young Master who might reach for his water goblet before the Mister of the Manor had completed the toast.

Monday, March 23, 2009

He's Back...And So Is A Dose Of The Usual

After a hiatus in this Month of New Ties, Brian Williams has returned wearing a plethora of Neckwear Hallmarks familiar to Nightly viewers: stripes, navy blue, yellow, tight four-in-hand, and generous cut. This cravat, however, is one that The Report has taken a while to bestow approval upon. Its stripes are voluptuously wide, its navy deep to the point of being almost-black, and its yellow the color of whipped butter cake batter. It's a bold fashion statement that is curiously formal looking, yet oddly evocative of this.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Wearin' O' The Green Is Wearin' Out Me Apostrophe Allotment (But A Wee Rest From Purple Is Worth It, Sure!)

In a reprise of last year's stunning St. Patrick's Debut, Brian Williams once again dons his First Ever Green Tie, the stripe of forest green and true blue matte silk. Almost as stunning, it evokes not only the memory of the cover of my old elementary school science book, which showed Earth from space circa 1969, but also this Google Earth image. Ah! Le temps marche en avant!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Let Me Eat Cake. Please!

Debut Tie. After a long weekend Brian knots up yet another new cravat! This one is an oxblood Ivy Leaguer with widely spaced, narrow stripes of pearlescent white shot through with a thread of the darker color. All I could think about as I carefully analyzed that tie was a slice of dark chocolate red velvet cake with glossy whipped white frosting, and pretty soon I was settling for graham crackers and this. Not the same; not even close.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Aside From The Health Benefits, Embracing A New Colour Palette Can Be Exciting

Debut Tie. In a departure from his Usual Palette, Brian knots up a fashionable cravat of grey and muted coral stripes, certainly the Style Twin of Monday's offering. This tie immediately brings to mind a perfectly broiled salmon fillet, skin still on, flesh temptingly colorful.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Plant Tongue Firmly In Cheek; Read In Best BW Voice

"Tonight we debut a new series here on NBC Nightly News called Recession Is the Mother of Invention and we kick it off with a visit to Netarts, Oregon, and Farkas Tait, who owns a small dry cleaner shop on Main Street in this village of less than 1000 residents. Farkas, in addition to the usual cleaning, does tailoring and mending, and this recession has been more boom than bust for him. Because you see, Farkas can not only alter a man's suitcoat, but use the leftover scraps to make a matching tie! I sent along this jacket I'm wearing tonight--one that I used to wear around the newsroom back in the eighties--and not only did Farkas remake this indigo broadcloth into a stylish coat I'm proud to wear in the new millennium, but he also made this tie as well. As you can see, there are no visible seams anyplace, and it matches perfectly. Well done, Farkas Tait, and look out Jos. A. Bank!"

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

A Grim Fairy Tale

Once upon a time in a land far away, there was a Sad Ugly Tie of ultramarine blue with narrow sky blue stripes and still narrower pale blue stripes of a yet another shade even more incompatible with the ultramarine blue. "Oh, crap," SUT sighed. "I am so hideously unsightly that no one, not ever, will want to wear me around his neck. My shades of blue do not match even each other, let alone a suit of any decent level of taste or style. I will probably end up in a Dollar Store or on the neck of some inbred at a Halloween party catered by Bud Light and Pork Rinds R Us." Just then, America's Most Trusted Voice In News reached for him, and he lived happily ever after. The End.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Writing The Report Was Far Easier Than Trying To Come Up With A Good Title...Forgive Me; I've Been Ill

Debut Tie. Brian has definitely chosen grey and blue as his Alternate Signature Palette this season. This cravat pairs a heathery grey with a soft sky blue in the familiar striped template. There's something very comforting and cuddly about this cravat, like wearing your boyfriend's big sweatshirt over your flannel pj pants, or grabbing your grandpa's old jacket out of the summer cottage closet and tossing it on over your shorts to sit out on a cool, starry night to roast marshmallows on the hibachi.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Classically Conservative/Award Winning (Depending Upon Your Frame Of Reference; I Think There's A Pun There)

* Brian channels his Ward Cleaver/Mr. Rogers personae and dons a Very Conservative Tie this evening. Very stripey, very narrow, and very traditional as far as I can tell this morning via my monitor and the not-so-sharp webcast, I have to confess. But as far as I can tell, it is a somber mix of wide burgundy stripes crossed by twin diagonals of white bordered by the classic deep navy. Partnered as it was with crisp white shirt and navy jacket, Bri looked like he was fresh from the set of Mad Men or Revolutionary Road.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Sometimes, Bad Things Happen To Good Ties

Normally The Report favors this Purple Cravat, a matte silk of deep lilac with an almost frosty hue. With one glimpse, we can be transported to the bountiful lavender fields of Provence and see not only the gorgeous blossoms themselves, but the silvery fronds of the herb's fragrant foliage as picturesquely scarved or bonneted women gather it in wide wicker baskets. Tonight, however, the image is marred somewhat by a devastatingly off-centre dimple deep enough to be a crater left by a tragic tractor mishap. Alors!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The Report And Its French Are Conquered By The Purple Army

The Respite From Purple And Stripes is over, dear ones. Quel dommage, c'est vrai. For tonight, Brian knots up his cravat of creamy violet matte silk with burnished gold stripes. Was the knot centred and finely controlled? Mais oui! Was the fabric acceptably rich? Absolument! Was it reminiscent of luxurious...oh merde! Je suis fatiguee et sans inspiration! The Purples And Stripes are victorious. Bon soir.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Wherein I Predict The Ravages Of A Repeat Cycle, Should It Perpetuate

Since its successful debut on 3 February, Brian has put this tie into a heavy rotation, wearing it again on 18 February, and again tonight. If he's not cautious, we will become aweary of its somber charcoal bands crossed by whispery blue satin. Instead of positive associations with antebellum beauties and sexy librarians, we'll be thinking instead of a blue-eyed "heroin chic" model's kohl-smudged stare.

Monday, March 2, 2009

In Which Everything Old Is New Again, Or, Perhaps, The Other Way Around

The Picnic Tie goes a bit upscale tonight in this storm blue and pale slate version of its Axis of Evil cousin. From a long shot, this cravat looks a bit like placid gingham, but thanks to the ever-so obliging Nightly cameraperson, I practically OD'd on tight closeups and discovered that the pattern was instead row upon row of--what to call them? a neologism is required here, I think--*obloids. Up close, they were reminiscent of that scene in old movies when a character, at night, is standing in front of the bluish glow of a mass of Philco television screens in the old appliance store window watching some momentous news event. There they were, obloid, bluish, and arrayed in front of me, and I had to watch...I just had to.

*obloid--(adj. or n.) 1. oblong, but with rounded edges. 2. a shape with these characteristics.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Hey, Rick Santelli! I've Got A New Tie Pour Vous!

Debut Tie. Brian Williams knots up a deep violet blue dotted Swiss cravat this evening, one that is notably sans dimple. It's a classic Casual Friday Tie, with its tres petite spots tightly and perfectly spaced, yet lending an air of breezy efficiency and snazzy informality. It's kind of like a young intern who wears Birkenstocks and an eyebrow piercing but can nail anyone on asset allocations and strike prices.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Ah, The Cruel "Cravat After" The Night Before...!

Brian reverts back to blah and boring Purple status with this solid silk tonight. The color is vivid enough--a saturated magenta--but I find myself uninspired. Worn with the Suspect Pajama Shirt, this tie was simply meh. Kind of like Muzak and meatloaf: certainly not enough to rant and rage about, but not worthy of kudos very often, either.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Bon Soir, And May I Have This Dance?

Narrow icy pink stripes with a nuance of lilac cross a midnight blue field in tonight's dramatic and lovely cravat. I think of an elegant soiree, with tuxedoed men twirling gowned women wearing satin and silk. A few couples, heady with champagne and romance, sashay out onto the terrace to gaze at the stars in the night sky while enjoying the scent of gorgeous pink climbing roses on the balcony rail.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Best Animated Short, Cravat Category

Reporting from Washington D.C., Brian dons a cravat not seen in quite some time. The Report has missed this Crayola blue tie with petite charcoal grey kite shapes sparsely scattered upon its jacquard woven field. The overall effect is like a quiet and intense scene of French animation, perhaps of a child's funeral tribute to her dead grandpere: against a brilliant blue sky, petite Sophie releases a somber grey kite and, one by one, all the guests release a grey kite and all the kites slowly rise to the heavens in memory of Grandpere, the best kite-maker in the whole village. Fin.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Oh, I Say, Brian Is Barmy For The Purples Tonight!

For tonight's Forecast of Doom, dear Brian knots up both a Purple and a Stripe, this one a rich plum colour with widely staggered diagonals of ebony bordered by pristine pearl. It's all veddy, veddy British, this noble cravat, with its plumminess and jewelled tones, isn't it? It puts me in the mind of a terribly, terribly ornate yet masculine teacup one would buy for a quite wealthy and titled bachelor, a Lord Earlsworth-on-Haighsbury or something like that, who would observe the custom but not want something awfully girlish and all, what what?

Friday, February 20, 2009

A Day Late, A Bit Of A Grudge, And A Dinner Date All Add Up To A Backward Glance By The Report

* Even though Brian has not worn this cravat in quite a while, I have not yet forgiven him for its overuse last summer. I almost created a new category just for it, The Den of Ubiquity, relegating both this cravat and a few other overworn ties that I was weary of viewing to this Necktie Limbo of sorts. Since I am still holding a grudge (and since I missed a "live" viewing of the tie due to a dinner out), I beg your indulgence and offer up this Classic Cravat Critique from 31 October 2007:

Tonight, Brian wore a cravat of light indigo peppered with deep blue polka dots. It reminded me of the days when I used to hang my vintage Levis on the clothesline in my mom's backyard so they could fade naturally to the classic vintage blue. Some summer days, the heat would build enough that a passing shower would erupt, and I would run out and grab the jeans off the line as the raindrops darkened the denim here and there with spots of the freshwater that fell from the glowering clouds.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Report Is A Bit Distracted, But It Animates This Tie With Ample Vocabulary, Plus A Condiment And A Notion

Brian has a few of these Country Calico-inspired cravats, and this one is by far the most florid. Its tomato red is sprigged with odd wing-shaped ivory bits, alternating small and large, almost looking as if they were little steam vents allowing the molten red to breathe so that it doesn't all explode in one bubbling, ketchuppy eructation.

Either that, or it looks like Grandma's pincushion.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Return of The Tie, And With It, A Few Titillating Tableaux

Ah, La Cravate de Distinction! C'est magnifique! What a treat to see its bands of textured business-suit grey and satin baby blue. This tie is like catching a glimpse of a sexy slip under the staid librarian's sensible skirt, or seeing the hint of a Victoria's Secret cami peeking from the neckline of the middle-aged choir director's jacket at your church. The paradox is startling, but mysteriously alluring.