Tasty Tie

This evening Brian knots up a cravat of rich deep brown crossed with slim icy blue stripes shot with a thread of a darker hue. It is like a box of decadent chocolate truffles, each dusted in a cloud of cocoa and nestled in a ruffle cup of Tiffany silk.

We Are Back At Our Desk, Much To Brian's Eternal Chagrin. We Know The Feeling, N'Est Ce Pas?

The Report returns to close out the month with Brian's own return--to the desk of The Nightly. After a few days of open collar shirts flapping in the breeze, he battens down the hatch with a striped silk tie of deep blue with slim diagonals evocative of raspberry sherbet. I feel like it's a Wrapping Paper Cravat, or more suited to perhaps a bold toss pillow in a Decorator's Bedroom, the kind you see in House Beautiful magazine while you're waiting at the doctor's office.

On The Water

A blue and white striped cravat this evening, yes, but one with a summery, nautical air. You grasp the rails at the bow of the boat as she cuts smoothly through the sparkling water just below, and you shift your body instinctively to meet each wave while the spray cools your sunburned face. The fresh air pushes each care and concern from your shoulders and, for the first time in weeks, you feel like the gulls above--floating and free and ready to ride the wind, even if only for a little while.

And Disappointment Rears Its Ugly Head In August

SPT. Oh, Brian Williams.

C'est Une Cravate D'Elégance, Certainement

One of the most chic cravates that Brian owns, this striped tie is a favourite of The Report. Its narrow stripes of barely blush pink and deep black/jet navy shot with blush are so fashionable and so French. It is delicately stylish, like a cameo on a velvet ribbon artfully circling the neck of Marie Antoinette. Conveying elegance without ostentation, it touches the right note of evening noblesse.

Welcome Back, Brian Williams

The Report is happy to welcome Brian Williams back to the desk of The Nightly, where he anchors it tonight sporting a cravat from the Ward Cleaver Collection. It is a subdued, patriarchal offering of jet navy with slender white stripes embraced by wider bands of reassuring burgundy. It is a classic, staid presence of a tie, one which, if it could speak, would say in comforting tones, "Now, if you did your best, then that's all anyone can ask. Get a good night's sleep, and I'll bet things look a whole lot better tomorrow."

Ah, A Breath Of Fresh Air

Brian Williams relents and knots up a lovely cravat of powdery sky and creamy azure. This tie is a whisper under the clouds at a romantic summer picnic, the soft strains of a violin building to crescendo at an outdoor symphony, and the glimpse of a bluebird on the lamppost at dawn.

And Don't Pretend You Like It Just Because It's Not Purple Or In The AOE

"Hello, designers, and welcome to the New York Department of Transportation's storage warehouse. Today's challenge on Project Runway is to create a men's fashion statement using anything here as your inspiration. It might be a sign, or it might be a vehicle, or anything that creatively moves you. Try not to be too literal in your translation, however. Above all, make it yours, and make it work!"

Not Quite

Brian gives it Another Try tonight, knotting up a cravat of wide stripes in orchid and jet navy. Oh well. He tried. But it's not a good combination. It's like when kids put ketchup on baloney or dip their chicken nuggets in mayonnaise. Sure, they like it, but we all know it's not A Good Thing, and that once their tastes mature and develop, they'll see the error of their ways.

All Sharp Objects Have Been Removed From Report HQ, And The 24-Hour Liquor Store Is #1 On Speed-Dial

Solid Purple Tie. Je n'ai pas de mots.

July: Why We Drink

Clearly, Brian is throwing Caution To The Fashion Winds this month. Not only is he choosing cravats almost exclusively from the Axis Of Evil, he is resorting to the most Reprehensible Repeat Cycles ever. Having just worn the jet navy tie with slender carnation pink stripes on Tuesday, BriWi slings it on again tonight--Thursday, for those of you scoring At Home--innocently raising the ire (and Fashion Hackles) of The Report almost continually during July. The only thing not rising is the level of Three Olives and Noilly Prat in The Report's liquor cabinet.

Being As I Am Taxed Overmuch By Catastrophic Cravats, I Shall Be Sporadic In My July Reporting

Solid Purple Tie. Yes, I know it's periwinkle. But I'm calling it anyway. July is killing me.

The Report Feels An Urgent Need To Recruit A Volunteer Brigade

TWSNLBRAINDTM. July is an absolute Dumpster Fire Of Fashion.

...And Then They Dare To Eat A Peach

Brian Williams knots up his solid magenta silk tie this evening. I feel like this is a sort of J. Alfred Prufrock Tie: This tie is probably in the necktie collection of all Men Of A Certain Age. It's a Midlife Fashion Moment Tie. It's the tie that men suddenly snatch in that brief Devil-May-Care whim after they buy another pair of khaki Dockers and another pair of comfy Rockports and go to yet another dinner at Olive Garden. "Hell no, I'm not in a Middle Age Rut!" they snort derisively. "Looky here at this stylish, bold tie and tell me that I'm not snazzy!"

It Is Nothing Short Of An Act Of Domestic Terrorism

Quelle Horreur! For the second day in a row...Solid Purple Tie.

Unprecedented.

Unforgiveable.

Je suis sans les mots suffisants.

...And The Axis Turns On

What a dreadful turn of events. Solid Purple Tie. (And despite the luscious plummy colour, said SPT was looking none too crisp. Rather...rumply.)

There Are Some Things From Which We Can Never Escape

It was The Report's turn to go On Hiatus, and look what we came home to. TWSNLBRAINDTM. Urgh.

Bri Is Back Avec La Cravate, And The Report Approves

Brian cannot help himself; after a time, he simply must get back to Sartorial Splendour and Tie One On. And what a tie it is. Navy stripes--was there a subtler pinstripe in there? so hard to discern--alternated with shocking pink, almost a blushing magenta, shot through with a darker thread. The combination was sexy and startling, like finding out your stodgy financial planner is having a torrid affair with a younger woman, or seeing your matronly aunt at a lingerie party buying a black lace garter belt.

M. Williams, Pourquoi Portez-Vous Une Telle Grande Chemise?

If Brian is on location, then we at The Report can be certain of one thing: He will be wearing A Bigass Shirt. This one was the requisite light blue Oxford type and was flapping in the Louisiana breeze like an unfurled sail. Stunningly tanned and outdoorsy-looking, though, he almost managed to carry it off. Almost.

Absence Doesn't Always Make The Heart Grow Fonder, But It Does Make It A Tad Forgetful

TWSNLBRAINDTM. Holy Crap. It's been a long time. I hardly recognized it.

A Step Up Before He Steps Out

Brian Williams recovers his Style Points a bit with tonight's cravat. Deep jet navy alternates with a statement lilac shot with a subtle thread of darker hue. This striped necktie is a bit Art Deco in ambience. Very New York and very polished. One can almost see the valet in the wings with a clothes brush, sighing with relief that he was able to briskly sweep away the last few flecks of studio dust and powder before BW took the set.

Sometimes, You Have To Go Big Or (Don't) Go Home

Tonight's tie is unremarkable. A barely-there miniature pattern of a nondescript color and shape is laid over an arresting blue-violet silk. It's a perfectly acceptable tie, ably knotted and in no way offensive or tasteless. Just like giving your wife a nice mixed bouquet from the florist's cooler on your anniversary. Absolutely fine. But where's the style?

When I Am Vexed, It Brings Out The Grammar In Me

Je suis trés desolée. Brian, who debuted this cravat only four ties ago, slings it on again. Already! Was he concerned we would forget its cornflower blue background crossed by bands of brushed gold bordered by white pinstriping? Because I hadn't, and now I am resentful because he has made me lean overmuch on the adjectival participle and participial phrase.

Brian May Be Back, But His Tie Is Still On Vacation

Brian is back from his vacances, and he favours us with a lovely cravat. It is the coral pink silk tie with the ivory petit point overall print. So summery and flirty! I just want to pop it into a frothy drink, poolside, like a little umbrella, and ask Carlo, le garçon de cabana, to bring me a nice selection of tropical fruit skewers.

This Tie Is Rated "T" For Terrifying

Oh, this tie. Each time I see its fluorescent orchid with slender ultramarine blue stripes practically pulsating upon my television, I cringe. It is the Herman Munster of cravats. It belongs on the panels of a Creepshow comic. It is, in a word, horrific.

So, I'm Getting So Bored With Some Ties That I've Started To Amuse Myself By Composing Anapestic Doggerel Now

Navy blue once again was the tie for tonight.
There were stripes--burgundy--they were bordered by white.
It was tasteful and fine;
Very much in His line.
He still won't wear paisley, though, try as I might.

What A Burden I Bear

Heavy Sigh. Solid Purple Tie. For those of you scoring at home--besides moi, that is--let the record show that he just wore a SPT on Friday, 4 June. Why must I suffer this way?

An Honorable Cravat

Debut Tie. Perhaps this tie is Brian Williams' homage to The Medal of Honor recipients that he reveres so much and showcases on The Nightly when the occasion arises. It has the same ocean blue field, and its brushed gold stripes are banded by pristine white piping, echoing the stars on the ribbon and of the Medal itself.

June Is Shaping Up To Be A Bust

Solid Purple Tie. June is not beginning well at all.

In Which I Invoke The IHoP, Oil Spill, And Brian's Proclivity For Gigantic Shirts. What Can I Say? I've Been Away A Long Time.

Brian returns from Oil Spill Ravaged Louisiana and his slide into Gigantic Shirt Territory, but there is no Fashion Redemption for The Report. (Only a Caps Lock workout, apparently.) Stubbornly, BW insists upon continuing the strenuous workout of the jet navy silk tie with the narrow carnation pink stripes. I cannot begin to tell you how I have soured on this particular cravat, one which I used to laud with praise and kudos. Now when I see it--again and again and again--my reaction is something akin to eating pancakes. Oh sure, they look wonderful at first, but once you get about a quarter of the way into that stack, the maple syrup starts to cloy your tastebuds, the doughiness of the flapjacks starts to weigh in your gut like a culinary barbell, and the mere idea of plying your fork one more time makes you want to stab the waitress.

Enfin Le Style!

Brian knots up his black and blush-of-pink striped silk cravat. This tie is oh so très Française. Pick any Toulouse-Lautrec painting, almost. This one. Or, how about this one? And...this one. One more...this one. See what I mean? Cette cravate est très Française, n'est-ce pas ?

May--Although Solid--Has Not Been A Stellar Fashion Month

Solid Purple Tie.

Okay. We Need To Talk. Again.

Brian...le sigh. This cravat of garnet intarsia with sparsely sprinkled circlets of smoked ivory ringed with obsidian is more of a Fall/Winter tie. (We talked about this.) It's like the more I try, the more you resist and just stubbornly go your own Fashion Way. Persistence is an admirable trait when one is Pursuing A News Lead, but when one is simply ignoring The Rules Of Style, it's just "Being Difficult."

Summertie

This tie is a breezy striper of navy blue and white, the latter sporting a racing stripe of crimson zipping right through the center. It's a cravat announcing white shoe season. It makes us wonder if we need pool chemicals or if there's enough left from last year to get us started. It folds down the comforter on the bed and clicks on the ceiling fan to urge inside the breeze that whispers by the nighttime windows.

Hey, Bri-O. Bozo Called. He Wants His Tie Back.

I've already dubbed this garish cravat of red with white polka dotty print The Circus Tie. I'm afraid that I can't improve on that moniker. But it's not circusy in a nice, happy Big Top kind of way, though. It's more like...well, this.

Does Anyone Know What Takes Slimetrails Out Of Polyester Blend?

What to say about this cravat? It was a solid, graphite tie of what looked to be fine worsted wool. Basically, it lay there like a big garden slug. I think that's pretty much it.

Sometimes A Blue Tie Is Just A Blue Tie

In a spurt of shyness, Brian Williams wore a tie that he obviously hoped would help him blend in with the blue background of The NBC Nightly News video set. Its cornflower, Microsoft blue was unbroken by any pattern, stripe, or spot. Indeed, at any moment, I expected to see it become a small video screen itself, perhaps showing some sort of graph or chart tracking the spread of the oil plume or the path of the Loop Current. Alas, no; it remained what it was, a big ol' solid blue tie.

Brian Wears Another Striped Tie, So In Order To Remain Calm And Not Too Bored Or Irritated, I Compose A Stately Haiku

* Summer sky and wheat.
A lone farmer strolls the rows;
They nod in return.

This Tie Is The Cat's Meow

Oh, I am fond of this tie. It is so stylish, with its stripes of jet navy and cream, the latter being divided by that slim band of orchid. I always think of the Twenties, when pastels were de rigeur, and the men of The Great Gatsby, who wore suits of periwinkle and cream, lounging languidly next to their lemon yellow cars. The women were slender and bored, and always fashionable.

Is There A Guinness Book Of Cravat Infamy?

Solid Purple Tie. Brian is racking up quite the record lately.

And Don't Give Me Any Crap About It Being April 30th When He Wore It Last Because Mere Technicalities Don't Mean S***t To Me When I'm Irritated

C'est le mois de répète. The tie that I showered with accolades a mere five reports ago now irks me. True, its slim black and blushing pink stripes, the latter shot with a dark thread, are still tres chic, but has Mr. Williams never heard the axiom "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? Well, he should because it does and I'm peeved; so there.

It's Like A Little Me Time

A sigh of relief. Brian knots up The Tie, the flamingo pink with ivory petit point scattered upon it. This tie is just so...uplifting! It's like blowing off work after lunch on a sunny Friday; buying a cute pair of heels before you know what you have to wear with them; telling Hubby and the kids to go ahead and order a pizza for dinner as you spirit away a half-bottle of rosé and that little box of Godivas you bought for yourself. "Mommy has a headache," you say, and you shut the bedroom door, stretch out in bed, and enjoy some time alone.

For Some Transgressions, There Can Be No Forgiveness

Wow. Brian. Really? In an Egregious Repeat Cycle Of Epic Proportions (see day before yesterday), Solid Purple Tie.

Thank You, But No

I just don't like this tie, the purple silk with widely staggered narrow white stripes. It's kind of icky, really, like the uncle you don't see very often--only at big family gatherings once a year--but who always kisses you right smack on the mouth. Or the orange jello salad that has mandarin oranges and celery in it. It's not horrible or disgusting; it just doesn't sit quite right with you.

It Is With Deep Regret That We Here At The Report Must Inform You...

Solid Purple Tie.

Even Though There Is No Tie To Report

Il est sans cravate ce soir. Instead, as is his custom when on location at le desastre du jour, Brian dons an unnecessarily bigass shirt. Le sigh.

Cette Cravate Est Tres Francais

Brian makes an admirable Fashion Rebound with this black and blossom stripe. There is even a subtle thread of black shot through the pale band that lends it a debonair accent. This cravat is chocolate croissants and demitasse; it is buying a kilo of pears and some brie pour elle at the small market, then stopping for a bottle of sauvignon blanc et baguette as an accompaniment. Later, over wine, cheese, and fruit, plans will be made and discarded as the breeze showers them with petals from the nearby apple trees in bloom.

Having Bit Of A Snit. Check Back Later.

So, just FOUR TIES AGO, Brian wore this. Navy blue tie. Skinny pale gold stripes. Was way creative with it then. Less inclined to do so now. Egregious repeat cycle. Come on. Over it. Wait. Not yet. Maybe later. Let you know.

Spring Beauty

Soft, muted purple silk studded with small ash petit point is the cravat choice tonight. It's a lovely harbinger of springtime, like a field of wild sweet violets, their white centres winking at the April sun.

Assignation

It's a striped tie of dashing jet navy and brushed platinum tonight from behind the desk of The Nightly. A dark blue sedan appears from out of the misty fog, its headlights making a dull glow in the path ahead as it pulls slowly alongside the curb. The woman in the trench coat slows her walk, her high heels muffled in the purr of the engine, and as the car draws closer, a back window, glass heavily tinted, slides down. A quick glance from a casual passerby would reveal only the glimpse of a man's watch, white gold and expensive. She turns.

SPT

...though this one--a rich plum--is not as torpid as the rest.

Probably He'll Get Her Number

Brian works the Navy-and-Gold Palette like nobody's business. Tonight's striped version of it is a bit more elegant, however, because the blue leans violet and the gold is a pale and subtle shade. This tie is a drinks-after-work date, the jacket unbuttoned as he leans across the table to share a smile and a joke. Her glass of oaked Chardonnay sparkles in the light, and with a subtle and quick gesture, she silences her cellphone and smiles back.

Coolly Elegant Cravat Is On My "Favourites" Menu

There's such elegance to this tie. Its stripes are rich: the jet navy is so deep that it is nearly black, the white is creamy like melted vanilla ice cream, and the narrow stripe of coral is sophisticated. It has a cool, composed air about it, like a black lacquered plate of sushi, carefully handrolled and placed like Japanese art upon the dish.

In Which I Am Weary, Yet Have A Bit Of A Snit

I have almost lost my will to describe this tie, so often has Mr. Brian Williams worn it. I don't even have the energy necessary to snarkily go through my Archives and count up the times he's slung it on (certainly for the sole purpose to irritate me) and provoked me with its midnight blue background and its slim, carnation pink stripes. There is not even the strength in my Muse to conjure up the metaphoric milieux in which to...oh hell I'm getting sick of this tie.

My Fashion Flights Of Fancy Are Grounded

Solid Purple Tie. (Which is becoming as ubiquitous as newsreports about the ash clouds from the Icelandic volcano. Yawn.)

A Summer Symphony

Debut Tie. A surprising debut tonight as Brian dons a silk checked cravat of icy blue topaz and glacial white. It is a picnic of champagne and cold lobsters at the outdoor symphony concert, letting the crescendos of Rachmaninoff ripple the edges of the blanket upon the ground almost as much as the summer's evening breezes.

Unfortunately For This Boy Of Summer, The Report Makes An Unpopular Call

*Debut Tie. If The Report were a baseball game and I were the Fashion Plate Umpire, I'd call three strikes against this tie: #1, it is yet another Blue And Gold Striped Tie; #2, its gold stripes are horrifically metallic; finally, #3--the metallic gold stripes are unnecessarily fussied up further with a navy thread shot through them. Sorry, Brian Williams, but yer out!

A Tie Among Many, Yet This Cravat Is A Standout

This is another one of Brian's Clan Ties: ties of the same style but in different colors. This Ivy League stripe is a saturated berry with widely spaced stripes of jet navy bordered by white pinstripes. The dimple, demure but deep, was impeccable. It is fashionable, yet not couture; present, yet not bold; colorful, yet not ostentatious. It is the tasteful burgundy sheath in a room full of spaghetti-strapped Little Black Dresses, the small, silver pitcher of violets next to the vases of red roses, and the voice of Yo-Yo Ma's cello above the hush of the mezzanine.

Somewhere Along The Fashion Highway, There Was A Detour

It's a hyacinth blue silk cravat with pinstripes of blossom pink tonight. By itself, the fabric is stunning. I can see why it caught the eye of the Tie Buyer, whomever it may have been. Its sheen is alluring, the colors murmur like the sotto voce of spring evenings, alive yet soft. The problem arose when the fabric became a tie. It is a most un-tielike material; it matches nothing; it looks decidedly feminine; it should have fulfilled its Fashion Destiny as something entirely different, perhaps a high-style evening coat, or the bodice of a cocktail dress.

Ladies And Gentlemen And Children Of All Ages! Please Direct Your Attention To The Center Ring!

Oh. My. Strike up the calliopes, raise the Big Top, and comb out the Bearded Lady because it looks like the Circus is on set at The Nightly! Brian, obviously heralding a recent graduation from Ringling Bros., Barnum & Bailey University, jocundly tosses on a clown-nose red cravat with large popcorn-white polka dots. This tie does not even attempt to perform a haute couture highwire act--it falls short and lands with a resounding thud.

Some Things Are...Au-Delà Des Mots

I am intrigued yet irked by this odd, shifty tie. Its narrow stripes are mysterious and captivating, appearing at first black and white, then suddenly black and palest pink, like an opal that is changeable in the light. Then, the pink blushes a bit, cooling toward lilac, then back again to white and...wait, is that a tiny dark thread within it? Describing this tie is like capturing the essence of a spring breeze or a baby's first laugh or even the grief of loss, the sorrow of regret. It is real, but it is...je ne sais quois.

Overheard At The Men's Accessories Counter

"Oh, Mr. Williams! Before I ring you out--if you like this tie, we have another one just like it. It's a sort of pomegranate instead of the blue, and the squares are black with white frames, not the red. Would you like me to get it? I think it's just different enough that if you don't wear them one right after the other, no one will even notice how similar they are. After all, who keeps track of your ties, of all things, right?"

Le Sigh. Une Autre Mauvaise Cravate.

Solid Purple Tie.
Although I will say the dimple was noteworthy.

In Spite Of Its Freshness, I Am Decidedly Irked By This Tie

Debut Tie. Tonight's cravat is blue with small red squares in an overall grid, like looking at a roadside stand display of raspberries in pint cartons arranged in the cargo area of a blue Ford pickup. This kind of fabric and pattern leaves me irked and irritated, like gaudy designer scarves that everyone knows are ugly and hideous, but because they say Hermes or Emilio Pucci, we give them a pass.

Rapper's Delight At The 7-Eleven...What?

B-dub tosses on some serious Bling with tonight's tie. Its narrow stripes of black and metallic gold are a bit ostentatious. They remind me of the kiosks in the mall that have case upon case of gold chains of dubious quality lying close together upon tacky black velvet pads. The bored girl behind the counter is almost always either thumbing out a text message or sucking on the straw of some fluorescent-coloured frozen drink the size of the Washington Monument. Certainly, yes, that's where I'll be buying my fine jewelry.

Swoon-Worthy Cravat

Oh, I love this tie, with its wide swaths of Chanel pink and debonair black. It's sophisticated and sexy and a little bit retro-looking, kind of like a George Clooney meets Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis thing.

Let's Be A Little Bit Naughty With This Tie, Shall We?

Brian dons his jet navy tie with slim bands of pale carnation pink. As much as I am weary of this tie and its bevy of familiars, I still appreciate its contrast and flirtation. It's the sneaky foot-under-the-pantleg maneuver at the restaurant; the nibble on the earlobe during the phone call to his mother; the suggestive whispers in his ear as he explains something technical to his boss at the office cocktail hour. Sometimes, you need a little blush.

The Joke Is On Us, Dear Readers

In a stunning display of Fashion Forwardness, Brian Williams dons a gorgeous ascot of lovely pink silk with a silver and black paisley pattern. Its bold yet tasteful sw... oh, hell.

April Fool.





And just as much on The Tie Report too. Solid Purple Tie.

In Which We Lament Bad Fashion And Bad Casting

Wow. We have not seen this tie in a long time, yet it has not been missed. Its cranberry field color is netted by a mystifying pattern of interlocking turquoise Sputniks. I am always disappointed by this cravat; I see it as a Missed Opportunity of sorts. Like when I heard that Tom Hanks got the lead in the movie adaptation of The DaVinci Code.

At The Fashion Cafe...

This tie is simply chic. It is a striped tie, but it takes fashion seriously, with its mix of color and pattern. The slim bands are of cream, lilac, and there is a navy band containing an ever-so-subtle hint of pinstriping. It is a fashion tour de force. This cravat is a lovely late repast of brie en croute avec les framboises noires with a cassis and champagne cocktail. Your waiter offers Earl Grey as you linger over laughter and conversation, and you are mildly surprised at the lateness of the hour.

Passport

Tonight, Brian Williams knots up a very distinguished cravat of suitcoat navy with burgundy stripes snugged by very slim bands of platinum. It's quite Ivy League, and First Class. There is something rather...velvet rope about this tie, as if it has been ushered into private rooms by discreet staff with mere nods. Heavy-paneled double doors close softly with an understated click, the high-backed leather chair behind the desk swivels around to reveal its occupant, and the interview, completely off-the-record, of course, begins.

It's Really Sort Of A Snack Of A Tie

Boy oh boy, is BriWi giving this tie a Workout. Its red and white stripes are really jazzing up the set of the Ol' Nightly, and it's not even Christmas. Or Valentine's Day. Or Independence Day. But doesn't it put you in the mood for a ball game or a movie, what with those stripes? They remind me of a popcorn box.

Brisk And Basic

This tie is a basic striper of Brian's that has been worn over and over again. Its field color might be black, or it might be deep navy. The white stripes are narrow and spaced generously. It’s a crisp, brisk tie of martial efficiency and no-nonsense alacrity. It is the Times New Roman of ties.

There Is A Right Way To Do Solid And Sedate, And This Tie Is One Of Them

I'd like to paraphrase a Report from 7 February 2007, when I first critiqued this particular tie, a solid of pewter grey with a sheen to it. This cravat is reminiscent of elegant heirloom silver that was slightly tarnished: understated yet with an unmistakable note of richness. I clap my hands as the royals do in their box at Wimbledon, Mr. Williams, at my waist and just above my lap, and ever-so-lightly as if they were gloved. "Bravo!" I whisper, "Well played!"

Isn't It Romantic?

This evening's cravat is a cabernet franc silk with white pinstripes. It's a lovely tie, romantic almost, evoking heart-shaped candy boxes with white lace ruffles, Victorian valentines handmade of red silk and creamy taffeta, and dramatic long-stemmed roses held by long opera-gloved hands.

Perhaps Brian Williams Is Getting In Touch With Mrs. Williams A Bit With This One...Or Not.

Brian Williams is wearing a purple tie with stripes. Wow. But these stripes are pairs of whitish stripes, skinny pairs of whitish stripes, and the fabric looks sub-par and the purple is...nothing special. This tie is the equivalent of the outfit we women toss on when we're Feeling Fat And Ucky. And having a Bad Hair Day. And we're not going out AT ALL. And we might just sit in our big chair with a blankie, the remote, a half-pint of Ben & Jerry's (insert self-satisfying flavour here), perhaps a good book, and maybe, if we're feeling more than a bit self-indulgent, a glass of wine. Because we don't care, and no one's going to see us anyway.

Do Try To Get Along Without Us Until Friday, 18 March, Won't You? (I Have A "Real" Job, You Know.)

The Report will be on a brief hiatus during parent-teacher conferences. (It's not like he's wearing anything new or exciting anyway.)

This Tie Speaks Volumes...Again

* Where were you ten days ago, on 5 March? If you were like me, you were watching this same tie. Yes, Report readers, this same ultramarine blue with its snowy white stripes boldly outlined in sooty black is making a quick comeback. Yikes. It's so in-your-face, so sharply lined, so arresting, that it's almost audible. If this tie made noise, it would be like the snap of lake ice cracking, like the clank of a metal sawblade dropped on a concrete garage floor, or like the sudden clatter of a great deal of silverware being dropped in a restaurant kitchen.

Purple Is Purple, And The Report Calls 'Em As We Sees 'Em

While it was more of a mulberry/red-violet, 'twas No Matter. Solid Purple Tie.

Memories

Brian knots up an old standby of sandstone and sky blue stripes for tonight's broadcast. There's something antique-looking about this cravat, like finding a trove of old Wedgwood laid away in tissue paper at the bottom of a trunk full of your Aunt Bridget's damask tablecloths, their soft rose color now gone a dusky mauve, but gorgeous nonetheless.

A Refined Repast

This tie of black with very narrow stripes of wan gold is elegant. The waiter, white gloves pristine and quiet, bends low. His silver tray is proffered in one smooth yet swooping motion. On it is a selection of black, glistening pearls of the sea. He produces a small golden spoon and places a precious mound of each ebony treasure on your plate. Champagne bubbles into tall crystal flutes, you nod your approval, and he is gone again in a whisper.

Perhaps Brian Got This Tie At The A & P

There's just something so jolly about this tie. I know that its strawberry and candy apple red stripe pairs look downright merry, and the snowy white of the background color is...festive, but it doesn't just put me in a joyous mood. It also reminds me of days long ago when my dad used to take me to the A & P to get groceries on Saturdays. Right before we'd check out, we would stop at the Brach's Pick-A-Mix stand, and my dad would grab a striped bag and let me plunge my hands into whatever bins I wanted. My favorites were the gumdrop bears, sourballs, and just because they were pretty, the candies that remind me of tonight's cravat--The Jelly Nougats. I was the only one who liked them, and I'm not even sure I did, but I thought they looked so colorful and wonderful, like all candy should.

In Which I Personify Tonight's Tie As A Vehicle For My Fashion Frustration

You know, readers, tonight's tie of navy blue crossed with kelly green diagonals snugged by pearl grey pinstripes was trying to say many things to me. "Look! Here is the green you used to lament and wail for!" was among them. So was "Don't I look dapper and Ivy League?" along with "I'll bet I am the envy of so many British Lower School headmasters." But all I could hear was, "Blah blah striped tie blah blah again blah blah."

Play Ball!

This evening, Brian dons a vivid Crayola blue cravat with widely spaced narrow white stripes bordered by narrow bands of jet navy/black. This tie is strangely generic and vaguely sporty, like it could be found in a catalog of Coaching Wear for any number of professional sports teams, like the Carolina Panthers, the Orlando Magic, or the Toronto Blue Jays.

It's A Grand Old Flag...

Brian is such a slave to his stripes. This one is navy (surprise) and white, the white being shot through with a thread of red. This tie is almost a Patriotic Costume Tie, and I could see it being worn in any number of cutesy Independence Day Revues, like the romantic Red, White, and You!, or the spectacular Fireworks on Ice starring Brian Boitano and Kristi Yamaguchi.

A Cravat With A Flair For The Dramatic

This tie is a dramatic cravat of orchid and midnight stripes. It is dashing and daring, like Errol Flynn and Josephine Baker. It's making an entrance, even if you're just coming in to the budget meeting. It's making sure your coffee cup at work is one of those with a little pedestal on it. And it's knowing that you never, ever wear just plain white underwear.

The Report's Richter Scale Reels From SPT Aftershocks; What An Evil Winter It's Been

Wow. Didn't take long until Brian, no doubt travel-weary, knotted up a SPT, from the Axis of Evil.

Oh, Canada! It's Nice To Know That Americans Haven't Cornered The Market On Tchotchke, And Brian Is Back In The US Of A, Fully Striped.

So, Brian is back in Les Etats-Unis, and he is celebrating with just a tad more subtlety than the Canadians did with their closing ceremonies, where there was so much inflatable crap, I thought that Canada's front yard had thrown up. But Brian wore a stripe of smoked navy blue with burgundy bands bordered with luminous pearl pinstripes, sort of an homage to Old Glory rather than a literal sendup.

While The Flame Burns, I'm Out!

I'm just not going to struggle with a Report when Brian Williams tucks his ties in like my mother did her jewelry in her vacation luggage. It's just too stressful and prone to error. The Report is officially On Hiatus until après les jeux Olympiques.

Is There Such A Thing As "Outdoorsy Formal?" Must I Ready A New AOE?

Solid Purple Tie. Thankfully, it was tucked away behind a sweater/outdoor jackety thingy, so we didn't see but a glimpse of its knot and a tad of the rest of it. I would like to mention, however, that Overwearing At The Olympics is how the Gadgety Tie got relegated to the Axis Of Evil. At least this time Brian Williams erred on the side of Efficiency and wore one already designated.

O Brian! I Celebrate And Sing Your Self (Without A Tie).

Il est sans cravate. Brian, on location in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada for the Winter Olympics, has chosen a decidedly Outdoorsy Look. I am loving it. He looks quite sporty and capable, and brings to mind all sorts of rugged words like terrain, brogans, tarp, Gore-tex, and kayak. It's a very Walt Whitman Song of Myself #33, O Pioneers! sort of look, and I'm a little breathless just thinking about it.

In Which I Rejoice, For Brian Williams Has Answered My Fashion Call, And In Which I Reminisce, For He Also Takes Me Back To My Dream Deferred

Debut Tie. For years I have lamented the Fashion Gap in Brian Williams' wardrobe that is the lack of a paisley tie. Tonight, consider that Gap closed! This evening, BriWi boldly knots up a modern take on the classic paisley--a violet cravat with a white faux paisley print. The small teardrops are closely-set with no embellishments, but they are paisley-inspired, without a doubt. This reminded me immediately of my days in pre-veterinary medicine, looking at slides of liver flukes stained in crystal violet. Who knew that something so intricately lovely could be so deadly? Let's hope the similarity is non-transferable....

Snow More, Please...Give This Cravat A Tieme Out

Brian stood outside in the driving snow for part of this newscast, and his tie looked as if it were dry clean only and getting the worst of it. Its vivid blue stripes looked blurry, as if they were beginning to run into the orchid color behind them. Once he stepped back into the toasty warm confines of the Nightly studio, however, we realized that it was just the nature of this cravat, which looks a little like what happens when your kids leave their sidewalk chalk out in the rain.

A Sunny Bit Of Comfort

While it's true that Brian has a few of these striped ties, this--the soft yellow and heather grey one--is a welcome sight. It's like seeing a tin of warm cornbread muffins coming out of the oven on a cool, rainy morning or a chunk of lemon poppyseed poundcake waiting next to a chubby little pot of Earl Grey tea on a cloudy afternoon.

Kind Of A Ship-Shape, Spic-and-Span Sort Of Tie

Tonight Brian Williams wears a stripe of bright white and dressy navy blue. There is just something about this tie that makes me uneasy. Perhaps it is the stressful contrast between the two colors. Perhaps it is the stark whiteness. Perhaps it just makes me think of snappish officers conducting White Glove Inspections, running their index fingers along door moldings and into impossible crevices, looking for dust particles even Aunt Mabel, whose clean fetish would shame Howard Hughes, could miss.

Evil Knows No Bounds--Even An Impending "Snowpocalypse" Cannot Stop It From Rearing Its Terrible...er...Knot

Solid Purple Tie. Sigh.

Brian Is Lucky That An English Teacher Writes This Blog

I want to be nice and supportive of this tie. I really do. But what do you do about a tie that simply announces, "I AM A CHRISTMAS CANDY CANE" the moment you see its bright red and deep red diagonal stripes on a shiny white field? Perhaps you try, and you become thoughtful and literary and hearken back to that American classic by Harper Lee and the passage in which Scout describes her first grade teacher, Miss Caroline, who "wore high-heeled pumps and a red-and-white striped dress. She looked and smelled like a peppermint drop." There, Brian Williams. There.

There's A Little Something Sweet Left Over For You In The Fridge

Return with The Report to this tie's Debut on 16 March 2009 with this Classic Cravat Critique:

After a long weekend Brian knots up yet another new cravat! This one is an oxblood Ivy Leaguer with widely spaced, narrow stripes of pearlescent white shot through with a thread of the darker color. All I could think about as I carefully analyzed that tie was a slice of dark chocolate red velvet cake with glossy whipped white frosting, and pretty soon I was settling for graham crackers and this. Not the same; not even close.

Perhaps This Cravat Is Ready To Retire And Collect Its Social Security Benefits

Tonight Brian ties on a tired-looking pale blue cravat with slim navy stripes set at wide intervals. This tie just looks...elderly to me, like big Chryslers with frosty paint jobs and Florida license plates parked at Golden Corrals and Old Country Buffets at three-thirty. Or big vinyl purses with lots of inside pockets, most of which are full of Sweet-n-Low packets and Werther's. Or couches and chairs with lots and lots of little blankets and footstools close by like Comfort Brigades.

Bit Of A Getaway Tonight

The cool melon and soft grey stripes of this tie may be out of season, but they are a welcome respite from the frigid winter. Viewing this cravat is like peeking through the weathered cedar boards of a seaside fence at the pastel summer homes along the shore. Painted in the candy colors of vacation, they look warm and beachy, each one with a shady veranda and awnings like visors against the beaming sun.