Thursday, October 27, 2011

Was It Bring Your Little Daughter To Work Night At The Nightly For The Wardrobe Dept?

SPT. And, The Report must take a moment to comment on the cravat of reporter Mike Taibbi, which was startlingly garish in all its Barbie pinkness.  When the two ties were across from each other, it was like a glimpse down the Dora the Explorer aisle at Toys-BackwardsR-Us. 

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

For Whom The Tie Polls

Tonight's cravat is a very textured striper of true blue and stormcloud.  It looks tweedy and almost sweaterish.  This tie is the herringbone jacket with elbow patches, worn by Hemingway-esque professors who, in deference to the No Smoking regulations, cradle the bowls of their cold pipes in one hand as they gesture with the stem to illustrate their point. 

Monday, October 24, 2011

Is It A Tie Or A Craft Project/Halloween Costume/Project Runway Challenge?

Tonight, Brian's tie is so complex and intricate that I almost had to make a small diagram in order to explicate it.  (Thanks a lot, HDTV.) Brilliant summersky blue is overlaid by broad bands of black meshwork, then further interrupted by platinum stripes shot through with narrow ribbons of lavender.  This cravat was, in a word, worky. And all over the place. It had too much going on. It reminds me of those Saloon Girl Outfits, you know? Those things have satin and lace and ruffles and lacings and corseting and decolletage and a peplum and a bustle and fishnet stockings and short boots and holy crap, it's like the dressmaker discovered margaritas and velcro in the same night, you know?

Monday, October 17, 2011

In Which I Postulate A Possible Origin For Brian's Repeat Cycles (But Never Excuse Them)

This evening's cravat is a violet blue field crossed by mulberry stripes which bear an intarsia rope pattern.  I am reminded of a peculiar run of Christmases wherein my mother, for some unknown reason, was on a Repeat Cycle of her own.  For about five years in a row, I received a purple cableknit sweater.  Not the same one, but a Variation On The Theme.  If my mother is locked in some sort of Vulcan Mind Meld with Brian Williams, we are all in serious trouble.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Where Has This Tie Been? BriWi Finds A Hidden Style Stash

Brian Williams finds a secret door in his Armoire de Cravates and from it draws tonight's stylish striped offering.  Rich plumwine alternates with creamy ivory, the latter pinstriped by carnation pink.  The whole effect is part confectionery, part la mode de Louis XV, part "Let's sneak out of the reception early and go to the wine bar for the new Beaujolais tasting."   

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

And It Looked Even Tackier And Shinier Tonight, If That Is Possible

SPT. And just like that, our hopes are completely and devastatingly dashed. 

Monday, October 10, 2011

The Report Breathes A Sigh Of Relief

Mr. Williams steps up his fashion game profoundly from last night with this cravat of a smokey, pale indigo upon which are scattered tiny ebony windowframes with white centres. Quietly confident; it speaks in modulated tones, but is always heard and respected.  It is the perfect combination of brains and beauty.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Brian Williams Has A Shopping Fantasy

"Yes, good afternoon, Miss. I'm looking for a tie that...well, just a tie. I don't want it to be too noticeable, too...fashionable.  I'm a Serious Newsman, and what I'm wearing isn't the point.  It just isn't what's important. With so much going on in the world, people need to--yes, like that one.  Just dark blue with...what are those stripes, red?  Kind  Orangey, sort of?  Whatever.  On camera, those double pinstripes will read red anyway.  A nice blue tie with red stripes.  That's what I'm talkin' about. A tie that no one can care about."

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Two Parts Vodka, One Part Dry Vermouth, A Splash Of Olive Brine, And A Bleu Cheese Stuffed Olive In A Chilled Glass, S'Il Vous Plait

SPT.  I suppose we should have known, since its Harbinger, the Jet and Gold Bling Stripe, appeared yesterday.  It appears that October's Cycle Répété has begun. (And so has the Report's cycle de thérapie d'alcool.)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

It's Like What Would Happen If She-Ra Got Trapped In The Tents At Fashion Week

Brian Williams continues to punish Nightly viewers by raiding his armoire d'atrocités and knotting up the raw silk cravat of orchid with pulsating ultramarine blue stripes.  It's what Jeremy Scott would send down the runway, and his models, sent to the makeup artists for a "blurred frosty-neon sort of Futuristic She-goddess Superhero Eye" would definitely slink the catwalk sporting these.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Brian Finally Mixes It Up

Brian Williams breaks The Cycle Of Despair for us viewers of The Nightly after Savannah helps him reset by sitting in on Friday.  Tonight, he dons a cravat from his Old Faithful collection, a striper of deep suitcoat navy crossed with blush pink diagonals.  This tie is an old-timey scene at a grade-school mixer.  All the boys wear their Sunday suits, their hair is parted razor sharp and the comb marks show in their dampened hair.  They line the gym along one side of the basketball court, staring at the little ringleted girls who look like puff pastries, cupcakes, and cotton candy in pastel clusters on the other side.