Child's Play

Brian dons a tie striped with fawn and sky blue this evening. Its pleasant tones are reminiscent of a child's sidewalk chalk picture, perhaps a blurry blue bunny or dusty azure cloud against the sandstone walkway, waiting until Caleb or Kaitlin returns from a lunch of Kraft Mac-n-Cheese and a juice box before the capering yellow ducky or smiling sunshine joins the fun.

I Know It Seems Like I'm Only Focusing On The Negative, But It's Been A Tough Month And These Are Easy To Report

Solid Purple Tie.

One Should Either Be A Work Of Art Or Wear A Work Of Art (Or At The Very Least, Pay Tribute To An Artist, Apparently)

If Mondrian had been married and helped his wife design the nursery for Little Piet, Brian's tie tonight would have been its wallpaper. Whispery hyacinth blue formed the background for small white minimalist squares, each with darkened centers. The geometry of the cravat is subtle, yet there, and even a baby Neo-Plasticist can still feel comforted by truly groundbreaking Art.

...Yet I Cannot Relent

SPT. True, it was rich and plummy and less egregious than some, but There It Was.

In Which I Suddenly Find Myself Reviewing An Axis Tie, Against My Own Better Judgement And Protocol, But It's One Of Those Things, You Know?

The Gadgety Tie makes a surprising comeback. Truth be told, I was almost taken in by its light-hearted silliness, like a mime trying too hard to entertain you as you wait in a neverending line at some Amusement with the children who, though you are there For Them, are acting perfectly beastly. Beastly enough that a mime, heretofore irksome, is a welcome respite from the puling brats now sweating and jerking on your arms.

In Which I Am Both Fraught With Drama And Wracked By Indecision

Wow. I know. Do I call it or do I review it? This cravat, in all its red-violet, marginally magenta Solid Almost-Purple glory, is a tough one. A few times, it caught the lights and became shifty and iridescent, like those early millennial bridesmaid and prom dresses that were so popular, and begged to be dubbed the dreaded SPT. But as B-Dubs droned on about The Hostage Drama, I became one to This Tie, transfixed as it became again more pomegranate than purple. Perhaps another viewing....

Tasty Tie

This evening Brian knots up a cravat of rich deep brown crossed with slim icy blue stripes shot with a thread of a darker hue. It is like a box of decadent chocolate truffles, each dusted in a cloud of cocoa and nestled in a ruffle cup of Tiffany silk.

We Are Back At Our Desk, Much To Brian's Eternal Chagrin. We Know The Feeling, N'Est Ce Pas?

The Report returns to close out the month with Brian's own return--to the desk of The Nightly. After a few days of open collar shirts flapping in the breeze, he battens down the hatch with a striped silk tie of deep blue with slim diagonals evocative of raspberry sherbet. I feel like it's a Wrapping Paper Cravat, or more suited to perhaps a bold toss pillow in a Decorator's Bedroom, the kind you see in House Beautiful magazine while you're waiting at the doctor's office.

On The Water

A blue and white striped cravat this evening, yes, but one with a summery, nautical air. You grasp the rails at the bow of the boat as she cuts smoothly through the sparkling water just below, and you shift your body instinctively to meet each wave while the spray cools your sunburned face. The fresh air pushes each care and concern from your shoulders and, for the first time in weeks, you feel like the gulls above--floating and free and ready to ride the wind, even if only for a little while.

And Disappointment Rears Its Ugly Head In August

SPT. Oh, Brian Williams.

C'est Une Cravate D'Elégance, Certainement

One of the most chic cravates that Brian owns, this striped tie is a favourite of The Report. Its narrow stripes of barely blush pink and deep black/jet navy shot with blush are so fashionable and so French. It is delicately stylish, like a cameo on a velvet ribbon artfully circling the neck of Marie Antoinette. Conveying elegance without ostentation, it touches the right note of evening noblesse.

Welcome Back, Brian Williams

The Report is happy to welcome Brian Williams back to the desk of The Nightly, where he anchors it tonight sporting a cravat from the Ward Cleaver Collection. It is a subdued, patriarchal offering of jet navy with slender white stripes embraced by wider bands of reassuring burgundy. It is a classic, staid presence of a tie, one which, if it could speak, would say in comforting tones, "Now, if you did your best, then that's all anyone can ask. Get a good night's sleep, and I'll bet things look a whole lot better tomorrow."

Ah, A Breath Of Fresh Air

Brian Williams relents and knots up a lovely cravat of powdery sky and creamy azure. This tie is a whisper under the clouds at a romantic summer picnic, the soft strains of a violin building to crescendo at an outdoor symphony, and the glimpse of a bluebird on the lamppost at dawn.

And Don't Pretend You Like It Just Because It's Not Purple Or In The AOE

"Hello, designers, and welcome to the New York Department of Transportation's storage warehouse. Today's challenge on Project Runway is to create a men's fashion statement using anything here as your inspiration. It might be a sign, or it might be a vehicle, or anything that creatively moves you. Try not to be too literal in your translation, however. Above all, make it yours, and make it work!"

Not Quite

Brian gives it Another Try tonight, knotting up a cravat of wide stripes in orchid and jet navy. Oh well. He tried. But it's not a good combination. It's like when kids put ketchup on baloney or dip their chicken nuggets in mayonnaise. Sure, they like it, but we all know it's not A Good Thing, and that once their tastes mature and develop, they'll see the error of their ways.

All Sharp Objects Have Been Removed From Report HQ, And The 24-Hour Liquor Store Is #1 On Speed-Dial

Solid Purple Tie. Je n'ai pas de mots.

July: Why We Drink

Clearly, Brian is throwing Caution To The Fashion Winds this month. Not only is he choosing cravats almost exclusively from the Axis Of Evil, he is resorting to the most Reprehensible Repeat Cycles ever. Having just worn the jet navy tie with slender carnation pink stripes on Tuesday, BriWi slings it on again tonight--Thursday, for those of you scoring At Home--innocently raising the ire (and Fashion Hackles) of The Report almost continually during July. The only thing not rising is the level of Three Olives and Noilly Prat in The Report's liquor cabinet.

Being As I Am Taxed Overmuch By Catastrophic Cravats, I Shall Be Sporadic In My July Reporting

Solid Purple Tie. Yes, I know it's periwinkle. But I'm calling it anyway. July is killing me.

The Report Feels An Urgent Need To Recruit A Volunteer Brigade

TWSNLBRAINDTM. July is an absolute Dumpster Fire Of Fashion.

...And Then They Dare To Eat A Peach

Brian Williams knots up his solid magenta silk tie this evening. I feel like this is a sort of J. Alfred Prufrock Tie: This tie is probably in the necktie collection of all Men Of A Certain Age. It's a Midlife Fashion Moment Tie. It's the tie that men suddenly snatch in that brief Devil-May-Care whim after they buy another pair of khaki Dockers and another pair of comfy Rockports and go to yet another dinner at Olive Garden. "Hell no, I'm not in a Middle Age Rut!" they snort derisively. "Looky here at this stylish, bold tie and tell me that I'm not snazzy!"