Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Report's Hiatus Continues

The Report finds itself not only sans cravate, but entirely sans Monsieur Williams aussi. As Le Star, Brian can take as much time as he wishes over The Holidays. Naturally, we hope not only for a speedy return to The Nightly, but that Santa--a frequent reader of The Report--had a few stylish surprises in his bag for Brian.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Brian Williams Makes A Tie Turnaround...And We Are Impressed

Recovering nicely, Mr. Williams dons a cravat of ebony with pale, creamy yellow stripes so narrow that they are almost like pinstriping. This tie is like a jeweler offering you a lovely array of fine, delicate gold chains spread upon a black velvet display platform. There is a quiet elegance, a sense of the exquisite without the ostentatious, and good taste without stuffiness.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

In Which I Must Query As To The Wisdom Of This Latest Selection

Brian stoops to his Lower Tier of Taste and selects the deep orchid cravat with slim white stripes for tonight's cravat. The question is "Why?" Why choose such an obviously Spring/Summer tie? Why opt for one that is reminiscent of those nightmarish ready-made vinyl Easter baskets that one can find at the drugstore containing hideous cello-wrapped "toys" made in far-off banana republics, and by children who are likely tethered to their dangerous and filthy work stations? (And, while I'm on a roll, so to speak, was that the same pale blue shirt and navy sportcoat you were wearing last night?)

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Remember June, July, And August? It Would Seem That Brian Does...

In a complete about-face, Brian pays a brief homage to Bygone Summer with tonight's cravat. Its Mediterranean blue background and staggered clusters of three narrow white stripes transport us to warmer months when we lugged our coolers full of icy drinks to the beach, along with our big sunbrellas and our beach totes, ready to catch some rays and bask in the relaxing, cocoa-butter scented ambience that is L'été.

'Tis The Season For This Merry Cravat

Tonight, Brian knots up the most Christmassy tie in his collection, the crimson cravat with ash-colored petite medallions scattered upon it. In the Spirit of the Season, it evokes the image of Santa, home from his Trip at last, his suit still sprinkled with the last few flecks of soot from the chimneys of the many Nice Girls and Boys on his List.

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Only Thing Necessary For The Triumph Of Evil Is For Good Men To...Be Apathetic Regarding Their Cravat Selection*

In spite of the season, Brian dons a member of The Axis Of Evil: The Gadgety Tie.






*title quote with apologies to Edmund Burke

Friday, December 12, 2008

The Purple Pair Provokes A Fit of Pique

If you felt yourself doing one of those Cartoon Eyeball Moments--you know, where you do an exaggerated double-take and your eyeballs remain fixed at the original spot while your head and neck are still whiplashing around--because you could have sworn that Brian just wore this tie day before yesterday, relax. This is the Fashion Twin I spoke of on 10 December and again on 20 October and 23 October when he wore these two cravats in rapid succession. But, whatever. This one, the deep purple with narrow black stripes bordered with pristine white is...oh, forget it. Click the links. Now I'm just irked.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Brian Williams' Not-Quite-Excellent Adventure

The tie selection tonight is the rather strange one of indigo patterned with a miniscule checkerboard or houndstooth of grey that is so subtle that it is almost indistinct. Yet, one can tell that it is there, for it gives this cravat a disappointing trompe l'oeil effect, giving the viewer at first the sinking feeling that Brian, on a sort of Nostalgia Trip, has knotted up one of those horrid knit ties from the Eighties. Dude, that is so bogus.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Report Waxes Philosophical Regarding Purple And Stripes And Variations On A Theme

A field of dusky plum is crossed by wide black stripes edged in white for tonight's cravat. This is one of Brian's many, many striped and purple ties; indeed, it has a Fashion Twin in deeper violet. Here at The Report, we don't let that stop us from enjoying each offering as a Separate Entity. This one, for example, has a lovely colouration, but its fabric seems stiff and somewhat cheap, causing it to lie oddly. The knot, however--une autre triomphe!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

A Warm, Convivial Sort Of Cravat

Debut Tie. A beautiful offering tonight as Brian Williams knots up a deeply saturated silk of rich burgundy with slim burnished gold stripes, widely spaced. The knot is tight and there is no dimple tonight, just a pinch-pleat. Imagine looking down into a gold chalice brimming with mulled wine, the aroma of warm cinnamon, star anise, and nutmeg enveloping you as the rim glints, beckoning you to drink and be merry.

Monday, December 8, 2008

It's Really Two Ties In One--Does Ronco Have A Cravat Line?

Tonight, Brian knots up his Dress It Up/Dress It Down Pseudo-Formal Cravat. The stripes are generous, but not too wide, of deepest navy and pale gold, and it is knotted expertly with a small, centered dimple. This tie is the black skirt in a woman's wardrobe--wear it with a silk shirt, toss on a pair of Italian shoes and some jewelry, and you've got an evening outfit. Put on a sweater and a pair of comfy slip-ons, and you're ready for the office or a conference with Biffy's teacher. It's all about the look.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Jeeves, Get Me My Slippers

Mr. Williams wears a favourite of The Report, the garnet cravat of intarsia silk dotted with widely staggered, petite medallions of ashen ivory rimmed in black. This fabric evokes warmth and relaxation. It is a smoking jacket and a fine cigar in front of a flickering fire, brandy on the table next to the chair, and faithful setter on the rug nearby. Good boy.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

A Frosty Cool Cravat

Tonight's cravat is a lovely matte silk from the Purple Collection. But what a Purple! This tie is a frosty scoop of boysenberry sorbet, rich but not overpowering, cool but not pastel. It's a Tie For All Seasons. (And I would be remiss were I not to mention its perfectly sized and centred dimple! Très merveilleux!)

Monday, December 1, 2008

Yes, Brian, There Is Such A Thing As A "Winter Tie"

With the donning of a simple cravat, Brian Williams denies the very existence of December, Winter, and Seasonal Fashion all in one fell swoop. This tie of Microsoft blue with its staggered trios of narrow white stripes is, after all, a Spring/Summer Tie. It looks breezy enough to be the fabric of patio settee throw pillows, or the unisex ascots of cruise ship staff who wander huge blue and white ships while dressed in crisp, snappy-looking white shirts with lots of buttons and tabs and faux epaulets everywhere. This blue and white tie is nautical, brisk, and practically lifted the corner of my afghan as it blew breezily into my home. It's time to put this one--like cork-soled espadrilles and linen pants--away until at least late April.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Another New Tie, And This One Makes The Report Watch Its Waistline

Debut Tie. C'est une autre nouvelle cravate! Brian Williams must have gotten some early Christmas presents. This tie is a deep chestnut brown with thin bands of claret bordered by white spaced broadly upon its dark field. (Its color would have been nigh unto impossible to determine had it not been for the obliging closeups of The Nightly's cameraperson tonight.) This cravat reminds me of those lovely dark chocolate cakes you see in bakeries--dusted with cocoa or with chocolate shavings pressed into their sides and, on top, poufs of white whipped cream crowned with maraschino cherries. I would rather have the cake than the tie in this case, but hey! A new brown tie is something.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Brian Debuts His Second Green Tie And The Report Is Suitably Thankful--And A Little Pushy

Debut Tie. Oh! my dear Brian Williams. You have given me much for which to be thankful on tomorrow's Thanksgiving Day! That lush, deep verdant cravat--with its tasteful trios of narrow pearlescent stripes widely spaced upon its grassy field--helps to close that Fashion Gap in your Tie Wardrobe. Can...paisley be next?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Book 'Em, Bri-O

* I do like this particular cravat, in spite of its puzzling nature. Its color is a rich, deep cranberry, overlaid with that subtle, whisperpink mesh covered in bright sky blue polkadots at each nexus.... It's almost as if Fashion City is overrun by Crimes Of Style at every corner of every avenue, and Brian's tie is the map.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Brian's Tie Provokes a "Project Runway" Reference. No, Really, I Make It Work.

This is the twin of the 19 November tie, except it is scarlet with black stripes bordered by narrow bands of white. It's very snappy and very arresting. This cravat is what a contestant would do on Project Runway if the challenge were to take inspiration from a street sign and make a tie, and the contestant got a stop sign. Tim Gunn would stop by the designer's table, frown and say, "I'm not sure about all that black." The designer would say, "I was, like, thinking of a vintage stop sign on a wrought iron post..., like, you know...." and Tim would say, "Well, just sell it on the runway!" (I'd buy it, and Brian already did.)

Friday, November 21, 2008

Brian Williams Placates Me With His Friday Tie Selection, I'm Sure

I feel like Brian Williams tosses this one on just when I am getting to the End Of My Fashion Rope with him because he knows I will always give this navy blue with jazzy red stripes the Tie Report Nod Of Approval. It is as if this is his Tie Of Atonement--a sort of Yom Kippur Cravat, if you will. "Oh, I've tortured her long enough," he says, sheepishly grinning into his dressing room mirror at The Nightly whilst his makeup person gels his hair at the temples. "Bring me the navy with red stripes, but make sure to lay out another purply thingy for tomorrow."

Thursday, November 20, 2008

For Some Things There Just Is No Excuse, And This Tie Is One Of Them

Brian stoops to select from The Lower Tier of Taste for tonight's tie, a nightmarish offering of ultramarine blue with narrow stripes of pale lilac. It's hard to imagine under what circumstances this cravat came into BW's collection: the first tie he ever bought with his own money? a gift from Sister Mary Michael's class at Her Lady of Perpetual Sorrow? a long-running contest/dare/joke between him and a college buddy? Whatever the reason for this tie's existence, it's simply not good enough.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

A Jewel Of A Tie

If we must have stripes and we must have purple, then this is the way in which to have them. Tonight's cravat is a manly, deep true purple with commanding stripes of black, widely staggered and bordered with a narrow band of white. The effect is almost like a gentleman's enamelled jewellery valet inlaid with onyx and pearl. Once opened, one can almost imagine its contents: cufflinks, a silver pocket watch and chain, carved carnelian tie bar, and a small signet ring with the letter W.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Perhaps For Commercial Upholstery, But Not For A Cravat

I'm baffled by this odd cravat. The field color is a deep magenta, but the pattern is a terribly tacky and incoherent array of checkerboarded blue-silver blobby marshmallowy things that seem to morph and blur into red-rimmed something-or-others when Brian angles himself left or right. This fabric is better suited to airport furniture or settees in nail salons and "aesthetician" waiting rooms where its palette is less...er...jarring.

Monday, November 17, 2008

At Last! A Pretty Purple Tie

It's almost a whispery confection of a cravat that Brian dons this evening, a tie which looks like sugared violets adorning the tops of fancy cupcakes served to Ladies Who Lunch or the tiered cake of a Southern bride whose wedding breakfast is held at a gracious hotel.

Friday, November 14, 2008

A Comforting Cravat

Back to the Mr. Rogers Collection it is for Mr. Williams. There is much to recommend this staid, sensible tie of navy with silver stripes banded by an arresting orange-red. It's certainly pleasant to look at without being too flashy or edgy, and it's not so formal as to be off-putting. It is the cardigan sweater of ties, the Grandpa of Fashion, the warm mug of cocoa in a world of fancy schmancy soya lattes with no foam. And in these uncertain economic times, we need a Rock of Gibralter-esque Cravat.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Report Slumps And Goes Vintage

The Report, in a moment of Nostalgia, hearkens back to 11 February 2008, for this Tie Review for two reasons:

1. We are fatigued and suffering from Intense Malaise
2. We long for the Days When We Liked Brian's Tie Choices And Were Not Generally Irked By Them.

In that spirit, therefore, we offer this Vintage Report.

Looking regally dapper, BW knots up one of his standby stripes. This tie immediately evokes the famous mask of Tutankhamen with its generous bands of pale gold and deep blue. A tight four-in-hand with subtle dimple keeps this cravat from being ostentatious. Instead, it has a lofty presence about it, a true royal dignity.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Wherein The Report Listens In On The Williamses At Home, Thus Explaining The Recent Spate Of Odd And Ugly Ties

The Report imagines the following dialogue at Le Maison Williams:

Mrs. W.: (from depth of closet) Brian! Honestly, have you any idea exactly how many ties you have in here? There's hardly any room for half my shoes.
B.W.: (from behind newspaper): Okay.
Mrs. W: (stepping into room with fistful of silk, mostly striped and purple) What? What does that mean, "Okay"? That's not even an answer. Are you listening to me?
B.W. (peering around paper) Oh. I meant to say, I guess I forgot about some of them.
Mrs. W. : Well, either start wearing them or I'm throwing them out. And I mean it.

And so Brian Williams knots up the odd, dated looking cravat of burnished gold with incredibly widely staggered onyx stripes bordered by skinny stripes of pearl for the next broadcast of The Nightly.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Get Me My Smelling Salts

Debut Tie. The Report begs your forgiveness and forbearance, but after last night's tie and now tonight's Catastrophe de Cravate, we are dizzy with Dramamine and seeking the comfort of our fainting couch. We felt as if we were back in Summer 2007 during Brian's Mango Madness Episode. This...tie...! That obscenely bright yellow fenced in with...was that...orange?...mesh pattern. Once I stopped thinking about hookers in fishnets, I had the odd sense of the familiar. Yes! The grocery store! And all I could think of was this. How appropriate my tears were then.

Monday, November 10, 2008

A Dali-esque Debut

Debut Tie. The Report is reeling from the Fashion Fiasco that is tonight's tie. Nothing--absolutely nothing--could have prepared The Nightly's viewers for the almost phosphorescent glow of garish orchid. And worse! Those Crayola blue stripes that seemed to run and blur at the right edge of this unholy cravat gave the whole broadcast a weird, Dali-esque vibe, and I kept watching and waiting for the rest of his tie to start melting and running off his shirt and onto the news desk into a puddle of purple and blue.

Friday, November 7, 2008

The First November Appearance Of The Axis Of Evil

Sigh, oh sigh, it's The Gadgety Tie.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Royal Solid Tie

Tonight, Mr. Williams retires to the safe haven of a purple solid with the deep plum matte silk tie. This cravat is reminiscent of rich, plush velvet such as one would see lining the jewel casks of royalty, each soft fold cosseting a precious ruby or emerald in the depths of its embrace.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Another One From The Neighborhood

*Brian knots up a tie from the Mr. Rogers Collection. This one is deep matte navy crossed with widely staggered stripes of rich ruby that are narrowly bordered with striking white. How patriotic! It sounds far more stylish than it looks. This tie is so 1950s that it probably was modelled after something Harriet Nelson bought for Ricky to give to Ozzie on Father's Day. I think my Grandpa had one exactly like it, as a matter of fact. Golly gee.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Election Night Nightmare

TWSNLBRAINDTM. For all eleventy billion hours of election coverage. Oh, Brian, how could you?

Monday, November 3, 2008

Old New York Cravat

I am always appreciative of this striped cravat, for it is courtly and tasteful in a very semi-formal way. Its generous cut and subdued palette of dove grey and classic navy make it look almost like a period accessory. One can almost picture Brian Williams, Esq. alighting from a brougham, grasping the handle of his walking stick, and snapping the brim of his hat as he walks briskly up the steps to his offices in Old New York.

Friday, October 31, 2008

(Not-So) Happy Halloween

Brian decided to dress up for this Halloween. He came as Someone Who Does Not Care About Fashion and wore not only a hideous striped shirt, but the same solid purple tie he wore on Monday, October 27th. Well, the trick is on you, Brian Williams. My porch light is turned off, so NO TREATS!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I Question The Statement Tie

Ostentatiously wide stripes of navy and butter yellow make this a statement tie. Yet, what is that statement? Is it I'm an unabashed admirer of stripes, so deal with it ? Is it When it comes to fashion, I'm not afraid to get in your face ? Or is it merely Here is another one of my striped ties in the familiar blue-and-gold palette because I'm just not that adventurous when it comes to pattern and color ? Sadly, I think it is the latter. (And don't think that the odd, boxy knot with the strange creasing has ceased to distress me, Brian Williams, because it hasn't. That thing looks more and more to me like a clip-on tie each time you wear it!)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Mr. Williams Revisits The Neighborhood

Mr. Williams knots one up from the Mr. Rogers Collection, this one the staid stripe of navy blue with diagonals of silver bordered by a barely noticeable but dashing racer red. It's so terribly conservative and yawn-inspiring that I was honestly surprised to see it coupled with a suitcoat and not a cardigan sweater.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Autumnal Cravat Finds Favor

The Report won't find fault with this cravat. Its warm, cinnamon-spiked wine background has a light, rich sheen to it, and its porcelain white pinstriping looks almost structural. There is a real voluptuousness to this tie that reminds me of heady spice aromas like clove and mace; it makes me think of drinking mulled cider and cracking walnuts, and eating poached pears with honey after a meal of roasted meats and sweet potatoes. What an autumnal cravat!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Again With The Purple

If it's not striped, it's purple, and this one was the saturated raw silk solid red-violet one from Brian's Panoply O' Purples. It's very textured and deeply colored, so I can't get too annoyed with it. When I see it, I start thinking of melty grape popsicles that are just ready to fall off the stick and onto the hot sidewalk below, only because you've been wise enough to eat those last few bites bent waaay over, knowing that you're in a race against The Laws Of Physics themselves.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Algebraic Analogy Tie

Yawn. Brian continues to bore us all with his ties this month. Not only has October lacked variety, it has lacked panache et joie de vivre. This tie, the royal blue overlaid with miniscule grey houndstooth...er...something is about as boring as sitting in my tenth grade Algebra II class listening to Mr. Adelsperger drone on and on about prime polynomials. I knew he was there and that he was talking, but for the life of me, I just couldn't work up the interest to care much about either of those facts, let alone about what he was carrying on about.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Report Is Moved To A Litany Of Sarcastic Queries

Really, Brian? Did you not just wear the companion tie to this one on Monday? Did someone send you an email asking if perhaps the color on their television sets was slightly off because it looked a little washed-out, and you wanted to assure them that, no, you had two ties which had purply backgrounds and black stripes outlined in white? That one of them—this one—was deep, royal purple, and the other one—20 October’s—has a lighter purple background? And that one of them—this one—has narrower stripes, and that the other one—20 October’s—has wider stripes? Or are you just that nonchalant about your tie selection?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Report Is Beginning To Get More Than A Little Cranky, And Is Ready To Bag October

Reporting live from Green, Ohio, did B.W. take the hint and wear a...green tie? No. Instead, the Sultan of Stripes donned yet another of his endless brigade of banded cravats, this one the black and blue number that I used to like but now cringe at because (A) I'm sick of it; (B) the fabric looks sort of shiny and chintzy and cheap; (C) it usually dimples and knots a little oddly; and, (D) he invariably wears it with a not-so-companionable color palette. If Bri doesn't pull a major Coup de Cravate soon, I'm totally writing off October.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

A Brief Yet Courtly Interlude Inspired By Tonight's Cravat

Even though it is striped, I still approve of this tie. It has the generous cut of the Vintage Series and the color combination of midnight blue and kid glove grey is rather formal and sophisticated. There was a perfectly sized four-in-hand (so signature Brian!), and the fabric below the knot seemed to almost flow from it. The cravat has the feel of a formal wedding, and I could almost picture Brian bow slightly before me, offer me the crook of his arm, and smilingly ask, "Friend of the bride or friend of the groom?" as he got ready to escort me down the center aisle of the Cathedral.

Monday, October 20, 2008

This Tie Encapsulates Brian Williams' Entire Cravat Theme

Brian dons the companion tie of 8 October. This cravat is boysenberry crossed with widely staggered generous black stripes with slim white borders. The field color is quite lovely, but haven't we done the Purple & Stripes theme to death by now? I know I've had my fill when I'm starting to miss the corky brown, mysteriously vertically center-creased tie.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Oh, For The Love Of...@&*%$!!

TWSNLBRAINDTM. I know. Don't even say it.

*The Tie Report will be on hiatus for a few days while I am away on a jaunt. Reporting will recommence on Monday.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Favorite Tie Evokes A Cozy Evening

Long a favorite of Report Readers, this cranberry cravat sprinkled with ebony edged, ivory polka dots was a welcome respite from the dismal parade of terrible ties lately sported by Brian. After the endless dirge of blue, purple, and stripes, this was as warm and cheering as a drink of mulled wine while snuggled under a cuddly afghan, legs curled up on the couch, chunky volume in hand, everyone else gone for the evening...just you, that good book, a good drink...a good time.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Difficult Tie Puts The Report At A Disadvantage

Oh, this tie, Brian Williams. It’s such a...difficult tie. It’s royal blue, and it has a sort of teensy little checkery pattern laid over it that looks to be grey, but who can really tell? It’s so subtle and barely-there that it hardly warrants mentioning except that...well, it is there after all, and it’s not even attractive, nor does it look as if it’s actually woven into the fabric, more like it’s stamped on. What kind of a thing is this, Brian Williams? It’s kind of like when your weird Aunt Thelma brings an awful green Jell-O salad to the reunion, and it’s got all kinds of terrible things suspended inside it like small bits of celery and peaches and cheese cubes, but your mother has to put it out, or it would be rude.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Tricky Camouflage Cravat

* Reporting from the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, Brian must have taken his cue from his surroundings of grey plastic computer and monitor casings and constantly running blue display screens. It was almost a cravate de trompe l'oeil, for it had a grey satiny background with true blue narrow stripes, widely staggered. If one did not look closely, it merely blended in with his surroundings, the Nightly News graphics, and the endless, tiresome parade of striped ties that Brian has marched before us this month thus far.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Ambien Tie

Feh. I'm just not feeling this tie, Brian Williams. The color palette: seen it--deep navy and wan gold. The pattern: seen it, too--striped. The knot: yadda yadda--four-in-hand, a little small and tight for the width of this cravat. I suppose when the national news itself is so jarring and shocking, a bold and assertive tie might be too much, but this one was downright soporific.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Purple But Not Pedestrian

Brian’s penchant for purple is well known, and this cravat makes better use of it than most. Royal violet is crossed diagonally by narrow ebony stripes, each bordered by slim line of white. This tie is bold, yet not audacious; sophisticated, yet not particularly stylish; Main Street, yet not Peoria.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Monday, October 6, 2008

A Very Smart And Snazzy Tie

Brisk and snappy with an air of elitism, that's Brian's tie this evening. Its deep, dark navy silk was crossed with narrow ribbony stripes of pearly white and knotted firmly with a precise dimple. It is a cross between a crewcut military officer and a particularly crisp country club maitre d' who, being told that your party is now five instead of four, raises one eyebrow fleetingly, imperceptibly nods to someone, and in one motion takes up another menu, makes a notation in the book, leans in to speak to your waiter, and hands a long-stemmed red rose to your mother.

Friday, October 3, 2008

October Is Looking Pretty Dim As This Tacky And Cheap Tie Makes An Unfortunate Appearance

Looks like the Bailout has already hit someone's wallet--Brian's tie appears to be a Dollar Store find. Its garish orchid background and narrow white stripes just look plain cheap, no matter what the fabric might be. From my vantage point, it looked like a poly-rayon blend. This horrid cravat reminded me of tacky summer rompers that were labeled 2 for 1 Irr. at Woolworth's before it closed at our local mall. Those hideous things had puffy sleeves and were fine--if your baby was crooked, never moved, or had one limb significantly skinnier than the other. Yuck.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Politically Correct And...Yawn

Brian Williams wears une cravate politique ce soir. Its moderate stripes of republican red and Democrat blue herald the upcoming vice presidential debate as well as provide a much-needed respite from the recent spate of purple solid ties. It is, however, another selection from what I now like to call his Mr. Rogers Line. This one, of course, would be called something like "Bold and Daring." Yowza.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

And Then The World Blew Up

In a stunning and unprecedented Repeat Cycle of Cataclysmic Proportions, Brian Williams wears the violet solid tie. Which he just wore on 29 September. Two days ago! FOR THOSE OF YOU SCORING AT HOME! WHICH WOULD BE ME!!!

Ahem.

(And the dimple, again, was way too big and deep.)

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Brian Breaks Out The Mr. Rogers Of Ties

If Mr. Rogers had a line of ties, this would be his Flagship Cravat. A stunningly banal, unremarkably staid stone grey surmounted by widely-staggered narrow dark blue stripes: it doesn't get any more innocuous than this necktie. This tie goes to work at The Office, comes home to The Wife and 2.5 kids and has a Dinner of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans. Then it is neatly hung on a tie rack until perhaps Sunday, when it attends Bible Study or "Sunday School", then Church Services, at the end of which it shakes hands with the minister, and then goes home to have a Nap before Sunday Dinner. It's not a bad tie; it's just so...ordinary.

Monday, September 29, 2008

I Am Bored By Solid Purples

Sigh. Another run at the solid violet tie, eh, Brian? Not that I don’t appreciate the lovely jewel tone of this amethyst beauty and its deeply saturated color, but really...yawn.

Friday, September 26, 2008

A Veddy, Veddy Ornate Tie

* Brian's tie looks like a medal, all burnished metallic gold and deep, dark navy. Yes, it's another stripe, but with these luxe colors and the opulence of the fabric, it's forgivable. It's not hard to imagine, for instance, Sir Brian donning the ceremonials of The Order of the Garter and giving HRH a bit of the News whilst she has her tea.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Find A Sunny Spot--And Who Brought The Watermelon?

Axis of Evil: The Picnic Tie.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Sigh. Jeepers, Creepers, Where'd Bri Get Those Peepers?

This striped tie is one of my favorites, and tonight Brian mixes it up by pairing it with a pale blue shirt, which looked lovely with the cravat’s cream and Crayola blue diagonals. The entire outfit was a tribute to Brian’s own baby blues, which took on an almost alarming prominence, making me forget--just for a moment—that he is a Trusted Voice In News, not an objet de désir.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Tater Sack Tie

Been a long time since we've seen this particular tie. It looks incredibly like indigo burlap, but it's really got an overlay of tiny grey crosshatching that lends it that texture. Would have been appropriate had it been made of that tater-sack fabric, though, considering what we'll all have left once Bush, Bernanke, and Paulson get done picking our pockets.

Monday, September 22, 2008

A Metaphorical Cravat

Brian, always one for the metaphor, knots up the striped cravat of black and blue tonight as he reports on the bruised and battered American economy. Wall Street is in chaos, and King Henry plans a $700 billion dollar bailout. The Fed's printing presses are putting in a lot of overtime, and if your 401K is looking a little like Rocky in the last round, well, tough. Tie a knot and hang...on.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Brian Leans On A Repeat Cycle

*Really, Brian? I know things have been more than a little...unsettling this week at The Nightly, and you've been wandering from your studio over to CNBC, but to repeat the perhaps-solid-plum tie already (circa Sept. 5) is really treading on the goodwill of The Report. Oh, you may argue that viewers look to you as a Sign Of Stability during These Troubling Times and all that, but honestly.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

I Give Brian The Benefit Of The Doubt On This One

Brian is really mixing things up this week, today adding the chambray blue cravat with dark denim polka dots. Perhaps this chaotic and eclectic panoply of neckwear is his way of reflecting the news on Wall Street: no one knows what the hell is going on and the constant flow of information is by turns alarming and assuaging. We can only hang on for the ride.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Ooh La La Lavender

It's a very dishy tie that Brian has served up this evening. Thanks to an indulgent close-up from The Nightly's cameraperson, the whispery lavender silk reveals some oh-so-subtle crosshatching under that sheen. So sexy.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

It Makes For An Easy Report, But Not-So-Easy Viewing


The second member of the Terrible Triumvirate known as the Axis of Evil makes an appearance--The Gadgety Tie.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Back To The Busy Division, And My Grandma Makes A Surprise Appearance

Overdue as we were for an appearance by this rather hyperactively patterned cravat, it brings me no joy to see it again. Is it a gift from a chemistry teacher who is trying to remind Brian of his water molecule model? Is it Brian's homage to a favorite childhood toy? No matter; this fractal-inspired magenta and blue assault is the kind of print that my grandmother, Ethel Marie, would make a dress out of and then decide was "too busy and too red for church" and relegate to the ranks of frocks worn only to potlucks, "get-togethers", and dinners out.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Brisk, Efficient-Looking Tie

It's a rather sedate and crisp look for Mr. Williams tonight as he knots up a shiny deep blue cravat with narrow white diagonal pinstriping. The fabric has such an obvious sheen that it looks like chintz, and the stripes look as three-dimensional as waxed dental floss. It has the brisk and efficient look of a male secretary who, as he runs down your appointments of the day to you, is simultaneously watering your plant, plopping sugar cubes into your coffee, and nudging your rolly chair out from under your desk with his foot.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

A Satisfying Retreat To The Mountains

Deep garnet with a jacquard weave is surmounted by widely-scattered ivory dots barely outlined in black. This cravat is a favorite of The Report, and its pattern and fabric have evoked the images of everything from Christmas socks to luggage. I worry that I may run out of Things It Makes Me Think Of. Today, it is reminding me of a cozy couch in a mountainy, foresty getaway lodge full of knotty pine paneling and a rocky fireplace full of popping logs. Sigh.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Tie Report: Taste's Final Frontier

In a sort of pseudo-homage to Star Trek fans everywhere, Brian debuts a tie that looks as if it belongs on the holodeck. The background of this cravat is a lovely red-violet, but the pattern is a shifting iridescent checkerboard of petite, silvery cubes with slightly rounded edges--much like cosmic mini-marshmallows in martial array. Well, beam me up, Scotty, because this tie is a bit busy for this earthling.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Homespun Necktie Inspires Amish Tableau

Brother Brian, stuck for a necktie for his go-to-meetin' suit, turns to his ever-resourceful Amish matriarch, Sister Eliza, who reaches into her sack of quilting scraps and pulls out a hank of deep turquoise calico sprigged with ivory buds. "Here thou art, " she says smilingly, as she fashions it around his neck. "Now be off with ye." And Brother Brian, sneaking a lick of elderberry and rhubarb preserves from the jars cooling on the sideboard, scoots out and onto the set of The Nightly.

Friday, September 5, 2008

It's A Case For The Umpires Tonight

It's a sort of Run On Solids at The Nightly lately as Brian knots up a cravat as deeply plummy as a British parliamentarian's accent. This tie looks as if it might be The Cleveland Tie, which is actually the jacquard woven crimson and blue, but with the lighting being such a variable, who knows? I must call them as I see them, and this one was a gorgeous deep purple tonight.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Subliminal Commentary Cravat

Brian pokes a little fun at the republicans from his perch atop the convention hall by wearing his narrowly striped black and white tie. "Remember when you all used to think in terms of moral and immoral, right and wrong, yes and no?" this cravat seems to say. "Now, suddenly premarital sex is a Family Value and the man you once couldn't wait to embrace and trumpet voting with 90% of the time gets relegated to speaking via video a half-hour before network television coverage. Funny how things get skewed, isn't it?"

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Network Of Change Tie

*Oh, Brian. We have been overdue for this tie of indistinct and indescribable pattern. But I know what you're getting at. Its field color of mulberry--that bluish-red--surmounted by blue circles interconnected with lines...I understand. Seated in your aerie at That Convention, you're telling us that there's an undercurrent of change, even There. You can feel it. They know it. We're coming. We're forming a network of like-minded people all across this Great Nation. We're going to change America by joining together, one by one, and voting blue.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Brian Continues To Send Me Secret Political Messages Via His Cravats

Live from the somewhat-truncated Other Convention, Brian has resurrected the hyacinth blue solid matte silk cravat. It looks decidedly adventurous and fashion-forward in the midst of the staid and starchy atmosphere of conservativism below the NBC loft. Perhaps this is Bri's continued signal to me that he is Coming Around, that he is No Longer One Of Them. I allow myself a small, smug smirk. My heart leaps anew as David Gregory's blue tie appears. Yes!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Economic Prognosticator Cravat

Brian Williams has finally worn this tie enough to make me stop hating it. I have come to begrudgingly appreciate these wide stripes of sweet corn yellow and suitcoat navy as a smart and snappy salute to America's diverse agricultural as well as Wall Street economy. Again, BW is wearing a Message Tie: he is telling us that with Barack Obama as Our President our nation can again fulfill its promise as an economic powerhouse and become a self-sustaining, burgeoning force in the global marketplace!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Symbolic Democratic Cravat

In harmony with the Democratic National Convention, Brian dons a blue-themed tie, this one a soft silvery chambray field with inky polka-dots. Is this Bri's way of subtly contradicting the republicans' message that the Dems are "elitist" and "stuffy" by wearing a cravat from his Casual Collection? I'd like to think so. Welcome to The Fold, Brian Williams. It's about time.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Shadow Club Tie

Smoked indigo stripes alternate with ebony in this familiar cravat. It's a little dark and shadowy, like a corner table at a martini bar, where navy serge double-breasted suits lean in to listen to softly purring little black dresses while the soft sounds of forties swing music carouse in the background. Cigarette smoke drifts in hazy plumes, and ice cubes clink rhythmically, punctuating the occasional laugh.

Monday, August 25, 2008

It's/I'm Back


The Report is back, and so, apparently, is Brian Williams' old standby. TWSNLBRAINDTM makes its appearance in the NBC loft at the Democratic National Convention.

Monday, August 11, 2008

When Is A Report Not A Report?

While Brian is sans cravate, the Report will not...er...report. Additionally, there may be a necessary hiatus while I recover from rotator cuff surgery. If you would like to Guest Report, please email me by clicking the link provided in my "About Me" bio blurb at The Dept. of Nance.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Has Brian Williams Just Plain Given Up?

Où est votre cravate? Et encore vous have on le même chemise et sportcoat. Come on, Brian Williams! Even my kids can manage to pack a different outfit for each day. Sheesh!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Breathe

Allowing us all a brief respite, a cleansing breath, or a Sigh of Sartorial Relief, Brian is sans cravate ce soir. I, for one, am grateful for this time to reclaim my sanity.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

How Soon The Axis Of Evil Threatens!


July 24, August 1, and now August 5. One of us has clearly Lost It. Unless I am in need of not just rotator cuff surgery, but also Lasik or Eyeball Replacement, Brian Williams has completely gone Around The Bend and Thrown Fashion Caution To The Winds with yet another wearing of this, The Gadgety Tie, member of the cravat Axis of Evil. Am I seeing things, or did he indeed knot up the cheery Mediterranean blue with...oh, never mind! You know this tie; he wears it all the time! I cannot describe it again! Grrrrrrrrrr.

Monday, August 4, 2008

A Welcome Respite From Ugly, Repetitive Ties

What's not to love about a tie in stripes of sandalwood and peacock blue? By itself, the blue would look a bit cheap and trashy, like those plastic eggs you get at Easter time to fill with jelly beans. But balanced by the lovely hue of sandalwood, that vaguely dawning-pink beige, it mellows and becomes less bourgeois. This tie is just downright pretty. And after what we've been subjected to lately, it's more than welcome, like a patch of sun after a cloudy morning.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Except It's NOT OVER...August Begins With A Sense Of Foreboding, A Designation, And A Declaration

Was there, perhaps, a fire at Chez Williams? Did the family pooch accidentally get locked in Brian's closet and, in its claustrophobic frenzy, rip apart all but a few of Bri's ties? Did The Nightly do a story on a charity that takes donations of business attire for men who are re-entering the world of work after years of homelessness or rehab and B.W. was moved to clear out his cravate armoire? Certainly one of these things had to have happened to cause Brian Williams to wear the Gadgety Tie yet again. We cannot seem to get away from this tie. He cannot stop wearing it and assaulting our vision with it, like a Sartorial Karate Chop.

Therefore, I am declaring this tie one part of the Axis of Evil, along with The Picnic Tie and of course, TWSNLBRAINDTM. These ties pose a grave and growing danger to the world at large by threatening the peaceful existence of fashionable good taste. I will continue to bash away at these ties and identify them as the threats they are. As someone once said, "The price of indifference would be catastrophic."

Thursday, July 31, 2008

It's Over...It's Finally Over

What a fitting end to this horrific month. TWSNLBRAINDTM.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Nostalgia Has Its Price

Perhaps Brian was browsing Ebay and came upon a collection of Hee Haw memorabilia and, having fond memories of watching this show at Grandma and Grandpa Williams’ house when spending the night (can’t you just picture him, sitting on the couch in his footie jammies, wet hair slicked back after his tubby, having a snack like Cheez Doodles and root beer?), was overcome with nostalgia. He snagged the red and white faux gingham tie for only a dollar! Sure, the shipping was nine bucks, but it was worth it to be able to wear those memories! Maybe to you, Brian, but not to us.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

My Blue Heaven--With Stripes

We are treated to a symphony of slate blue and creamy ivory stripes tonight as Brian Williams returns to sartorial sanity. And, what’s this? He even wears a pale blue shirt? I am in heaven!

Monday, July 28, 2008

In An Apoplectic, Incredulous Rage, A New Designation Is Born

. ?!&%#*&*_ ??!?!??! Was this or was this not the polka dot tie that he JUST WORE ON JULY 23? I am a firm believer in Packing Light, but how much weight/room does a TIE take? Unless someone tells me that it was not, in fact, the selfsame Polka-dotted tie, I am now declaring this tie part of The Axis Of Evil, and will never, EVER review it again.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Wheels Are Off This Wreck, And July Is Careening Downhill--Is That Even Possible?

July is essentially a Fashion Trainwreck as far as The Report is concerned, for Brian is simply recycling the same tragic handful of ties with no concern whatsoever for my feelings nor those of the Fashion Community At Large. This time, he flings on the Dreaded Gadgety Tie, that odd little cornflower blue number scattered with skewed squares of white, each centered with teensy pinholes. Have we seen this countless times before? Have we pretty much OD'ed on this cravat? Yes and Yes. Does Himself seem to care? Sadly, No.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Live From Berlin, Where, Apparently, There Are No Men's Wearhouses

Brian is reporting live from Berlin, where he is not only tagging along after Pres-Elect Barack, but he is also wearing THE SAME POLKA-DOT TIE THAT HE WORE THE DAY HE LEFT. I could have simply left this report up, word for word, and changed the date. Heavy sigh. It is tres romantique to think that he, in his zeal as a journaliste extraordinaire, did not even change his clothes but merely hopped on an airplane, surrounded by staff and papers and, with laptop chronically open (but not to The Tie Report, obv.), flew to Germany, prepping for the newscast, Tim Russert-style, with nary a thought to his personal toilette. Well, Brian, even if that were the case, all I can say is "grande erreur!" One should never compromise one's personal grooming or style, not even for The Story.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

In Which I Spiral Downwards To A Bitter End, Driven By Yet Another Unnecessary Repeat Cycle

Oh, Brian, Brian, Brian. Is July "Le Mois de Beaucoup Répète ?" I have already resigned myself to the fact that it is "Le Mois de N'importe Quoi Va", and to the fact that no one (including you) is minding the Tie Fashion Store around The Nightly, but...! Soon, I shall begin to hate all your ties. When this tie, the watercolour Prussian blue with inky blue polka dots, first appeared, I was enthusiastic. I hailed it as a fashion risk worth taking. Now, beleaguered by your callous disregard for the most basic norm of style, I want to rip it off your lovely and fitly tanned neck and fling it into traffic, watching it become sullied by a lurching meat delivery truck or a beer van careening around a corner.

Monday, July 14, 2008

I'm Not Flip-Flopping, I'm Nuancing My Position

I'm not as averse to this tie as I once was. Its generously wide stripes of navy and pale yellow still are a bit arresting at first, but now that I've viewed it so many times, I'm used to it and can appreciate it as a bit fashion-forward and voluptuous. Still, it is in The Safe Palette, and is Tedious. But it's Different, and since July is pretty much a Crapshoot now, I'm feeling a sense of Nihilistic Defeatism. (With, obviously, a side of Emily Dickinsonian Capitalizationism.)

Friday, July 11, 2008

Special Tie Report: Ortizzle Sits In For The Vacationing Nance

*****************SPECIAL FEATURE TO THE REPORT******************
The Tie Report, being Away On Vacation, is pleased to have a Guest Reporter. This Report is provided by Ortizzle, who even got all techy on us and is providing us with a picture!

ORTIZZLE: Uh, Bri... you're having another case of dysfunctional stripes.

B.W.: Again? I thought you liked purple.

ORTIZZLE: Well, clearly you do. And it's musty lavender, not purple. But that's not the problem. The problem is the fireflies that are crash-landing in the lilacs.

B.W.: Oh. You mean those nice peaches-n-cream stripes, edged in the finest lines of crimson?

ORTIZZLE: Those are the very ones.

B.W.: I thought the overall effect was exquisite, rather like a rare species of butterfly.

ORTIZZLE: Better let this one flutter by. It will never get you invited to tea at the Lepidoptera's.
B.W.: So I don't get an "A" for this cravat?

ORTIZZLE: Actually, you do get an "A," but in my rating chart, that's for "awful."

B.W.: Nance will be so disappointed.

ORTIZZLE: She's used to it. She loves you anyway, even if you do cause her to gnash her teeth more than you should. In any case, she's on vacation and is not responsible for the opinions expressed by third parties.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

I Am Left Too Devastated For Even A Modicum Of Fashion Outrage. Alas!

* Obviously, July will not be much of an improvement over June, cravatically speaking. Brian, who broke not only the Simplest Rule of Fashion, but My Trust by repeating the Gadgety Tie of 25 June so quickly on 2 July has cavalierly and carelessly repeated it again tonight, 10 July, for those of you scoring at home. Had I enough energy left after sobbing and wailing and gnashing my teeth to summon any Fashion Outrage, I would vent it here. Alas! I have none. He has worn me out. No pun intended.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Urgent Plea To Brian: Just Stop Wearing It

Okay, so...thanks to an almost alarming closeup by The Nightly's cameraperson, I was able to see that The Picnic Tie is actually not gingham, but some odd kind of windowpane-esque print, but it is still a horrid, awful, tacky tie, not unlike the sportcoat of some guy named Mel with a greasy comb-over, who works at a small, suspect used car lot and encases himself in polyester and Sans-a-Belt and the requisite white loafers. It's just that terrible and Brian should just stop wearing it. Forever.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

It's A Reverse Tie, Not A VST, But Anything's Better Than A Reprise Of The Picnic Tie

This is the Reverse Tie of the 30 June tie. Rich, saturated purple is crossed with widely staggered gold stripes. Brian is still taunting us with these "Preview of the *VS" cravats, but at least they are palatable.

*Vintage Series

Monday, July 7, 2008

We Were Due

TWSNLBRAINDTM. Blargh.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

A Devastating Repeat Cycle Dashes My Hopes For July

From the sublime to the ridiculous....Brian Williams built up my hopes to a breathless pinnacle of expectation for July only to dash them upon the excruciating rocks of a repeat cycle the likes of which we have not seen since, well, forget about it. With complete and utter disregard for not just Le Report de Cravate, mais moi aussi, Mr. Williams slung on the selfsame tie he wore on 25 June. This passable albeit casual tie of MS Windows blue with oddly skewed white squares with pinholed centers as its pattern is perfectly fine if one is making perhaps a nice set of cushions for the sunroom, or if one is whipping up a prairie skirt for one's niece who is in the Summer Theater production of "Oklahoma!". But as the Wednesday neckwear of NBC's national news anchorman, I'm not feeling it. Especially not when it's repeated so shamelessly.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Brian Steps It Up For July And Gets Me More Than A Little...Heated

In a bit of a departure from Business As Usual at The Tie Report, I feel compelled to comment on Brian's entire ensemble tonight, for I find it sexy and alluring. Not only is he looking fit and tanned, but the crispness of the white shirt, sharp cut of his black suit, and the snazzy claret tie with ivory dots rimmed ever-so-discreetly in ebony all combine to give him that JFK air. Bri looks Ivy League without appearing effete, smooth without seeming elitist, well-groomed without looking persnickety. And all the while, there is a real undercurrent of...well, let's just say that I kept thinking of this.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Brian Makes The Effort And Closes Out June With Une Cravate De Distinction

It's a return to Fashion Sanity at The Nightly as Brian Williams bids June adieu avec une cravate de Reasonably Good Taste. How welcome was its bright gold field crossed by narrow royal purple stripes! How reassuring was its rich color saturation! This tie, the cousin of a VS* favourite, makes me remember what BW is capable of with a bit of effort.

*VS = Vintage Series

Friday, June 27, 2008

Brian/Picasso Embraces The Concept Of Casual Friday

Brian must be going through his own personal Blue Period as of late. We've been seeing quite a few blue/purplish ties on The Nightly. Tonight, he knotted up the dusky chambray blue with deep Prussian polka dots. Sort of a serio-comic, dress-casual tie for Friday. June ends on Monday, and it has proven to be a troublesome month, much like May, for cravats. I stand on the threshold of July with trepidation and a modicum of hope for better, more fashionable days ahead.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Major Faux Pas At The Nightly, Not That Anyone There Even Notices Or Cares

Hello? Is anyone there? Because I'm just wondering if anyone, anyone at all is paying attention over there at The Nightly when it comes to Brian's ties. Last night he wore cornflower blue with an overall pattern of white squares. And tonight? Tonight he wears orchid with an overall pattern of white squares. It was, fundamentally and design-wise, the same tie. Honestly, I got up from the couch over here at the Dept. and went right up to the television to be certain that it wasn't.

All of this is so wrong on so many levels.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Odd Gadgety-Looking Tie Is Casual And Befuddling

Choosing from the Casual Tie Collection, BW knots up his Gadget Cravat. From a distance, this tie looks innocuous enough, with its pleasant cornflower blue field and overall white pattern, but upon closer inspection...! The pattern resolves itself into small white squares, each with a pinhole center, randomly skewed every which way. It reminds me of a student I had one year who gave her 20th century poet speech and brought in an impossibly busy and detailed tri-fold project board as a visual aid. The problem was that she wanted to use the board itself for another speech in her Women's Studies class later in the week, so she anchored every single thing to the board with straight pins and it all kept swinging and rocking and made us all rather nauseated instead of enlightened about the work of William Carlos Williams.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Old West Caricature Tie

Gee whillikers, this tie is just goofy. There's just so dang much goin' on. You got yer lilac stripes with the violet skinny stripes in the middle of 'em, and those alternate with some downright loud magenta stripes. It looks like some kinda necktie a daffy old doc might wear in some Old West town who still uses one of those reflector thingies around his head and gives the kiddies horehound drops for a sore throat and uses a big ole pocket watch from his weskit to take Miss Emmie's pulse after one of her spells.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Tragi-Comic Tie

Pack up the vittles in a basket, Granny, and Pa, get the fishpoles ready, ‘cause we’re headed down to the lake for the day! Brian has slung on his red and white checkered tie evoking Elly May or even Daisy Mae—hell, take your pick from any rusticating character who might swing a wicker hamper full of something downhome and eat it outdoors on a gingham cloth while wearing gingham. Shoot, even Joe Btfsplk might pack up his troubles in a red and white check dishrag and tie it onto a tree limb and slouch on outta town. Something Brian might consider for this misbegotten cravat.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Tim Russert Memorial Service Tie

Brian Williams has eleventy billion black and white striped ties which all jockey for position in The Report. Tonight, one has managed a distinction, albeit a tragic one. This one of narrow alternating iron and porcelain will forever be known as the Tim Russert Memorial Service Tie. Brian wore it to give his final remarks at Mr. Russert's service and then delivered The Nightly from the same venue. Sigh. I'm still not over it

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Totally Over It Now, Brian

I feel like Brian is really leaning on this tie, the black and blue stripe. Whereas I once thought it edgy and fashion forward, mysterious and evocative of spellcaster's cloaks and nightscape photography, now I'm all kinda "oh--yawn--not that one again. Didn't we just see that?" In other words, over it.

Monday, June 16, 2008

The Gravitas Of A Tribute Tie

Wide navy and pearl grey stripes give this cravat the feel of a nineteenth-century ascot. There is just the hint of the sedate, the grave, the mourning coat in this tie, and that is only as it should be: tonight Brian Williams pays his own tribute to colleague and friend Tim Russert.

Friday, June 13, 2008

In Memoriam

The Tie Report pauses tonight to honor the passing of Tim Russert.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Yet Another Irritatingly Large Shirt On Location

*Brian Williams, sans cravate encore, dons another overly large shirt with inappropriate dark teeshirt underneath while on location in Afghanistan. While I have no bone to pick with the shirt's color (dun), and its style (longsleeved camp/safari), its size is still at issue. Viewing it is like walking with a sling-back strap that slips just a little: it is irksome to put up with, but there really isn't anything you can do about it but wish it would stop.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

No More Excuses For The Bigass Flappy Shirts

On the heels of an appearance by the always sartorially splendid Ms. Ann Curry, the disappointment of Brian Williams sporting yet anotre chemise bleu énorme avec le undershirt noir was deeply felt. Forgiving the wrinkles--because it appeared to be linen and, let's face it, linen is an absolute bitch--the fact remains that Brian wears his shirts at least two sizes too big and that is simply unforgivable. Period. He was striding the streets of Afghanistan with his shirt flapping about like an unstaked tent. No excuse. None. Get a shirt that fits, Brian. Just get it done.

Monday, June 9, 2008

My Failure Is Your Opportunity: Be A Guest Reporter

*I did not see Brian's tie "live", and when I viewed it on the webcast, I could not ascertain its subtleties, nor could I make the call as to whether or not it was a Debut Tie. All I can tell you is that I was absolutely wild about the gorgeous saturated color of it. What a beautiful deep orchid! It had a small, white pattern overall, but it was not the woven, stitchery check. I have no idea what it was; I am deeply and profoundly sorry to have failed in my mission. Please email me if you saw it and can provide a Report, which will run here in my stead.

Friday, June 6, 2008

In Which I Propose One Likely Scenario To Explain This Hideous Tie

I can only conceive of the most unlikely scenarios that result in Brian Williams choosing to wear this tie. For example:

NBC Studios dressing room area has been infested with ants. Exterminators arrived at 4 PM; set off several toxic bug bombs without prior notice. Brian Williams arrives sans cravate, fully expecting to wear the one already in his dressing room. A brand new intern from Pocatello, Idaho is dispatched to "go and find a tie, any tie, in five minutes!" The intern runs out onto the street where he finds a vendor hawking cheap ties; he buys a hideous electric blue one with narrow carnation pink stripes for only ten dollars. He zooms back into 30 Rock, where Brian has no choice but to expertly knot it up and take his place behind the news desk. The floor director signals, then counts him down, "...and in three, two, one!"

This has to be the reason.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Icky Tie Calls For A Tie Report Reprise

I borrow from a previous Tie Report to describe for you this much-reviled cravat: The color alone is fodder enough for...dissection. And what an apt word, for this cravat brings nothing more distinctly to mind than anatomical innards. All I can think of are the plastinated muscles and mucous membranes of various donors put on display in the fascinatingly morbid travelling shows like BodyWorlds, in which the skin is flayed and cadavers are posed as if playing soccer or running or, in one memorable tableau, riding a plastinated peeled horse. This tie looks like biceps, triceps, lips, and tongues. It is the same queasy color as lungs and tracheas and, heaven help us, uvulae. And, that deep, teardrop-shaped dimple? Well...I'll let all of you explore that possible analogy.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The Lamentation Turns Ugly: That's What A Lack Of Appreciation Will Do To You

Not only is this tie banal and pedestrian with its Noxzema jar blue background and goldenrod narrow stripes, but it is yet another blue and yellow striped tie being worn the day after yet another blue and yellow striped tie. I just find myself at a loss when faced with such...what? Fashion nonchalance? Style ignorance? Cravat cavalier-ness? Fan disregard? (And by that last one, I mean for the fans, not by the fans, obviously.) June is turning out to be a Tie Travesty.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

A Lamentation

...And just as quickly as our hopes were raised, they are dashed by the appearance of The Gaudy Wide-Striped Tie. This tie...why, Brian Williams, why? Why another yellow and blue striped tie? Why are the stripes wide enough to be seen, like The Great Wall of China, from space? Why does it remind me so eerily of those flags that hang from sailboats? Why does the knot of it look as if it is, in fact, a clip-on tie!? And why did you choose to wear it on a Most Important Night when you knew I would have to see it for hours and hours and hours as I waited, breathlessly tracking the final two Democratic National Primaries? Why do you punish me so, Brian Williams?

Monday, June 2, 2008

June Begins With A Hopeful Sign: A Tie Report Favorite

June begins with a hopeful sign: Brian dons a Tie Report favorite. This rich, claret tie with the narrowest of bright white stripes is festive to the point of being almost Christmassy. One thing more was noted tonight, thanks to a most intimate--nay, nearly intrusive closeup shot provided by the ever-obliging Nightly cameraperson, and that was the fabric. It is a shiny satin or even polished chintz. No matter. This tie is a winner.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Tablecloth Tie Brings A Horrific End To Terrifying Month

Perhaps, Brian, you should have worn this tie last weekend, the traditional kickoff of summer with its backyard barbecues and picnics. That is where this cravat would have been most appropriate, covering the wooden tables and grassy slopes of happy al fresco diners who munched on hamburgers, hotdogs, pasta salad, and baked beans. After all, where else would one expect to find red and white checks? May cannot end soon enough, Mr. Williams, for it has been a month of ties so casual, so informal, so...loose that it has bordered more than once on questionable taste. I can only look to June.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Tie Report Finds Itself Irked By This Disregard To Detail: Why Repeat Lavender So Closely, As Alert Viewer/Reader Shirley Has Pointed Out

So, my issue is not so much that this tie is (disputedly) effeminate. I happen to find its lavender hue and closely patterned mini-checks pleasant. My problem is that Brian wore it so close on the heels to the similarly-colored hyacinth solid just a couple of days ago. Isn't anyone but moi--and loyal reader Shirley--paying attention to his Cravat Wardrobe? Honestly. If I go back into The Archives (which I most certainly am NOT, by the way; I'm not getting paid for this gig, that's for sure), Monsieur Williams has at least sixty decent ties that he can rotate on an inoffensive basis. There's simply no reason for this sort of cavalier attitude towards his cravate du jour. It's just laziness, I think. Spring fever, maybe. Again, I reiterate my offer to be installed as Tie Wench for The NBC Nightly News. The need is apparent.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Brian's Homage To Tim Russert: His Green Tie Still Excites

This tie may well be Brian's Salute to Tim Russert, for I have seen that venerated newsman wear one exactly like it, though certainly not tied as neatly as Mr. Williams'. I still get excited when I see its moss and navy stripes; it was not so very long ago that I was lamenting bitterly the lack of greenery in the Brian Williams Tie Collection. Heaven help us all if he tosses a paisley into the mix--Rick will be scraping me up off the floor of the Dept.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Deeply Dimpled, But Allowed

After a brief hiatus, Brian dons a necktie of nubby raw silk this evening in a pleasant shade reminiscent of stately purple irises. This solid tie is a cross between lavender and periwinkle. Tonight, the dimple is almost alarmingly deep, but since it is small, it is allowable.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Brian Renders Me Sans Clue

Qu'est-ce que c'est? Brian est sans cravate ce soir! I must admit, I do not quite understand the fashion statement BW is making this evening. He is wearing a very formal looking white shirt, black suitcoat, but a clearly visible white teeshirt and no necktie while reporting live from the Indianapolis 5oo speedway. I'm afraid I'm going to need a little hint here. It's sort of like a sandwich of generic peanut butter a la croissant served on Limoges and a paper napkin.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The Report Critiques The Entire Ensemble, And Favorably

Allow me to depart from the traditional format of The Tie Report so that I may comment not only on Brian Williams’ cravat, but also on his entire ensemble this evening, which was, in a word, smart. It had the panache and polish of a real retro-forties look going for it. The tie was his carnelian red intarsia one with the ivory polka dots rimmed in black, and he wore it with a very crisp white shirt; the suit was a navy pinstripe. Very, very put-together, very stylized. I would not have been the least bit surprised if, under the news desk, he was sporting these.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Tie Leaves Me Bereft And Bored

Brian Williams tosses on his black and blue striped tie once again, and once again I am bereft of metaphor. I am, quite simply, aweary of this tie. I used to think it mysterious and semi-formal and a bit of a fashion statement. And perhaps to the less...shall we say...cravat-aware, it is. But to me, it is just one more striped tie that has begun to bore me the way that watching Christmas specials now bores children with DVD players in their MomVans: what was once rare and anticipated is now commonplace and vapid. How very sad.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Ham Sandwich Analogy Tie

May continues to be Casual Cravat Month. Brian knots up his polka-dotted tie of chambray blue with navy spots. I'm ambivalent about this tie. It's kind of like a ham sandwich for me. If I'm offered a choice of sandwiches, I never choose ham because it's strongly flavored and I only like it with mustard, but if it has mustard on it, then it absolutely cannot have any lettuce or tomato, and always I prefer ham on rye bread. Chances are, the ham sandwich offered will not meet all of my stringent specifications, so I end up choosing turkey which is normally pretty innocuous, served with mayo, and if it has lettuce and tomato, then so much the better. And the bread is a non-factor with turkey. But, if all there is is ham, then I take it. And it's okay. That's how I feel about this polka-dotted blue tie.

Monday, May 19, 2008

On Second Thought...

Firmly placed in the middle of the Tie Hierarchy, this striped cravat is a pleasant and innocuous offering of fawn and French blue. It is a familiar pattern of diagonals that are not too wide and not too narrow, and it is reminiscent of several of Brian's favorites. I like this tie, but I try not to get too excited about it. It has a peculiar coloration that tends to bleach out in long shots and shift shades depending upon the angle of the camera. Therefore, I don't trust it. It's sort of like a certain political party: sure, it says it's the Party of the People and that it is fiscally conservative and wants to put more of your money in your pocket and keep out of your business, but then it turns around and courts Big Pharma, Big Oil, Big Guns and helps them steal your pension fund and run up a huge multi-trillion dollar debt while deciding who is allowed to get married and what they're allowed to do in their bedrooms or even hospital rooms.

Wait. Maybe I don't like this tie.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Crappy Tie Has Had Its Run

This cravat just looks...crappy. I feel an immediate antipathy toward its commercial-looking Microsoft Windows blue and its staggered trio of narrow white stripes placed at wide intervals. The fabric looks like poor quality taffeta--you know, like the kind of stuff that a Halloween princess costume is made out of and itches like crazy. It was even wrinkled. This is the kind of tie someone buys for a certain look--one time--like for a costume for a play or a musical called something like "Sailors Come Ashore!" and then throws away after the run. Well, it's had its run.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Sigh. Another B-and-W

Brian dons yet another of his eleventy billion black and white striped ties. This particular representative of his vast collection is black with narrow white stripes placed at rather wide intervals. Of all his b-and-w’s, I find this the most attractive; it is formal and snazzy.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

A Return By A VST: Arabian Fantasy

It’s a long-awaited appearance by a tie from the Vintage Series. Preceded on 7 May by its knockoff, this lush stripe of royal purple and deep, burnished gold reminds me of an Arabian tent billowing on a distant dune in the desert, its portals beckoning me inside to find lush cushions and covered dishes brimming with sweet dates and juicy pomegranates held aloft by mysterious dark-eyed men.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Debut Tie Does Not Impress Reporter's Spouse

Debut Tie. Brian's salute to the light and breezy days of Spring continues. Tonight's tie is a gorgeous saturated lilac with a pattern of tiny squares that look almost as if they were embroidered upon it with white floss. My first thought was of Easter finery, and apparently, so was Rick's. "What do you think of Brian's tie this evening?" I asked my husband. He peered over the top of his laptop briefly, gave said cravat a good look, and said, "I don't like it. It looks effeminate. It looks like a little girl's Easter dress."

Monday, May 12, 2008

I Am Not Altogether Approving Of This Casual Tie Trend

Debut Tie. I'm not sure I'm on board with this latest penchant of Brian's, the wearing of flippant, casual cravats. Tonight's was certainly a breezy little giggle of a tie. Its background color was pleasant enough, a springy cornflower blue, but then it all went zany and cuckoo and rather devil-may-care. Staggered closely upon the blue were white squares the size of pencil-tip erasers, but they were all cattywampus--some were diagonal, some were straight, all were jumbled around as if playfully dancing or perhaps they were the result of some spirited toddler scattering sugary cereal puffs on his high-chair tray.

How adorably cunning. For carseat fabric, maybe. Not for the tie of the most trusted voice in news.

We can do better.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Wow

B I G W I D E Y E L L O W A N D B L U E S T R I P E S.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Knockoff Cravat Is Simply No Substitute

This tie is the cousin of a Vintage Series Cravat, and as such is sort of like one of those knockoff "designer bags" you can buy out of someone's car at a flea market. It looks pretty good and is nice and all, but it pales in comparison to The Real Thing. Yes, the purple background is lovely, and the burnished gold stripes are pleasing, but it does not have the depth and saturation of the VSC. Sorry.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Controversial Yet Compelling Cravat

Absent for quite some time has been this tie of oak-aged cabernet franc with what look to be stripes of white icing piped across it. What startling contrast! Also compelling is the fabric, which appears to be satin. This tie is one which causes much controversy at the Dept., where I am a fan and Rick is not and Jared only approves of it if it is worn at Christmastime.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Happy Birthday, Brian Williams, And I See You Got A New Tie

Happy Birthday Debut Tie. Brian Williams may have gotten an early present, for this is une cravate nouveau! Although I am not bowled over, I find this to be a pleasant, Springlike tie, with its pastel palette. Light chambray blue is sprinkled with petite white medallions between which tiny peachblossom pink polka-dots wink when Brian moves ever so slightly. It is a rather lighthearted, carefree tie; it is a tie evocative of Edwardian gentlemen in white pants and vests who wear flat straw hats and hold bicycles for their ladyfriends, who struggle to climb aboard while wearing those shirtwaists and French twist hairdos. I can almost see the green meadows with winding paths and small clumps of violets soon to be picked by these gentlemen for their ladyfriends. I know...that's a lot from a tie.

Friday, May 2, 2008

This Debut Tie Is More Than Satisfying

Debut Tie. Although its intarsia background gave the Nightly's cameraperson fits, this tie gave me a thrill of satisfaction. Gorgeous royal blue patterned with small lead-pencil grey rhombuses sparsely sprinkled across it in a tasteful arrangement...what a classy, sophisticated cravat! It looked masculine in an elite sort of way, like an exclusive club whose members meet on the first Thursdays of each month in a downtown location whose door is still guarded by a man named Edgwood, always Edgwood--though the Club has been in existence for more than 150 years. Edgwood nods, greets you by name with a low, "Sir" and as you wander inside to a waiting oxblood leather wing chair, you stop off at the bar and grab a waiting Glenlivet, up, and your copy of the Times.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Unspeakable Adolescent Fantasy Tie

Horrors. What happens when a 13-year old girl who lives in a trailer park next to the railroad plans her dream wedding and chooses the fabric of the groomsmen's ascots to match her bridesmaids' dresses? Naturally, the entire wedding is done in her adolescent favorite colors, dark purple and screaming fuschia. The result is Brian Williams' horrific cravat of deep violet crisscrossed with skinny magenta stripes.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

A Conundrum, With Parentheses

This evening, Brian knots up a silk tie narrowly striped with the colors of champagne and caviar. Oddly, he paired it with a shirt of palest blue. Qu'est que c'est? Has Brian been watching Stacy and Clinton, and mistakenly thinks that the shirt is "popping" this ensemble? Did he have an unfortunate incident with his Usual White Shirt and have to go to the Emergency Shirt hanging in the NBC Newsroom? Or, did he perhaps have a Catastrophe du Cravate and have to go to the BackupTie? You know, the One Which Goes With Everything (Well, Almost)? Ah, the dreaded Parenthetical Exception strikes again.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Oh Happy Day!

How very exciting for The Tie Report! Brian repeats his one and only Green Tie, heretofore only worn on St. Patrick's Day. So welcome was the sight of its warm, forest green stripe nestled verdant against the navy that I scarcely cared that it was in the same old template as so many of his other bestriped cravats. I contented myself with its grassy lushness and the precision of its knot and dimple. Bliss!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Tim Russert Sweetshop Tie

Brian ties on a not often seen cravat narrowly striped with bands of sky and navy. I like to refer to it as his Tim Russert Tie because the aforementioned journalist has one exactly like it although he does not wear it with nearly the neatness or panache that BW does. This pleasant tie reminds me of those tall, twisty lollipops that are often found on tree-like displays in sweetshops and specialty gift boutiques. I, however, never eat blue things; they leave my tongue unsightly.

Friday, April 25, 2008

In Which I Drop Not Only A Designer, But The Pontiff

Brian does not have many polka-dotted ties, and this one is truly pleasant. Its warm, cinnamon-scarlet background has just a hint of a jacquard pattern that gives it depth and richness, and its ivory dots are tastefully small. It has just enough flirtation to keep it from being too serious, sort of like the Pope's red Prada slip-ons.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Consider This...Twilight Zone Tie

Feeling bold and graphic, Brian chose one of his eleventy billion black and white striped ties this evening. It was the black one with the narrow white stripes. Or, perhaps it was the white one with the overly-broad black stripes. I just blew your mind!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Une Poeme Du Cravate (Mainly Because I Am So Bored By Brian's Tie Selection As Of Late)

I feel like this cravat has been getting an awful lot of wear lately, and I am definitely running out of ways to describe it. Perhaps a small poem:

This tie is striped
with black and with blue;
in addition to boring me,
it was rather askew.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Oh my word. What to make of this dramatic full-frontal assault on my fashion sense? Was it bold and dramatic, or was it garish and unfortunate? Certainly the colors weren't unusual: butter yellow and deepest navy. But the Great Plains-sized swaths of them were. Good heavens, those stripes were so wide, so vast, so capacious that they strained the very time-space continuum. They were almost panoramic in their scope. Is this what the farmlands of Kansas or Iowa look like from the pilot's vantage point on a cross-country flight? Or the scarred landscapes of strip-mining? Or perhaps the ancient runways of extraterrestrials viewed from space? I don't know, but I don't like it on Brian Williams' tie.

Monday, April 21, 2008

A Familiar Pattern Gives This Tie A Pass

I like this rather staid and serious tie. The background is a frosty pale hyacinth, and the print is as if someone dipped a Cheerio in Bic blue ink and used it as a stamp, closely pressing it all over. It's not a very fashion-forward tie, but it makes me smile. My dad had a pair of boxer shorts that looked exactly like this pattern, and I miss him. How's that for a strange little detour off the Brian Williams Tie Report Path?

Friday, April 18, 2008

Vermicular Tie Is Simply Off-Putting

* Wow. We're certainly seeing a lot of this off-putting tie since its debut a month ago. The miniscule pattern of it is so tiny as to render it trivial; it is its queasy color that makes it so nauseating. It makes me think of big, bloated nightcrawlers pulsating in a white styrofoam bait cup. Urk.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

A Certain Kind Of Red Can Save A Striped Tie

Brian dons his navy blue tie with the narrow jaunty red stripe. I like this tie. A lot. That red is perky and fun and a little bit daring. It makes me think of a little redheaded kid stealing a cooky off the dessert table at a family reunion, or that sneaky little cutie-pie who blows out the candles on some other kid's birthday cake. Or catching Grandpa cheating at Yahtzee, but not telling anyone. That kind of red.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

One Too Many Trips To The Well

Honestly, I'm running out of ways to describe this striped tie of blue and black. How many ways can you say, "It's a black and blue tie" without falling into the obvious bruise metaphor? (Which I've avoided, by the way.) It's a perfectly nice tie, a little debonair looking, sort of sophisticated since it bends that old fashion rule of not pairing dark blue and black, but when you get right down to it, it's another striped tie. Not like we haven't seen that before.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Brian Embraces His Inner Child...?

This tie is such an odd thing to me. It's got the formal-looking pale gold as a predominant color, but then it has those big, snazzy stripes which look like brand-new interstates crossing it at wide intervals. That jarring black with white center stripe automatically makes me think "Hot Wheel Racetrack!" I wonder if that's what Brian Williams secretly calls it, his Hot Wheels Racetrack Tie. I can just see him standing in front of the big mirror at his closet, pondering his cravat choice and saying to Mrs. Williams, "Hey, hon. Scoot in there and grab me my Hot Wheels Racetrack Tie for tonight's broadcast. I'm feeling kinda zippy!"

Monday, April 14, 2008

We Were Due...

TWSNLBRAINDTM

Friday, April 11, 2008

When Is A Tie Report Not A Report? See Below

* A leisurely dinner (and two martinis) out last night precluded a live viewing, and I am left conflicted by tonight's cravat. Is it an ill-advised premature repeat of 26 March's lilac matte silk, or is this actually the periwinkle solid, which has been acceptably out of the rotation for quite some time? Such is the dilemma which presents itself when one is forced to view the subtleties of color on the small screen. Alas! This is, therefore, a non-report. Je suis desolee.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Yada Yada Yada

Due to Brian Williams's constant reliance on the banal duo of navy and gold, his preponderance of striped ties, and the flagrant (and historic) repeat cycle of 2/11, 2/19, 2/28, 3/4 of this particular cravat, I am compelled to fall back on a Seinfeld Classic--The Yada Yada: pale gold, navy blue...yada yada yada, prep-school headmaster.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Bri Goes For Trendy?

It was a clash of two worlds this evening over at The Nightly, as Bri knotted up his casual chambray blue with navy polka-dots cravat and paired it--rather alarmingly--with a crisp white shirt and dashing black jacket. This sort of paradoxical-looking, H&M-esque trendiness is a little off-putting for a staid, responsible news journalist. It evokes more of a ditzy Annie Hall aura rather than a stolid Walter Cronkite. What's next, the double polo shirt with popped collar? Perish the thought!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Gutsy Tie, Brian, And I Mean That Most Literally

Let's not even discuss the repeat cycle this awful tie has been in since it debuted 21 March. The color alone is fodder enough for...dissection. And what an apt word, for this cravat brings nothing more distinctly to mind than anatomical innards. All I can think of are the plastinated muscles and mucous membranes of various donors put on display in the fascinatingly morbid travelling shows like BodyWorlds, in which the skin is flayed and cadavers are posed as if playing soccer or running or, in one memorable tableau, riding a plastinated peeled horse. This tie looks like biceps, triceps, lips, and tongues. It is the same queasy color as lungs and tracheas and, heaven help us, uvulae. And, that deep, teardrop-shaped dimple? Well...I'll let all of you explore that possible analogy.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Quelle Horreur! A Tie Which Is Less Than Sartorially Splendid

Oh, horrors! Not only has Brian stooped to select from the Lower Tier of Taste for this one, he has rummaged through its hamper and delivered up from its depths, for this cravat is most distinctly rumpled. Cheap fabric, gaudy blue, and the triads of skinny white stripes all combine to make this not just a tacky looking tie, but also one that an indulgent Mumsy might choose for her little Biffie to wear in the Junior Yachting Club Annual Spring Young Gentlemen's Flotilla picture. Perhaps I could have stomached this tie were it in a pristinely pressed, jauntily knotted state, but really--creased in the middle and decidedly unkempt? I. Think. Not.

Friday, April 4, 2008

It Was A Dark And Stormy Tie

An old standby for Brian Williams this evening, and there will be no complaints from The Report. This dramatic cravat of violet blue and ebony stripes is evocative of stormy skyscapes, satin-lined opera capes, and the purpled prose descriptions of Gothic heroines. A very Bulwer-Lytton sort of tie.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Merci, Garcon. Le Cravate Du Monsieur Williams Est Bien Ce Soir, Non?

Stripes continue in abundance, and thankfully, so does tastefulness, as tonight Brian knots up a lovely silk cravat of sable and stone. A soft sheen renders this tie elegant and formal, and it brings to mind the soft clink of crystal and silver on heavy damask as solicitous waiters bend at the waist, serving on the left and clearing from the right.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Brian Rebounds With A Long-Lost Cravat Surprise

Brian, seeing the Error Of His Ways, takes out a tie not heretofore seen since 3 September 2007 in order to mollify The Tie Report. Cela est bien! This cravat of fawn and cornflower stripes is a welcome sight since absence has made the heart grow fonder, and the impeccable funnel-shaped knot, expertly and tightly tied, is a joy to behold. This color combination is so pleasant, reminiscent as it is of a sparkling mountain lake and cool pebble shore. So harmonious and refreshing.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

April IS The Cruelest Month...Brian Plays A Joke On The Tie Report

Oh, ha ha, Brian Williams. A little April Fool's joke on The Tie Report. "Oh, let's repeat yet another hideous tie from The Lower Tier of Taste in flagrantly rapid succession and see what She does," you probably said, chuckling snidely to your assistant, or perhaps to Mrs. Brian Williams Herself. "Do, let's!" MBWH probably said sinisterly and with a girlish giggle, skipping with maniacal glee to your armoire de cravates, where she selected the heinous Tribute To Dora The Explorer Tie from 25 March, just 5 ties ago!!! And the two of you stood in the mirror, conspiratorially winking at one another as you knotted up this violet blue monstrosity with anemic stripes of horridly vivid Play-Doh pink. Oh, the cruelty of it all!

Monday, March 31, 2008

March Wrap-Up Becomes An Exercise In Futility...Almost

Brian wraps up the month with a return to one of his go-to ties. This oddly patterned cravat of cranberry and sky blue defies adequate description: Just what is this print? Is it a repeating sort of thing, or an interconnected, all-over thing? Finally, inspiration seized me while flipping channels--it looks just like a corps of little K Mart blue light guys, all standing at attention. Yeah, that's it! Ten-hut! Mr. Blue Lights! Special on aisle BW! Tiresome cranberry cravat in need of...oh, forget it. Too cutesy for me. I'm ready to retire this one, clearly.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Bold And Billowing, Despite Its Tedious Palette

Debut Tie. I hate to even call this a Debut Tie since it is yet another gold and blue stripe, but this one at least is boldly gold and brilliantly blue, and the stripes are not stripes, but swathes. This cravat is so bold, so ostentatiously daring, that it actually looks to be billowing on his chest like some sort of royal banner or ensign being proudly carried onto the field of battle. Were it not for his tiresome array of ties already in this particular color duo, I'd be giddy over this one. As it stands, I am merely giving it a queenly nod, much like Elizabeth II to her subjects as she rides along in her car in public events.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Close Encounter Of The Egregiously Repeating Tie Kind

This is without a doubt the most egregious Tie Repetition ever perpetrated by Brian Williams. This particular cravat was just worn on 21 March, which was 4 ties ago, due to an intervening weekend. And this is not even a repeat-worthy tie! This cravat's color actually makes me uneasy--it bears an uncomfortable similarity to raw dark meat of chicken...or raw sushi-grade tuna...or, when viewed from a bit farther, the pink kidney beans. Bleah. And then there's the weird shifty print it has going on. And, hey! What was up with that enormous dimple? That thing was just mutant! It took up half the tie! Sorry, but there was so much wrong with this tie, that it was downright Roswellian. I may have to watch this again on the webcast and see if there were any little green men looking over Brian's shoulder.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Seduction Of A Spring Tie

"Think Spring," coos this lovely lilac matte silk tie from upon the chest of Brian Williams this evening. "Do not look out the back window and accept the reality of the glacial ice still hulking on your deck. Instead, close your eyes and dream of lilacs in bloom, soft bunnies cuddling close, the warm scent of hyacinth wafting on a gentle zephyr, and your adorable pink leather Etienne Aigner bag just waiting to come out of storage." Sigh.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

In Which I Am Forced To Haul Out Some Major Vocabulary To Compensate For A Tie Which Is Truly Lacking

Dwelling still in the Lower Tier of Taste, Brian Williams revisits this regrettable cravat of violet blue crossed with narrow yet audaciously vivid stripes of the sort of pink one finds in the Barbie aisle at Toys-R-Us. While I can definitely give a favorable review of this tie's overall fullness and knot tightness, I simply cannot endorse its coloration or its obsequious obeisance to stripyness. (Okay, I made that last word up.)

Monday, March 24, 2008

Vapid, Boring Tie Prompts Shopping Scenario Interlude

"Excuse me, sir, but I'm looking for a really boring tie. What I need is a tie that's striped, first off--that's absolutely non-negotiable--and then it has to have navy as its dominant color. Then, what would be really great, is if the stripe itself could also be blue. And not a really outrageous blue, either, but sort of a...well, I don't know...like a sky blue, kind of. And don't get real outlandish with the stripes, either. Just place them about and inch and a half apart, and make them a decent width, like about a woman's pinky finger. I'm merely going to wear this tie with another white shirt and another dark suit, so let's not get all carried away with ourselves."

Friday, March 21, 2008

Odd BOGO Tie Makes Me Wonder...Is Brian Williams' Taste In Ties Beginning To Falter?

Debut Tie. This tie must have been a BOGO deal with Wednesday's, for it is merely the violet-red version of its blue minute houndstooth or closely printed dot pattern on a barely visible field of white. Depending upon the distance and angle of the camera, this cravat appeared anywhere on the color spectrum from solid salmon pink to the patterned violet-red that an extreme close-up finally revealed. Perhaps Brian went to a store called Ties Politic or Patrick Henry's House of Ties and couldn't decide. Or maybe he saw them in the Sky Mall catalog on special and bought them when he was on the red-eye, weary and in a moment of weak judgment. Which of us hasn't been there? In any case, it looked kinda wide, the dimple looked kinda big and skewed, and the knot was...well, just really terribly loose and hurried. Looks like someone wasn't quite ready to be "back from vacation."

*BOGO=Buy One Get One

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Mr. Williams Channels Mr. Rogers

This tie is classic Mr. Williams: staid, dependable, and absolutely inoffensive. Steel grey stripes bordered with just a bit of racing stripe red are staggered widely upon a field of go-to navy blue in this very plebeian cravat. It's not that I dislike this tie--how could I?--it's just that it's so very...well, Mr. Rogers-esque. It's the kind of tie one would see Ward Cleaver wear when telling The Beav the facts of life on a "Guys Weekend" during a special film shown to 1960s fifth graders at school after their parents signed a permission slip. It's just so darned mature.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Brian Dresses Just A Bit In Advance Of The Season

Brian attempts to rebound after last night's debacle and knots up a cadet blue tie with a subtle, all-over pattern of closely-printed dots. This cravat appears, in a long shot, to be a solid, but once the Nightly's cameraperson zoomed in, the print was apparent. Mr. Williams has, it would seem, made the change in his armoire de cravates over to le printemps. Lighter colors, more subtle patterns, and the resurrection of ties that we have not seen in many months indicate that Spring has sprung.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Oh, Brian.

Oh, Brian. I had almost forgotten about this tie, this seriously ostentatious cravat that makes me--just for a moment, mind you--question the limits of not only your taste but your mental hygiene. It's not just the sad fabric quality, reminiscent of cheap sportcoat lining; nor is it the odd appearance of what are those, dots? flocking? who the hell knows? in a deep maize or mustardy color; no, it is the fact that it is, without any doubt, a gold tie. And by "gold", I mean metallic and shiny and evocative of that trashy girl's prom dress or a West Coast rapper's bling bling. Oh, Brian. Oh. Brian.

Monday, March 17, 2008

It's A St. Patrick's Day Miracle! (Is He The Patron Saint Of Neckwear? Should I Google That?)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Debut Tie. And what a premiere cravate it is! In an absolutely stunning and completely Landmark Moment in Tie Report History, BRIAN WILLIAMS DONS A GREEN TIE. This is unheralded! Unheard of! Unprecedented! As if it were d'aucune grande conséquence, Brian merely appears on set, refreshed after a week's absence, wearing a stripe of deep blue and lush forest green matte silk, ably knotted with the usual four-in-hand, deep dimple placed slightly to his right. An immediate check of The Tie Report shows that last year, Bri was not on the air for St. Patrick's Day. It may well be that this is the only day for Himself's wearin' o' The Green.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

A Weekly Wrap-Up, Sans Brian

March 10-14, 2008. The Nightly's news desk has been ably helmed this week by the charming and tastefully arrayed Ann Curry. Although she wore basic black each evening--and I do not fault her for this; I admire anyone who can pull off a signature look--Ms. Curry marred her polished semblance somewhat by a rather dated and jarring red lipstick. Seeking validation for this faux pas from Rick, however, I was informed, "I wouldn't kick her out of my bed." There you have it.

Brian Williams returns on Monday.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

A Stumble Early In The Month

Not so delightful is this tie, from the Lower Tier of Taste. Ultramarine blue with thistle stripes--just not a good combination, and the fabric looks like acetate, the ugly synthetic Frankenchild of silk. So tacky on so many levels, this cravat evokes twofers and dollar stores, Woolworth's and Wal*Mart, cubic zirconia and pleather. Bri stumbles badly, yet early this month; I can only remain hopeful. March has 31 days, and perhaps he will gain momentum.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

A Cravat Which Has Possibilities For More

This cravat has been away for awhile, and it's been missed. Small white polka dots subtly outlined in black are widely scattered across a field of warm, earthy red which, when viewed close up, reveals itself to be a subtle intarsia underwoven with black. This fabric is quite lovely and tasteful in a quiet, cheery way; I want it around me in some everyday capacity to lighten my life's most mundane moments. It could cover my desk blotter and pencil holder, perhaps; maybe my wallet; better yet, my car's upholstery! Imagine being surrounded by this discriminating and harmonious print in such a pleasant color each day on one's way to and from work. Delightful.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

The Calm After The Storm Is Solid Violet Silk

Tonight, Brian's penchant pour le stripes goes on hiatus, and he knots up a solid silk cravat of a deeply saturated violet with a warm red tone. This tie has long been one of my favorites from The Purple Collection. Not only is its fabric fine, but its color is also gorgeous and rich. Also, I would be remiss if I did not make note of this evening's dimple, both dramatically deep and perfectly placed. A fine recovery from last night's debacle.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Sacre Bleu! Is Nothing Sacred? A New Low, Even For Brian Williams.

In a record-setting and completely unforgivable Repeat Cycle, Brian Williams dons the pale gold and deep navy striped tie that he just wore on February 28th. Which was only two Reports ago for those of you scoring at home. This sort of Fashion Egregiousness is totally unacceptable and absolutely bordering on the malicious. It also forces me to do a helluva lot of work, for I am compelled to present to you the Precise Dates Upon Which Brian Williams Wore This Tie Most Recently in order to prove to you just How Much He Hates Me And All Viewers/Close Observers Of His Cravats. So, after much research and without further ado, here it is, La Liste d'Infamie:

1-11, 1-15, 2-11, 2-19, 2-28, 3-4.

And allow me to call to your attention that only ONE day passed between the wearing of 1-11 and 1-15, since it was a weekend; likewise, the other pairs also involved weekends, making the amount of time between wearings actually much shorter. Quelle horreur!

It seems to me that this tie, should it be repeated again in swift succession, must be given a new designation of some sort and relegated to a fitting status. I am open to suggestions. Please feel free to assist in Comments.

Monday, March 3, 2008

March Comes In Like A...Striped Tie. What, You Expected Something Else From Brian Williams?

* 'Tis March, and BW ushers it in, after a long-deserved Friday off, with a striped tie. Sigh. At least this is one that has been out of the rotation for a time. Its downward-cast diagonals of cornflower and deep navy are rather generous, but not overly wide, but the knot looks a bit puny and inexpertly tied. Lovely, however, is the perfect placement in that knot of the cornflower stripe--centered and gorgeous.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

In Which I Not Only Call Brian Williams Out, But I Also Hypothesize

In what must be termed an egregious disregard for not only fashion but his viewing public (and quite possibly his career, in my opinion), Mr. Brian Williams flings all concern and care to the Four Winds and dons the Now Wearying and Tiresome navy and pale gold stripe yet again. As if I even need remind you, this tie has been worn ad nauseum as of late, once it was forced into heavy rotation back in January. It has already been seen thrice in February since the eleventh! One is almost compelled to wonder at the circumstances behind this sartorial tautology. Has he become depressed by the emergence of the Dapper David Gregory as a Fashion Tour de Force? Are he and Mrs. Williams having a bit of a rough patch, and he's just lost interest in his neckwear? Are the Primary Season and the fact that he's working Fridays now causing a bit of a Shift In Priorities? One thing's for certain, whatever the unrest, its result is Cravat Catastrophe!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Vintage Series Renders Even Stripes Forgivable

Brian finally returns to his Vintage Series and dons the lush stripe of elephant grey and carnelian red. The voluptuous cut but controlled knot lends this cravat an almost Bogart-esque air of classic style. Am I weary of stripes? Yes, but when they are of this quality and cut, I find them forgivable.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I Can Only Look Forward To March

Due to my absenteeism, I cannot make a general condemnation of Brian Williams' midnight blue with slim maroon stripe cravat this evening and say things like "this tie shows Brian's drone-like adherence to stripes as a February Fashion Staple" or "Navy Blue is to Brian Williams what hoopskirts are to Scarlett O'Hara" because that would be unfair. It could very well be that, in my absence as of 21 February, Brian Williams has knotted up a variety of patterned ties in a vast array of pleasing hues. But I doubt it.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Thanks To An Unfortunate Selection From The Lower Tier, I Have Written Off February Entirely

It can always get worse, a particularly Eeyore-esque friend once told me, and the neckwear choice of Brian Williams tonight proves this adage. Stooping to choose from the Lower Tier of Ties, BW plucks forth a tacky and tasteless cravat of jarring ultramarine blue with anorexic lavender stripes. As if the colors weren't sad enough, the fabric appeared cheap, and the knot was wide and so tightly pulled that the entire tie was slightly elevated above the shirt in a sort of pathetic levitation "trick" attempted by a third-rate magician in an elementary school fun festival. Abracadabra--there goes February.

**Due to travelling, The Tie Report will be on hiatus until Monday, February 25th.**

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Je Suis Provoqué Au Désespoir

In a headlong rush downhill to Fashion Armageddon, Brian Williams nonchalantly tosses on the exact tie he wore on February 11, not only entering into a horrific repeat cycle, but also making this cravat the tenth striped tie out of thirteen thus far this month. Does anyone recall those halcyon days when this pale gold and deep navy striped tie used to evoke a favorable Tie Report? No? Me, either! Sigh.

Février est une tragédie!

Monday, February 18, 2008

I've Got Nothin'

Stripes. Purple. Gold. And not from the Vintage Series. That's all I've got. Brian Williams is sapping my creativity with his Ceaseless Stripery. Over and out.

Friday, February 15, 2008

BW's Unabashed Repeat Cycles And Stripe Fetish Are Becoming My Undoing

Knock knock. Who's there? Hominy. Hominy who? Hominy ties does BW have, yet he repeats the same striped ones shamelessly, thus dashing my hopes for a Fashionable February? Sadly, Mr. Williams decided to end this February week with the now banal, vapid black and blue striped cravat that has bruised my aspirations for his Fashion Awakening. This pertinacious predilection for knotting up not only striped ties but those he has recently worn (12/11, 1/2, 2,7) in a neverending parade is really starting to wear on me. I fear February--along with my Fashion Sanity--is lost!