August Farewell

Smoky cornflower blue and pristine white stripes--fashionably narrow ones--are our Tie Fare tonight.  Lovely and summery and a fitting way to close out August, don't you think?  This cravat is like standing against the rails of the boardwalk and looking out over the water with its canopy of hazy sky and lacy wisps.  Now and then a small freshening breath of the sea, then another wink of the sun, and the waves sigh and grasp the sand.

Oh, My Dear. Must We?

SPT. And horrifying, as usual, thanks to *WDBTK.  (What on Earth is that Thing, anyway?)






*What Dwells Below The Knot

Night Magic

Soft pink and ebony are the narrow stripes on tonight's tie as Brian Williams narrates an uncharacteristic Nightly News broadcast this evening.  The thunder's rumbling basso woke her from a labored sleep.  The night was moonless, and the wind swept the rain against her windows, scattering apple blossoms against the dark panes in a careless pattern of stormy grace.

In Which Brian Makes Me Work On The Weekend, Yet Wears An Uninspiring Cravat. How Dare He?

Firmly entrenched behind his Command Central Nightly Newspost, Brian Williams is dapper in his reassuringly snappy tie of navy blue and white stripes.  It is Weekend Elegant, yet Military Precise, like dress blues and white gloves at a State Dinner.  As he telezips along the coast, checking in with on-site Hurricane Irene reporters, one gets the feeling that he was called away from champagne and foie gras, and that perhaps a chilly flute is bubbling away below the Desk.

The Demise of La Chemise Enorme

C'est possible!  Brian Williams can wear a shirt that fits! Live at the shores of his beloved New Jersey, BDub finally sports a chambray shirt that isn't flapping around like an errant seabird. August has not been Lost.

Mystery At Midnight

It is a stripe of midnight and May French lilac tonight.  The sirens intensify as a car screams up to the hotel.  Its doors fly open like wings and men rush out.  One man, fedora askew, black trenchcoat billowing behind, pushes past the doorman, brandishing his badge.  He mounts the stairs by threes and bursts into the room; his practiced eye immediately takes in every detail.  A small window over the fire escape stands open, its cheap chintz curtains stirring.  On the floor, amid the puddled black satin of her dressing gown, is a single perfect orchid.  He looks more closely and sees her marcasite hatpin a few feet away.  On its point gathers a ruby drop. 

SPT. It was dire, but not devastating, until the Nightly cameraperson pulled back for the wide shot. And then that horrific rumple/divot/crease creature loomed again. What Dwells Below The Knot...! Ugh.

I Hear The Axis Of Evil Calling In This Historical Moment

Talk about your Double Dip Recessions. Brian Williams' fashion stock hits an All-Time Low tonight as he heedlessly slings on Wednesday's (10 August) disastrous cravat of obnoxious orchid raw silk with obstreperously blue stripes. The Report has no choice but to downgrade BriWi to AA status until he demonstrates that he can overcome this sartorial passive-aggressiveness and put together a stable style plan that move us forward.

And...We're Back (Because August Was Getting Away From Us)

Oh, Dear Report Readers. If we wait until we are sufficiently moved by Brian's Neckwear to return to commentary, we will wait pour l'infinité.  Truly, it has been An Endless Parade--or barrage, take your pick--of pedestrian ties, of lacklustre ties, of wince-worthy ties.  Tonight's...urk.  Not that the fabric (which looks to be raw silk) isn't acceptable.  But that noisome orchid!  That leering ultramarine blue stripe!  Must they be so...intrusive?  It's like dining in a fairly nice restaurant but having one of those impossibly bouncy servers who simply cannot stop insinuating themselves into your meal. He or she kneels next to your chair or table, asks "Isn't that totally awesome, right?" as soon as you take a bite of your appetizer, and pretty much makes you feel as if you have to pay for his college, too, or at least send him a card for his birthday.