Monday, April 30, 2007

The Supremes Tribute Tie

What, is The NBC Evening News coming to us live from Vegas? For Brian Williams' tie looks like something a showgirl ripped from her headdress and tossed to the crowd during the dinner show. This cravat's yellow satin sheen with contrasting Swiss dotted pattern certainly didn't improve with a close-up, when it took on the appearance of cheap gold lame. It was analogous to perhaps...a drag queen Diana Ross and the Supremes tribute ensemble's fabric swatch. Yeah, just like that. Brian, stop! in the name of love.

Friday, April 27, 2007

More Lavender: Must I Endure It?

At first, I thought Dear Brian had gone around the bend himself and actually worn the same tie two nights in a row: the solid lavender. But no--upon closer inspection (and a tight shot from the NBC camera), I was able to see that the lavender tie had suffered a bout of chicken pox. Indeed, this tie looked as if it were covered with small dots placed inside circles, and these welts were placed equidistant, one from the other. I waited patiently for a tighter shot and was...rewarded? It was a more classic foulard print, but was so subtle that the camera could not do it justice. No matter; it was lavender, it was repetitive, it was uninteresting. It is driving me to desperate measures.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Lavender Breakdown

"Well, Doctor, I guess it all started when Brian Williams began displaying a total disregard for not only fashion, but my feelings as well. Take his tie tonight, for example. It was his second solid in a row, and his second purple in a row. Sure, it was lavender, but lavender is a shade of purple. And he's just fanatical about purple. And stripes! He just won't get off the stripes! Do you know he's never worn a green tie? No! He hasn't! I watch! Trust me on this! And I just can't take another purple, striped, or solid or purple striped tie. I just can't! What? What? The time? Oh, our time is up? Okay. Yes, I have the prescription. See you next week."

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Frosty Forgiveness

It is the color of a grape popsicle just starting to melt in the summer sun: deep, rich, red-violet purple. It's not the blue-hinted variety, but the warmer hued shade that makes one think of grape juice concentrate, still frosty and holding the shape of the can. Yes, the tie was still from the Purple Collection; yes, it was a boring solid. But it was a satisfying color of a bold, jewel tone, and I am in a forgiving mood. And it's also late and I had to watch it on the webcast.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The Tie That Ate Cleveland

This could be the tie that finally, unequivocally sends me over the Fashion Edge and into therapy. Ultramarine blue with anorexic orchid stripes garishly exploded from the chest of Brian Williams tonight, not unlike the alien from Sigourney Weaver's thorax. Horrified, I tried to look away, but it was too late. This might be The Tie That Is Destroying All Other Ties and is leaving Only Ties That Bear Its Likeness in its wake. It must be stopped, but how?

Monday, April 23, 2007

Pourquoi, Brian?

Narrow sky blue stripes alternating with skinnier sky blue stripes all marching upon a field of indigo describes Brian Williams' blue-on-blue tie tonight. This tie should join its cousin, the blue and goldenrod stripe, in the "Going To Garage Sale" box at the Williams house. Frankly, I'm not a fan. So many things about it annoy me: why are there two different widths of stripes of the same color? why sky and indigo when sky blue is a bit greenish and indigo is decidedly violet-hued? why put two such off colors together in the same tie? why is the knot such an odd size? why is the tie even in the rotation to begin with? A tie like this is irksome, and I have other things to consider, like can the red pepper in my crisper make it one more day? Stuff like that. Really, Brian--cut me a break already.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Periwinkle and Pearl With A Side of >urp!<

Friday dinner at TGIFriday's and a warm, spring evening pre-empted a proper viewing of Brian Williams' tie, so I was forced to evaluate it this morning via the World Wide Webcast and a cup of coffee on top of an ill-advised Friday's Ultimate Cosmopolitan, up, which they "don't really know how to do because we always make them frozen or on-the-rocks." The result was like drinking cranberry syrup, but I digress. The cravat seemed to be an acceptable, however repetitious, stripe of periwinkle and pearl. burp Sorry.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Lavender Fantasy

I imagine myself in Brian Williams' walk-in closet, running my hand along his tie rack. "Enough of the stripes, already!" I say sternly, but under my breath so as not to hurt his feelings. I stop at the Purple Section. I know if I forbid a stripe, I have to at least let him have a Purple. I sigh, deeply and resignedly. I look over my shoulder at him, standing there expectantly and boyishly, pouting just a little, crisp white shirt open at the neck, sophisticated black suitcoat over his arm, waiting for the cravat. I select the lavender matte raw silk. He brightens, and those endearing laugh lines crinkle at the corners of his eyes. It takes so little to make him happy.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Another Appearance By The Soon To Be Tie That Shall No Longer Be Reviewed By Me

Noxzema bottle-blue with a narrow goldenrod band was The Stripe O' the Day for Mr. Williams. Sigh. And it was...okay. It was a replay of the February 19th tie; it didn't thrill me then, and it doesn't thrill me now. It is a staid, Father's Day Present sort of tie that a new bride might pick out for her father-in-law: nothing too fashion-forward, yet nothing too old-mannish. It's just a nice tie. And that is precisely the problem. We all know you can do better, Brian. Let's try now, shall we?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007


In addition to Brian being Stuck on Stripes, his Penchant for Purple continues. Tonight's tie was a warm plum with a narrow lilac stripe. It's almost as if Mr. Williams is shilling for the Prilosec or Advair people with this cravat, so very blatantly purply it is. We get it, Brian: purplepurplepurplepurple. Now, please...can we just let it go?

Monday, April 16, 2007

Reporting Live From Virginia Tech

Reporting live and outdoors, only a bit of Brian's tie could be seen, but enough to tell that it was a lovely merlot banded about every inch and a half with a very narrow pearl stripe. The rest was hidden by a somber black greatcoat against the chilly winds blowing across the Virginia Tech campus. I watched with emotions horrifyingly similar to those I felt almost 8 years ago to the day. School is not supposed to be like this. Why don't they know that?

Friday, April 13, 2007

Brian Williams And Daniel Day-Lewis

Playing it safe on a Friday the 13th, Brian opted for an old standby: yet another stripe, this one the French vanilla and true blue that we saw on February 9. I like this tie; it reminds me of the uniforms of the French soldiers in the movie The Last of the Mohicans. And anytime I can think about Daniel Day-Lewis with long, flowing locks and a loincloth is a good thing.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

The Line Forms To The Rear...

Tonight's stripe--for we've not had much else, now have we, aside from the odd solid here and there--was a North Carolina Tar Heels blue narrow band bordered by a classic navy blue broad band. My issue is not the repetitive nature of this striped tie, but its pairing with the pinstriped suit. I find that to be zoot suit-ish looking. Too much goin' on there. Not a fan of the stripe-on-stripe look, Bri. Let's get a grip on the linears.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

We Can All Get Along

The Tie Report is tardy due to a few factors: one, after a hectic day involving a trip to the Service Department of a car dealership ending with a bill of $888.12 and a run-in with a doltish porter named Fernando, Jared and I decided that dinner would be alcoholic drinks and nibblies (emphasis on drinks), and two; after said drinks, I could not decide whether the stripes in Brian's tie were, in fact, symbolically Post-Imus black and white, or if they were, as Jared and Rick claimed, banally navy and white. SO...after carefully reviewing the evidence online, I am sticking to my original analysis and declaring that Brian subtly and sartorially stood up for his beliefs that we can all get along. Indeed, Brian Williams, indeed.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Raspberry/Fuschia/Magenta Solid

Wisely, Brian made no attempt to try and sustain the magnificence of last night's cravat. Instead, he opted for a solid in matte, understated raw silk. In my youth, the color was called magenta. My grandmother called it fuchsia. These days, when every color is named after a food, it is raspberry. If it were a wall paint sample that you had to go and ask the grumpy guy behind the counter to mix for you, it would probably have an embarrassing name like "Tahiti Sweetie" or "Va Va Varoom Violet". Regardless of all of that, I've decided that, color notwithstanding, I'm not a fan of the solid tie.

Monday, April 9, 2007

The Debut of The Favourite Tie

Well, Brian. This is more like it. A sexy, mysterious tie with a "come hither" demeanor. At first glance, it was platinum and white stripes, very cool and aloof. But, once you came in for a closeup, icy pale pink and Wedgwood blue teased me and taunted me. I immediately coveted and desired this cravat. I began imagining things I could own made of this fabric; how I could incorporate it into my own wardrobe. It is a Tie Tour de Force, and somehow, I must have it. I...I...I think it is my Favourite Tie!

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

I Search For The Power Of The Purple

Hey...Brian? What is it with you and purple? Did you go to Catholic school as a child and have to wear boring navy blue ties? Did you swear a vow to yourself then and there that one day, when you were a grownup and free to make your own neckwear decisions, you would own a slew of...oh,...daring purple ties and show everyone? Because tonight was yet another from your Plethora O' Purple, this one a selection from the Busy Division, just like last night's. A shiny white with an impossibly tiny purple houndstooth pattern. It was painful. I can respect your rebelliousness, Brian Williams. Fight the power and all that. But couldn't you do it with, say, a nice forest green?

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Doctor, My Eyes

Certainly the guys up in the control room shared my sense of confusion and wonder at Brian Williams' choice of cravat tonight. What on earth were we to do about it? When the camera took a long shot, it looked like opalescent orchid satin which pulsed and flittered like it was covered in tiny chaser lights. Then, when the camera tightened for a closer shot, it was clear to see that it had a sort of stained-glass pattern of perhaps red and blue, or even perhaps that sort of purplish color, but the pattern was either red, no--royal blue and red--no, wait--oh forget it! It was, in a word, busy. The longer one looked at it, the more intricate it became. Was that some white in there, or are there now spots before my eyes? This is getting way too intense. I'm not sure this level of Neckwear Scrutiny is covered under my health plan.

Monday, April 2, 2007

A Return to Sartorial Splendour

Brian Williams starts the new month with a deep Sahara gold tie dotted with mahogany or burgundy. The dots are not tiny, nor are they large enough to be termed "polka dots." It's a tie I've not seen before, and it restores in me the faith that Mr. Williams is starting to once again embrace the cravat as a chance to make a definite fashion statement. I would like to think that tonight's tie is his transition back to sartorial splendour (notice the pretentious spelling; I am that ready for Brian Williams' return to la haute couture.)