A Cravatical Conundrum

Here at The Report, we find ourselves in a quandary. Tonight's tie, lacking a tight closeup by the unusually stingy cameraperson at The Nightly, appears to be thistle overlaid by a magenta mesh pattern, a mistake almost made back on 14 January, the last time BW wore this selfsame cravat. Then, only a shockingly intimate lensing revealed it to be, in truth, sky blue with red. Do I report The Tie That I See, or The Tie That I Know It To Be? Ah, the vicissitudes of sartorial reporting!

It's Like When You Try To Listen To Someone Who Has Spinach In His Teeth...

The Report is in denial with regard to le chemise de pyjama mystérieuse a la les stripes lately, which may or may not be two separate shirts. Either way, said shirt did not provide a suitable backdrop for this evening's tie. Being so distracted, I beg your indulgence as I pull forth this
Classic Cravat Critique from 10-27-08: If it's not striped, it's purple, and this one was the saturated raw silk solid red-violet one from Brian's Panoply O' Purples. It's very textured and deeply colored, so I can't get too annoyed with it. When I see it, I start thinking of melty grape popsicles that are just ready to fall off the stick and onto the hot sidewalk below, only because you've been wise enough to eat those last few bites bent waaay over, knowing that you're in a race against The Laws Of Physics themselves.

Oh, Brian, How Could You? Or, I Invoke A Revolutionary And Big Pharma To Get Me Through It All

Alas! As Thomas Paine once said, it is only a step from the sublime to the ridiculous, and Brian Williams took that step tonight. After le triomphe that was last night's cravat, tonight's is certainly a misstep. Its vivid purple with jarringly white narrow stripes made me sigh repeatedly. All I could think of was how it could easily be the subtle uniform tie of a pharmaceutical salesman shilling for Advair, Nexium, Prilosec, or even Dimetapp...oh, any of the various purply medicines currently on the market. I could just imagine it being kept in place with a tietac made to look like an itsy-bitsy inhaler or a rather enlarged capsule, you know, just for fun. But not on America's number one newsman.

A Brief Historical And Musical Interlude Provided By The Report And Inspired By This Debut Tie

Debut Tie. Brian knots up yet another new tie this evening, stripes of baby blanket blue satin and textured flint grey. The contrast is at once startling and intriguing, like a carriage of Civil War belles, arrayed in ball gowns and tippets, but tucked in snugly under warm woolen blankets to fend off an unseasonable autumn chill. Their suitors can see but a glimpse of the hems of their colorful dresses before they cast off their coverings and, taking the hands of their gentlemen, reveal the bright plumage beneath.

(For those of you who want a little background music while you read this Report, click here and press "Play.")

In Which There Is A Debut Tie, And The Report Shows Its Age. Sigh.

Debut Tie. To begin the month, Brian surprises us with une cravate nouvelle. Belying the groundhog's dire prediction, this tie seems rather the harbinger of Spring, with its dusky sapphire field besprinkled with row upon row of rosy little circlet flowers. It's rather like a preteen girl's stationery, the kind with matching envelopes lined with a coordinated color in a lovely little box that even comes with a scented pen that invariably smells like raspberries or strawberries, and little stickers used to seal the envelopes. (But now I'm dating myself. Preteen girls don't use stationery anymore; they just engage in "sexting" on their cellphones, don't they? Sigh. They're missing out on the stickers....)

Looking Like An Officer And A Gentleman, Brian Williams Returns To A Wardrobe Standby

Brian brings back one of his standby ties, the wide stripe of military navy and wan gold. Very dressy and polished, this tie brings to mind such medals as The Navy Cross, the US Navy Medal of Honor , and the US Army Medal of Honor. With its tight, four-in-hand knot and classic deep dimple, The Report salutes this cravat!

The Report Fantasizes About The Origins Of The Whole Purple Thing

Tonight, Brian has occasion to wear what I like to think is The Starter Tie, the one cravat that was his foray into satisfying his Purple Fetish, the violet matte silk solid. It's obviously of good quality, the color is deep, saturated, and evocative of royalty rather than femininity, and it is always strongly dimpled. One can almost imagine BW standing at the display of ties, squaring his shoulders, and saying under his breath, "I'm just going to get it. I like purple, no big deal. If anyone says anything, I'll just ignore them." And he's been doing it ever since.

The Repetition Of A Once-Favourite Tie Provokes A Lunchbox Analogy

Brian Williams has put this cravat into an especially Heavy Rotation lately. This tie of cinnamon-spiked wine with a sprinkle of ecru polka dots barely outlined in black was just seen on 13 January after twice appearing in December as well. If Bri isn't careful, I'm going to get mighty tired of this tie. It's like when you told your mom you liked Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies in your lunch and then she started putting them in there all the time. Now you cannot stand the sight of that red-haired, freckle-faced snot in the broad-brimmed hat, let alone those damned snack cakes.

A Winter Storm Calls For A Classic Cravat Critique

While Mr. Williams is having a Blue Period, The Report is singin' the blues. As much as a foot of snow is forecast, and added to what's already on the ground, we may wake to over twenty inches of the white stuff.
Longing for warmer days, The Tie Report hearkens back to 16 July 2007 for this Classic Cravat Critique: Brian returns to a tried and true stripe, this one reminiscent of a summery breakfast of blueberries mounded invitingly in a moat of ice-cold milk. The color combination is crisp and clean, and this cravat gives its wearer a look of cool polish and finesse.

In Which We Are Restrained In Our Dismay And Outrage, Following The Example Of Our New President, At This Unprecedented Repeat Cycle

In an Unforgiveable Repeat Cycle, BW--obviously aglow from the favorable review of Thursday's (1-22) Report--decided to bask in its radiance once again. Well, that's just not what we do here, Mr. Williams. Certainly donning the selfsame midnight blue textured solid cravat twice in three on-air days is not change we can believe in. Can you do better? Yes you can!

Assessment/Evaluation Of The Cravat Seems Called For By The Cravat Itself

*A familiar standby appears tonight, as Brian Williams tightens the knot of the cranberry cravat with the pattern of sky blue eerily reminiscent of those brainstorm cluster maps that I used to teach my students to organize their thoughts in the Pre-Writing Stage. All those circles and sticks make me feel a little like I have papers to grade lurking somewhere. But this tie--a B- .

A Very Serious Tie Leads The Report Into A Rather Bronte-esque Reverie (Or Is It Dickensian?)

Back in NYC, Brian Williams is a Rhapsody in Blue this evening, culminating in a midnight blue cravat of textured fabric with the usual tight four-in-hand avec une deep dimple. It's a Very Serious Tie, this solid--conservative, tactful, and judicious, much like the elder relatives in Victorian novels whose duty it is to tell young persons the Terrible News that they are now Orphans. "You are to be the Man Of The House Now," they say to the young, tearful boy at their knee. "It is dreadful, but there's no help for it. And I shall do all I can for you." Of course, in the next chapter, that well-meaning relative dies of consumption, but at the time, the sentiment was most encouraging.

There's A Lot Going On In Washington, And Not All Of It Is Fashionable

Debut Tie. Still in our nation's capital, Brian Williams dons another questionable cravat. This one looks to be a minute houndstooth pattern in mulberry and turquoise. It's another one of those flickery, changeable ties that make life rough here at The Report. A cousin of the hideous purple houndstooth, this tie is not only an ill-advised color combination on its own--and much too tightly-knotted, too--but with the pale blue striped shirt and jet black jacket, the color palette is jarring. It's like allowing the 4-year old child you're babysitting to play dress-up, and she waltzes out wearing a cowboy hat, tutu, Batman cape, and majorette boots. Parts of it might work at a funky New York rave, but "right time, right place" is still a good caveat.

In Which The Report Celebrates Not Only Our New President, But A Wholly Appropriate Neckwear Choice As Well

Live from The Inauguration of Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States, Mr. Williams is dapper and smart in his navy cravat with narrow white stripes. This tie has the snap of a crisp white glove against dress blues as it executes a perfect salute past the Reviewing Stand. Its look is polished, precise, and perfect in protocol. Hail to the Cravat!

Quelle Horreur! C'est "L'Axis D'Evil!"

Live from Washington, D.C., Brian Williams knots up The Picnic Tie (with, of all the horrors, a navy pinstripe jacket!) from The Axis of Evil.

Who Says I Can't Mention George Clooney And The Lincoln Memorial In The Same Report? And Act Like I Can't Stick A Few Pop Culture References In There!

Debut Tie. Mr. Williams hears Our Plea and wraps up the week with a very sedate and conservative cravat. Tonight's tie is obsidian with widely staggered white stripes cut with slim bands of graphite grey. I'm not even going to rail against the uninspired coloration or pattern of this cravat, so relieved I am with the fact that it's not purple or shimmying across my television screen like a belly dancer hepped up on Red Bull and a Netflix marathon of George Clooney movies. Instead, it is present much like The Lincoln Memorial: staid, conveying a sense of gravitas, and dignified.

In Which We Implore It To Stop--The Madness, The Madness, Please Stop The Madness

Debut Tie. * Make it stop. Someone, please.

Clearly, someone purchased Brian Williams a gift for Christmas at a specialty store called something like "Baskets O' Ties." This person chose the Red-Blue-Purple Collection, for Brian's Debut Ties thus far all seem to be in some sort of odd kinship, sharing hues and characteristics--none of them all that desirable--that suggest they were purchased either by the same person, at the same shop, at the same time, or for the sole reason of annoying The Report. In any case, tonight's particular cravat was a puzzling number of deep raspberry overlaid by an oddly luminescent peacock checkerboard that seemed to be made of cellophane. The whole thing reminded me of a mermaid costume for a Barbie doll--sort of a sequin/paillette tube-esque affair that gave me a distinct Phyllis Diller hat flashback. So...not good. Not good at all.

A Debut Tie Proves Worrisome For The Report, And Sometimes We Just Need A Little Distance And Top Chef

Debut Tie. A Worrisome Cravat for The Report. Upon first viewing, it looked like a thistle-colored tie with a magenta mesh overlay, yet, when the Nightly cameraperson came in for Extreme Closeup, the true coloration was revealed: it was a red and robin's egg blue diagonal checkerboard pattern! Truly, I began to question my visual acuity, already somewhat compromised by both a headache and the heady prospect of a Snow Day, already called by my School District for Thursday. Faced with this dilemma, I did what any other Respectable Cravat Critic would do: I retired to my bed and the new episode of Top Chef and left things for the morning.

I will trust Report Readers to weigh in with their Tie Experiences and provide reinforcement.

Perhaps Overstaying Its Welcome, But Welcome Nonetheless

This cravat shows Dots Done Right, unlike the fashion faux pas of Friday. True, BW has leaned heavily upon this tie, putting it into a Strenuous Rotation, but its warm crimson field and neutral dove-colored circlets (oh so sparsely scattered, modestly rimmed with black) are always a tasteful and welcome sight. It is not unlike finding that favorite Aunt at a family gathering: true, she does not tell the world's most interesting stories, but she does not grab your cheeks, nor does she interrogate you unmercifully about your personal life, either. She is content to hug you, seems genuinely pleased to see you, and always brings her famous fudge brownies.

Gratitude For A Purple? How Far We Have Fallen, And In Such A Short Time

The Report can draw breath again, now that Brian Williams has had a return to Sanity in the form of this evening's solid cravat. Its welcome hue of deep violet and fabric of matte silk almost overcome its small faults of a too-tight knot and slightly askew dimple. This tie is the plush interior of a jeweller's ring box, the soft, velvety face of an African violet, and the understated drama of a lady's opera cape. Bravo.

In Which The Tie Provokes References Not Just To Soda, But To Drag Queens, A Director, And A Diva

Debut Tie. In a startling sartorial turnabout of taste, Brian Williams missteps and stumbles so badly that he totters on the edge of Fashion Armageddon. This ... tie, for lack of a better word--is it Jeremy Scott's homage to Cherry 7Up? Is it a repurposing project from Parson's School of Design made from a remnant from a drag queen's costume for a revue called La Femmasaurus Rex? For I can think of no other reasons pour cette existence de la cravate, the nightmare that it is of frosted rose satin with woven bubble/pebble design, making it look like cheap pink champagne--no, a tacky stuffed dinosaur from a carnival midway game--no, a 1970s lounge singer's polyester gown with matching capelet worn by Beyonce in some Scorcese film that's just way too long--no, oh never mind. It was horrid.

Stripe Week Continues, And The Report Must Perhaps Resort To The Urban Dictionary In Future

Brian continues Stripe Week with this standby, the pale indigo and black tie. It reminds me of rocker guys' fading Levis worn with concert tees, or emo boys' skinny jeans paired with their black thermal shirts: sort of edgy and dark and cool. (Yet, when a dimple is this perfectly placed, just how "rad" can one be?)

The First Appearance Of A Fashion Twin--And I Have A Joni Mitchell Moment

In another eerie reprise, Brian wears a tie that he wore almost exactly one month ago today. It is one of his Fashion Twins--this one the color of deepening twilight's purpled clouds, slightly softened in its hue. It is crossed at wide intervals by jet-black stripes bordered in white, like the contrails of skyward planes as they breach the darkening sky.

A Cravat-Inspired Medieval Reverie

It has been a month since we've seen this tie, a standby in the Williams Wardrobe. Its stripes of true navy blue and mellowed gold hearken back to the livery of castle footmen and pages wearing the colors of their lords as they hasten to fulfill the whims of nobility. Cushions are placed under slippered feet, wines are poured into pewter goblets, horses are tethered to iron rings. A clap of hands and lutes begin to play in the great hall as the feast begins.

And We Begin Anew With Classic Stripes

Back from his holiday hiatus, Brian Williams sets the Fashion Tone for 2009 with one from his Vintage Series. This tie, deep navy with widely-spaced stripes of rich crimson bordered by stripes so brilliantly white that they look like liquid silver, is a classic. It has the timelessness of a trench coat, the snap and polish of military dress blues, and the authority of a leather brief case. Well done.

The Report's Hiatus Continues

The Report finds itself not only sans cravate, but entirely sans Monsieur Williams aussi. As Le Star, Brian can take as much time as he wishes over The Holidays. Naturally, we hope not only for a speedy return to The Nightly, but that Santa--a frequent reader of The Report--had a few stylish surprises in his bag for Brian.

Brian Williams Makes A Tie Turnaround...And We Are Impressed

Recovering nicely, Mr. Williams dons a cravat of ebony with pale, creamy yellow stripes so narrow that they are almost like pinstriping. This tie is like a jeweler offering you a lovely array of fine, delicate gold chains spread upon a black velvet display platform. There is a quiet elegance, a sense of the exquisite without the ostentatious, and good taste without stuffiness.

In Which I Must Query As To The Wisdom Of This Latest Selection

Brian stoops to his Lower Tier of Taste and selects the deep orchid cravat with slim white stripes for tonight's cravat. The question is "Why?" Why choose such an obviously Spring/Summer tie? Why opt for one that is reminiscent of those nightmarish ready-made vinyl Easter baskets that one can find at the drugstore containing hideous cello-wrapped "toys" made in far-off banana republics, and by children who are likely tethered to their dangerous and filthy work stations? (And, while I'm on a roll, so to speak, was that the same pale blue shirt and navy sportcoat you were wearing last night?)

Remember June, July, And August? It Would Seem That Brian Does...

In a complete about-face, Brian pays a brief homage to Bygone Summer with tonight's cravat. Its Mediterranean blue background and staggered clusters of three narrow white stripes transport us to warmer months when we lugged our coolers full of icy drinks to the beach, along with our big sunbrellas and our beach totes, ready to catch some rays and bask in the relaxing, cocoa-butter scented ambience that is L'été.

'Tis The Season For This Merry Cravat

Tonight, Brian knots up the most Christmassy tie in his collection, the crimson cravat with ash-colored petite medallions scattered upon it. In the Spirit of the Season, it evokes the image of Santa, home from his Trip at last, his suit still sprinkled with the last few flecks of soot from the chimneys of the many Nice Girls and Boys on his List.

The Only Thing Necessary For The Triumph Of Evil Is For Good Men To...Be Apathetic Regarding Their Cravat Selection*

In spite of the season, Brian dons a member of The Axis Of Evil: The Gadgety Tie.






*title quote with apologies to Edmund Burke

The Purple Pair Provokes A Fit of Pique

If you felt yourself doing one of those Cartoon Eyeball Moments--you know, where you do an exaggerated double-take and your eyeballs remain fixed at the original spot while your head and neck are still whiplashing around--because you could have sworn that Brian just wore this tie day before yesterday, relax. This is the Fashion Twin I spoke of on 10 December and again on 20 October and 23 October when he wore these two cravats in rapid succession. But, whatever. This one, the deep purple with narrow black stripes bordered with pristine white is...oh, forget it. Click the links. Now I'm just irked.

Brian Williams' Not-Quite-Excellent Adventure

The tie selection tonight is the rather strange one of indigo patterned with a miniscule checkerboard or houndstooth of grey that is so subtle that it is almost indistinct. Yet, one can tell that it is there, for it gives this cravat a disappointing trompe l'oeil effect, giving the viewer at first the sinking feeling that Brian, on a sort of Nostalgia Trip, has knotted up one of those horrid knit ties from the Eighties. Dude, that is so bogus.

The Report Waxes Philosophical Regarding Purple And Stripes And Variations On A Theme

A field of dusky plum is crossed by wide black stripes edged in white for tonight's cravat. This is one of Brian's many, many striped and purple ties; indeed, it has a Fashion Twin in deeper violet. Here at The Report, we don't let that stop us from enjoying each offering as a Separate Entity. This one, for example, has a lovely colouration, but its fabric seems stiff and somewhat cheap, causing it to lie oddly. The knot, however--une autre triomphe!

A Warm, Convivial Sort Of Cravat

Debut Tie. A beautiful offering tonight as Brian Williams knots up a deeply saturated silk of rich burgundy with slim burnished gold stripes, widely spaced. The knot is tight and there is no dimple tonight, just a pinch-pleat. Imagine looking down into a gold chalice brimming with mulled wine, the aroma of warm cinnamon, star anise, and nutmeg enveloping you as the rim glints, beckoning you to drink and be merry.

It's Really Two Ties In One--Does Ronco Have A Cravat Line?

Tonight, Brian knots up his Dress It Up/Dress It Down Pseudo-Formal Cravat. The stripes are generous, but not too wide, of deepest navy and pale gold, and it is knotted expertly with a small, centered dimple. This tie is the black skirt in a woman's wardrobe--wear it with a silk shirt, toss on a pair of Italian shoes and some jewelry, and you've got an evening outfit. Put on a sweater and a pair of comfy slip-ons, and you're ready for the office or a conference with Biffy's teacher. It's all about the look.

Jeeves, Get Me My Slippers

Mr. Williams wears a favourite of The Report, the garnet cravat of intarsia silk dotted with widely staggered, petite medallions of ashen ivory rimmed in black. This fabric evokes warmth and relaxation. It is a smoking jacket and a fine cigar in front of a flickering fire, brandy on the table next to the chair, and faithful setter on the rug nearby. Good boy.

A Frosty Cool Cravat

Tonight's cravat is a lovely matte silk from the Purple Collection. But what a Purple! This tie is a frosty scoop of boysenberry sorbet, rich but not overpowering, cool but not pastel. It's a Tie For All Seasons. (And I would be remiss were I not to mention its perfectly sized and centred dimple! Très merveilleux!)

Yes, Brian, There Is Such A Thing As A "Winter Tie"

With the donning of a simple cravat, Brian Williams denies the very existence of December, Winter, and Seasonal Fashion all in one fell swoop. This tie of Microsoft blue with its staggered trios of narrow white stripes is, after all, a Spring/Summer Tie. It looks breezy enough to be the fabric of patio settee throw pillows, or the unisex ascots of cruise ship staff who wander huge blue and white ships while dressed in crisp, snappy-looking white shirts with lots of buttons and tabs and faux epaulets everywhere. This blue and white tie is nautical, brisk, and practically lifted the corner of my afghan as it blew breezily into my home. It's time to put this one--like cork-soled espadrilles and linen pants--away until at least late April.

Another New Tie, And This One Makes The Report Watch Its Waistline

Debut Tie. C'est une autre nouvelle cravate! Brian Williams must have gotten some early Christmas presents. This tie is a deep chestnut brown with thin bands of claret bordered by white spaced broadly upon its dark field. (Its color would have been nigh unto impossible to determine had it not been for the obliging closeups of The Nightly's cameraperson tonight.) This cravat reminds me of those lovely dark chocolate cakes you see in bakeries--dusted with cocoa or with chocolate shavings pressed into their sides and, on top, poufs of white whipped cream crowned with maraschino cherries. I would rather have the cake than the tie in this case, but hey! A new brown tie is something.

Brian Debuts His Second Green Tie And The Report Is Suitably Thankful--And A Little Pushy

Debut Tie. Oh! my dear Brian Williams. You have given me much for which to be thankful on tomorrow's Thanksgiving Day! That lush, deep verdant cravat--with its tasteful trios of narrow pearlescent stripes widely spaced upon its grassy field--helps to close that Fashion Gap in your Tie Wardrobe. Can...paisley be next?

Book 'Em, Bri-O

* I do like this particular cravat, in spite of its puzzling nature. Its color is a rich, deep cranberry, overlaid with that subtle, whisperpink mesh covered in bright sky blue polkadots at each nexus.... It's almost as if Fashion City is overrun by Crimes Of Style at every corner of every avenue, and Brian's tie is the map.

Brian's Tie Provokes a "Project Runway" Reference. No, Really, I Make It Work.

This is the twin of the 19 November tie, except it is scarlet with black stripes bordered by narrow bands of white. It's very snappy and very arresting. This cravat is what a contestant would do on Project Runway if the challenge were to take inspiration from a street sign and make a tie, and the contestant got a stop sign. Tim Gunn would stop by the designer's table, frown and say, "I'm not sure about all that black." The designer would say, "I was, like, thinking of a vintage stop sign on a wrought iron post..., like, you know...." and Tim would say, "Well, just sell it on the runway!" (I'd buy it, and Brian already did.)

Brian Williams Placates Me With His Friday Tie Selection, I'm Sure

I feel like Brian Williams tosses this one on just when I am getting to the End Of My Fashion Rope with him because he knows I will always give this navy blue with jazzy red stripes the Tie Report Nod Of Approval. It is as if this is his Tie Of Atonement--a sort of Yom Kippur Cravat, if you will. "Oh, I've tortured her long enough," he says, sheepishly grinning into his dressing room mirror at The Nightly whilst his makeup person gels his hair at the temples. "Bring me the navy with red stripes, but make sure to lay out another purply thingy for tomorrow."

For Some Things There Just Is No Excuse, And This Tie Is One Of Them

Brian stoops to select from The Lower Tier of Taste for tonight's tie, a nightmarish offering of ultramarine blue with narrow stripes of pale lilac. It's hard to imagine under what circumstances this cravat came into BW's collection: the first tie he ever bought with his own money? a gift from Sister Mary Michael's class at Her Lady of Perpetual Sorrow? a long-running contest/dare/joke between him and a college buddy? Whatever the reason for this tie's existence, it's simply not good enough.

A Jewel Of A Tie

If we must have stripes and we must have purple, then this is the way in which to have them. Tonight's cravat is a manly, deep true purple with commanding stripes of black, widely staggered and bordered with a narrow band of white. The effect is almost like a gentleman's enamelled jewellery valet inlaid with onyx and pearl. Once opened, one can almost imagine its contents: cufflinks, a silver pocket watch and chain, carved carnelian tie bar, and a small signet ring with the letter W.

Perhaps For Commercial Upholstery, But Not For A Cravat

I'm baffled by this odd cravat. The field color is a deep magenta, but the pattern is a terribly tacky and incoherent array of checkerboarded blue-silver blobby marshmallowy things that seem to morph and blur into red-rimmed something-or-others when Brian angles himself left or right. This fabric is better suited to airport furniture or settees in nail salons and "aesthetician" waiting rooms where its palette is less...er...jarring.

At Last! A Pretty Purple Tie

It's almost a whispery confection of a cravat that Brian dons this evening, a tie which looks like sugared violets adorning the tops of fancy cupcakes served to Ladies Who Lunch or the tiered cake of a Southern bride whose wedding breakfast is held at a gracious hotel.

A Comforting Cravat

Back to the Mr. Rogers Collection it is for Mr. Williams. There is much to recommend this staid, sensible tie of navy with silver stripes banded by an arresting orange-red. It's certainly pleasant to look at without being too flashy or edgy, and it's not so formal as to be off-putting. It is the cardigan sweater of ties, the Grandpa of Fashion, the warm mug of cocoa in a world of fancy schmancy soya lattes with no foam. And in these uncertain economic times, we need a Rock of Gibralter-esque Cravat.

The Report Slumps And Goes Vintage

The Report, in a moment of Nostalgia, hearkens back to 11 February 2008, for this Tie Review for two reasons:

1. We are fatigued and suffering from Intense Malaise
2. We long for the Days When We Liked Brian's Tie Choices And Were Not Generally Irked By Them.

In that spirit, therefore, we offer this Vintage Report.

Looking regally dapper, BW knots up one of his standby stripes. This tie immediately evokes the famous mask of Tutankhamen with its generous bands of pale gold and deep blue. A tight four-in-hand with subtle dimple keeps this cravat from being ostentatious. Instead, it has a lofty presence about it, a true royal dignity.

Wherein The Report Listens In On The Williamses At Home, Thus Explaining The Recent Spate Of Odd And Ugly Ties

The Report imagines the following dialogue at Le Maison Williams:

Mrs. W.: (from depth of closet) Brian! Honestly, have you any idea exactly how many ties you have in here? There's hardly any room for half my shoes.
B.W.: (from behind newspaper): Okay.
Mrs. W: (stepping into room with fistful of silk, mostly striped and purple) What? What does that mean, "Okay"? That's not even an answer. Are you listening to me?
B.W. (peering around paper) Oh. I meant to say, I guess I forgot about some of them.
Mrs. W. : Well, either start wearing them or I'm throwing them out. And I mean it.

And so Brian Williams knots up the odd, dated looking cravat of burnished gold with incredibly widely staggered onyx stripes bordered by skinny stripes of pearl for the next broadcast of The Nightly.

Get Me My Smelling Salts

Debut Tie. The Report begs your forgiveness and forbearance, but after last night's tie and now tonight's Catastrophe de Cravate, we are dizzy with Dramamine and seeking the comfort of our fainting couch. We felt as if we were back in Summer 2007 during Brian's Mango Madness Episode. This...tie...! That obscenely bright yellow fenced in with...was that...orange?...mesh pattern. Once I stopped thinking about hookers in fishnets, I had the odd sense of the familiar. Yes! The grocery store! And all I could think of was this. How appropriate my tears were then.

A Dali-esque Debut

Debut Tie. The Report is reeling from the Fashion Fiasco that is tonight's tie. Nothing--absolutely nothing--could have prepared The Nightly's viewers for the almost phosphorescent glow of garish orchid. And worse! Those Crayola blue stripes that seemed to run and blur at the right edge of this unholy cravat gave the whole broadcast a weird, Dali-esque vibe, and I kept watching and waiting for the rest of his tie to start melting and running off his shirt and onto the news desk into a puddle of purple and blue.

The First November Appearance Of The Axis Of Evil

Sigh, oh sigh, it's The Gadgety Tie.

Royal Solid Tie

Tonight, Mr. Williams retires to the safe haven of a purple solid with the deep plum matte silk tie. This cravat is reminiscent of rich, plush velvet such as one would see lining the jewel casks of royalty, each soft fold cosseting a precious ruby or emerald in the depths of its embrace.

Another One From The Neighborhood

*Brian knots up a tie from the Mr. Rogers Collection. This one is deep matte navy crossed with widely staggered stripes of rich ruby that are narrowly bordered with striking white. How patriotic! It sounds far more stylish than it looks. This tie is so 1950s that it probably was modelled after something Harriet Nelson bought for Ricky to give to Ozzie on Father's Day. I think my Grandpa had one exactly like it, as a matter of fact. Golly gee.

Election Night Nightmare

TWSNLBRAINDTM. For all eleventy billion hours of election coverage. Oh, Brian, how could you?

Old New York Cravat

I am always appreciative of this striped cravat, for it is courtly and tasteful in a very semi-formal way. Its generous cut and subdued palette of dove grey and classic navy make it look almost like a period accessory. One can almost picture Brian Williams, Esq. alighting from a brougham, grasping the handle of his walking stick, and snapping the brim of his hat as he walks briskly up the steps to his offices in Old New York.

(Not-So) Happy Halloween

Brian decided to dress up for this Halloween. He came as Someone Who Does Not Care About Fashion and wore not only a hideous striped shirt, but the same solid purple tie he wore on Monday, October 27th. Well, the trick is on you, Brian Williams. My porch light is turned off, so NO TREATS!

I Question The Statement Tie

Ostentatiously wide stripes of navy and butter yellow make this a statement tie. Yet, what is that statement? Is it I'm an unabashed admirer of stripes, so deal with it ? Is it When it comes to fashion, I'm not afraid to get in your face ? Or is it merely Here is another one of my striped ties in the familiar blue-and-gold palette because I'm just not that adventurous when it comes to pattern and color ? Sadly, I think it is the latter. (And don't think that the odd, boxy knot with the strange creasing has ceased to distress me, Brian Williams, because it hasn't. That thing looks more and more to me like a clip-on tie each time you wear it!)

Mr. Williams Revisits The Neighborhood

Mr. Williams knots one up from the Mr. Rogers Collection, this one the staid stripe of navy blue with diagonals of silver bordered by a barely noticeable but dashing racer red. It's so terribly conservative and yawn-inspiring that I was honestly surprised to see it coupled with a suitcoat and not a cardigan sweater.

Autumnal Cravat Finds Favor

The Report won't find fault with this cravat. Its warm, cinnamon-spiked wine background has a light, rich sheen to it, and its porcelain white pinstriping looks almost structural. There is a real voluptuousness to this tie that reminds me of heady spice aromas like clove and mace; it makes me think of drinking mulled cider and cracking walnuts, and eating poached pears with honey after a meal of roasted meats and sweet potatoes. What an autumnal cravat!

Again With The Purple

If it's not striped, it's purple, and this one was the saturated raw silk solid red-violet one from Brian's Panoply O' Purples. It's very textured and deeply colored, so I can't get too annoyed with it. When I see it, I start thinking of melty grape popsicles that are just ready to fall off the stick and onto the hot sidewalk below, only because you've been wise enough to eat those last few bites bent waaay over, knowing that you're in a race against The Laws Of Physics themselves.

Algebraic Analogy Tie

Yawn. Brian continues to bore us all with his ties this month. Not only has October lacked variety, it has lacked panache et joie de vivre. This tie, the royal blue overlaid with miniscule grey houndstooth...er...something is about as boring as sitting in my tenth grade Algebra II class listening to Mr. Adelsperger drone on and on about prime polynomials. I knew he was there and that he was talking, but for the life of me, I just couldn't work up the interest to care much about either of those facts, let alone about what he was carrying on about.

The Report Is Moved To A Litany Of Sarcastic Queries

Really, Brian? Did you not just wear the companion tie to this one on Monday? Did someone send you an email asking if perhaps the color on their television sets was slightly off because it looked a little washed-out, and you wanted to assure them that, no, you had two ties which had purply backgrounds and black stripes outlined in white? That one of them—this one—was deep, royal purple, and the other one—20 October’s—has a lighter purple background? And that one of them—this one—has narrower stripes, and that the other one—20 October’s—has wider stripes? Or are you just that nonchalant about your tie selection?

The Report Is Beginning To Get More Than A Little Cranky, And Is Ready To Bag October

Reporting live from Green, Ohio, did B.W. take the hint and wear a...green tie? No. Instead, the Sultan of Stripes donned yet another of his endless brigade of banded cravats, this one the black and blue number that I used to like but now cringe at because (A) I'm sick of it; (B) the fabric looks sort of shiny and chintzy and cheap; (C) it usually dimples and knots a little oddly; and, (D) he invariably wears it with a not-so-companionable color palette. If Bri doesn't pull a major Coup de Cravate soon, I'm totally writing off October.

A Brief Yet Courtly Interlude Inspired By Tonight's Cravat

Even though it is striped, I still approve of this tie. It has the generous cut of the Vintage Series and the color combination of midnight blue and kid glove grey is rather formal and sophisticated. There was a perfectly sized four-in-hand (so signature Brian!), and the fabric below the knot seemed to almost flow from it. The cravat has the feel of a formal wedding, and I could almost picture Brian bow slightly before me, offer me the crook of his arm, and smilingly ask, "Friend of the bride or friend of the groom?" as he got ready to escort me down the center aisle of the Cathedral.

This Tie Encapsulates Brian Williams' Entire Cravat Theme

Brian dons the companion tie of 8 October. This cravat is boysenberry crossed with widely staggered generous black stripes with slim white borders. The field color is quite lovely, but haven't we done the Purple & Stripes theme to death by now? I know I've had my fill when I'm starting to miss the corky brown, mysteriously vertically center-creased tie.

Oh, For The Love Of...@&*%$!!

TWSNLBRAINDTM. I know. Don't even say it.

*The Tie Report will be on hiatus for a few days while I am away on a jaunt. Reporting will recommence on Monday.

Favorite Tie Evokes A Cozy Evening

Long a favorite of Report Readers, this cranberry cravat sprinkled with ebony edged, ivory polka dots was a welcome respite from the dismal parade of terrible ties lately sported by Brian. After the endless dirge of blue, purple, and stripes, this was as warm and cheering as a drink of mulled wine while snuggled under a cuddly afghan, legs curled up on the couch, chunky volume in hand, everyone else gone for the evening...just you, that good book, a good drink...a good time.

Difficult Tie Puts The Report At A Disadvantage

Oh, this tie, Brian Williams. It’s such a...difficult tie. It’s royal blue, and it has a sort of teensy little checkery pattern laid over it that looks to be grey, but who can really tell? It’s so subtle and barely-there that it hardly warrants mentioning except that...well, it is there after all, and it’s not even attractive, nor does it look as if it’s actually woven into the fabric, more like it’s stamped on. What kind of a thing is this, Brian Williams? It’s kind of like when your weird Aunt Thelma brings an awful green Jell-O salad to the reunion, and it’s got all kinds of terrible things suspended inside it like small bits of celery and peaches and cheese cubes, but your mother has to put it out, or it would be rude.

Tricky Camouflage Cravat

* Reporting from the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, Brian must have taken his cue from his surroundings of grey plastic computer and monitor casings and constantly running blue display screens. It was almost a cravate de trompe l'oeil, for it had a grey satiny background with true blue narrow stripes, widely staggered. If one did not look closely, it merely blended in with his surroundings, the Nightly News graphics, and the endless, tiresome parade of striped ties that Brian has marched before us this month thus far.

Ambien Tie

Feh. I'm just not feeling this tie, Brian Williams. The color palette: seen it--deep navy and wan gold. The pattern: seen it, too--striped. The knot: yadda yadda--four-in-hand, a little small and tight for the width of this cravat. I suppose when the national news itself is so jarring and shocking, a bold and assertive tie might be too much, but this one was downright soporific.

Purple But Not Pedestrian

Brian’s penchant for purple is well known, and this cravat makes better use of it than most. Royal violet is crossed diagonally by narrow ebony stripes, each bordered by slim line of white. This tie is bold, yet not audacious; sophisticated, yet not particularly stylish; Main Street, yet not Peoria.

Might As Well; October Is Already Shaping Up To Be A Lousy Month

TWSNLBRAINDTM.

A Very Smart And Snazzy Tie

Brisk and snappy with an air of elitism, that's Brian's tie this evening. Its deep, dark navy silk was crossed with narrow ribbony stripes of pearly white and knotted firmly with a precise dimple. It is a cross between a crewcut military officer and a particularly crisp country club maitre d' who, being told that your party is now five instead of four, raises one eyebrow fleetingly, imperceptibly nods to someone, and in one motion takes up another menu, makes a notation in the book, leans in to speak to your waiter, and hands a long-stemmed red rose to your mother.

The Report Offers A Brief Video Interlude--Brian's Appearance On Letterman Where He Does A Passable Palin Impression

October Is Looking Pretty Dim As This Tacky And Cheap Tie Makes An Unfortunate Appearance

Looks like the Bailout has already hit someone's wallet--Brian's tie appears to be a Dollar Store find. Its garish orchid background and narrow white stripes just look plain cheap, no matter what the fabric might be. From my vantage point, it looked like a poly-rayon blend. This horrid cravat reminded me of tacky summer rompers that were labeled 2 for 1 Irr. at Woolworth's before it closed at our local mall. Those hideous things had puffy sleeves and were fine--if your baby was crooked, never moved, or had one limb significantly skinnier than the other. Yuck.

Politically Correct And...Yawn

Brian Williams wears une cravate politique ce soir. Its moderate stripes of republican red and Democrat blue herald the upcoming vice presidential debate as well as provide a much-needed respite from the recent spate of purple solid ties. It is, however, another selection from what I now like to call his Mr. Rogers Line. This one, of course, would be called something like "Bold and Daring." Yowza.

And Then The World Blew Up

In a stunning and unprecedented Repeat Cycle of Cataclysmic Proportions, Brian Williams wears the violet solid tie. Which he just wore on 29 September. Two days ago! FOR THOSE OF YOU SCORING AT HOME! WHICH WOULD BE ME!!!

Ahem.

(And the dimple, again, was way too big and deep.)

Brian Breaks Out The Mr. Rogers Of Ties

If Mr. Rogers had a line of ties, this would be his Flagship Cravat. A stunningly banal, unremarkably staid stone grey surmounted by widely-staggered narrow dark blue stripes: it doesn't get any more innocuous than this necktie. This tie goes to work at The Office, comes home to The Wife and 2.5 kids and has a Dinner of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans. Then it is neatly hung on a tie rack until perhaps Sunday, when it attends Bible Study or "Sunday School", then Church Services, at the end of which it shakes hands with the minister, and then goes home to have a Nap before Sunday Dinner. It's not a bad tie; it's just so...ordinary.

I Am Bored By Solid Purples

Sigh. Another run at the solid violet tie, eh, Brian? Not that I don’t appreciate the lovely jewel tone of this amethyst beauty and its deeply saturated color, but really...yawn.

A Veddy, Veddy Ornate Tie

* Brian's tie looks like a medal, all burnished metallic gold and deep, dark navy. Yes, it's another stripe, but with these luxe colors and the opulence of the fabric, it's forgivable. It's not hard to imagine, for instance, Sir Brian donning the ceremonials of The Order of the Garter and giving HRH a bit of the News whilst she has her tea.

Find A Sunny Spot--And Who Brought The Watermelon?

Axis of Evil: The Picnic Tie.

Sigh. Jeepers, Creepers, Where'd Bri Get Those Peepers?

This striped tie is one of my favorites, and tonight Brian mixes it up by pairing it with a pale blue shirt, which looked lovely with the cravat’s cream and Crayola blue diagonals. The entire outfit was a tribute to Brian’s own baby blues, which took on an almost alarming prominence, making me forget--just for a moment—that he is a Trusted Voice In News, not an objet de désir.

Tater Sack Tie

Been a long time since we've seen this particular tie. It looks incredibly like indigo burlap, but it's really got an overlay of tiny grey crosshatching that lends it that texture. Would have been appropriate had it been made of that tater-sack fabric, though, considering what we'll all have left once Bush, Bernanke, and Paulson get done picking our pockets.

A Metaphorical Cravat

Brian, always one for the metaphor, knots up the striped cravat of black and blue tonight as he reports on the bruised and battered American economy. Wall Street is in chaos, and King Henry plans a $700 billion dollar bailout. The Fed's printing presses are putting in a lot of overtime, and if your 401K is looking a little like Rocky in the last round, well, tough. Tie a knot and hang...on.

Brian Leans On A Repeat Cycle

*Really, Brian? I know things have been more than a little...unsettling this week at The Nightly, and you've been wandering from your studio over to CNBC, but to repeat the perhaps-solid-plum tie already (circa Sept. 5) is really treading on the goodwill of The Report. Oh, you may argue that viewers look to you as a Sign Of Stability during These Troubling Times and all that, but honestly.

I Give Brian The Benefit Of The Doubt On This One

Brian is really mixing things up this week, today adding the chambray blue cravat with dark denim polka dots. Perhaps this chaotic and eclectic panoply of neckwear is his way of reflecting the news on Wall Street: no one knows what the hell is going on and the constant flow of information is by turns alarming and assuaging. We can only hang on for the ride.

Ooh La La Lavender

It's a very dishy tie that Brian has served up this evening. Thanks to an indulgent close-up from The Nightly's cameraperson, the whispery lavender silk reveals some oh-so-subtle crosshatching under that sheen. So sexy.

It Makes For An Easy Report, But Not-So-Easy Viewing

The second member of the Terrible Triumvirate known as the Axis of Evil makes an appearance--The Gadgety Tie.

Back To The Busy Division, And My Grandma Makes A Surprise Appearance

Overdue as we were for an appearance by this rather hyperactively patterned cravat, it brings me no joy to see it again. Is it a gift from a chemistry teacher who is trying to remind Brian of his water molecule model? Is it Brian's homage to a favorite childhood toy? No matter; this fractal-inspired magenta and blue assault is the kind of print that my grandmother, Ethel Marie, would make a dress out of and then decide was "too busy and too red for church" and relegate to the ranks of frocks worn only to potlucks, "get-togethers", and dinners out.

Brisk, Efficient-Looking Tie

It's a rather sedate and crisp look for Mr. Williams tonight as he knots up a shiny deep blue cravat with narrow white diagonal pinstriping. The fabric has such an obvious sheen that it looks like chintz, and the stripes look as three-dimensional as waxed dental floss. It has the brisk and efficient look of a male secretary who, as he runs down your appointments of the day to you, is simultaneously watering your plant, plopping sugar cubes into your coffee, and nudging your rolly chair out from under your desk with his foot.

A Satisfying Retreat To The Mountains

Deep garnet with a jacquard weave is surmounted by widely-scattered ivory dots barely outlined in black. This cravat is a favorite of The Report, and its pattern and fabric have evoked the images of everything from Christmas socks to luggage. I worry that I may run out of Things It Makes Me Think Of. Today, it is reminding me of a cozy couch in a mountainy, foresty getaway lodge full of knotty pine paneling and a rocky fireplace full of popping logs. Sigh.

The Tie Report: Taste's Final Frontier

In a sort of pseudo-homage to Star Trek fans everywhere, Brian debuts a tie that looks as if it belongs on the holodeck. The background of this cravat is a lovely red-violet, but the pattern is a shifting iridescent checkerboard of petite, silvery cubes with slightly rounded edges--much like cosmic mini-marshmallows in martial array. Well, beam me up, Scotty, because this tie is a bit busy for this earthling.

Homespun Necktie Inspires Amish Tableau

Brother Brian, stuck for a necktie for his go-to-meetin' suit, turns to his ever-resourceful Amish matriarch, Sister Eliza, who reaches into her sack of quilting scraps and pulls out a hank of deep turquoise calico sprigged with ivory buds. "Here thou art, " she says smilingly, as she fashions it around his neck. "Now be off with ye." And Brother Brian, sneaking a lick of elderberry and rhubarb preserves from the jars cooling on the sideboard, scoots out and onto the set of The Nightly.

It's A Case For The Umpires Tonight

It's a sort of Run On Solids at The Nightly lately as Brian knots up a cravat as deeply plummy as a British parliamentarian's accent. This tie looks as if it might be The Cleveland Tie, which is actually the jacquard woven crimson and blue, but with the lighting being such a variable, who knows? I must call them as I see them, and this one was a gorgeous deep purple tonight.

Subliminal Commentary Cravat

Brian pokes a little fun at the republicans from his perch atop the convention hall by wearing his narrowly striped black and white tie. "Remember when you all used to think in terms of moral and immoral, right and wrong, yes and no?" this cravat seems to say. "Now, suddenly premarital sex is a Family Value and the man you once couldn't wait to embrace and trumpet voting with 90% of the time gets relegated to speaking via video a half-hour before network television coverage. Funny how things get skewed, isn't it?"

Network Of Change Tie

*Oh, Brian. We have been overdue for this tie of indistinct and indescribable pattern. But I know what you're getting at. Its field color of mulberry--that bluish-red--surmounted by blue circles interconnected with lines...I understand. Seated in your aerie at That Convention, you're telling us that there's an undercurrent of change, even There. You can feel it. They know it. We're coming. We're forming a network of like-minded people all across this Great Nation. We're going to change America by joining together, one by one, and voting blue.

Brian Continues To Send Me Secret Political Messages Via His Cravats

Live from the somewhat-truncated Other Convention, Brian has resurrected the hyacinth blue solid matte silk cravat. It looks decidedly adventurous and fashion-forward in the midst of the staid and starchy atmosphere of conservativism below the NBC loft. Perhaps this is Bri's continued signal to me that he is Coming Around, that he is No Longer One Of Them. I allow myself a small, smug smirk. My heart leaps anew as David Gregory's blue tie appears. Yes!