I'd Much Rather Have The Martini, Actually

Oh, this tie! The colours are off-putting enough--vivid thistle with ultramarine blue stripes--but it has such an odd habit of furring and blurring at the left edge. It's like when I put my bifocal contacts in wrong--the left in my right eye, the right in my left--and the world is suddenly wonky. I can see pretty well, but things have a surreal quality, like I've had one too many martinis but no accompanying jollity, just the feeling of being a bit squinty and not-nice.