Thursday, January 27, 2011

Stormy Weather

This tie is moody and dramatic, but not like that Goth kid in study hall who keeps his head bent over his Moleskine knockoff as his black polished fingernails pull incessantly at his Koolaid-tinted hair. No, this jet and whisperpurple stripe is more like the scent of lilacs breathing through your window during a midnight thunderstorm.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Has The Nightly Moved To Punxsutawney? What Can Be The Meaning Of This Continued Sartorial Effrontery?

Oh, hey. Why not just read Friday's Report because he is wearing the very same cravat tonight. I feel like January cannot, possibly ever, be over soon enough. What an affront to Fashion, Nightly Viewers, Camerapersons, Menswear Designers, oh for heaven's sakes--PEOPLE WHO WEAR CLOTHING everywhere.

If Certain People are not going to put forth an effort, then I don't see any reason to either.

Monday, January 24, 2011

The Many Facets Of Fashion

Mr. Williams is making up for any previous Fashion Faux Pas with the ties of Friday and tonight. This evening's offering of slim stripes alternating ebony and apple blossom is a favourite of The Report. If this cravat had a name, it would be Julian or Geoffrey; if it were music, it would be smooth jazz or a classical quartet; if it were food, it would be croissants with brie, pear, and house-made charcuterie; if it were a city, it would be, naturellement, Paris.

Friday, January 21, 2011

He Stoops To Court Her

What a sophisticated, classic cravat Brian Williams has tied on tonight! Pale, champagne gold textured stripes alternate with more slender bands of royal blue. The audience is respectfully hushed and lifts its eyes expectantly to the royal box. As the nobles are seated, one dashing young lord glances down at the mezzanine. Their eyes meet; she is no one, but lovely, and her eyes are kind and somehow wounded. He is captivated immediately. He motions to the equerry as the house lights go down.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

In Which I Am Completely Insulted, As We All Should Be

Oh, hey. Why not just read Monday's Lamentation because he is wearing the very same "ensemble" tonight. I feel like January cannot, possibly ever, be over soon enough. What an affront to Fashion, Nightly Viewers, Camerapersons, Menswear Designers, oh for heaven's sakes--PEOPLE WHO WEAR CLOTHING everywhere.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I Am Receiving No Compensation For This Report, But Any Of Them Can Toss Cash At Me

You've got to hand it to BriWi. Not everyone will knot up a tie with bright red and deep red and white stripes when it's not Christmas and do so with the unabashed aplomb (or unblinking cluelessness) of this Nightly denizen. As the viewer struggles to get past the initial Candy Cane Association, his or her mind immediately connects to other familiar images: the theater popcorn box, the Cat in the Hat's chapeau, the Target logo. Are any of these suitable conveyances for America's Most Trusted Voice In (Real) News? Something to think about.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

2011--The Year Of The Snark

I am thisclose to relegating tonight's cravat to the Axis Of Evil. I mean it. Remember not so very long ago when I used to wax tres romantique about its jet navy background and its slim stripes of shy, blushing pink? I found it tres Francais, and I used to smile at its appearance above The Nightly desk. In the intervening days, weeks, and now months it has become so ubiquitous, so omnipresent, so Everestlike in its very there-ness that a mere glimpse of it makes me epically snarky.

Monday, January 17, 2011

In A Battle Such As This, We All Lose

Here at The Report, we can think of no reason for Brian Williams to have chosen This Particular Ensemble this evening--or ever, for that matter. The cravat, long an object of dismay and horror, battled unceasingly for Fashion Legitimacy with its accompanying black pinstriped jacket. Alas! Nothing could save it. Nothing! When one is a lurid orchid striped with leering ultramarine blue, it is very nearly a Lost Cause. And when one is additionally burdened with the mysterious proclivity of fuzzing and blurring like an old mimeographed worksheet, it is time to Give Up. Would that BriWi would do the same and add this tiresome tie to the Donate Pile.

Monday, January 3, 2011

I've Got Brian's Resolutions Right Here

Really, Brian Williams? Is this what the New Year will bring? I'm All For Orange, but I'm not On Board with Repeat Cycles and Callous Disregard and Cavalier Disinterest About Neckwear In General, which is what you seem to be expressing with your slapdash attitude in slinging on the smoked navy tie with the slim stripes of tangerine bordered in narrow cream pinstripes. You put this cravat into Heavy Use at the end of 2010, and here it is, heralding 2011. Nous ne sommes pas amus├ęs.