Ah, A Breath Of Fresh Air

Brian Williams relents and knots up a lovely cravat of powdery sky and creamy azure. This tie is a whisper under the clouds at a romantic summer picnic, the soft strains of a violin building to crescendo at an outdoor symphony, and the glimpse of a bluebird on the lamppost at dawn.

And Don't Pretend You Like It Just Because It's Not Purple Or In The AOE

"Hello, designers, and welcome to the New York Department of Transportation's storage warehouse. Today's challenge on Project Runway is to create a men's fashion statement using anything here as your inspiration. It might be a sign, or it might be a vehicle, or anything that creatively moves you. Try not to be too literal in your translation, however. Above all, make it yours, and make it work!"

Not Quite

Brian gives it Another Try tonight, knotting up a cravat of wide stripes in orchid and jet navy. Oh well. He tried. But it's not a good combination. It's like when kids put ketchup on baloney or dip their chicken nuggets in mayonnaise. Sure, they like it, but we all know it's not A Good Thing, and that once their tastes mature and develop, they'll see the error of their ways.

All Sharp Objects Have Been Removed From Report HQ, And The 24-Hour Liquor Store Is #1 On Speed-Dial

Solid Purple Tie. Je n'ai pas de mots.

July: Why We Drink

Clearly, Brian is throwing Caution To The Fashion Winds this month. Not only is he choosing cravats almost exclusively from the Axis Of Evil, he is resorting to the most Reprehensible Repeat Cycles ever. Having just worn the jet navy tie with slender carnation pink stripes on Tuesday, BriWi slings it on again tonight--Thursday, for those of you scoring At Home--innocently raising the ire (and Fashion Hackles) of The Report almost continually during July. The only thing not rising is the level of Three Olives and Noilly Prat in The Report's liquor cabinet.

Being As I Am Taxed Overmuch By Catastrophic Cravats, I Shall Be Sporadic In My July Reporting

Solid Purple Tie. Yes, I know it's periwinkle. But I'm calling it anyway. July is killing me.

The Report Feels An Urgent Need To Recruit A Volunteer Brigade

TWSNLBRAINDTM. July is an absolute Dumpster Fire Of Fashion.

...And Then They Dare To Eat A Peach

Brian Williams knots up his solid magenta silk tie this evening. I feel like this is a sort of J. Alfred Prufrock Tie: This tie is probably in the necktie collection of all Men Of A Certain Age. It's a Midlife Fashion Moment Tie. It's the tie that men suddenly snatch in that brief Devil-May-Care whim after they buy another pair of khaki Dockers and another pair of comfy Rockports and go to yet another dinner at Olive Garden. "Hell no, I'm not in a Middle Age Rut!" they snort derisively. "Looky here at this stylish, bold tie and tell me that I'm not snazzy!"

It Is Nothing Short Of An Act Of Domestic Terrorism

Quelle Horreur! For the second day in a row...Solid Purple Tie.

Unprecedented.

Unforgiveable.

Je suis sans les mots suffisants.

...And The Axis Turns On

What a dreadful turn of events. Solid Purple Tie. (And despite the luscious plummy colour, said SPT was looking none too crisp. Rather...rumply.)

There Are Some Things From Which We Can Never Escape

It was The Report's turn to go On Hiatus, and look what we came home to. TWSNLBRAINDTM. Urgh.

Bri Is Back Avec La Cravate, And The Report Approves

Brian cannot help himself; after a time, he simply must get back to Sartorial Splendour and Tie One On. And what a tie it is. Navy stripes--was there a subtler pinstripe in there? so hard to discern--alternated with shocking pink, almost a blushing magenta, shot through with a darker thread. The combination was sexy and startling, like finding out your stodgy financial planner is having a torrid affair with a younger woman, or seeing your matronly aunt at a lingerie party buying a black lace garter belt.

M. Williams, Pourquoi Portez-Vous Une Telle Grande Chemise?

If Brian is on location, then we at The Report can be certain of one thing: He will be wearing A Bigass Shirt. This one was the requisite light blue Oxford type and was flapping in the Louisiana breeze like an unfurled sail. Stunningly tanned and outdoorsy-looking, though, he almost managed to carry it off. Almost.

Absence Doesn't Always Make The Heart Grow Fonder, But It Does Make It A Tad Forgetful

TWSNLBRAINDTM. Holy Crap. It's been a long time. I hardly recognized it.

A Step Up Before He Steps Out

Brian Williams recovers his Style Points a bit with tonight's cravat. Deep jet navy alternates with a statement lilac shot with a subtle thread of darker hue. This striped necktie is a bit Art Deco in ambience. Very New York and very polished. One can almost see the valet in the wings with a clothes brush, sighing with relief that he was able to briskly sweep away the last few flecks of studio dust and powder before BW took the set.

Sometimes, You Have To Go Big Or (Don't) Go Home

Tonight's tie is unremarkable. A barely-there miniature pattern of a nondescript color and shape is laid over an arresting blue-violet silk. It's a perfectly acceptable tie, ably knotted and in no way offensive or tasteless. Just like giving your wife a nice mixed bouquet from the florist's cooler on your anniversary. Absolutely fine. But where's the style?

When I Am Vexed, It Brings Out The Grammar In Me

Je suis trés desolée. Brian, who debuted this cravat only four ties ago, slings it on again. Already! Was he concerned we would forget its cornflower blue background crossed by bands of brushed gold bordered by white pinstriping? Because I hadn't, and now I am resentful because he has made me lean overmuch on the adjectival participle and participial phrase.

Brian May Be Back, But His Tie Is Still On Vacation

Brian is back from his vacances, and he favours us with a lovely cravat. It is the coral pink silk tie with the ivory petit point overall print. So summery and flirty! I just want to pop it into a frothy drink, poolside, like a little umbrella, and ask Carlo, le garçon de cabana, to bring me a nice selection of tropical fruit skewers.

This Tie Is Rated "T" For Terrifying

Oh, this tie. Each time I see its fluorescent orchid with slender ultramarine blue stripes practically pulsating upon my television, I cringe. It is the Herman Munster of cravats. It belongs on the panels of a Creepshow comic. It is, in a word, horrific.

So, I'm Getting So Bored With Some Ties That I've Started To Amuse Myself By Composing Anapestic Doggerel Now

Navy blue once again was the tie for tonight.
There were stripes--burgundy--they were bordered by white.
It was tasteful and fine;
Very much in His line.
He still won't wear paisley, though, try as I might.