Is There A Full Moon?

SPT. Zut alors et Quelle horreur! Just when I think this Fashion Godzilla couldn't get any worse, it manifests an Apparition of Aberration about two-thirds of the way down. Was it a smudge?...a horizontal fold?...a desk-crease? What was it? We here at The Report are keeping a cross, some garlic, and a copy of GQ close by as talismen, just in case.

Dark Magic

Please enjoy this Classic Cravat Critique from 8 November 2007:

Tonight, Mr. Williams looks debonair in a generous, but not wide, stripe of onyx and muted indigo with a matte satin finish. Dark and alluringly mysterious, this cravat calls up the spectre of a wizard's cape or a necromancer's billowing robes as the spell-caster stands before a flashing pyre.

Spring Beauty

Oh, how lovely! Tonight's tie is a Springtime Pleasure of silver and rosyglow peach stripes. In her dressing-room, Lady Lorena turns at the announcement of a visitor. Her eyes widen as the bulky figure of the knight fills the archway, his polished breastplate gleaming in the sunlight that shafts in from the window. He kneels with some difficulty, and she immediately bids him rise. He is there to request her favour, and she selects from her dressing table a silk--her choicest one--and fastens it to his shoulder where it will flutter like an exotic bird of the dawn.

Some Things Are Better Left Unworn

SPT. And what was with that off-putting crease on the side, under the knot? Was this tie hanging on the back of the office door at The Nightly and it got wedged against the wall or some bookshelves? Was it jammed into a drawer? Or does it have a compartment in the back for a spare pen? Whatever the cause, it has rendered this tie Not Suitable For Viewing.

The Wearin' O' The Green (And Blue, Always The Blue In A Stripe. Sigh.)

With a discreet bow to the holiday, Brian ties on a stripe of deep blue and mossy green. The Report first saw this tie on 17 March 2008, so it must be The Holiday Tie. But, is Brian confused? The Black Watch is Scottish, not Irish.

Chocolates From Childhood

What a delicious cravat Brian has served up this evening. The background is a rich cocoa, and it is besprinkled with an array of peachblossom mini-dots. ( This is really the same tie as 3 March, just in a different color.) In a few glances, I am back at Faroh's Candies with my dad, poring over the glass cases and inhaling the aroma of hand-dipped chocolates. It is a Special Saturday, just us, and for my choice, I pick out a couple of French Chocolates. One is dark chocolate with pink sprinkles--so pretty--and so, so good.

In Which I Channel A Bit Of My Muse, Edith Wharton

A lovely offering from Mr. Williams this evening, narrow grey stripes of slate and wintersky. This cravat is formal, Old New York, where men wore morning coats and bowlers before four o'clock, and at evening dances brought a stack of pristine white gloves so as to offer each partner a fresh, clean hand at her fingertips and waist. It is a letter of introduction, a tip of the hat, and a hand-delivered note to a lady when requesting an hour of her time.

Old Morocco

The warmth of this tie always brings to mind spices, and its overall color is a toasty cayenne. Small flamepoints of saffron wink out from carefully arranged rows, like small fires in front of Moroccan tents where the Berber warriors sit, drinking their green tea with mint, roasting game heavily seasoned from their spice jars.

Shameless Legerdemain by BW and The Nightly Provokes Me To Further Irritation

Was it just me, or did the rest of you see it too? Brian Williams and The Nightly pulled the Old Switcheroo and he wore one tie for the opening of the show, a navy with Carolina blue stripes, and suddenly--shazzam!--there he was, sporting the "Take This, Tie Report, And Deal With It" Repeat Cycle purple tie with black stripes bordered by white. Look, Brian Williams et al over there at 30 Rock, you are pushing it, and pushing it hard. First you try to get a twofer, and then one of them is a Repeater. Have you no shame?

Updated: Thanks to alert reader C., The Report was directed to Brian's blog, where he discusses "Tiegate" and explains the Tie Two-Step. Read it here.

Like A Sharp Stick In The Eye. Okay, Maybe Not That Bad, But It's Getting There

Brian Williams flips The Report the Fashion Bird and rebelliously knots up the oft-worn cravat of January and February, thus undoing any de-stressing accomplished by our week off. The return of the textured wan gold and cornflower blue striped tie is like being seated in front of the kid who keeps kicking your seat. You get a brief reprieve when his oblivious mom thoughtfully unbuckles him and lets him stand, but then he discovers the air vent, and his overreach sends a cascade of Cheerios onto your head below.

We're Back, And All We Can Do Is Be Hopeful For March (And Stay Away From Sharp Things, Just In Case)

We here at The Report took a little hiatus to placate our Snark, and in rapid succession, BriWi wore a series of Decent Ties That We Had Not Seen In A While. After having girded our loins, we promised that we would at least see out February, and we all witnessed what happened here: In a blatant display of Fashion Petulance, Brian Williams knots up the tie of 4 February, which I railed against considerably. It's not as if I dislike this cravat, with its brooding dark background and its bright bands of marmalade pinstriped with fresh white. I am just weary of it making such a pest of itself this month, like the little neighbor kid who won't stop parking his trike on your front walk and hanging out on your porch every time you are outside. He's charming and all, but sometimes, you just wish he'd stay home for a while and give you a chance to miss his company.

This Is Why I Always Unpack--First Thing--The Minute I Get Home From A Trip

What has happened to this tie? Its wide buttery and suitcoat navy stripes have gone slightly off, and now it looks sort of...icky. The yellow looks a bit greenish, like a blonde's hair after swimming too long in an over-chlorinated pool. Maybe Brian Williams left this tie in a cheapo blue suitcase up in a hot attic and there it stayed, wadded up in one of those side pockets, perhaps next to a bottle of rubbing alcohol or hand sanitizer that slowly leaked, then evaporated, leaching into the tie and forever changing its sunny hue into something a little more...bilious.

...And Then February Took A Turn For The Worse

SPT.And possibly because of overtying, the knot looks elongated and fatigued; the dimple offside and cavernous. Urk.

Summer Curfew

Tonight's tie is a deceptive pattern of minute purple mesh over white, which looks at first glance like a solid lilac cravat. Upon closer inspection, though, you can see the fine screen, like looking through your friend's back door in summer, hoping he's finally done with dinner so that he can come out for a while to ride bikes, street-skate, or have a few games of Mother May I until the street lights come on and you have to be home.

Maybe We Were Hungry For Something Different...Or Just Hungry

Brian Williams knots up a warm cravat of paprika silk with an overlaid grid of widely spaced golden pinprick dots. It's toasty and spicy, like a comforting bowl of red curry and rice, not too hot, and a steamy basket of naan.

Down To The Last Detail

This evening's cravat is a sleek stripe of black and silver. It is flawlessly knotted and the epitome of sophistication. It is the black Benz and the penthouse apartment, the stainless and obsidian granite chef's kitchen, the chrome and opaque glass hi-tech gadgets that lay scattered on the vast and somehow masculine coffee table. One buzzes and jitters, lighting to life. He glances at it briefly, blushes momentarily, and asks if you'd care for red or white.

...And So It Continues, Day After Day, In This Month Of Misery Pour Moi

Thumbing his metaphorical nose at both fashion and The Report, BriWi defiantly knots up the tie of February 7. This classic of deep amethyst with onyx stripes banded by pearl is lovely, indeed, but we just saw it two days ago. I still have the impressions of the last Report; I can't craft a new perception of this cravat already! Why, Brian, do you always ask so much of me? Pourquoi êtes-vous si cruel?

There Is, It Would Seem, No End To This General Malaise De Cravates

Solid Purple Tie. Nice texture, but we don't give points for that here.

In Which I Lay The Smack Down And Have To Introduce A Little Reality Therapy

Wow, Brian Williams. Wow. I would like to make excuses for you; say that you are, perhaps Snow Blind, that you are suffering--like the Rest Of Us--from Cabin Fever, and that is why you are constantly lapsing into Repeat Cycles like this one, wearing again the stripe of waffly-textured champagne and summersky blue, but the Reality is this. You just went to Egypt and Jordan! You were in foreign lands beset by conflict and strife! You were sans cravat for that adventure! Pull yourself together, man, and find your Other Ties!

Elegant Paradox

This evening Brian returns to an old standby Purple Striped Tie, and one he has leaned on heavily as of late. Its true violet field is crossed with ebony diagonals bordered by slim, pearl bands. This cravat is formal, but not stuffy. It is a grandfather who wants to be called "Grandfather," but who will still tickle you and slip you bubblegum at church. It is an outdoor reception, but with linens and silverware. It is a nosegay of violets in a silver vase.

Is There Such A Condition As Tie Alzheimer's? For That Is The Only Excuse I Shall Accept For These Constant Repeat Cycles Henceforth

I am thisclose to condemning this tie to The Den Of Ubiquity (aka The Axis Of Evil). When BriWi first started up with this cravat, I admired its midnight sky background and those stylish flame-coloured stripes bordered by slim, starry pinstripes. It was debonair and suave, classic and sophisticated. Now he's begun to lean on it like a birdlike old woman on a nephew's obliging arm. If B-dub doesn't start remembering that he has lots of Other Ties, the Axis is going to get Positively Pudgy.

Stormy Weather

This tie is moody and dramatic, but not like that Goth kid in study hall who keeps his head bent over his Moleskine knockoff as his black polished fingernails pull incessantly at his Koolaid-tinted hair. No, this jet and whisperpurple stripe is more like the scent of lilacs breathing through your window during a midnight thunderstorm.

Has The Nightly Moved To Punxsutawney? What Can Be The Meaning Of This Continued Sartorial Effrontery?

Oh, hey. Why not just read Friday's Report because he is wearing the very same cravat tonight. I feel like January cannot, possibly ever, be over soon enough. What an affront to Fashion, Nightly Viewers, Camerapersons, Menswear Designers, oh for heaven's sakes--PEOPLE WHO WEAR CLOTHING everywhere.

If Certain People are not going to put forth an effort, then I don't see any reason to either.

The Many Facets Of Fashion

Mr. Williams is making up for any previous Fashion Faux Pas with the ties of Friday and tonight. This evening's offering of slim stripes alternating ebony and apple blossom is a favourite of The Report. If this cravat had a name, it would be Julian or Geoffrey; if it were music, it would be smooth jazz or a classical quartet; if it were food, it would be croissants with brie, pear, and house-made charcuterie; if it were a city, it would be, naturellement, Paris.

He Stoops To Court Her

What a sophisticated, classic cravat Brian Williams has tied on tonight! Pale, champagne gold textured stripes alternate with more slender bands of royal blue. The audience is respectfully hushed and lifts its eyes expectantly to the royal box. As the nobles are seated, one dashing young lord glances down at the mezzanine. Their eyes meet; she is no one, but lovely, and her eyes are kind and somehow wounded. He is captivated immediately. He motions to the equerry as the house lights go down.

In Which I Am Completely Insulted, As We All Should Be

Oh, hey. Why not just read Monday's Lamentation because he is wearing the very same "ensemble" tonight. I feel like January cannot, possibly ever, be over soon enough. What an affront to Fashion, Nightly Viewers, Camerapersons, Menswear Designers, oh for heaven's sakes--PEOPLE WHO WEAR CLOTHING everywhere.

I Am Receiving No Compensation For This Report, But Any Of Them Can Toss Cash At Me

You've got to hand it to BriWi. Not everyone will knot up a tie with bright red and deep red and white stripes when it's not Christmas and do so with the unabashed aplomb (or unblinking cluelessness) of this Nightly denizen. As the viewer struggles to get past the initial Candy Cane Association, his or her mind immediately connects to other familiar images: the theater popcorn box, the Cat in the Hat's chapeau, the Target logo. Are any of these suitable conveyances for America's Most Trusted Voice In (Real) News? Something to think about.

2011--The Year Of The Snark

I am thisclose to relegating tonight's cravat to the Axis Of Evil. I mean it. Remember not so very long ago when I used to wax tres romantique about its jet navy background and its slim stripes of shy, blushing pink? I found it tres Francais, and I used to smile at its appearance above The Nightly desk. In the intervening days, weeks, and now months it has become so ubiquitous, so omnipresent, so Everestlike in its very there-ness that a mere glimpse of it makes me epically snarky.

In A Battle Such As This, We All Lose

Here at The Report, we can think of no reason for Brian Williams to have chosen This Particular Ensemble this evening--or ever, for that matter. The cravat, long an object of dismay and horror, battled unceasingly for Fashion Legitimacy with its accompanying black pinstriped jacket. Alas! Nothing could save it. Nothing! When one is a lurid orchid striped with leering ultramarine blue, it is very nearly a Lost Cause. And when one is additionally burdened with the mysterious proclivity of fuzzing and blurring like an old mimeographed worksheet, it is time to Give Up. Would that BriWi would do the same and add this tiresome tie to the Donate Pile.

I've Got Brian's Resolutions Right Here

Really, Brian Williams? Is this what the New Year will bring? I'm All For Orange, but I'm not On Board with Repeat Cycles and Callous Disregard and Cavalier Disinterest About Neckwear In General, which is what you seem to be expressing with your slapdash attitude in slinging on the smoked navy tie with the slim stripes of tangerine bordered in narrow cream pinstripes. You put this cravat into Heavy Use at the end of 2010, and here it is, heralding 2011. Nous ne sommes pas amusés.

Orange Is The New Purple

Orange may be the New Purple for Brian Williams; he has been firmly introducing it to his Cravat Wardrobe now for some time. Tonight, bundled against the blustery aftermath of Significant Weather in New York City, a stylish stripe of burnished pumpkin and dark blue peeps out of his sturdy stormcoat. Later on set of The Nightly, properly unfurled, it is as classic and rich as a pecan pie, or a heaping helping of buttery mashed potatoes and turkey gravy, or a silver punch cup with custard eggnog and a dollop of whipped cream.

And We Won't Go Until We Get Some

Well, Merry Christmas to you, too, Brian Williams! How nice of you to giftwrap your shirtfront for all the Nightly viewers with that Twizzler red tie striped with snow white piping! Really puts us in the Holiday Mood. Now bring us some figgy pudding and bring it right here.

In The Fashion World, Understated Does Not Mean Boring

Tonight Brian goes for the understated and urbane look of a smoky navy blue tie with antique white stripes. Looking closely, one can see a discreet burgundy stripe on either side of the latter, barely discernible, but present. This tie is a modest benefactor, an anonymous philanthropist, that faceless bidder on the telephone at an auction who, when the price skyrockets and one by one, the rest drop their paddles, murmurs a single syllable from across the wires, and his proxy lifts her hand one last time to claim his objet de désir.

Brian Williams Heeds Not The Poetic Advice Of Robert Frost And Knots This One Up Yet Again

Brian has been putting this tie into heavy rotation. It's the one with the ebony field crossed by pumpkin diagonals bordered in slim white pinstripes. Seeing it over and over and over again is like travelling Route 80 East in the summer. You look out your window and it's a blur of pavement and orange construction barrels and you wonder if any road project anywhere is ever, ever done.

In Which I Make An Early Justin Timberlake Reference But Regroup Nicely And End With Less Pop Culture Allusion

Brian Williams is on a campaign to Bring Sexy Back to the Purple Tie with this sharp silk stunner. Its sleek intarsia pattern of minute purple checks is sort of a nouveau tweed. It's sophisticated and suave. It's perfect martinis at a neon-lit glass bar. It's a gleaming silver limo purring up to the curb as you step out of the hotel, late. It's reaching back for the sleeve of your coat and finding it held by the handsome gentleman whose eye you caught earlier, as you both waited for tickets at the opening.

Frankly, My Dear Readers, I Don't Give A Damn About This Tie

In a stunning appearance on the day after Thanksgiving, Brian Williams calms his viewers by wearing a rather nondescript cravat. This one, the violet blue with almost indiscernible pattern of checks? mini houndstooth? in ash, is like the railroad yard casualty scene in Gone with the Wind. "Oh, yes," you say, "I remember it being there." But can you recall any specifics about it?

Life Is Too Short For Bad Fashion, And Tonight's Ties Made Me Feel More Than A Bit Suicidal: Conspiracy?

Just when you think the news can't get any worse, what with North Korea antagonizing South Korea and the TSA copping feels with reckless abandon, Brian Williams slings on tonight's Tie Travesty, and thus begins a downward Shame Spiral of Tragic Ties worn by every male appearing on The Nightly this evening. From BW's horrific ultramarine blue raw silk with anorexic pink stripes to the guest with the sad brown houndstooth to Pete Williams' jarring Salute To Spring In Stripes cravat, I felt brutally assaulted by men's neckwear this evening. If tomorrow's opening bell at the NYSE heralds a huge drop, we will all know who is to blame.

It's Deja Vu All Over Again

The Report is noticing an odd and dangerous trend. Brian Williams is stuck in a Cravat Fashion Loop. Yesterday he wore the same tie of 10 November, and tonight, 9 November's offering. If he knots up a solid lavender tomorrow with a telltale spot, someone at The Nightly had better do an Intervention.

I Don't Know Whether To Review This Tie Or Salute It

A familiar palette for Brian Williams tonight: gold and royal blue. The cravat is a shiny silk of rather wide stripes and gleams radiantly. It is almost victorious and jubilant, like a rippling flag of military colours waving on the field of battle, or a banner snapping briskly at the head of a brass band in a town parade.

Brian Brings Out An Old Standby, And I Am Smitten Once Again

Oh, I do love this tie. Yes, even though it is a Purple and a Stripe, I love it. The purple of its background is a rich, true purple; the stripes are boldly graphic--black bordered by white. It's smart and sexy, like walking into your Econ 501 class and seeing the prof is a dead ringer for George Clooney.

Evenglow

Brian does so love a striped tie, and this one has a familiar template. The background is a smoky navy blue, but the narrow stripes are a vivid tangerine bordered by slimmer bands of ivory. The effect is like a darkening fall sky, heavy with the chill of a winter cold front. The lowering clouds are deep, but as the sun begins to sink, it gilds the edges of the ominous brow a gleaming orange, and its rays cast a final glow across the landscape.

A Story In Textures

Tonight's cravat is dark blue with small claret intarsia-patterned tiles. In a quiet corner of the gallery, he sees her, lost among the woodcuts and textiles. She's wearing a rakish red beret, and he feels stodgy and out of place in his business suit. Her fingertips instinctively brush every piece, and his heart aches.

Even Though It Was A Lovely Shade Of Iris, And While I Am Sympathetic To A Worsening Cold, I Dare Not Lower My Standards

Solid Purple Tie. And was that a...stain?

If You've Always Wanted To Own One Of Bri's Ties Or Get His Autograph And Do Something Charitable, This Post Is For You!

The Brian Williams Tie Report Archives is pleased and proud to host this guest post today. We are honored to do our small part to promote a very worthy cause and use Our Power Of The Interwebs for Good. Please read the following post with interest and find out how you might own one of Brian Williams' very own Cravats, worn on The Nightly and autographed by Himself, as well as bask in the warm glow of satisfaction that comes from a kind and giving heart. Thank you.

NIGHTLY NEWS ANCHOR GIVES CLOTHES OFF HIS BACK (NECK) TO HONOR FORMER NBC COLLEAGUE JOAN SCARANGELLO OF "JOAN'S LEGACY"

In a gesture that illustrates his respect and care for his colleagues, NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams is donating six of his ties--to be auctioned as one lot--to this November’s silent auction to benefit Joan’s Legacy: Uniting Against Lung Cancer. The ties – all worn on air and signed on the back – will raise money for innovative lung cancer research in memory of Joan Scarangello, a Nightly writer who died of lung cancer in 2001 at 47 and a never-smoker.

Brian, along with Tom Brokaw, will co-chair the foundation’s benefit on November 17 at New York’s Gotham Hall. The party, called the “Strolling Supper with Blues & News” will also feature a performance by blues great Delbert McClinton, the awarding of 14 new lung cancer research grants, the announcement of the winner of the foundation’s journalism award (the “Joanie”) and a remarkable silent auction. Tickets for the benefit start at $300 and can be purchased at http://www.unitingagainstlungcancer.org/ and by calling 212-627-5500. Bids on Brian’s ties and all other silent auction items can also be made online or by phone up until November 17 at noon.

Joan’s Legacy: Uniting Against Lung Cancer is the largest private funder of lung cancer research grants. The non-profit has given more than $7.5 million in individual $100,000 grants to more than 60 institutions in 22 states. In addition, the foundation has committed an addition $5 million to North America’s premier early detection research “dream team” project, Canary Lung.

Lung cancer kills more Americans than any other cancer – and more women every year than breast, uterine and ovarian cancers combined. Yet it receives less funding than any other major cancer because of the stigma of smoking. Today, 60 percent of all lung cancer patients never smoked or had already quit smoking before their diagnosis – and only 1 in 9 of them is likely to live five years or more from the day they find out.

Brian’s donation to Uniting Against Lung Cancer includes the cravat he wore on the October 8 broadcast of Nightly News from Los Angeles, reviewed by The Brian Williams Tie Report Archives as “A Misbegotten Choice from the Underbelly of Fashion.” He is choosing the others more carefully!

Brian’s ties are just one of the amazing silent auction lots. Others include:

· Having your name as a character in the next David Baldacchi best-seller
· Guitars autographed by Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Bon Jovi, Counting Crows and the Black Crowes
· Front row seats at any Times Square concert from “Good Morning America”
· In-Studio viewing of any NBC “Meet the Press” broadcast in the network’s Washington, DC closed set
· Set visits and cast meetings at “House” and “Two and A Half Men” and “Parenthood” in LA
· Tickets to the “Daily Show” “Colbert Report” “Saturday Night Live” and “The View”
· Fantastic seats for Jets, Giants, Yankees, Mets and Nets games
· Vacations (Napa, Italy, Palm Beach, Nantucket, New York)

...and much more

To see the full list of silent auction items, please visit http://www.unitingagainstlungcancer.org/events/SS2010

TO BID ON BRI'S TIES: call Uniting Against Lung Cancer at 212-627-5500

A Little Early For A Ghoulish Appearance By The Spectre Of An SPT, Don't You Think, Brian Williams?

Solid Purple Tie. The raw silk's nubbly texture is nice, but...you know.

I'd Much Rather Have The Martini, Actually

Oh, this tie! The colours are off-putting enough--vivid thistle with ultramarine blue stripes--but it has such an odd habit of furring and blurring at the left edge. It's like when I put my bifocal contacts in wrong--the left in my right eye, the right in my left--and the world is suddenly wonky. I can see pretty well, but things have a surreal quality, like I've had one too many martinis but no accompanying jollity, just the feeling of being a bit squinty and not-nice.

In Which I Become Lost In A Fictional Reverie

Reporting from Los Angeles, Brian Williams is sophisticated in his silk cravat of stormcloud crossed with burgundy diagonals snugged by a slim platinum pinstripe. The dashing young valet offers his arm to the guest. She is dressed, shockingly, in a ruby red gown for this sombre occasion. The short veil on her hat lends her some discretion, but it is clear that she is not mourning the loss of her fiance. Demurely, she smiles up at him, her even white teeth looking almost vulpine in the dim light of the funeral parlor. He is caught unaware, smiles self-consciously, and all is observed under the watchful eye of Lord Felton-Hayes nearby.

Nightscape

It's a stripe of ebony and orchid this evening from Brian Williams. As Night draws her coverlet ever closer over the city skyline, the last wisps of Twilight's purple glow disappear beneath its folds. The landscape blinks awake slowly, comes alive, and glimmers in the dark.

It's Retro Night At The Nightly Lounge

Tonight Brian knots up a classy silk of plum with a subtle black pattern of stripes that, at a distance, can double as a sort of nouveau tweed. It's very Rat Pack, very snazzy, kind of "microphone in one hand and highball in the other with a lot of piano riffs while I sip and nod knowingly during the bridge." Order me a sidecar, Bri, while I visit the little girls' room to powder my nose.

Winter On Erie

Stripes of slate and frigid white array themselves in marked contrast on this cravat. An icy wind whips the lake into a jagged chop. The waves batter the rocks, each time leaving behind a frosty welt. Sleet pelts the shore birds and the lone ore boat hunkers down for a long night.

Usually, I Applaud A Pink Cravat, But This One Is A Misbegotten Choice From The Underbelly Of Fashion

Brian bends to select from the Lower Tier Of Taste this evening. A background of raspberry sherbet showcases stripes of black? jet navy? intersected with white, and the result is...well, let's just say that I was imagining a scenario in which a small-town diva from Steersbelly, Arkansas, or maybe Bullnose, Tennessee, was wandering around WalMart, doting mother in tow, her homecoming gown frothing in her hand saying, "Well, his tie has to match my dress. IT. HAS. TO. So just keep looking for a tie this color. Period. I don't care what it has on it."

Child's Play

Brian dons a tie striped with fawn and sky blue this evening. Its pleasant tones are reminiscent of a child's sidewalk chalk picture, perhaps a blurry blue bunny or dusty azure cloud against the sandstone walkway, waiting until Caleb or Kaitlin returns from a lunch of Kraft Mac-n-Cheese and a juice box before the capering yellow ducky or smiling sunshine joins the fun.

I Know It Seems Like I'm Only Focusing On The Negative, But It's Been A Tough Month And These Are Easy To Report

Solid Purple Tie.

One Should Either Be A Work Of Art Or Wear A Work Of Art (Or At The Very Least, Pay Tribute To An Artist, Apparently)

If Mondrian had been married and helped his wife design the nursery for Little Piet, Brian's tie tonight would have been its wallpaper. Whispery hyacinth blue formed the background for small white minimalist squares, each with darkened centers. The geometry of the cravat is subtle, yet there, and even a baby Neo-Plasticist can still feel comforted by truly groundbreaking Art.

...Yet I Cannot Relent

SPT. True, it was rich and plummy and less egregious than some, but There It Was.

In Which I Suddenly Find Myself Reviewing An Axis Tie, Against My Own Better Judgement And Protocol, But It's One Of Those Things, You Know?

The Gadgety Tie makes a surprising comeback. Truth be told, I was almost taken in by its light-hearted silliness, like a mime trying too hard to entertain you as you wait in a neverending line at some Amusement with the children who, though you are there For Them, are acting perfectly beastly. Beastly enough that a mime, heretofore irksome, is a welcome respite from the puling brats now sweating and jerking on your arms.

In Which I Am Both Fraught With Drama And Wracked By Indecision

Wow. I know. Do I call it or do I review it? This cravat, in all its red-violet, marginally magenta Solid Almost-Purple glory, is a tough one. A few times, it caught the lights and became shifty and iridescent, like those early millennial bridesmaid and prom dresses that were so popular, and begged to be dubbed the dreaded SPT. But as B-Dubs droned on about The Hostage Drama, I became one to This Tie, transfixed as it became again more pomegranate than purple. Perhaps another viewing....

Tasty Tie

This evening Brian knots up a cravat of rich deep brown crossed with slim icy blue stripes shot with a thread of a darker hue. It is like a box of decadent chocolate truffles, each dusted in a cloud of cocoa and nestled in a ruffle cup of Tiffany silk.

We Are Back At Our Desk, Much To Brian's Eternal Chagrin. We Know The Feeling, N'Est Ce Pas?

The Report returns to close out the month with Brian's own return--to the desk of The Nightly. After a few days of open collar shirts flapping in the breeze, he battens down the hatch with a striped silk tie of deep blue with slim diagonals evocative of raspberry sherbet. I feel like it's a Wrapping Paper Cravat, or more suited to perhaps a bold toss pillow in a Decorator's Bedroom, the kind you see in House Beautiful magazine while you're waiting at the doctor's office.

On The Water

A blue and white striped cravat this evening, yes, but one with a summery, nautical air. You grasp the rails at the bow of the boat as she cuts smoothly through the sparkling water just below, and you shift your body instinctively to meet each wave while the spray cools your sunburned face. The fresh air pushes each care and concern from your shoulders and, for the first time in weeks, you feel like the gulls above--floating and free and ready to ride the wind, even if only for a little while.

And Disappointment Rears Its Ugly Head In August

SPT. Oh, Brian Williams.

C'est Une Cravate D'Elégance, Certainement

One of the most chic cravates that Brian owns, this striped tie is a favourite of The Report. Its narrow stripes of barely blush pink and deep black/jet navy shot with blush are so fashionable and so French. It is delicately stylish, like a cameo on a velvet ribbon artfully circling the neck of Marie Antoinette. Conveying elegance without ostentation, it touches the right note of evening noblesse.

Welcome Back, Brian Williams

The Report is happy to welcome Brian Williams back to the desk of The Nightly, where he anchors it tonight sporting a cravat from the Ward Cleaver Collection. It is a subdued, patriarchal offering of jet navy with slender white stripes embraced by wider bands of reassuring burgundy. It is a classic, staid presence of a tie, one which, if it could speak, would say in comforting tones, "Now, if you did your best, then that's all anyone can ask. Get a good night's sleep, and I'll bet things look a whole lot better tomorrow."

Ah, A Breath Of Fresh Air

Brian Williams relents and knots up a lovely cravat of powdery sky and creamy azure. This tie is a whisper under the clouds at a romantic summer picnic, the soft strains of a violin building to crescendo at an outdoor symphony, and the glimpse of a bluebird on the lamppost at dawn.

And Don't Pretend You Like It Just Because It's Not Purple Or In The AOE

"Hello, designers, and welcome to the New York Department of Transportation's storage warehouse. Today's challenge on Project Runway is to create a men's fashion statement using anything here as your inspiration. It might be a sign, or it might be a vehicle, or anything that creatively moves you. Try not to be too literal in your translation, however. Above all, make it yours, and make it work!"

Not Quite

Brian gives it Another Try tonight, knotting up a cravat of wide stripes in orchid and jet navy. Oh well. He tried. But it's not a good combination. It's like when kids put ketchup on baloney or dip their chicken nuggets in mayonnaise. Sure, they like it, but we all know it's not A Good Thing, and that once their tastes mature and develop, they'll see the error of their ways.

All Sharp Objects Have Been Removed From Report HQ, And The 24-Hour Liquor Store Is #1 On Speed-Dial

Solid Purple Tie. Je n'ai pas de mots.

July: Why We Drink

Clearly, Brian is throwing Caution To The Fashion Winds this month. Not only is he choosing cravats almost exclusively from the Axis Of Evil, he is resorting to the most Reprehensible Repeat Cycles ever. Having just worn the jet navy tie with slender carnation pink stripes on Tuesday, BriWi slings it on again tonight--Thursday, for those of you scoring At Home--innocently raising the ire (and Fashion Hackles) of The Report almost continually during July. The only thing not rising is the level of Three Olives and Noilly Prat in The Report's liquor cabinet.

Being As I Am Taxed Overmuch By Catastrophic Cravats, I Shall Be Sporadic In My July Reporting

Solid Purple Tie. Yes, I know it's periwinkle. But I'm calling it anyway. July is killing me.

The Report Feels An Urgent Need To Recruit A Volunteer Brigade

TWSNLBRAINDTM. July is an absolute Dumpster Fire Of Fashion.

...And Then They Dare To Eat A Peach

Brian Williams knots up his solid magenta silk tie this evening. I feel like this is a sort of J. Alfred Prufrock Tie: This tie is probably in the necktie collection of all Men Of A Certain Age. It's a Midlife Fashion Moment Tie. It's the tie that men suddenly snatch in that brief Devil-May-Care whim after they buy another pair of khaki Dockers and another pair of comfy Rockports and go to yet another dinner at Olive Garden. "Hell no, I'm not in a Middle Age Rut!" they snort derisively. "Looky here at this stylish, bold tie and tell me that I'm not snazzy!"

It Is Nothing Short Of An Act Of Domestic Terrorism

Quelle Horreur! For the second day in a row...Solid Purple Tie.

Unprecedented.

Unforgiveable.

Je suis sans les mots suffisants.

...And The Axis Turns On

What a dreadful turn of events. Solid Purple Tie. (And despite the luscious plummy colour, said SPT was looking none too crisp. Rather...rumply.)

There Are Some Things From Which We Can Never Escape

It was The Report's turn to go On Hiatus, and look what we came home to. TWSNLBRAINDTM. Urgh.

Bri Is Back Avec La Cravate, And The Report Approves

Brian cannot help himself; after a time, he simply must get back to Sartorial Splendour and Tie One On. And what a tie it is. Navy stripes--was there a subtler pinstripe in there? so hard to discern--alternated with shocking pink, almost a blushing magenta, shot through with a darker thread. The combination was sexy and startling, like finding out your stodgy financial planner is having a torrid affair with a younger woman, or seeing your matronly aunt at a lingerie party buying a black lace garter belt.

M. Williams, Pourquoi Portez-Vous Une Telle Grande Chemise?

If Brian is on location, then we at The Report can be certain of one thing: He will be wearing A Bigass Shirt. This one was the requisite light blue Oxford type and was flapping in the Louisiana breeze like an unfurled sail. Stunningly tanned and outdoorsy-looking, though, he almost managed to carry it off. Almost.

Absence Doesn't Always Make The Heart Grow Fonder, But It Does Make It A Tad Forgetful

TWSNLBRAINDTM. Holy Crap. It's been a long time. I hardly recognized it.

A Step Up Before He Steps Out

Brian Williams recovers his Style Points a bit with tonight's cravat. Deep jet navy alternates with a statement lilac shot with a subtle thread of darker hue. This striped necktie is a bit Art Deco in ambience. Very New York and very polished. One can almost see the valet in the wings with a clothes brush, sighing with relief that he was able to briskly sweep away the last few flecks of studio dust and powder before BW took the set.

Sometimes, You Have To Go Big Or (Don't) Go Home

Tonight's tie is unremarkable. A barely-there miniature pattern of a nondescript color and shape is laid over an arresting blue-violet silk. It's a perfectly acceptable tie, ably knotted and in no way offensive or tasteless. Just like giving your wife a nice mixed bouquet from the florist's cooler on your anniversary. Absolutely fine. But where's the style?

When I Am Vexed, It Brings Out The Grammar In Me

Je suis trés desolée. Brian, who debuted this cravat only four ties ago, slings it on again. Already! Was he concerned we would forget its cornflower blue background crossed by bands of brushed gold bordered by white pinstriping? Because I hadn't, and now I am resentful because he has made me lean overmuch on the adjectival participle and participial phrase.

Brian May Be Back, But His Tie Is Still On Vacation

Brian is back from his vacances, and he favours us with a lovely cravat. It is the coral pink silk tie with the ivory petit point overall print. So summery and flirty! I just want to pop it into a frothy drink, poolside, like a little umbrella, and ask Carlo, le garçon de cabana, to bring me a nice selection of tropical fruit skewers.

This Tie Is Rated "T" For Terrifying

Oh, this tie. Each time I see its fluorescent orchid with slender ultramarine blue stripes practically pulsating upon my television, I cringe. It is the Herman Munster of cravats. It belongs on the panels of a Creepshow comic. It is, in a word, horrific.

So, I'm Getting So Bored With Some Ties That I've Started To Amuse Myself By Composing Anapestic Doggerel Now

Navy blue once again was the tie for tonight.
There were stripes--burgundy--they were bordered by white.
It was tasteful and fine;
Very much in His line.
He still won't wear paisley, though, try as I might.

What A Burden I Bear

Heavy Sigh. Solid Purple Tie. For those of you scoring at home--besides moi, that is--let the record show that he just wore a SPT on Friday, 4 June. Why must I suffer this way?

An Honorable Cravat

Debut Tie. Perhaps this tie is Brian Williams' homage to The Medal of Honor recipients that he reveres so much and showcases on The Nightly when the occasion arises. It has the same ocean blue field, and its brushed gold stripes are banded by pristine white piping, echoing the stars on the ribbon and of the Medal itself.

June Is Shaping Up To Be A Bust

Solid Purple Tie. June is not beginning well at all.

In Which I Invoke The IHoP, Oil Spill, And Brian's Proclivity For Gigantic Shirts. What Can I Say? I've Been Away A Long Time.

Brian returns from Oil Spill Ravaged Louisiana and his slide into Gigantic Shirt Territory, but there is no Fashion Redemption for The Report. (Only a Caps Lock workout, apparently.) Stubbornly, BW insists upon continuing the strenuous workout of the jet navy silk tie with the narrow carnation pink stripes. I cannot begin to tell you how I have soured on this particular cravat, one which I used to laud with praise and kudos. Now when I see it--again and again and again--my reaction is something akin to eating pancakes. Oh sure, they look wonderful at first, but once you get about a quarter of the way into that stack, the maple syrup starts to cloy your tastebuds, the doughiness of the flapjacks starts to weigh in your gut like a culinary barbell, and the mere idea of plying your fork one more time makes you want to stab the waitress.

Enfin Le Style!

Brian knots up his black and blush-of-pink striped silk cravat. This tie is oh so très Française. Pick any Toulouse-Lautrec painting, almost. This one. Or, how about this one? And...this one. One more...this one. See what I mean? Cette cravate est très Française, n'est-ce pas ?

May--Although Solid--Has Not Been A Stellar Fashion Month

Solid Purple Tie.

Okay. We Need To Talk. Again.

Brian...le sigh. This cravat of garnet intarsia with sparsely sprinkled circlets of smoked ivory ringed with obsidian is more of a Fall/Winter tie. (We talked about this.) It's like the more I try, the more you resist and just stubbornly go your own Fashion Way. Persistence is an admirable trait when one is Pursuing A News Lead, but when one is simply ignoring The Rules Of Style, it's just "Being Difficult."

Summertie

This tie is a breezy striper of navy blue and white, the latter sporting a racing stripe of crimson zipping right through the center. It's a cravat announcing white shoe season. It makes us wonder if we need pool chemicals or if there's enough left from last year to get us started. It folds down the comforter on the bed and clicks on the ceiling fan to urge inside the breeze that whispers by the nighttime windows.

Hey, Bri-O. Bozo Called. He Wants His Tie Back.

I've already dubbed this garish cravat of red with white polka dotty print The Circus Tie. I'm afraid that I can't improve on that moniker. But it's not circusy in a nice, happy Big Top kind of way, though. It's more like...well, this.

Does Anyone Know What Takes Slimetrails Out Of Polyester Blend?

What to say about this cravat? It was a solid, graphite tie of what looked to be fine worsted wool. Basically, it lay there like a big garden slug. I think that's pretty much it.

Sometimes A Blue Tie Is Just A Blue Tie

In a spurt of shyness, Brian Williams wore a tie that he obviously hoped would help him blend in with the blue background of The NBC Nightly News video set. Its cornflower, Microsoft blue was unbroken by any pattern, stripe, or spot. Indeed, at any moment, I expected to see it become a small video screen itself, perhaps showing some sort of graph or chart tracking the spread of the oil plume or the path of the Loop Current. Alas, no; it remained what it was, a big ol' solid blue tie.

Brian Wears Another Striped Tie, So In Order To Remain Calm And Not Too Bored Or Irritated, I Compose A Stately Haiku

* Summer sky and wheat.
A lone farmer strolls the rows;
They nod in return.

This Tie Is The Cat's Meow

Oh, I am fond of this tie. It is so stylish, with its stripes of jet navy and cream, the latter being divided by that slim band of orchid. I always think of the Twenties, when pastels were de rigeur, and the men of The Great Gatsby, who wore suits of periwinkle and cream, lounging languidly next to their lemon yellow cars. The women were slender and bored, and always fashionable.

Is There A Guinness Book Of Cravat Infamy?

Solid Purple Tie. Brian is racking up quite the record lately.

And Don't Give Me Any Crap About It Being April 30th When He Wore It Last Because Mere Technicalities Don't Mean S***t To Me When I'm Irritated

C'est le mois de répète. The tie that I showered with accolades a mere five reports ago now irks me. True, its slim black and blushing pink stripes, the latter shot with a dark thread, are still tres chic, but has Mr. Williams never heard the axiom "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? Well, he should because it does and I'm peeved; so there.

It's Like A Little Me Time

A sigh of relief. Brian knots up The Tie, the flamingo pink with ivory petit point scattered upon it. This tie is just so...uplifting! It's like blowing off work after lunch on a sunny Friday; buying a cute pair of heels before you know what you have to wear with them; telling Hubby and the kids to go ahead and order a pizza for dinner as you spirit away a half-bottle of rosé and that little box of Godivas you bought for yourself. "Mommy has a headache," you say, and you shut the bedroom door, stretch out in bed, and enjoy some time alone.

For Some Transgressions, There Can Be No Forgiveness

Wow. Brian. Really? In an Egregious Repeat Cycle Of Epic Proportions (see day before yesterday), Solid Purple Tie.