Hey, Bri-O. Bozo Called. He Wants His Tie Back.

I've already dubbed this garish cravat of red with white polka dotty print The Circus Tie. I'm afraid that I can't improve on that moniker. But it's not circusy in a nice, happy Big Top kind of way, though. It's more like...well, this.

Does Anyone Know What Takes Slimetrails Out Of Polyester Blend?

What to say about this cravat? It was a solid, graphite tie of what looked to be fine worsted wool. Basically, it lay there like a big garden slug. I think that's pretty much it.

Sometimes A Blue Tie Is Just A Blue Tie

In a spurt of shyness, Brian Williams wore a tie that he obviously hoped would help him blend in with the blue background of The NBC Nightly News video set. Its cornflower, Microsoft blue was unbroken by any pattern, stripe, or spot. Indeed, at any moment, I expected to see it become a small video screen itself, perhaps showing some sort of graph or chart tracking the spread of the oil plume or the path of the Loop Current. Alas, no; it remained what it was, a big ol' solid blue tie.

Brian Wears Another Striped Tie, So In Order To Remain Calm And Not Too Bored Or Irritated, I Compose A Stately Haiku

* Summer sky and wheat.
A lone farmer strolls the rows;
They nod in return.

This Tie Is The Cat's Meow

Oh, I am fond of this tie. It is so stylish, with its stripes of jet navy and cream, the latter being divided by that slim band of orchid. I always think of the Twenties, when pastels were de rigeur, and the men of The Great Gatsby, who wore suits of periwinkle and cream, lounging languidly next to their lemon yellow cars. The women were slender and bored, and always fashionable.

Is There A Guinness Book Of Cravat Infamy?

Solid Purple Tie. Brian is racking up quite the record lately.

And Don't Give Me Any Crap About It Being April 30th When He Wore It Last Because Mere Technicalities Don't Mean S***t To Me When I'm Irritated

C'est le mois de répète. The tie that I showered with accolades a mere five reports ago now irks me. True, its slim black and blushing pink stripes, the latter shot with a dark thread, are still tres chic, but has Mr. Williams never heard the axiom "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? Well, he should because it does and I'm peeved; so there.

It's Like A Little Me Time

A sigh of relief. Brian knots up The Tie, the flamingo pink with ivory petit point scattered upon it. This tie is just so...uplifting! It's like blowing off work after lunch on a sunny Friday; buying a cute pair of heels before you know what you have to wear with them; telling Hubby and the kids to go ahead and order a pizza for dinner as you spirit away a half-bottle of rosé and that little box of Godivas you bought for yourself. "Mommy has a headache," you say, and you shut the bedroom door, stretch out in bed, and enjoy some time alone.

For Some Transgressions, There Can Be No Forgiveness

Wow. Brian. Really? In an Egregious Repeat Cycle Of Epic Proportions (see day before yesterday), Solid Purple Tie.

Thank You, But No

I just don't like this tie, the purple silk with widely staggered narrow white stripes. It's kind of icky, really, like the uncle you don't see very often--only at big family gatherings once a year--but who always kisses you right smack on the mouth. Or the orange jello salad that has mandarin oranges and celery in it. It's not horrible or disgusting; it just doesn't sit quite right with you.

It Is With Deep Regret That We Here At The Report Must Inform You...

Solid Purple Tie.

Even Though There Is No Tie To Report

Il est sans cravate ce soir. Instead, as is his custom when on location at le desastre du jour, Brian dons an unnecessarily bigass shirt. Le sigh.

Cette Cravate Est Tres Francais

Brian makes an admirable Fashion Rebound with this black and blossom stripe. There is even a subtle thread of black shot through the pale band that lends it a debonair accent. This cravat is chocolate croissants and demitasse; it is buying a kilo of pears and some brie pour elle at the small market, then stopping for a bottle of sauvignon blanc et baguette as an accompaniment. Later, over wine, cheese, and fruit, plans will be made and discarded as the breeze showers them with petals from the nearby apple trees in bloom.

Having Bit Of A Snit. Check Back Later.

So, just FOUR TIES AGO, Brian wore this. Navy blue tie. Skinny pale gold stripes. Was way creative with it then. Less inclined to do so now. Egregious repeat cycle. Come on. Over it. Wait. Not yet. Maybe later. Let you know.

Spring Beauty

Soft, muted purple silk studded with small ash petit point is the cravat choice tonight. It's a lovely harbinger of springtime, like a field of wild sweet violets, their white centres winking at the April sun.

Assignation

It's a striped tie of dashing jet navy and brushed platinum tonight from behind the desk of The Nightly. A dark blue sedan appears from out of the misty fog, its headlights making a dull glow in the path ahead as it pulls slowly alongside the curb. The woman in the trench coat slows her walk, her high heels muffled in the purr of the engine, and as the car draws closer, a back window, glass heavily tinted, slides down. A quick glance from a casual passerby would reveal only the glimpse of a man's watch, white gold and expensive. She turns.

SPT

...though this one--a rich plum--is not as torpid as the rest.

Probably He'll Get Her Number

Brian works the Navy-and-Gold Palette like nobody's business. Tonight's striped version of it is a bit more elegant, however, because the blue leans violet and the gold is a pale and subtle shade. This tie is a drinks-after-work date, the jacket unbuttoned as he leans across the table to share a smile and a joke. Her glass of oaked Chardonnay sparkles in the light, and with a subtle and quick gesture, she silences her cellphone and smiles back.

Coolly Elegant Cravat Is On My "Favourites" Menu

There's such elegance to this tie. Its stripes are rich: the jet navy is so deep that it is nearly black, the white is creamy like melted vanilla ice cream, and the narrow stripe of coral is sophisticated. It has a cool, composed air about it, like a black lacquered plate of sushi, carefully handrolled and placed like Japanese art upon the dish.

In Which I Am Weary, Yet Have A Bit Of A Snit

I have almost lost my will to describe this tie, so often has Mr. Brian Williams worn it. I don't even have the energy necessary to snarkily go through my Archives and count up the times he's slung it on (certainly for the sole purpose to irritate me) and provoked me with its midnight blue background and its slim, carnation pink stripes. There is not even the strength in my Muse to conjure up the metaphoric milieux in which to...oh hell I'm getting sick of this tie.

My Fashion Flights Of Fancy Are Grounded

Solid Purple Tie. (Which is becoming as ubiquitous as newsreports about the ash clouds from the Icelandic volcano. Yawn.)

A Summer Symphony

Debut Tie. A surprising debut tonight as Brian dons a silk checked cravat of icy blue topaz and glacial white. It is a picnic of champagne and cold lobsters at the outdoor symphony concert, letting the crescendos of Rachmaninoff ripple the edges of the blanket upon the ground almost as much as the summer's evening breezes.

Unfortunately For This Boy Of Summer, The Report Makes An Unpopular Call

*Debut Tie. If The Report were a baseball game and I were the Fashion Plate Umpire, I'd call three strikes against this tie: #1, it is yet another Blue And Gold Striped Tie; #2, its gold stripes are horrifically metallic; finally, #3--the metallic gold stripes are unnecessarily fussied up further with a navy thread shot through them. Sorry, Brian Williams, but yer out!

A Tie Among Many, Yet This Cravat Is A Standout

This is another one of Brian's Clan Ties: ties of the same style but in different colors. This Ivy League stripe is a saturated berry with widely spaced stripes of jet navy bordered by white pinstripes. The dimple, demure but deep, was impeccable. It is fashionable, yet not couture; present, yet not bold; colorful, yet not ostentatious. It is the tasteful burgundy sheath in a room full of spaghetti-strapped Little Black Dresses, the small, silver pitcher of violets next to the vases of red roses, and the voice of Yo-Yo Ma's cello above the hush of the mezzanine.

Somewhere Along The Fashion Highway, There Was A Detour

It's a hyacinth blue silk cravat with pinstripes of blossom pink tonight. By itself, the fabric is stunning. I can see why it caught the eye of the Tie Buyer, whomever it may have been. Its sheen is alluring, the colors murmur like the sotto voce of spring evenings, alive yet soft. The problem arose when the fabric became a tie. It is a most un-tielike material; it matches nothing; it looks decidedly feminine; it should have fulfilled its Fashion Destiny as something entirely different, perhaps a high-style evening coat, or the bodice of a cocktail dress.

Ladies And Gentlemen And Children Of All Ages! Please Direct Your Attention To The Center Ring!

Oh. My. Strike up the calliopes, raise the Big Top, and comb out the Bearded Lady because it looks like the Circus is on set at The Nightly! Brian, obviously heralding a recent graduation from Ringling Bros., Barnum & Bailey University, jocundly tosses on a clown-nose red cravat with large popcorn-white polka dots. This tie does not even attempt to perform a haute couture highwire act--it falls short and lands with a resounding thud.

Some Things Are...Au-Delà Des Mots

I am intrigued yet irked by this odd, shifty tie. Its narrow stripes are mysterious and captivating, appearing at first black and white, then suddenly black and palest pink, like an opal that is changeable in the light. Then, the pink blushes a bit, cooling toward lilac, then back again to white and...wait, is that a tiny dark thread within it? Describing this tie is like capturing the essence of a spring breeze or a baby's first laugh or even the grief of loss, the sorrow of regret. It is real, but it is...je ne sais quois.

Overheard At The Men's Accessories Counter

"Oh, Mr. Williams! Before I ring you out--if you like this tie, we have another one just like it. It's a sort of pomegranate instead of the blue, and the squares are black with white frames, not the red. Would you like me to get it? I think it's just different enough that if you don't wear them one right after the other, no one will even notice how similar they are. After all, who keeps track of your ties, of all things, right?"

Le Sigh. Une Autre Mauvaise Cravate.

Solid Purple Tie.
Although I will say the dimple was noteworthy.

In Spite Of Its Freshness, I Am Decidedly Irked By This Tie

Debut Tie. Tonight's cravat is blue with small red squares in an overall grid, like looking at a roadside stand display of raspberries in pint cartons arranged in the cargo area of a blue Ford pickup. This kind of fabric and pattern leaves me irked and irritated, like gaudy designer scarves that everyone knows are ugly and hideous, but because they say Hermes or Emilio Pucci, we give them a pass.

Rapper's Delight At The 7-Eleven...What?

B-dub tosses on some serious Bling with tonight's tie. Its narrow stripes of black and metallic gold are a bit ostentatious. They remind me of the kiosks in the mall that have case upon case of gold chains of dubious quality lying close together upon tacky black velvet pads. The bored girl behind the counter is almost always either thumbing out a text message or sucking on the straw of some fluorescent-coloured frozen drink the size of the Washington Monument. Certainly, yes, that's where I'll be buying my fine jewelry.

Swoon-Worthy Cravat

Oh, I love this tie, with its wide swaths of Chanel pink and debonair black. It's sophisticated and sexy and a little bit retro-looking, kind of like a George Clooney meets Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis thing.

Let's Be A Little Bit Naughty With This Tie, Shall We?

Brian dons his jet navy tie with slim bands of pale carnation pink. As much as I am weary of this tie and its bevy of familiars, I still appreciate its contrast and flirtation. It's the sneaky foot-under-the-pantleg maneuver at the restaurant; the nibble on the earlobe during the phone call to his mother; the suggestive whispers in his ear as he explains something technical to his boss at the office cocktail hour. Sometimes, you need a little blush.

The Joke Is On Us, Dear Readers

In a stunning display of Fashion Forwardness, Brian Williams dons a gorgeous ascot of lovely pink silk with a silver and black paisley pattern. Its bold yet tasteful sw... oh, hell.

April Fool.





And just as much on The Tie Report too. Solid Purple Tie.

In Which We Lament Bad Fashion And Bad Casting

Wow. We have not seen this tie in a long time, yet it has not been missed. Its cranberry field color is netted by a mystifying pattern of interlocking turquoise Sputniks. I am always disappointed by this cravat; I see it as a Missed Opportunity of sorts. Like when I heard that Tom Hanks got the lead in the movie adaptation of The DaVinci Code.

At The Fashion Cafe...

This tie is simply chic. It is a striped tie, but it takes fashion seriously, with its mix of color and pattern. The slim bands are of cream, lilac, and there is a navy band containing an ever-so-subtle hint of pinstriping. It is a fashion tour de force. This cravat is a lovely late repast of brie en croute avec les framboises noires with a cassis and champagne cocktail. Your waiter offers Earl Grey as you linger over laughter and conversation, and you are mildly surprised at the lateness of the hour.

Passport

Tonight, Brian Williams knots up a very distinguished cravat of suitcoat navy with burgundy stripes snugged by very slim bands of platinum. It's quite Ivy League, and First Class. There is something rather...velvet rope about this tie, as if it has been ushered into private rooms by discreet staff with mere nods. Heavy-paneled double doors close softly with an understated click, the high-backed leather chair behind the desk swivels around to reveal its occupant, and the interview, completely off-the-record, of course, begins.

It's Really Sort Of A Snack Of A Tie

Boy oh boy, is BriWi giving this tie a Workout. Its red and white stripes are really jazzing up the set of the Ol' Nightly, and it's not even Christmas. Or Valentine's Day. Or Independence Day. But doesn't it put you in the mood for a ball game or a movie, what with those stripes? They remind me of a popcorn box.

Brisk And Basic

This tie is a basic striper of Brian's that has been worn over and over again. Its field color might be black, or it might be deep navy. The white stripes are narrow and spaced generously. It’s a crisp, brisk tie of martial efficiency and no-nonsense alacrity. It is the Times New Roman of ties.

There Is A Right Way To Do Solid And Sedate, And This Tie Is One Of Them

I'd like to paraphrase a Report from 7 February 2007, when I first critiqued this particular tie, a solid of pewter grey with a sheen to it. This cravat is reminiscent of elegant heirloom silver that was slightly tarnished: understated yet with an unmistakable note of richness. I clap my hands as the royals do in their box at Wimbledon, Mr. Williams, at my waist and just above my lap, and ever-so-lightly as if they were gloved. "Bravo!" I whisper, "Well played!"

Isn't It Romantic?

This evening's cravat is a cabernet franc silk with white pinstripes. It's a lovely tie, romantic almost, evoking heart-shaped candy boxes with white lace ruffles, Victorian valentines handmade of red silk and creamy taffeta, and dramatic long-stemmed roses held by long opera-gloved hands.

Perhaps Brian Williams Is Getting In Touch With Mrs. Williams A Bit With This One...Or Not.

Brian Williams is wearing a purple tie with stripes. Wow. But these stripes are pairs of whitish stripes, skinny pairs of whitish stripes, and the fabric looks sub-par and the purple is...nothing special. This tie is the equivalent of the outfit we women toss on when we're Feeling Fat And Ucky. And having a Bad Hair Day. And we're not going out AT ALL. And we might just sit in our big chair with a blankie, the remote, a half-pint of Ben & Jerry's (insert self-satisfying flavour here), perhaps a good book, and maybe, if we're feeling more than a bit self-indulgent, a glass of wine. Because we don't care, and no one's going to see us anyway.

Do Try To Get Along Without Us Until Friday, 18 March, Won't You? (I Have A "Real" Job, You Know.)

The Report will be on a brief hiatus during parent-teacher conferences. (It's not like he's wearing anything new or exciting anyway.)

This Tie Speaks Volumes...Again

* Where were you ten days ago, on 5 March? If you were like me, you were watching this same tie. Yes, Report readers, this same ultramarine blue with its snowy white stripes boldly outlined in sooty black is making a quick comeback. Yikes. It's so in-your-face, so sharply lined, so arresting, that it's almost audible. If this tie made noise, it would be like the snap of lake ice cracking, like the clank of a metal sawblade dropped on a concrete garage floor, or like the sudden clatter of a great deal of silverware being dropped in a restaurant kitchen.

Purple Is Purple, And The Report Calls 'Em As We Sees 'Em

While it was more of a mulberry/red-violet, 'twas No Matter. Solid Purple Tie.

Memories

Brian knots up an old standby of sandstone and sky blue stripes for tonight's broadcast. There's something antique-looking about this cravat, like finding a trove of old Wedgwood laid away in tissue paper at the bottom of a trunk full of your Aunt Bridget's damask tablecloths, their soft rose color now gone a dusky mauve, but gorgeous nonetheless.

A Refined Repast

This tie of black with very narrow stripes of wan gold is elegant. The waiter, white gloves pristine and quiet, bends low. His silver tray is proffered in one smooth yet swooping motion. On it is a selection of black, glistening pearls of the sea. He produces a small golden spoon and places a precious mound of each ebony treasure on your plate. Champagne bubbles into tall crystal flutes, you nod your approval, and he is gone again in a whisper.

Perhaps Brian Got This Tie At The A & P

There's just something so jolly about this tie. I know that its strawberry and candy apple red stripe pairs look downright merry, and the snowy white of the background color is...festive, but it doesn't just put me in a joyous mood. It also reminds me of days long ago when my dad used to take me to the A & P to get groceries on Saturdays. Right before we'd check out, we would stop at the Brach's Pick-A-Mix stand, and my dad would grab a striped bag and let me plunge my hands into whatever bins I wanted. My favorites were the gumdrop bears, sourballs, and just because they were pretty, the candies that remind me of tonight's cravat--The Jelly Nougats. I was the only one who liked them, and I'm not even sure I did, but I thought they looked so colorful and wonderful, like all candy should.

In Which I Personify Tonight's Tie As A Vehicle For My Fashion Frustration

You know, readers, tonight's tie of navy blue crossed with kelly green diagonals snugged by pearl grey pinstripes was trying to say many things to me. "Look! Here is the green you used to lament and wail for!" was among them. So was "Don't I look dapper and Ivy League?" along with "I'll bet I am the envy of so many British Lower School headmasters." But all I could hear was, "Blah blah striped tie blah blah again blah blah."

Play Ball!

This evening, Brian dons a vivid Crayola blue cravat with widely spaced narrow white stripes bordered by narrow bands of jet navy/black. This tie is strangely generic and vaguely sporty, like it could be found in a catalog of Coaching Wear for any number of professional sports teams, like the Carolina Panthers, the Orlando Magic, or the Toronto Blue Jays.

It's A Grand Old Flag...

Brian is such a slave to his stripes. This one is navy (surprise) and white, the white being shot through with a thread of red. This tie is almost a Patriotic Costume Tie, and I could see it being worn in any number of cutesy Independence Day Revues, like the romantic Red, White, and You!, or the spectacular Fireworks on Ice starring Brian Boitano and Kristi Yamaguchi.

A Cravat With A Flair For The Dramatic

This tie is a dramatic cravat of orchid and midnight stripes. It is dashing and daring, like Errol Flynn and Josephine Baker. It's making an entrance, even if you're just coming in to the budget meeting. It's making sure your coffee cup at work is one of those with a little pedestal on it. And it's knowing that you never, ever wear just plain white underwear.

The Report's Richter Scale Reels From SPT Aftershocks; What An Evil Winter It's Been

Wow. Didn't take long until Brian, no doubt travel-weary, knotted up a SPT, from the Axis of Evil.

Oh, Canada! It's Nice To Know That Americans Haven't Cornered The Market On Tchotchke, And Brian Is Back In The US Of A, Fully Striped.

So, Brian is back in Les Etats-Unis, and he is celebrating with just a tad more subtlety than the Canadians did with their closing ceremonies, where there was so much inflatable crap, I thought that Canada's front yard had thrown up. But Brian wore a stripe of smoked navy blue with burgundy bands bordered with luminous pearl pinstripes, sort of an homage to Old Glory rather than a literal sendup.

While The Flame Burns, I'm Out!

I'm just not going to struggle with a Report when Brian Williams tucks his ties in like my mother did her jewelry in her vacation luggage. It's just too stressful and prone to error. The Report is officially On Hiatus until après les jeux Olympiques.

Is There Such A Thing As "Outdoorsy Formal?" Must I Ready A New AOE?

Solid Purple Tie. Thankfully, it was tucked away behind a sweater/outdoor jackety thingy, so we didn't see but a glimpse of its knot and a tad of the rest of it. I would like to mention, however, that Overwearing At The Olympics is how the Gadgety Tie got relegated to the Axis Of Evil. At least this time Brian Williams erred on the side of Efficiency and wore one already designated.

O Brian! I Celebrate And Sing Your Self (Without A Tie).

Il est sans cravate. Brian, on location in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada for the Winter Olympics, has chosen a decidedly Outdoorsy Look. I am loving it. He looks quite sporty and capable, and brings to mind all sorts of rugged words like terrain, brogans, tarp, Gore-tex, and kayak. It's a very Walt Whitman Song of Myself #33, O Pioneers! sort of look, and I'm a little breathless just thinking about it.

In Which I Rejoice, For Brian Williams Has Answered My Fashion Call, And In Which I Reminisce, For He Also Takes Me Back To My Dream Deferred

Debut Tie. For years I have lamented the Fashion Gap in Brian Williams' wardrobe that is the lack of a paisley tie. Tonight, consider that Gap closed! This evening, BriWi boldly knots up a modern take on the classic paisley--a violet cravat with a white faux paisley print. The small teardrops are closely-set with no embellishments, but they are paisley-inspired, without a doubt. This reminded me immediately of my days in pre-veterinary medicine, looking at slides of liver flukes stained in crystal violet. Who knew that something so intricately lovely could be so deadly? Let's hope the similarity is non-transferable....

Snow More, Please...Give This Cravat A Tieme Out

Brian stood outside in the driving snow for part of this newscast, and his tie looked as if it were dry clean only and getting the worst of it. Its vivid blue stripes looked blurry, as if they were beginning to run into the orchid color behind them. Once he stepped back into the toasty warm confines of the Nightly studio, however, we realized that it was just the nature of this cravat, which looks a little like what happens when your kids leave their sidewalk chalk out in the rain.

A Sunny Bit Of Comfort

While it's true that Brian has a few of these striped ties, this--the soft yellow and heather grey one--is a welcome sight. It's like seeing a tin of warm cornbread muffins coming out of the oven on a cool, rainy morning or a chunk of lemon poppyseed poundcake waiting next to a chubby little pot of Earl Grey tea on a cloudy afternoon.

Kind Of A Ship-Shape, Spic-and-Span Sort Of Tie

Tonight Brian Williams wears a stripe of bright white and dressy navy blue. There is just something about this tie that makes me uneasy. Perhaps it is the stressful contrast between the two colors. Perhaps it is the stark whiteness. Perhaps it just makes me think of snappish officers conducting White Glove Inspections, running their index fingers along door moldings and into impossible crevices, looking for dust particles even Aunt Mabel, whose clean fetish would shame Howard Hughes, could miss.

Evil Knows No Bounds--Even An Impending "Snowpocalypse" Cannot Stop It From Rearing Its Terrible...er...Knot

Solid Purple Tie. Sigh.

Brian Is Lucky That An English Teacher Writes This Blog

I want to be nice and supportive of this tie. I really do. But what do you do about a tie that simply announces, "I AM A CHRISTMAS CANDY CANE" the moment you see its bright red and deep red diagonal stripes on a shiny white field? Perhaps you try, and you become thoughtful and literary and hearken back to that American classic by Harper Lee and the passage in which Scout describes her first grade teacher, Miss Caroline, who "wore high-heeled pumps and a red-and-white striped dress. She looked and smelled like a peppermint drop." There, Brian Williams. There.

There's A Little Something Sweet Left Over For You In The Fridge

Return with The Report to this tie's Debut on 16 March 2009 with this Classic Cravat Critique:

After a long weekend Brian knots up yet another new cravat! This one is an oxblood Ivy Leaguer with widely spaced, narrow stripes of pearlescent white shot through with a thread of the darker color. All I could think about as I carefully analyzed that tie was a slice of dark chocolate red velvet cake with glossy whipped white frosting, and pretty soon I was settling for graham crackers and this. Not the same; not even close.

Perhaps This Cravat Is Ready To Retire And Collect Its Social Security Benefits

Tonight Brian ties on a tired-looking pale blue cravat with slim navy stripes set at wide intervals. This tie just looks...elderly to me, like big Chryslers with frosty paint jobs and Florida license plates parked at Golden Corrals and Old Country Buffets at three-thirty. Or big vinyl purses with lots of inside pockets, most of which are full of Sweet-n-Low packets and Werther's. Or couches and chairs with lots and lots of little blankets and footstools close by like Comfort Brigades.

Bit Of A Getaway Tonight

The cool melon and soft grey stripes of this tie may be out of season, but they are a welcome respite from the frigid winter. Viewing this cravat is like peeking through the weathered cedar boards of a seaside fence at the pastel summer homes along the shore. Painted in the candy colors of vacation, they look warm and beachy, each one with a shady veranda and awnings like visors against the beaming sun.

Maybe Brian Could Sit With The Cool People And Try To Trade Up

If I could, I'd take a pass on this tie, really. Not that it's A Bad Tie. It's not. It's just...Not Doing It For Me. Purple with some teensy white dottyish pattern in a perfect grid is...eh. It's like sitting down at the lunch table in fourth grade and opening your brown bag and finding the same old PB&J, banana, and coupla cookies. Yeah, it's all stuff that's just fine and you'll eat it and all, but it's not anything to get all excited about.

No Grey Area Here: It's Just Black And White For Brian

It was inevitable that another one of these Black And Whites showed up. This one is black with very narrow white stripes at wide intervals. Brian has lots and lots and lots of Black And White Striped Ties. I've already compared them to Goth Chick Stockings and licorice allsorts and zebras and referee shirts and even Beetlejuice. Right now, I'm in a Creative Slough and can't compare them to anything. Especially since this particular Black And White is another-coloured incarnation of so many other Ties He Has. Sigh.

Bless You, Brian Williams. Bless Your Neckties, And God Bless The United States Of America.

In a strange way, I feel like yesterday's tie was a sort of preview for tonight's tie, kind of the way the White House released a few key ideas of the President's State of the Union speech a day early. It wasn't the entire speech, just a few of the salient points to get us ready for The Real Thing. So, last night's navy and red striped tie set us up for tonight's more sophisticated offering of smoked navy blue with wine stripes bordered with very thin pinstripes of platinum pearl. See what I mean?

In Mr. Williams' Neighborhood, Things Are Starting To Become A Bit Surreal. (Time To Rethink The Cravat Wardbrobe; You're Only 50!)

Another trip in the Wayback Machine as Mr. Williams tightens up a cravat from the Ward Cleaver Collection. This sedate tie of red and navy stripes is such an Old Man tie that I almost expected to look above its knot and see Wilford Brimley or John McCain squinting at me over a pair of bifocals doing an infomercial for reverse mortgages or prune juice or The Scooter Store.

In Which I End Up Reviewing A Different Tie Entirely, But...Oh Well.

Brian has another tie just like this. Whereas this one is a rich plummy purple crossed with narrow white stripes at wide intervals, the other one is more of an orchidy purple and looks like its lower-class cousin. You know what I mean, right? The part of the family that shows up to reunions in a big, beat-up car with one of the doors that doesn't open. All the kids come spilling out and the baby, who is fat-cheeked and robust and isn't wearing anything but a soggy diaper, is being carried by the skinniest and most frail six-year-old whose shoes are untied. But their mom is everyone's favorite aunt and makes the best brownies with the frosting piled high.

Another New Tie? Brian Williams! You Are Starting To Branch Out, Albeit A Teeny Tiny Bit.

Debut Tie. Again, we are treated to another New Tie, and this one, although it is another (yawn!) Striped Tie, it is Everso Complex and Experimental in its Colour Palette for Brian Williams. The background is a deep seaweed green with a silken sheen, and widely spaced are narrow stripes of firstly antique gold split with warm crimson. These double stripes are alternated with a contrasting slender stripe of sky blue. It's a very Ivy League tie, and its diverse colours make it pleasant and challenging to view.

A Taste Of The Tropics Tonight

Debut Tie. Certainly this cravat would be better suited to springtime, but having become weary of Brian's familiar neckwear, I was thrilled to see it. The field color was a cool Key lime custard; narrow white stripes were spaced widely apart and sported twin pinstripes of black. It was a stylish and decidedly tropical tie, yet elegant, like the gentlemen having cigars and caipirinhas on the terrace of the country club.

The Report Tires Of These Striped Ties, Yet The Wheels Have Not Yet Come Off

Why don't I like this tie? True, I am getting weary of the constant litany of stripes, stripes, stripes. But this one, at least, is not purple. It is not blue. It has the air of formality about it, with its silver and black diagonals and its fine knot. But the only thing I can think of when I see it is tires--those steel-belted radials-- so highly-touted by Goodyear and Cooper and Michelin Mr's. Goodwrench (Mr. Goodwrenches?) everywhere.

A Mystery Returns To The Report, And We Are In Quite A (Paranormal) State

Aaaarrrgh. This...tie! At least tonight I didn't have to completely obsess over its phantom greyish mini-print or its befuddling violet-blue/blue-violet background colour. Instead, I got to focus on its latest mysterious feature: the odd vertical crease that has developed along its length. Not seen on a BW Cravat since the Corky Brown Tie of 21 September 2007, this strange phenomenon bears watching.

Not Exactly Boring, But Quite The Dependable Tie Now, Isn't It?

Back from the devastation of earthquake-ravaged Haiti, Brian Williams knots up a sedate and staid stripe of dress-suit and peacock blues. It's a very stable and resolute tie, like a firm hand on your back as you struggle up a steep set of bleachers on your way up to your seat at your sister's college graduation, or a strong arm around your shoulders as you're buffeted about by cold winter winds at your child's first football game.

Brian Williams Tries To Sneak In A SPT, But We Are Unmoved And Retain Our Rigid Fashion Codes: Nice Try, But Peddle That Someplace Else, Bucko!

* Brian, do not even try to entice me into a Report with this cravat's whispery frostiness. Despite its hue of iced irises, it is still an ominous Solid Purple Tie.

Brian Tries To Lighten Things Up With This Playful Cravat, And The Report Is Ready For Some Fun

Tonight Brian Williams knots up a very intense graphic arts-inspired tie of bright red with narrow stripes of white bordered with black/navy. It's clean and crisp and very elementary, like those First Baby Toys to stimulate infants. Or, even something for the older set, like perhaps this. Kind of his Happy Happy Fun Tie.

Elegant And Refined, Brian Williams Redeems Himself With This Classy Cravat

Monsieur Williams strives for a Fashion Redemption this evening with this striking Debut Tie. Its stripes of jet navy and creamy white with a slim inlaid pinstripe of lilac are simply lovely. It's like a wedding reception at the Ritz, all tuxedoes and pristine linen tablecloths and orchid centerpieces stately in their art deco vases. There is elegance here, a soupçon of color, and a demeanour of pure grace.

Oh, Brian. May We Not Bid Adieu To This Worrisome Cravat? (The Report Would Greatly Appreciate It)

I grow increasingly irked by this bothersome tie. What on earth recommended it to Brian Williams to begin with? What about its pedestrian and negligible pattern called out to him at the haberdasher's? Certainly not the is it violet or is it blue hue of its background. Absolutely not that odd, vaporous pattern that might be grey, might be taupe, might be oh forget it I can't see it anyway. Does the fabric look textured and fine in quality? Holy crap no. It's not even holding a centred dimple or exquisite knot. Time to inter this tie in L'Armoire d'Au Revoire.

In 2010 Brian Williams Resolves To Wear Striped Ties: The Report N'est Pas Etonné

Mr. Williams knots up one of his most debonair striped cravats this evening. Burgundy stripes bordered with pinstripes of shiny pearl grace a field of deep, smoked navy blue. There is something of the diplomat in this tie--worldly, urbane, sophisticated--yet it is conservatively tasteful and always correct.

This Might Be A Record-Breaking Month: Another SPT

Solid Purple Tie. Oh, it treads the edge a bit by being bluish violet, but it is a SPT nonetheless. The fabric looked nice though, sort of a raw silk. (No, I am not relenting.)

Brian Nearly Sneaks Une Cravate Nouveau By, But The Report Gets A Little Help From Our Friends

Debut Tie. Brian has so many ties with the black/jet navy stripe bordered by white (which may or may not have that thread of white shot through the dark band) that I've developed a real sense of nonchalance when I see one pop up on my telly. As a matter of fact, I had already written this one off as one of the Purple Twins when Kaeleigh (Visitor Girlfriend) cooed, "Oooh, pomegranate!" and I realized that A) it was a cravat that deserved a Second Appraisal, and B) Sam's paramour had a discerning eye for colour.

Sometimes, We Have To Hide Our Holiday Kitsch Under A Little Bit Of...Well, We At Least Have To Try

Debut Tie. This is as close as one can get to wearing a Holiday Novelty Tie without actually wearing a Holiday Novelty Tie. Admit it: the moment this cravat appeared in all of its red-and-red-and-white-striped glory, the first thing you thought was CANDY CANE. Because, honestly, we all know that's exactly what it is supposed to be. And Merry Christmas right back atcha, Brian.

They Say You Have To Hit Bottom Before You Truly Can Be Helped. Le Temps Pour L'aide Est Arrivé!

Bringing L'Ennui du Cravate to new heights, Brian Williams knots up what may very well be The Single Most Boring Tie we here at The Report have ever seen. Quite honestly, the only thing that kept us from nodding off was trying to figure out if A) the tie was made from the selfsame fabric as BW's jacket; B) it was charcoal grey or jet navy; C) it had any sort of redeeming pattern or texture whatsoever, or D) it was a Debut Tie. What a banal, mundane, and soporific piece of menswear it is. Good grief. Bring me my blankie and my snugglebunny; I'm off to bed.

Brian's Tie Leaves Me Feeling Slightly Irked, Yet Somehow Bored, Like A Family Restaurant Chain, You Know?

Oh, I don't know, Brian Williams. Is it the tie or is it moi? Because I'm just not feelin' it. Striped, two shades of blue, neither of which is very attractive--navy and Carolina/sky--and it's just so ordinary and pedestrian. It's like eating at Bob Evans or Perkins. It's certainly something that satisfies the requirement, but it's nothing you'll find memorable or exciting or talk about with any sense of urgency or recommendation.

This Poorly Executed Cravat Sets Off A Discount Store Musing at The Report, And We Are All Left Feeling A Little...Less

Brian Williams has another tie just like this, and I don't care for either of them. This version is plummy purple with skinny white stripes at wide intervals. The purple is pleasant enough, but the stripes are the problem. Too white, too skinny. They make the tie look cheap and poorly designed, reducing it to the level of not quite Dollar Store Tie, but certainly Wal*Mart Tie. It can only aspire to be a Target Tie. How sad is that?

A Devastating Blow To December: La Cravate Diabolique Apparaît Encore Si Bientôt!

Solid Purple Tie. Softly lavender, but a solid purple nonetheless. And decidedly Springy, too. (Not very Seasonal, Brian Williams.)

This Tie Walks That Line, And No, That's Not A Johnny Cash Reference (Far From It)

Debut Tie. This tie could have gone so terribly, awfully wrong. Its bright navy and olive stripes, in the wrong hands, could have been a Fashion Disaster. A rumple here, a meatball sub stain there, and it could have been rendered That Tie--you know, the tie of a sloppy, mouth-breathing used car salesman who says things like "ya know, chief" and "I seent it." The tie worn by the man who shows you the color televisions and says "these here flat screens" while he hikes up his belt over his stomach. Instead, it looks sharp and fashion forward, like the tie of the snazzy assistant at the financial planner's office who wears a bluetooth in his ear and offers you an espresso, mineral water, or perhaps a green tea while you're waiting, and did you hear what gold did this morning on the Nikkei?

The Ghost Of Cravates Diaboliques Rears Its...Knot

Solid Purple Tie. Already. And he was doing so well....

The Report Is Seeing Spots! A Debut Tie For A Change!

Debut Tie. Brian Williams, in an unheralded departure from his usual silk striped ties, knots up a tie with a polka dot motif this evening. Dark blue is scattered with bold, yet somehow elegant golden circles, like coins tossed upon a damask covered salver. This cravat is both happy and haughty, cool as well as cocky. A statement tie, to be certain.

Evening Cruise

Brian's penchant for blue ties and narrow stripes continues as he wraps up the week at The Nightly. At least the colours are lovely on this evening's cravat. The deep sapphire blue with its twin diagonals of gleaming pearl looks like the darkened sea cut by the path of a pleasure boat, its strings of white fairy lights reflected in the lazy ripples as they flatten out toward the shore.

Variations On A Theme Of Navy Ties With Skinny Stripes: A Lesson In Buying Fashion In Bulk

Just how many of these ties do you have, Brian Williams? Jet navy with narrow stripes has become a sort of Uniform for you lately. This evening's Variation On That Theme is jet navy with champagne stripes, which has a sort of understated elegance, true, but when it comes right down to it, it's still another Navy Tie With Skinny Stripes.

It's A Nice Tie, But I Don't Like It In That Way

We've seen a variation of this tie before. Christmassy red field, white stripes bordered with black--but its predecessor had wider stripes, which made it look bolder and more stylish. This version is pleasant but a bit boring, like that nice teller at the bank who you wouldn't describe as handsome--or even good-looking--but if he asked you out, you'd probably say yes, all the while knowing that even though you'd have a decent time and even do something very nice, there wouldn't be a second date, just that awkward little speech about how he's really a great guy, but you'd rather just be friends.

If The Tie Is A Window To The Soul, Then I Am Deeply Worried About Brian Tonight

Good heavens. Just what was happening avec cette cravate? I felt like I was viewing it through a cheap summertime window screen as its impossibly tiny purple and grey? blue? white? mesh pattern flickered and flitted upon my television screen. Certainly the impeccable knot was wasted upon this terrible tie, and we all know that the control room techs reached for the Tylenol well before the broadcast was over. (I know *I* kept looking for the teensy little rolly shade to pull down over the whole horrid thing.)

An Artful Tie

Debut Tie. A lovely and sophisticated striped cravat is tonight's offering from Mr. Williams. Midnight blue is crossed by emerald stripes which are narrowly banded by platinum. Additionally, each of those green stripes is shot through with a barely discernible thread of that silvery hue.The overall effect is elegant and somehow quietly ornate, like watching the gloved hands of a museum's curator carefully handling crown jewels or the necklace of an Egyptian queen or the scepter of an ancient medieval ruler as he places it carefully within its velvet and glass case.

When Is A Tie Not Just A Tie? When It Is An American Icon--Or A Bunch Of Them!

Brian knots up one from the Ward Cleaver Collection tonight. It's a simple silk striper of navy blue and berry red, and it's just about as traditional as a tie can be. It's "Honey, I'm home!" and wood panelling in the den; it's "Ask your father" and not spoiling your dinner. This tie is the house with the picket fence and the two kids, the dog, and the family car...hell, it's the Norman Rockwell Of Ties!

Quiet Landscape

This tie is a sort of icy, aloof cravat. Its narrow white and cadet blue stripes are cool and stately, and I find myself thinking of distant mountain ranges standing in silence as the wind sweeps across their faces, snow settling in amongst the ridges and crevasses.

It's That Stripe That Keeps It From Being Completely Boring, You Know; Otherwise, I'd Just Slam It Mercilessly

It's the navy blue with slender blush stripes tonight (although the dodgy lighting on set at The Nightly washed it out so much that the stripes looked white at times). I kept thinking of a little fair-skinned ringbearer with rosy cheeks, walking down the aisle, his dark blue suit so formal and alien, wide brown eyes fixed carefully upon his mother who coaxed him forward from the front pew.

Awwwwww...Isn't It So Pretty!?

Brian begins the month with the blues--stripes, that is--of creamy sky and deep turquoise. This tie is decidedly pretty. Its fabric should be the awning of a tony Manhattan baby store called Baby Boy-tique which caters exclusively to the mumsies and popsies (or nannies, as the case may be) of male infants.