Monday, February 28, 2011
We're Back, And All We Can Do Is Be Hopeful For March (And Stay Away From Sharp Things, Just In Case)
We here at The Report took a little hiatus to placate our Snark, and in rapid succession, BriWi wore a series of Decent Ties That We Had Not Seen In A While. After having girded our loins, we promised that we would at least see out February, and we all witnessed what happened here: In a blatant display of Fashion Petulance, Brian Williams knots up the tie of 4 February, which I railed against considerably. It's not as if I dislike this cravat, with its brooding dark background and its bright bands of marmalade pinstriped with fresh white. I am just weary of it making such a pest of itself this month, like the little neighbor kid who won't stop parking his trike on your front walk and hanging out on your porch every time you are outside. He's charming and all, but sometimes, you just wish he'd stay home for a while and give you a chance to miss his company.
Brought to Life by Nance at 5:38 PM
Friday, February 18, 2011
What has happened to this tie? Its wide buttery and suitcoat navy stripes have gone slightly off, and now it looks sort of...icky. The yellow looks a bit greenish, like a blonde's hair after swimming too long in an over-chlorinated pool. Maybe Brian Williams left this tie in a cheapo blue suitcase up in a hot attic and there it stayed, wadded up in one of those side pockets, perhaps next to a bottle of rubbing alcohol or hand sanitizer that slowly leaked, then evaporated, leaching into the tie and forever changing its sunny hue into something a little more...bilious.
Brought to Life by Nance at 7:35 PM
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tonight's tie is a deceptive pattern of minute purple mesh over white, which looks at first glance like a solid lilac cravat. Upon closer inspection, though, you can see the fine screen, like looking through your friend's back door in summer, hoping he's finally done with dinner so that he can come out for a while to ride bikes, street-skate, or have a few games of Mother May I until the street lights come on and you have to be home.
Brought to Life by Nance at 5:01 PM
Monday, February 14, 2011
Brian Williams knots up a warm cravat of paprika silk with an overlaid grid of widely spaced golden pinprick dots. It's toasty and spicy, like a comforting bowl of red curry and rice, not too hot, and a steamy basket of naan.
Brought to Life by Nance at 4:00 PM
Friday, February 11, 2011
This evening's cravat is a sleek stripe of black and silver. It is flawlessly knotted and the epitome of sophistication. It is the black Benz and the penthouse apartment, the stainless and obsidian granite chef's kitchen, the chrome and opaque glass hi-tech gadgets that lay scattered on the vast and somehow masculine coffee table. One buzzes and jitters, lighting to life. He glances at it briefly, blushes momentarily, and asks if you'd care for red or white.
Brought to Life by Nance at 6:06 PM
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Thumbing his metaphorical nose at both fashion and The Report, BriWi defiantly knots up the tie of February 7. This classic of deep amethyst with onyx stripes banded by pearl is lovely, indeed, but we just saw it two days ago. I still have the impressions of the last Report; I can't craft a new perception of this cravat already! Why, Brian, do you always ask so much of me? Pourquoi êtes-vous si cruel?
Brought to Life by Nance at 9:03 PM
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Wow, Brian Williams. Wow. I would like to make excuses for you; say that you are, perhaps Snow Blind, that you are suffering--like the Rest Of Us--from Cabin Fever, and that is why you are constantly lapsing into Repeat Cycles like this one, wearing again the stripe of waffly-textured champagne and summersky blue, but the Reality is this. You just went to Egypt and Jordan! You were in foreign lands beset by conflict and strife! You were sans cravat for that adventure! Pull yourself together, man, and find your Other Ties!
Brought to Life by Nance at 3:59 PM
Monday, February 7, 2011
This evening Brian returns to an old standby Purple Striped Tie, and one he has leaned on heavily as of late. Its true violet field is crossed with ebony diagonals bordered by slim, pearl bands. This cravat is formal, but not stuffy. It is a grandfather who wants to be called "Grandfather," but who will still tickle you and slip you bubblegum at church. It is an outdoor reception, but with linens and silverware. It is a nosegay of violets in a silver vase.
Brought to Life by Nance at 4:01 PM
Friday, February 4, 2011
Is There Such A Condition As Tie Alzheimer's? For That Is The Only Excuse I Shall Accept For These Constant Repeat Cycles Henceforth
I am thisclose to condemning this tie to The Den Of Ubiquity (aka The Axis Of Evil). When BriWi first started up with this cravat, I admired its midnight sky background and those stylish flame-coloured stripes bordered by slim, starry pinstripes. It was debonair and suave, classic and sophisticated. Now he's begun to lean on it like a birdlike old woman on a nephew's obliging arm. If B-dub doesn't start remembering that he has lots of Other Ties, the Axis is going to get Positively Pudgy.
Brought to Life by Nance at 11:27 PM